Love and Infatuation
by mickeiblue
Summary: AU/3yrspostS5/ They've been counting-Peyton, the days she spends away from Tree Hill. Brooke, her vulnerable time with Lucas Scott. And Lucas counts down the time til he's free to see his love again. But they're all waiting, waiting for happily ever after
1. Counting

**So this is my first fanfiction i have ever posted, it came to me last night and I just had to write it. Be kind.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even myself let alone One Tree Hill or its brilliant characters and I'll probably insult Mark with my crappy fanfic.**

**Don't freak, it may not seem BL at times but they are my endgame, its largely from peyton's point of view, sorry, and i hope i don't make her seem evil that is not my intention.**

Chapter One – Counting

_Peyton P0V_

It has been two years, eight months, three weeks and two days since I was last in Tree Hill.

I've been counting.

There were many reasons why I left and cut contact with my friends, the main one being is I didn't like the person I was becoming. I use to be strong and independent and I had found myself depending too much on others at the expense of myself, I was reverting back into a different me, one I didn't like very much, a girl who was too self pitying, too reliant, too whiny, too selfish, too many things I didn't want to be.

Returning to Tree Hill had seemed the best idea at the time with my life falling apart in the city, but then I had started to think it was the worst idea. And a part of me wondered if I was returning to the safety of a life that wasn't mine anymore because the one I was living wasn't turning out the way I wanted, but the life that I was returning to didn't exist any longer. High school was over, some people weren't there and there was new faces around, Lucas was not mine anymore instead he was with Lindsay, Haley and Nathan had their own family and were so different even though I found myself connecting with Haley like I never had before, and Brooke… the girl who was my best friend, well, at what point did she rise above me? Is that horrible to think. In high school she was always a step behind in figuring out life, she was a party animal and was vain, selfish, loud and had slept with what seemed like half the male population in Tree Hill, she was a mess. Now she was the one who was living her dreams, had her own company, going for what she wanted, so moral and nice and so damn perfect at times, when did Brooke become the giver of advice, the girl who had figured out life. And there was me, living in her house, starting a business with her money, leaning on her shoulder as I pined for a man who I just couldn't believe didn't love me anymore.

How ironic, considering he'd stopped loving Brooke too, sometimes it was easy to forget Brooke and Lucas had once dated, she'd done what I had failed to do, she managed to move on.

Maybe I was immature and a bitch, maybe I was selfish and too late, yet I had known deep in my heart that Lucas was the guy for me, the one for me, if I got him back and rediscovered our love everything would be okay. I was so certain he loved me too… I'm still certain he did, even after nearly three years I am sure Lucas Scott was still in love with me and not Lindsay, yet he kept pushing me away. I guess I deserved it after the way I acted in the past, after all the times I pushed him away.

But this love was self destructive, stopping me from moving on and as I watched Lucas I realised what I kept doing to him as well. Nobody said I had to let go or move on, no one said the words, in fact most of the time it was the opposite, everyone saying that we should be together and I should fight for him, so no one said the words out loud that I should move on and let him go, but sometimes I saw it in their eyes. Most of all I saw it in his eyes.

He still was in love with me, but I had to let him go, after all if you love something let it go and if it's meant to be it'll come back. I had to believe that.

I gave it one last chance; I poured my heart out with that comet on the river court and he still was not ready, so I left, so I booked the ticket out of Tree Hill and walked away.

I hadn't meant to not return for so long, or maybe I did, I don't know.

And I definitely hadn't meant to loose contact with everyone however just like after high school, before everyone moved back to town, the distance damaged the friendships and turned me into a stranger.

One year, one month, one week and five days after I left Tree Hill I received the last piece of news from there.

That's left one year, seven months, one week and four days that I don't know about, that I wasn't a part of.

I thought of them all when I had a spare second, when I lay in bed at night or as I got my coffee in the morning, so many things would remind me of one of my friends or of the town where we were raised. But life had a way of just taking me over, distracting me, I hadn't meant to loose contact but I did.

That's life I guess, with time you just move on.

It has been two years, eight months, three weeks and two days since I was last in Tree Hill.

And now I am going back.

Because in two years, eight months, three weeks and two days I've continued to miss them whenever I had a moment to think about home, or Lucas, and finally a moment came where I thought about them and missed them which lasted more than just a moment, that moment was allowed to grow long enough for me to do something about it. So I booked the ticket and got on the plane.

I have my life in order now, a successful recording company, a gorgeous home, Kelly and Fiona my friends, my brother Derek and his family are near by, Nick and I broke up last month both agreeing we weren't going anywhere, and I was content, I was happy. I had let go of Lucas.

And then I got off the plane.

Then I drove into Tree Hill and it hit me… I hadn't let go, I still loved him.

If you love something let it go, if it is meant to be it'll come back.

That saying taunts me as I return to Tree Hill, all this time what had I expected? Really Peyton, hit yourself, all this time I've been gone thinking that if it is meant to be it'll just happen. When did I turn into that girl, it can't happen if I don't let it happen, if I am not willing to make the first move how will it happen, huh, how will it happen if I'm on the other side of the country?

It hits me now, all this time with that saying in the back of my head I never realised that Lucas was still in Tree Hill, probably thinking the same thing, I was the one who left and I was the one who had to come back. It was me.

And here I am, I've come back, finally, I am home, I am back for Lucas Scott, my soul mate, the man who understood me from the beginning like nobody else, who could look into my soul, the man who always saved me, was always there and never left me. Why did I leave him? I was stupid, but I'm back now because it is meant to be.

I feel giddy, I feel young again and like I have purpose, as if I've been just floating through life and going through the motions these past years.

What do I do?

Should I go see him right now?

I can't wait, I feel like jumping for joy. But no I can control myself, there are people I can see first, things I can do.

I'm driving the hired car through town and I drive pass his place, I don't stop, I keep driving, I don't know where I am going.

Then I find myself in front of my old house.

When I returned to Tree Hill last time I had come back to this house, another teenage girl had been living there then, I wonder if she still does? She'd been such a sweet girl, yet it had been weird seeing that idealistic young girl the same age as I'd once been living in my old room, the room where Lucas and my name was still there together, true love always, I miss those days in that room.

I can't resist. I find myself out of the car and knocking on the door.

The girl who opens it does not have a friendly look on her face, she looks at me expectantly and slightly bored, well I am a stranger I guess "Hi my names Peyton Sawyer, I use to live in this house, this may seem strange but would you mind if I just have a look around, for old time's sake?"

This girl can't be more than seventeen, she's short with long dark hair and eyes that had just the slightest green to them, she was wearing a pair of ripped jeans that clung to her waist yet were otherwise baggy, her feet poked out from beneath her two long jeans, she was wearing just socks but they didn't match, one was white the other a dark grey, and she wore a grey tank top under an unbuttoned red tartan mans shirt rolled up to her elbows. She pulled the door open wide with a careless "why not" and a roll of the eyes.

I walked through the house with the teenager following me as if I would steal the silver, eventually I came to my old room's door. I paused and looked at the girl "this use to be my room, do you mind?"

"Sure go ahead, don't mind the mess, it's my room now and I've never been one for wardrobes" she replies and I open the door and walk into what use to be my room.

Nothing is the same, it is completely different. The walls are a rough blue, pictures scattered everywhere, smiling faces of the girl who now lived in it and what I assume are her friends, and clothes are thrown everywhere. The bed was unmade, a single that was covered with papers and files. The walls are decorated to my surprise with pictures and messages in chalk, a talented artist had gotten hold of the chalk, and then there were some that were clearly not so talented, quotes covered the walls as well as personal messages. One entire wall was half filled with life sized cartoon images standing together, I recognised them from the pictures and the young teenager before me was also noticeably in the drawn picture. I walked by her desk and noticed the open sketch book, pencils and erasers scattered around, so she's the artist.

Eventually I come to my old wardrobe.

My heart breaks a little bit. It is full of books, hundreds and hundreds of books, I think there is one pair of black boots that look like they've never been worn tucked away in one corner, two jackets hung up and a pair of pants poking out, a shirt was hanging on the door.

What was no longer there was my Lucas and Peyton TLA, it was gone, painted over like it was never there. In fact in its exact place was written in chalk in bold wavy letters 'Findrid, I will never forget our bathroom conversations, you are more than just a friend for life, you are my sister, love J p.s. Ummmm'

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I do neither; instead I thank the girl and leave.

It's a struggle to not cry as I drive through Tree Hill again, why am I surprised its gone I don't know, surely I knew chances were those words will be. Doesn't mean what they stand for is gone too though, true love _always_.

Not until the car is parked at the river court do I realise I am here. I guess I needed to come here to the last place I was sure about my love for Lucas and his love for me. But walking onto the court I get another blow.

This one shocks me to my very bones.

It is gone; my proclamation to the world, my way of telling Lucas I loved him and always will was gone. The last time I stood here I'd just finished painting the comet and lyrics that stood for my relationship with Lucas, it had been fresh and covered the whole court and now it was completely gone.

I start to laugh, uncontrollably and I have no idea why, but the laughing won't stop.

And then I fall to the court and tears start to fall, but I don't stop laughing.

Did I expect it all to be the same?

Truthfully, yes I did.

Doesn't make it hurt any less.

I just hope some things haven't changed, I hope its not too late to get my friends back and to tell Lucas I love him.

Maybe I should take a step back.

Jesus, the river court threw me.

I need to find my feet again.

Half an hour later I find myself outside Nathan and Haley's house, I'm more nervous than excited though I am still very excited. Will it be weird seeing them after so long? Will Jamie remember me? Of course he will, and most importantly Nathan and Haley will remember you, no matter how much time passes they are still your friends, that's right, friendships like ours don't just end. We just took a detour, well I took a detour and I am back now on the right road and I know where I am going.

I knock on the door and immediately hear voices from inside.

"Peyton!" Haley whispers in shock, then her eyes widened and she still in shock opened the door further, she looked nervous as well, but then she pulls me into a hug.

Pulling away I give her the biggest warmest smile I could, it was easier than I expected "hey Hales, long time no see"

"That is an understatement, oh my god, Peyton, I can't believe you're back. Come in, come in" and she ushers me inside.

It looks practically the same and Haley leads me through into the living room as she talks "we have to be quiet, the twins were just put down for their nap, they were driving me crazy anyway…I still can't believe you are actually here, Nathan will flip. You have to tell me everything" and I stopped looking around to look at me.

Twins, did she just say twins? Things really have changed.

We came to a stop in the living room and Haley turned to look at me, she still seemed shocked and had an emotion in her face that I couldn't quite decipher, the silence became awkward "twins?" I asked still reeling from the discovery.

Haley sat down and motioned for me to do so as well "that's right you wouldn't know-" she smiled a dreamy smile "- there are two new Scott's in town, yeah twins came a surprise to me too. Nathan was ecstatic. Another two boys, Brian and Wade"

"How old are they?"

"Nine months last week. So what has happened in your life? I know your record label is doing well'

I manage to fill her in on the past two years quickly, she mentions how much I haven't changed and how much I have, then when I've said everything I could possibly think of about my new life I finally asked the question I'd been dying to ask "so how bout Tree Hill? Anything new?" subtle maybe to subtle, I can't look her in the eye but I hear her voice, there's something about it but I can't put my finger on it "it has been nearly three years, a lot has changed" I already knew that, why is it I feel she doesn't want to talk to me, am I being paranoid, I look at her

"And Lucas?" time for subtlety is over. I want to know everything about him.

Her mouth opened but no sound comes out, she looks at me sadly, and I feel fear clench my body, but before anything can happen a cry pierces the silence of the house, Haley looks to the ceiling "that is Wade, I better go get him, be back in a moment" and she leaves me alone.

I look awkwardly around my surroundings, sitting gets boring quickly and I can't stay seated so I stand and start walking around the room. I notice the photo frames around, I walk over to a family portrait and smile, it must be recent and Jamie looks so much older than I remember, he must be close to eight now, and the twin baby boys were practically identical and both resembled Nathan so much but one I could see had Haley's eyes. Smiling, it was a beautiful family, I turned my head and another picture caught my gaze.

In that second my breath was stolen and I froze, it was Lucas.

After a minute I found my nerve and I picked the framed photo up, he looked so happy, but he wasn't smiling at the camera, his handsome face was killing me, I hate that damn smile.

I close my eyes and try to blot out the photo but it is burned into my mind, so I reopen my eyes and glare at it instead.

Brooke looked as beautiful as ever, and happy, so damn happy in the arms of the man I love, the man I had come home for.

I had expected for some things to be different, for some things to have changed.

I had _not_ expected this. Three years ago I had returned to find Lucas with another woman, but Lindsay had been a stranger, and I had prepared myself that Lucas might be with someone else after all its been years, but the stupid part of me had believed he has been waiting. _Obviously not_. Not only had the jerk not waited but he'd moved on with my god damn best friend. Damn you Brooke, why did it have to be you? Damn you Lucas Scott for not waiting. Damn me. Damn bloody me for leaving it to too late.

But it is not too late.

Really this changed nothing, Lucas and I are meant to be together, I know that with everything I am and I came back prepared to fight for the man I love, I never fought for him before and now I had to before it was too late.

But Brooke changes things, doesn't she?

No.

Yes.

She knows all about me and Lucas, she knows we are meant to be together, doesn't it make it easier? I mean she let Lucas go once, she was happy when we got together, she was happy for us, she can be happy for us again.

Are you crazy Peyton! You don't know it'll be the same, last time it nearly cost you your friendship, are you willing to do that again.

Yes, yes I am, if I don't it was all for nothing. Lucas and I are meant to be, nothing has changed.

I put the photo frame back just as Haley appears with a little drowsy boy on her hip, she looks at me and for the first time since I got back I finally put a name to that elusive emotion that had been out of my grasp, with Haley looking at me with her big brown eyes now I recognise it.

It was fear.

Her eyes briefly flicker to the photo frame, I noticed and moved away, with a controlled smile I ask politely "so is this little cutie Ryan or Wayne?"

She steps into the room and with a nervous smile answers me "I'd like you to meet my son Wade".

We sat back down, we didn't talk about them, we kept to the subjects of our own lives, when I got the nerve to get too close to Lucas or Brooke she quickly changed the subject, and when she got to close to them I changed the subject.

I wanted to know everything but at the same time I didn't want to know anything.

_Why you Brooke, why did it have to be you?_

_Brooke POV _

One year, three months, two weeks and six days.

I've been counting.

One year, three months, two weeks and six days since Lucas and I got back together, the best time of my life, I have never been happier than the last year.

One year, three months, two weeks and six days of waiting for something to go wrong, nothing ever did. Until now.

I knew it, I just knew it, life was too perfect, I am too happy, something had to go wrong.

_Peyton's back._

Haley's words still ring in my ear, I hadn't been able to say anything, with those words my heart already began to break, I saw the future and it was not pretty. Haley had repeated my name and asked me if I was okay, I had mumbled something and hung up.

_Peyton's back._

Typical. Does she have some sort of alarm? I should be happy that she's back, for half my life she was my best friend. But I can't be happy, she might have been my best friend but she was also the girl who had taken the only guy I ever loved _twice_, the same guy I'm with now, and she's come back. No, I am not happy.

I am scared.

I am worried.

I am freaking out.

Maybe I shouldn't be, Lucas would tell me I'm crazy, that I have no reason to be insecure, but I can't help it, I've been in this position before and both times I lost out.

The thing is I love him, more than anything or anyone I love Lucas, life just wasn't the same without him, I was empty inside, with him I feel complete.

I know with complete confidence, in the deepest part of my heart and bones that Lucas Scott is the only guy for me, the only guy I'll ever be able to be in love with. For me he's it.

He is my other half, my counter balance, my soul mate. He is the reason my heart beats, the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.

I would do anything for my Broody, but I can't, I just can't, let him go again. I don't think my heart could take it.

_Peyton's back_.

One year, three months, two weeks and six days of waiting and it has finally happened.

And just like I had known back in high school I know now, this is the beginning of the end, only this time I am not bowing out.

Brooke, don't be so insecure, don't be paranoid or judge too quickly, just because Peyton's here doesn't mean she is back for Lucas, for all you know she's married.

Yeah right.

She probably has her Lucas stealing face on right now, well guess what Blondie, it won't be so easy this time, I am not backing down and I am not going to let the man I love go again without a fight. I didn't fight for him before - I won't make the same mistake again.

We are not in high school anymore.

You are not my best friend anymore.

And Lucas… my Broody is more than just my first love and boyfriend, he's my only love, he's my everything, my future, he's my heart. He's _mine_.

Damn you P Sawyer, I was finally feeling safe.

Damn you for making what should be a happy occasion into something to be feared.

Damn you Lucas Scott for not being here to hold my hand.

Damn you for not kissing me goodbye this morning and leaving before I woke up.

Damn you both for making me love you.

_Lucas POV_

I wonder what Brooke is thinking right now, she's probably sitting on the couch cross legged with her latest design in front of her, I can picture it so clearly. Her nose will be crinkled in concentration, her eyes peaceful, her hair down and over her shoulder in that way I like, that spot on her neck for show. She will be frustrated and tired but she won't give up.

She's probably smiling at something right now, a program on TV that is on for background noise, or her design turning out better than she expected, or maybe Eli is doing something to distract her, wanting to play when Brooke should be working and trying to annoy Brooke enough that she will get up but Brooke won't she'll just laugh at Eli's antics.

She's probably doing all that.

I can see her beautiful smile. I wish I could go home right now.

One hour, twenty four minutes and fifty eight seconds to go.

I know it is lame, but I've been counting. She's the reason I get through the day, I never thought I could be happy again but Brooke showed me I could. She gave me back my smile and stole my heart all over again.

One hour, twenty four minutes and thr-two seconds to go.

I should be working, but all I can think about is Brooke and the way she looked this morning as I left her in our bed, she hadn't even stirred when I kissed her softly on the lips and whispered to her the same thing I said to her every morning as I left.

_I love you Pretty Girl._


	2. Slipping Away

**Disclaimer: still don't own anything**

**Thanks for all the reviews, they are much appreciated. To answer a few questions, Who is Eli? Well you are about to find out. Is Naley on team Brooke or Peyton? Very much so, in fact EVERYONE will probably be on team Brooke, keep in mind Peyton's been gone for years where as Brooke and Lucas have been together and everyone has seen them together. This story is more about emotions than anything, it may be BL but it is very much about Peyton as well and her journey back – though I don't think she will appear in this chapter, the last one was mainly her so here is a lot of BL, enjoy ******** . **

**Keep informing me what you think, especially if I get too OOC, I know where I am going with Brooke and Lucas but I am unsure what exactly is going to happen with Peyton so as the story goes on feel free to help me out and give me ideas (and no I have no plans to kill her off, I actually love Peyton as much as she pisses me off).**

Chapter Two – Slipping Away

_Lucas POV_

It feels good to be home.

As soon as I parked in the driveway I felt my heart beat a littler faster and my lips curl at the end. I can't help it; just the thought of my life makes me happy.

It can't get any more perfect than this.

As soon as I walk in I can tell something is different, Brooke's car was outside yet there was no sign of her, where is she?

Not on the couch like I expected.

TV's off, all the lights are off.

Maybe she's in bed? I smile and can't help raising an eyebrow. It wouldn't be the first time I came home to a little afternoon delight.

"Brooke I'm home"

No answer.

"Hey, Pretty Girl!"

Still no answer.

Okay, I'm starting to get worried. If Brooke's home Eli is home, maybe he can tell me where Mommy is hiding "Eli, boy, Daddy's home" I call out and sure enough a moment later Eli comes running from upstairs.

He jumps on me and begins to wag his tail "Hey boy, how you going? That's a good boy, come on Eli, where's Mommy hiding?" and he runs off, I begin to follow but he appears again with his green bone in his mouth, dropping it by my feet.

I rub my eyes _good try, buddy, but Mommy and bone, where's the confusion._

He looks behind him and gives a loud bark. I look up.

How does she still do that? Manage to take my breath away. Even in just a pair of designer jeans and a simple black jacket she looks good enough to just… do a lot of things I shouldn't be thinking.

I'm too distracted by her simple presence I don't realise at first that she is standing too still, her eyes red and puffy like she's been crying and then I do and it hits me like a truck.

How does she do that? Makes me feel everything she feels, the love, humour, freedom or the sadness, fear and pain.

Just by looking at her I feel her sadness, I want to go hug her and I don't even know why, and something is telling me not to move, not to go over to her and my head and heart are fighting.

My heart wants to take her in my arms and kiss those red eyes away and my feet are prepared to follow my heart.

My head is fighting to stop my feet, so I freeze and look at her.

_Brooke's POV_

Traitor.

Stupid dog leaving me to go to Lucas.

Traitor.

Leaving me no choice but to follow because I know in a matter of moments he would lead Lucas to me, and I don't want Lucas to find me curled up with a pillow on our bed.

I felt brave until I got half way down the stairs and saw him.

God, how does he do that? Stop my heart and takes my ability to breathe or move.

He looks so perfect, so calm and happy and then he looks up.

Something flashes in his eyes, that same look that always appears when he first sees me.

I woke up so sure that flash was love, now I am already starting to doubt it. I bite my lip and try to hold back from crying again.

I really can't loose him again; I don't know how I'll survive without that look.

Then his face becomes expressionless as he keeps looking at me.

How does he do that? Know just by looking at me, makes me feel he's reading my heart like an open book, not my mind but my heart.

Oh god, he just smiled, his eyes are twinkling and he has that slight smile the one that he where's to reassure me, the one that says he loves me no matter what. It goes all the way to his eyes.

I smile back, tight lipped and nervous, it is a sad smile I know, and I know he knows my smile too.

He doesn't know why I am upset, how could he, he doesn't know Peyton's back.

I am scared to tell him, scared to see how he will react, scared of loosing him.

I trust him and yet I don't trust him.

This is all so confusing, oh god, I really don't want to tell him.

Maybe I can pretend it's all a bad dream, maybe Peyton isn't back and it is still just me and him against the world.

Yeah right.

It's me against them.

I don't want to feel this way.

Need to get away, I need to get away from him before I say or do something I will regret.

Like let him go or throw something at him.

"Hey" he whispers. One word and I begin to melt, the urge to just run into his arms and find safety with his love, I fight it and instead finish my descent down the stairs.

On the table I notice Eli's leash and I grab the first excuse I can to get away "hey, I was just about to take Eli for his walk" grabbing the leash as I walk towards my boys.

I can't look at him, I know he knows, I know he knows it is a lie and I need to be by myself, and because he knows I know he knows he will give me that space, but I can't look at him or I might just give into that urge and I need space at the moment.

Time to think.

I pass him, our hands brushing as I walk by him and then I feel the brush of his fingers on my arm, his hand takes my hand, entangling our fingers and he pulls me back, turning me around so quickly I have no time to react.

His lips are on mine, gentle and firmly, soft and hard at the same time.

And then he pulls back, our breathing rough, our bodies close.

I can taste him on my lips, and I can't help licking them.

He knows just how to ruffle me, he knows just what I need and I needed that.

But I can't look at him.

"That was for this morning, for not kissing me back. Have a nice walk" he whispers into my ear tickling my neck just before stepping back.

Okay, I give in. I look at him.

And there it is.

That look, that light in the eyes that tells me he loves me.

And this time when I smile it is more confident and warmer.

_Lucas POV_

Ahhh there it is, edged by pain, but there it is.

That look.

The one that tells me she loves me.

The one that I'm going to take as everything is going to be okay.

Go for now, my Pretty Girl, take the time to think but then come home into my arms and tell me why you didn't want to look at me.

_Brooke POV_

I lay in bed with my back to his side.

In a moment the shower will turn off and he'll come out clean and dry and as naked as the day he was born, he'll slip into bed.

Usually I would curl against his side and fling my leg over his waist, probably make love before falling into a satisfying sleep, but not tonight.

Tonight I can't do that.

I still don't know what to do or what to say.

What if it is just me?

Maybe I am getting too worked up, too worried over nothing, Lucas would not hurt me, I know that.

I can tell myself that but in the end it doesn't matter because twice before I told myself that and I was proved wrong, so now I just have trouble believing it.

It is not Lucas.

It is not Peyton.

It is me, and I can't help it.

I can't help that even before anything's happened my heart is already starting to tear open where I thought it had healed.

_Lucas POV_

She won't talk to me.

I thought we had gotten over that, I though we were at the point where we could tell each other everything.

She won't talk to me.

I watch her now laying on the bed, her back to my side, her back to _me_, I have never been worried about us, not since I finally won her back and got her to admit she was in love with me, but now I am worried.

What did I do wrong?

I love her so damn much, more than I ever thought possible, I've seen life without her and without love and I didn't like it, as soon as we got back together I knew this was it, my last chance.

Surely it's not over so quickly.

What did I do wrong?

I slide into bed and lay on my back looking up at the ceiling, she's awake I can tell.

I am so sick of this, talk to me Brooke, tell me what's wrong, better yet tell me nothing is wrong and kiss me.

Brooke, please turn around.

She can't read my mind, she doesn't turn around and I feel cold and naked without her wrapped around me, so I scoot a little closer and I turn onto my side, wrapping my arms around her I pull her into me, sling my leg over hers, and I hold her.

After a moment she relaxes and her arms wrap around mine holding me closer to her, and even as her body moves closer I feel that in every other manner she is slipping away.

So I hold on a little tighter.

And when I wake up she is gone.

_Brooke's POV_

I know I have to tell him today, if I don't he will find out some other way, better he hears it from me, better I see his face when he finds out. Or maybe I should wait; maybe it is better if I don't see his face.

Why now?

Out of all the bad timing why now?

Ok, Brooke, no need to take it out on the fridge door, calm down, everything is going to be okay.

No it is not, everything is different now.

No nothing is different, you love Lucas and he loves you.

He loves her too.

_Loved _her.

Loved her.

And that use to be me.

You're the one he's with now, he chose you.

When she wasn't around.

He chose you.

He chose me.

"Morning, Pretty Girl, I love you" and his arms snake around my waist as he kisses my cheek, I hadn't even noticed him walk into the kitchen or Eli jumping at his feet.

I kiss his cheek back and move out of his arms.

He sighs "are you going to tell me what is going on inside that pretty little head of yours?"

Eventually, yes, please just leave it. I don't answer him.

"Brooke!"

"Lucas" I say back and I know I'm cold and distant but I really can't help it.

He shocks me when he says loudly, not yelling but loudly, with a shaky yet firm voice tinged with anger "Don't do this… don't shut me out"

Wow, does that sound familiar, write your own lines Broody, that ones mine.

"I don't know what I have done or what has happened but don't shut me out now, don't turn away from me in bed and flinch when I touch you and then expect me to ignore it because I won't"

"I am not asking you to" but I was.

He raised an eyebrow in doubt, okay it was a lie can't you just let me live in my own fantasy world for now, let it go "just give me some space" I say.

"Space? Great, you want space" he steps back "is this far enough?"

I roll my eyes and turn away.

"Don't turn away from me!" he yells and I turn back "Lucas I am turning away, I am turning away grabbing my purse and then I am going to go to work, because that is what I have to do, I am not turning away from _you_"

It's the truth, I do need to go to the store, and I am not turning my back on him, but in a way I am turning away from him, just for now, just until I can figure out how I'm feeling about this before I have to deal with how he is feeling about this.

"It's Saturday" _really?_

I smile "and the store is open on Saturdays still and this Saturday I have to go to the store, I'm working today" thank god I had a real excise to get away.

He frowns, why is he so damn cute when he frowns? "You didn't tell me that, don't forget we are having dinner at Nathan and Haley's"

Damn, I had forgotten "I didn't forget, its no worry, we are closing early today, Marc's parents are coming into town and he's having dinner with them" which is why I am there to help out earlier on, even if I still don't see the need, well it's Marco and he makes no sense any time.

"I have to go" I say quickly before he can start questioning me again.

I turn to go and his voice stops me "the store doesn't open for another two hours"

Damn, he's got me there.

_Lucas POV_

Now try and tell me you are not walking away, perhaps not from me but from this conversation, I am not letting go so easily, I need to know why you are suddenly treating me like public enemy number one.

"You really thought I would just let it go, you still haven't told me what last night was about"

"And I am not going to, not-" she suddenly stops and closes her eyes in pain.

If I go comfort her I will never find out the truth, I can't give in to the urge to give in "I can't do this Brooke, I can't just forget and put on a happy smile like you do, tell me what is wrong" I demand, getting louder with each word.

And then she snaps, just snaps, like the Brooke I know so well she lets her emotions and thoughts fly. I take an instinctive step back until I'm up against the kitchen counter.

"You want to know what's wrong. We are wrong, everything about us is wrong. We have nothing in common, we never agree on anything, half the time I feel we are just yelling at each other or teasing each other, I don't get you and you don't get me.

"This –us fighting- this going on right now is our life, us fighting. I am not shutting you, I am asking you for a little space because I don't need to tell you everything or spend every moment with you, even if I want to I don't _need _to and right now I don't want to so just let me go" she stops her voice getting quieter, sadder "let me go" she repeats.

"I can't do that" I can't let her go, I don't think I'm capable of doing that anymore, or even if I ever really was.

She smiles and her eyes soften, the next moment I know she is standing right in front of me, her hand on my cheek "not forever, just for a few hours and then I'll be back" do I trust her, yes, because I love her and I know she loves me, so I turn my head and kiss the hand that had been cupping my cheek "have a nice day at work".

I can do this. Sure I can.

Well, at least I can try.

She smiles and once again turns to leave, this time I don't stop her, if you love something let it go and if it is meant to be then it'll come back.

I follow her bare footed and watch as she picks up her purse and keys, hugs Eli goodbye and starts walking to the door. She really is beautiful. I'm so blinded by her beauty I don't realise she has started talking "…something I need to tell you" I snap my head up to look at her face and I wait "Haley called me to say an old friend is back in town. Lucas, Peyton's back"

_Peyton's back._

What am I suppose to say to that.

"That's great" and I smile, maybe a little too widely.

She rolls her eyes and then something is flying through the air and hits me right in the shoulder. I look down, her heavy set of keys are lying by my feet.

Ok wrong thing to say.

_Peyton's back._

This changes everything… and nothing…and everything.

Is that why Brooke has been so distant?

I am angry that Brooke is acting like this, hurt she doesn't seem to trust me _again_, I am fearful this could change her, hurt that she didn't think she can talk to me.

But Peyton, I don't know how I feel about that, about her, about this situation.

I simply don't know, I haven't really thought about Peyton in a long time.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Brooke picks up her keys, glares at me and walks off again.

"Why are you mad at me?" I asked utterly confused, pleading for an answer.

She turns at the door to look at me, her eyes open wide and vulnerable, I notice one hand playing with the hem of her skirt but I don't think she notices it.

"I'm not mad"

And her other hand reaches up to open the door and she slips outside, leaving me alone reeling from the last 24 hours.

How did things keep changing so quickly?

How does she manage to completely ruffle and confuse me, from the moment she first climbed into my backseat and stripped she had been doing that.

And now I'm left alone to ponder her words.

_I'm not mad._

_Even if I want to I don't _need_ to and right now I don't want to._

_I am not turning away from_ you_._

_We are wrong, everything about us is wrong._

_Let me go._

_Let me go._

_I'm not mad._

_Peyton's back._

**Next chapter Brooke and Peyton come face to face and if you are wanting some Naley expect some. Pleas Review. Thanks.**


	3. Coming Back

**Disclaimer: i own nothing. at all. **

**sorry it took so long to update.**

Chapter Three – Coming Back

_Peyton's POV_

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Lucas.

Me.

Brooke.

All of us.

I didn't come back for Lucas, well, I don't think I did, when I first got on the plane I wasn't thinking that I would come back to Tree Hill and get Lucas back and damn the consequences.

But now I'm here and I straight away knew that is what I wanted, no needed, to do or at least try, because if I don't try I'll always wonder what if.

I owe it to myself, and to Lucas and to our love.

Then there's Brooke. That was not something I foresaw, it bugged me all night, and it still bugs me. Do I just do nothing and let Lucas be with her when he should be with me, I don't know, I really don't but I at least have to give him the choice.

Arghh!

I'm going crazy.

I don't… I don't…

I don't want to hurt her.

I just want to know if there is still a chance, I just want the ache inside my heart to go away.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Or just human.

I drove pass C/B and thought about going inside, I drove pass Brooke's and contemplated knocking on the door, but I'm worried that as soon as I see her I'll loose the courage to finally fight for what I want. I never fought for Lucas, I'm ready now and if I see Brooke I might change my mind.

And I'm not sure if I want that.

If I saw Luke though then I'll know.

That was why I went to his house.

It had taken all of my nerves to knock on that door, which was a waste because Lucas no longer lived at home, naïve of me to think he still would after three years.

Karen doesn't even live there anymore; I had to learn from a stranger that the house had been sold nearly two years ago.

Even if I wanted to find Lucas I can't, and I need to see him, I need to see him so I can know once and for all if there is a chance, even the slimmest, that we gave up too quickly.

I don't even want to contemplate the fact Lucas let me go, not once, but over and over again.

A part of me resents it, the fact he never fought for me. It hurts than he could just let me go. Why? How could he do that?

How could I do it?

Don't think about the past Peyton, just think about now.

Everything you care about always leaves and this is your chance to end that. To get what you want.

I deserve it, after everything I've been through I deserve to be happy.

I find myself back at Nathan and Haley's; it seems to be the only thing that I can rely on.

As soon as I am out of the car I spot Nathan out front cleaning the yard, he immediately smiles at me, wide and happy, and it makes me feel just a little bit better.

"If it isn't Peyton Sawyer finally home, it's good to see you Peyt" and he grabs me in a big bear hug. It feels good, for the first time since I came back I feel welcomed.

"So congrats on the kids, nearly got your own basketball team going on"

"That was my plan. So how are you? What brings you back?" he asks sincerely.

I wonder if how much Haley told him, he seems more relaxed around me than she had, and I wonder why that is.

"You know how it is, I started to miss home, and all my friends"

"One friend in particular?" he sounds more hesitant now and slightly suspicious, I want the Nathan from three seconds ago back.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I'm happy to be home, isn't that good enough"

"I'm happy that you are home, really Peyton it is good to see you"

"You too" why did I wait so long to return, it is my own fault that things have changed, I couldn't leave for three years and expect Tree Hill to stay frozen in time.

He flings an arm around my shoulder and started walking me to the house "so you heard about Lucas and Brooke?"

Heard about it, yeah, wish it was just a nightmare "it came up in conversation"

We were closer to the door when he suddenly stopped and turned to me, that same hesitation in his voice and eyes "he's happy Peyton, really happy, and I know you never mean to get in the way but you always seem to anyway. So just remember that he's happy and if you love him as much as you always claimed to you will let him be happy, and because its Brooke that makes him happy maybe you should be extra careful"

I don't say anything, I can't not when I don't know if I can promise not to get in the way, not when I'm unsure if I can't not get in the way.

I can make him happy, I know I can, happier than he could ever be, because we are meant to be together. It just is.

I smile instead hoping that'll be enough for Nathan and it must be for he smiles back at opens the door. With his arm still over my shoulders he leads me inside.

As soon as we turn to face the living room I freeze.

_Seriously_

How can this be happening?

Standing on a step ladder Haley has he back to us "Nate! Can you help me? I can't seem to get the banner straight and I want it to be perfect" she says not knowing I am there.

Nathan replies with a quick "sure babe" and helps Haley, I remain frozen.

When moments later Nathan helps Haley down and she finally notices me, he mouth dropping open I barely notice, I am still frozen. My eyes are glued to the silver, black and blue banner taking up the length of the wall.

_Congratulations Brucas!!_

What the hell is Brucas?

Ok I can put two and two together, but I'm not liking the answer.

Haley hits Nathan in the chest and he flinches, served him right, he could have warned me that the house was decorated in honour of Brooke and Lucas, not that it would have prepared me for all of this.

"Nathan you idiot" Haley says.

"What? I thought you said she knew about them"

"Yes I said she knew that Brooke is with Lucas now, I didn't get around to telling her their surprise engagement party is tonight let alone that they are engaged"

Oh my god!

You are kidding me.

Engaged? _Engaged? _ENGAGED?

And where the hell did Brucas come from, what does that make me? A part of Pucas, great just great, even words are against me.

"I have to go"

I may be a coward but I can't stay here surrounded by all this, I'm just getting my head around the fact I still love Lucas, then on top of that leaning he's now happy with the girl I consider my best friend ever, and now they are engaged, she said yes to something I said no to and now she's going to have my god damn groom.

Calm down, Peyton, just breathe.

"You okay?" Nathan asked, I didn't realise he followed me out front. I turn to him.

"Engaged?" I ask in disbelieve.

He smiles and nods, I want to erase the thought from my mind and he is smiling, god I'm evil, why can't I be happy or even pretend to be happy "how did this happen?" I'm not asking about any specific thing, or even really asking him, I'm asking about it all and I'm trying to ask myself.

He answers "the usual way, he asked and she said yes"

"How long?" I must sound desperate to him if I sound this way to me.

"They had their one year anniversary about four months ago, that was when he proposed, they are getting married in two months"

Okay, I can handle this, it is not what I expected, sure, but I can cope. I didn't think they had been together that long or it was that serious, but they aren't married yet so that is something at least "They live together don't they?" I already know the answer but I need to have it confirmed.

"Yes, he moved in over a year ago, it all went pretty quickly. It's not just Brooke's house now, its Brooke and Lucas' place, and they have a dog-"

It just keeps getting better and better "any offspring I should be aware of?" I can't help sounding bitter. I know how much family meant to both Brooke and Lucas.

"No, but they do plan to start trying before the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, Brooke and Lucas talk about it all the time"

I knew it would be like that, Brooke had wanted kids when she was single and by herself, Lucas had always envied Nathan and Haley and what they had. So of course they planned to build a family straight away.

I roll my head and look away. I still hear everything Nathan told me, and there is something in the way he says 'Brooke and Lucas' that really gets to me, its said in that way that just combines the two names, as if it just flows off the tongue and one can't be said without the other, the way people talk about a couple.

Like Nathan and Haley, but this was Brooke and Lucas.

More than anything I wish people could say Lucas and Peyton in the same way, but even to me it sounds like a lie.

_Brooke's POV_

I shouldn't have yelled at Lucas, it is not his fault.

I probably got him all worried, not about Peyton but about me.

It's just out of all the timing why did she have to come back now when life is so hectic.

When life is so great.

I don't even want to waste time thinking about her.

She doesn't deserve it; she can't just come back after _three _god damn years and expect to just fit back in. We all moved on.

I moved on.

It was hard but I did do it.

And when I had to send my wedding invitations out last week and she crossed my mind I had regretted the fact I didn't have anywhere to send hers too.

That was not my fault, she was the one who left and moved on, she was the one who lost touch and stopped returning phone calls.

Maybe I could have tried harder to stay in contact but there is only so much a girl can do, and I had my own life to worry about.

And truthfully when Lucas started trying to woo me back I had been relieved she was not around, and when we did get together I was thankful she was out of our lives.

There were the moments I wished it was different, like when I did the invitations or after I asked Haley to be maid of honour because for years I had imagined Peyton being the one asked.

They are brief because I am truly happy with my life now.

But sometimes I wish she was part of that life.

I still love her.

You never loose those feelings about a friend who meant so much.

But however much I love her I still am afraid of her and what she represents.

I don't know if I have the strength to go up against her again.

I don't know if I have the strength not to.

Why couldn't Lucas take me in my arms and say _damn, Peyton's back, what a bitch, I love you and she means nothing to me, you are the one I want to spend forever with and I'll be happy to never see her again. In fact if I see her I'll tell her to go away._

Chances are no matter what he said it wouldn't change how I feel.

But _that's great_ what the hell does that mean?

_That's great._

That boy infuriates me sometimes, but I wasn't mad.

I was scared.

I was worried.

I was freaking out.

I was picturing my life without him, I was seeing him running back into her arms.

My heart was breaking.

But I am not mad.

The bell above the door dings and I look up.

I guess I should have prepared myself for seeing her again.

She looks good and healthy and older.

She looks like Peyton.

I am not mad.

I am happy.

It's Peyton and she smiles at me, and even though all my other emotions are still there for the first time since hearing that Peyton is back I feel happy.

I can't help but smile, its small but it's a smile "Hi, P. Sawyer"

"Hi, B. Davis"

Then somehow we go from being metres apart to clinging onto one another.

It feels like no time has passed.

And this time when I smile, it is full and dimpled.

I am happy.

For the moment I am happy.

_Peyton's POV_

It feels like nothing has changed.

It feels good to be hugging Brooke.

I can't help but smile.

This is Brooke.

My friend.

My sister.

And I am simply happy to be with her.

I don't want to hurt her.

But even as I am overwhelmed with happiness to see her I know that we are in love with the same man, and nothing can change that, one of us will get hurt.

And I don't want that to be me.


	4. Left Unsaid

**discalimer: seriously own nothing.**

**sorry its taken so long, i had major writers block, hopefully im back in form and the next chapter will be uo within a coople of says, hoping anyway. thanks for reading and reviewing, keep em coming.**

_Brooke's POV_

We're sitting across from each other at my store, both smiling similar smiles, I'm sure hers is just as forced as mine.

I'm not saying its fake however my smile is half forced because there's still that big part of me that has all those negative emotions floating around telling me to be cautious.

And I am so unsure, I am unsure why she is here and what it means, and I am suddenly unsure about my future.

I look at her, her eyes look shadowed and I wonder what she is thinking.

Is she thinking about Lucas?

Does she hate me because I'm with him?

Does she feel all those things a use to feel after Lucas and I broke up?

Is it hurting her to pretend that she is alright with this and her heart isn't breaking?

It use to hurt me, it use to hurt so damn much but I put on my smile and tried to be happy for the two people I loved most in the world, but it had been so hard and so painful.

I must have done a good job at pretending and at making it look like I had moved on when the truth was moving on from Lucas wasn't an option.

Back then when we were such good friends I didn't view our friendship as giving up or settling, Haley once asked me why I never said anything about my feelings for Lucas and how could I just settle for being his friend when I was so in love with him, I'm still not sure if she understood my answer. I had shaken my head and replied that Lucas and I as a couple would never work but Lucas and I as friends… well that could be forever, I didn't see it as settling for less I saw it as aiming for more.

I had truly felt that way, having Lucas as my friend was important to me because I need him; I need him in my life no matter what.

He had convinced me though that we could work, convinced me that I was the girl in his heart and I chose to believe him. That had been hard too but Lucas proved himself over and over again and I stopped seeing a reason not to trust him.

Now I'm seeing the reason and it has a name – Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer.

"I love him" I suddenly blurt out looking her straight in the eye.

Her eyes flash "I know you do, I love him too"

Why does hearing that hurt so much, I knew it already, I just knew it.

"We're getting married in two months and I'm happier than I have ever been" I really am, Lucas completes my life.

She nods, why does she do that, is she saying she knows we are getting married or knows I'm happy or is she nodding because she hears me.

Why is she back?

"Say something, anything, please I am going crazy and I have no idea how to react to this situation" I need her to reassure me that she is not here for Lucas, I need to hear her say she is happy for me and everything is going to be alright, I need for her to hug me so we can just go back to being happy at seeing each other.

But she doesn't do any of that.

"What do you want me to say? This has all been thrown at me, and I will not lie, it shocked me to come back and hear about you and Lucas, it wasn't one of those things I had imagined"

Same old Peyton! Why couldn't she just say she wasn't here for Lucas and she was happy that I was happy?

"Why did you come back Peyton? Tell me the truth, tell me if I have anything to be worried about because we are not in high school anymore and I can't be a Lindsay either"

I don't know why I said it, I know I don't really want to hear her answer but the words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

_Peytons POV_

She can't be a Lindsay, I know that deep inside my heart, I know she can't be that, one because she is my friend, two because I think she loves Lucas more than Lindsay could ever love him, maybe perhaps Brooke even loves Lucas more than I could ever love him.

I don't know.

If this was the way it was meant to be, if it was meant to be Brooke and Lucas then all these years have been a waste, it undermined everything I thought I believed.

It makes what I did in high school worthless.

It means I risked my friendship with Brooke for nothing.

It means everything with Lucas was a lie.

If this was meant to be then it was all for nothing.

I simply can't believe that, it was worth something and it was real and it was true and it is meant to be.

It's me and Lucas, it always has been and it'll always be there between us.

I really just wished Brooke hadn't gotten involved, I don't want her to get hurt "you are not a Lindsay and I don't expect you to be" oh no I expect this to be different I'm just still unsure if it will be harder or easier "I didn't come here for Lucas" and I didn't but I am here for him now "if you have something to worry about it is not me" no it is Lucas, it is all about Lucas.

Once I see him I'll know.

Once he sees me he'll remember what we had, he chose me over Brooke once before, twice before, and I have to keep faith that he'll come back to me.

Even if it means Brooke is left behind.

I know Lucas loves Brooke and I know she loves him, I have known that for a long time, love doesn't just go away. However I believe their love is different to the way Lucas and I love each other, it just has to be, how can what they have possibly compare to what we shared.

Lucas can look into my eyes and read my mind, he knows my heart – my fears, my thoughts, my feelings, my demons.

We are two people so intoned with each other, we always have been, even when I acted like I hated him, the reason I hated him so much is how much he got me and got to me.

And when I look at him I see into him as well.

He is a part of me.

I don't know how to describe it in words.

Lucas is always there, he's my guardian angel, my saviour, my one true love.

He gives me meaning.

It's not adequate, there has to be a better way to explain it, but I can't.

I love him, oh how I love him.

"Peyton, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know how to look at you without seeing the monkey in the room, it has been so long… I don't know what to say" she looks so torn as she says it, a part of me wants to hug Brooke again and tell her everything is going to be fine, the other part of me wants to yell at her and scream, I want to say _no, it is not alright, how could you do this to me? How could you be with Lucas? Out of all the men in the world why him? Why my Lucas?_

But I can't and I don't.

I know why, I know she loves him. And once again there's that doubt inside me that wonders does she love him more than I do, and so I push it away. I love him and if he loves me more then…

"I'm in the same boat as you Brooke, this wasn't exactly a conversation I pictured I'd be having"

Why him Brooke? Why my Lucas?

I should never have left. I should have fought for him instead of walking away and I don't know why I did do it.

Now though I am ready to fight.

I just have to know how Lucas feels.

She gives me a nervous smile, I don't even think she notices how she's playing with her engagement ring, and I try not to look.

She really is beautiful, stunning actually, even now when she looks so unsure and has made no effort with her appearance and I know when Brooke makes an effort. Today she looks like she hadn't cared enough, like she was hurried but still she looks so stunning.

Yet her eyes, her eyes look so lost.

And I know I'm part of the reason for that, I can feel the guilt beneath everything else, the guilt that I gave her that look. And it kills me that I have hurt her so much in the past, it kills me that I could be the reason she gets hurt again.

I just don't see any other way.

_Brooke POV_

I don't know if I believe her, I don't know if I can believe her.

Most of all I don't know if it even matters.

After all she won't need to do anything, it all depends on Lucas, and he's the one that matters in the end. It is what he chooses and wants, so even if I can believe her that doesn't mean everything will be okay.

And then there's what she just said, about being in the same boat and this not being something she imagined. Does that mean she imagined Lucas to be free? Does it mean she doesn't like it or is she just confused, I mean it would be awkward, I understand as I have been there, I have had to watch Lucas with Peyton and Lindsay and as much as I focused my love for him onto being a friend and learnt to put his need and wants ahead of what I so dearly wished for. Doesn't mean it didn't confuse me, doesn't mean that it wasn't awkward.

In the same boat? Is she really, we both may have no idea what to say or how to feel but can she really say she is in the same boat as me.

He is _my_ fiancé, we have been together for nearly two years, and live together and share a bed every night. It was me Lucas said I love you to only this morning.

It was her who left and it was her who said no to him, it was her who comes in and out of his life as if she can just take him whenever she wants.

This is my home, my life, one I have worked hard for and one that has been in the making for years, she is the one who left and only just came back.

Peyton wasn't the one whose life as she knew it was just turned upside down, whose worst fear was now a major possibility, whose insecurities she'd tried to overcome for years was now in full force.

In the same boat?

No, we're not.

"I haven't heard from you in nearly two years, not one word, I once tried calling you and your phone was disconnected"

Once again I remind myself that she was the one who left.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to loose touch, life just seemed to take me over and things had a habit of changing"

"Yes, they do" things change "work must be going well?"

I want to think about something other than Lucas and Peyton, something other than what might happen or did happen, I want something positive to focus on.

I want my friend.

_Lucas POV_

Nathan was the first one to say it, he casually asked me if I had heard Peyton was back in town.

Heard it? Yeah I heard it.

I had a fight with Brooke because of Peyton's return; I'm sure now that was what all this morning and last night was about.

"How you feel about it?" he asked me as he shot another basket.

Oh I feel completely confused.

Not that I can say that, Nathan will probably try to tell me what I meant by that or maybe he wouldn't "hell I don't know, a part of me just doesn't care anymore, I couldn't care less that Peyton is back in town, then there is the other part of me that still remembers my friend Peyton and is curious, then there's the part of me which is focused solely on what this is doing to Brooke… I already feel her slipping away"

Nathan looked at me and I can tell he understands "don't let her then, this time hold on to Brooke"

"I plan to" trust me I plan to, Brooke is my everything, she's my reason, I can't loose her again.

Yet…

Yet there is a part of me that is curious about Peyton as more than just a friend.

I can't pretend there was a not a time that I was willing and ready to spend forever with her, that for a long time she was the one I saw as my future with and for brief periods my only chance for happiness.

I don't think that reflects on my love for Brooke or my happiness with her, it's simply a fact, Peyton is part of my past and I can't change that.

I haven't seen her in three years and before that we were not even really friends and before that brief time when Peyton and Brooke were both back in Tree Hill I hadn't seen Peyton in years and before that I was on my knees proposing to her.

I don't know how I will feel when I see her, and even though I love Brooke and wouldn't change my life with her and wouldn't want to imagine any future without her there is still the tiniest what if.

What if it had been Peyton?

Is it wrong for me to have what ifs?

I had them about Brooke while I was with Peyton and with Lindsey, it doesn't mean the what if is better or even what I want.

I know what I want and I want Brooke and our life.

And a part of me still doesn't know how I feel about Peyton, it has been three years and I know I will not know until I see her.

What I do know is how I feel about Brooke, and I am madly, completely, crazy in love with her.

"I don't plan to let go of Brooke ever again but…"

Nathan turns to look at me.

I can tell he's waiting nervously for what I will say next

"… There is still that part of me that hasn't let go of Peyton either, I never really got the chance too, I never really got the closure. And I think that having Peyton back will give me that chance to finally let her go so this time all of me can hold onto Brooke"

Brooke.

Nathan passes me the ball, this time I score the basket.

I will never let go of Brooke again, I just don't have it in me anymore.

I just have to see Peyton and then I'll know if I can let go of her.


	5. Moments

**thank god i finally posted something new. the last time i did i promised a quick update on all my stories because my newest chapters were half written and they just needed fixing up and then something terrible happen... drum roll... it devastated me. Nearly three o'clock in the morning, after just over three hours of writing, eleven pages of unsaved work... do you see where this is going, all i'm going to say is i HAD eleven pages of three hours worth of fanfic. and then it was gone and i was sooo upset that i couldn't write, every time i attempted to i started crying, you are either on a roll or you're not, and i was on a roll and then it was gone and i felt the bug just seep out of me. finally last night i managed to finish this chapter, i hope my mood didn't come into it. **

_Brooke's POV_

I feel him watching me as I dress, I slow my movements as I slip the dress over my shoulders and then in the next moment he is standing behind me.

A light kiss is placed on my shoulder as he runs his hands over my hips, up my side, his fingers grazing my breast before moving back down even slower than his move up.

I feel a shiver down my spine and roll my head back as he places another kiss to my throat.

There are those perfect moments, so simple and small that make up a relationship, make up love and happiness, so simple you don't realise they are the back bone of it all.

I notice.

They are the moments that I live for, when his hand touches mine and my heart jumps, when our eyes connect and a message is passed, when we smile those smiles from across a room, in the kitchen when we effortlessly work around each other and work together to create and eat a meal.

A moment like this when he comes up from behind me and gives me a light kiss as he zips up my dress.

Fully dressed I turn in his arms and wrap my arms around his waist.

He holds onto me and I can't help but smile, this is where I belong, there is no doubting that.

"I wish I could hold you forever" he whispers and I lift my chin to look into his endless blue eyes.

"You can" I say back, I wouldn't mind if he could hold me forever, there is nothing like being in his arms.

He smiled at me, that smile that tells me he loves me and that he doesn't know how he lives without me, and I give it back.

"Come on or we'll be late" I don't want to ruin this moment but if we don't hurry up we'll be late, this happens all the time and I can tell the signs, if I'm not careful instead of arriving at Naley's on schedule we will end up messing our clothes and rolling around in bed, or on the floor, or in the shower, maybe all three and we simply don't have time for that, not tonight anyway.

He smiles at me and moans "they can wait for us" and I want to give in, I do, but I don't so instead I laugh and grab his tie and finish tying it.

There are those perfect moments that make up life and this is one of them.

I look at him dressed to the nines and I can't help but feel my heart thump faster, not just at how he is dressed, he could be naked and I would be just as happy or even happier, no it's that look on his face, that glow to eyes that has my heart thumping.

He's looking straight at me.

Another shiver goes down my spine "Naley made it perfectly clear we can't be late" I say to help convince myself that we have to go soon.

"It's just some dinner like all those dinners, ten minutes won't matter" I just stare him down and he sighs "fine, but you better fix your make up before we go"

"My make up is-" _fine _

Before I can finish the sentence his mouth swooped down, is it normal to feel a kiss in every single part of your body, for me with Lucas it is.

He ends it all too quickly and my knees are now weak, I stumble as he steps back and smirks at me "better fix the lipstick" and I do but not before I glare at him.

I can feel him watch me and then I turn and he slips his arm around my waist and leads me down stairs.

_Lucas POV_

Sometimes great moments are so big you can't miss them, other times they are smaller and can go by unnoticed.

My life with Brooke is full of those moments.

Love is our motto, we have fun and we are happy, we fight, oh we fight a lot.

Last week we fought over the couch.

That is just us, we do a lot of fighting but we also do a lot of loving.

Everything between us is a dance, not dancing around each other, dancing together, a dance of love and passion, even if we are cooking dinner we're dancing that dance, even doing all those normal everyday things we are doing that dance; getting dressed, watching a movie, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, everything.

I walk her to the front of the house and then leave her for a split second to grab her wrap and place it around her shoulder before I slip my arm back to her waist.

Eli comes running up to us with his tail wagging and Brooke sends our boy a quick kiss before returning to my arms "be good boy" I say to the dog as the door shuts behind us.

She looks at me shyly through the corner of her eyes and smiles as we walk towards the car.

Little moments that are great in themselves, little moments like this that make up a perfect life even during the most imperfect times.

_Brooke's POV_

The first thing I notice is all the cars "someone's having a party" I remark as we get closer to Nathan and Haley's place.

He rubs my leg and I become conscious of the fact his right hand is resting just above my knee and my left hand is resting on top of his hand. I hadn't even noticed until then, I look at our entangled fingers and can't help but smile.

Then I study the street some more, so many cars.

"Must be the Andersons, look's like all the cars are focused around there" Lucas says, we are use to the Andersons having parties, the couple have lived across the road from Naley for nearly six months now and their busy driveway always makes driving down here awkward at night.

Finally we manage to park at Naley's and hop out, Lucas quickly walks around the car and grabs my hand, he doesn't walk towards the door as expected and instead pulls me back to him.

I send him a questioning smile and he just studies my face before saying softly "you look different"

I laugh.

"No seriously, Brooke, there's something about you tonight that is just… you always look beautiful, you always take my breath away, but there's something about you tonight that I just can't put my finger on, I don't want to stop looking at you Pretty Girl"

My heart stops and I suck in a breath. He still manages to do this to me.

And then he adds on Pretty Girl and there is no surer way to get me in a good mood, even when we are fighting and he says that it softens me _just a little bit_.

"You look pretty damn good yourself Mr Scott"

"Shall we" he says and nods towards the door, I let go of his hand and loop my arm with his.

He looks at me and I laugh, he laughs, we are still laughing as we stand in front of the door and wait for someone to answer and when Jamie opens the door we're both wearing goofy grins.

"Aunt Brooke, Uncle Lucas, you're here!"

"Hi Jamie" I pull the boy into a hug, if Lucas is my number one then our gorgeous godson is my number two closely followed by the rest of the family.

_Lucas POV_

I love watching Brooke with Jamie, it makes me ache for the time when I'll see her holding our own child, and I know she will make an amazing mother.

"Where are your Mom and Dad?" Brooke asks Jamie as they pull apart.

Jamie grins up at us "they are up stairs with the babies, they told me to tell you to feel free to wait in the living room" he lifted a finger in a one moment action and then said loudly "I'll go tell them you're here" and he ran off into the house.

Brooke looks at me and smiles still half laughing.

God she really is beautiful and amazing.

I grab her hand again and she pulls me towards the living room as she walks backwards, all I can see is her eyes and her lips, and as we get to the doorway I spin her around in my arms and pull her into the room, automatically catching her to the wall and kissing her, she manages another playful laugh before I stop all sounds with the kiss.

Nothing feels as good as having her in my arms, I could be happy holding her forever.

I loose myself in the kiss.

How long it lasts I do not know, something feels different, a humming at the back of my head but all I can do is ignore it as I put my whole self into enjoying my beautiful fiancé and her gifted lips.

Then someone gives a fake cough and my brain recognises the shuffle of many feet, and that humming at the back of my head suddenly gets a name.

It felt as if a million eyes were watching me.

I can feel Brooke still in my arms and she stops kissing me back, she pats my shoulder and I turn my body so we can both see into the room.

"Surprise" Haley chuckles clapping her hands together in a what-can-you-do move.

Then everyone seems to catch up and the whole room explodes with a loud consecutive "SURPRISE"

Brooke laughs and covers her mouth looking embarrassed and I smile down at her, pulling her forward into the crowd with the hand I was still holding onto.

There must be dozens of people here.

My eyes meet the banner up on the wall _Congratulations Brucas!_

It's great, it really is, and I see all the smiling faces of my friends and family, my mother is standing with Andy and Lily, shaking her head I'm sure at Brooke's and mine behaviour. I can't believe everyone is really here, it is great, but a little part of me wishes they could all just go away so I can once again be alone with Brooke to finish what we just started.

"Oh my god, Haley, you did not have to do this" Brooke cheerfully says to Haley as we reach them, I can tell she's still embarrassed though "really Haley you didn't" I say as well.

I feel someone hit me on the back "congrats Luke" he says and then another jolt to my shoulder as Skillz hits me as well "you doing good, dog, you finally asked the right girl" and one after another people come up to us sending us their good wishes.

Brooke leans into my side, our hands still entangled, and we smile, as much as I love kissing her this isn't half bad either, it feels good being able to share our love.

_Brooke POV_

As much as I wish we were alone in a corner, and I don't doubt we will find ourselves at some point tonight locked in upstairs room or a closet or bathroom at the first opportunity, as much as I can't wait for that, this feels pretty good too.

I'm standing with Jamie by my side and Ryan in my arms talking to Karen "I can't believe you're actually here, we've missed you Mom" she really is the closest thing to a real mother I have ever have, where as Victoria had hated me calling her my mother Karen had jumped at the chance to take on the role.

"We wouldn't have missed it for the world. When Haley called me…

Lucas is literally giving me a family. I have a Mom and Nathan is getting more and more like an annoying older brother, Haley is more than just my best friend she is my sister, we're more friends than sisters but still it's a nice feeling when we are out and she introduces me by saying _and this is my sister Brooke_, and then there are the boys, my nephews, the first time I went from Brooke to Aunt Brooke, which was pretty much the moment Jamie found out Lucas was trying to get me on a date, it was an amazing feeling. They are my family and I would do anything for them and I know they would do the same thing for me.

It's not just a family I want, it is this family, it is Lucas and the gang, it is just Lucas, he's enough for me though it is a comfort to know we have others to lean on.

My thoughts now turned to Lucas I can't help but scan the crowd for his tall blonde figure.

There he is standing with Nathan and Mouth and just as my eyes find him he looks up and looks directly at me.

He smiles and sends me a look he really shouldn't in public places and I look down at my feet before looking back up at him.

Lucas winks.

I grin and turn back to Karen,

What was it she was saying?

_Lucas POV_

I feel her looking for me, I know the moment her eyes hit me and I look up.

God, she really does look beautiful, I could just take her right against the wall, it would be awkward with everyone standing around but I'm not even sure if I would notice.

I can't wait until we find ourselves alone tonight; make her pay for all those looks of hers.

I see her look down and blush, so she knows what I am thinking.

She looks back up and I wink.

"Lucas!" Nathan says and laughs as I turn back with a half hearted "what?"

"Stop thinking about her for one second will you" Nathan laughs again and Mouth rolls his eyes.

Stop thinking about her, hell no, I can't stop counting down the moments til I get her alone.

I look down at my watch, I've set a limit, once nine o'clock hits I'm pulling her into the next empty space with a door. I don't care if it's a linen closet.

Three hours, five minutes and forty six seconds.

It's not soon enough.

I barely hear Mouth and Nathan, but I can pin point the moment Brooke laughs across the room.

God, she has a beautiful laugh.

_Peyton_ POV

It's killing me sitting here alone on the bed.

My eyes go between the clock and the keys resting on the bedside table.

I can't help but think about what is going on at Nathan and Haley's.

I can't help but wonder what is going on between Lucas and Brooke right this second.

Today was a little awkward with Brooke yet it had been good as well especially once we said our piece and then avoided the topic of Lucas, I even told Brooke all about Nick.

I wonder if they are holding hands or kissing, I wonder if they are looking at each other from across a crowded room.

Or maybe they are distracted by some guest and they aren't even thinking about the other, their eyes aren't scanning the crowd looking for their _fiancé, _no, they are laughing and smiling without each other.

And if their eyes do meet will they think of me, will they see me standing unspoken between them?

Nathan said I have to be extra careful not to get in their way, what if I am in their way without even being around?

Is Lucas thinking about me at all?

He knows I'm back so is he thinking about me, is he thinking about me when he looks at her?

I look at the keys and then I feel a burst of emotion and quickly stand up grabbing the keys on my way out.

I have to know.

**thank you to all those who review, i love em and they help me write the next chapters, so please keep them coming.**


	6. The Words

**Disclaimer: i own nothing.**

**Oooh! Peyton's gatecrashing. hope u enjoy, thank you to all those who have reviewed or wil review hint hint luv mickei.**

_Peyton POV_

I must have terrible timing.

When I slip into Nathan and Haley's house through the back it's just in time to hear voices chanting.

_Speech, Speech, Speech!_

Dozens of voices call out and I stop at the doorway, half hidden by a plant and watch the scene unfold.

Lucas and Brooke are standing in a clearing and everyone's eyes are on them, Brooke does look stunning and my breath catches when I see Lucas, he's grinning and looking completely embarrassed as Nathan and Mouth push him forward.

I see his head turn to Brooke and he lifts his glass in her direction before facing the crowd, everyone is too busy watching Lucas that I feel safe that I can go unnoticed for now.

His voice, a voice I haven't heard in nearly three years, fills the room.

"Okay, I'll give a speech… not that I think there are words to allow you to comprehend exactly how I feel about Brooke, I barely understand it myself. I can say I love her though it is much more than that, I can say I am madly, completely crazy _in love _with her and I still don't think it is enough. It is more than desire, the bodies need for her, more than my hearts need for her, in simple words I believe I was born to love her, to be her lover, her husband, to create a family and life with her. Brooke Davis is my other half and though falling in love with her was not hard it was far from easy. I didn't wake up one day just loving her, I fell and I never quite picked myself up, I still am falling in love with her, more and more with each look and touch. You all know our journey has not been the most conventional, there were detours and misunderstandings, we hurt each other and we hurt ourselves, we are not ashamed of how we got to standing here, all that matters is we finally reached this point – where we belong. I don't need somebody to tell me I love her, I know, I just know, and I've said it time and time again since she crawled into the back seat of my car naked. I was a shy boy back then confronted by this force, this amazing flame that came blazing into my life like a comet through the darkness, Brooke asked me if I felt it, told me there were moments in life where everything changes and I had just had one. She was talking about basketball, little did I know at that point the real reason my life changed that night was because she came into it. And I was never the same. The truth is I wouldn't change it for the world; there is no better place than her arms, to hold her and be held, to love her and be loved…

Sighs and awes went around.

My heart clenched.

Everyone had their eyes glued to Lucas, especially Brooke who didn't even blink as he spoke, I saw the emotions change on her face, the love, the blushes, the sadness, the pure emotion, and she was gripped as was the crowd.

I was gripped.

Lucas is a writer, he has a way with words however his words now can't erase those he wrote in two books for me, words he wrote for the world to see.

It still hurts though.

_Brooke POV_

In that moment as he spoke I fell in love with Lucas all over again.

I feel tears in my eyes, I'm not sad, no these tears are there because I am just so touched and so amazed that he is mine.

To hear him talk about our love and about us is something I have always liked; it sends sensations through my body I can't completely understand.

My hands instinctively rise to cover my heart and Haley nudges my side and feeling weak I lean against her slightly to keep from falling, but my eyes can't leave Lucas.

"… Okay this is probably the most embarrassing speech of my life, not the first and I'm betting it won't be the last; Brooke brings out the poet in me"

The memories flash before my eyes as he speaks, our whole relationship from the beginning to now, and standing out I hear the echoes of all the speeches Lucas has given me these last nine years and the words from the love letters.

The guests go crazy and as Lucas pauses in embarrassment sending me that look he has just for me all the others scream for more.

And he continues.

"A dear friend of ours once challenged my love for Brooke, challenged that we could find our perfect match _the one _in high school, how did I know she was the one? And there was only one answer I could give – I just do. And I borrowed the words of another _'the heart has reason that reason cannot know' _today I can give my own words-" he turns to me and lifts his glass in my direction and I can't help but smile "- Brooke, my reason is you and my heart does know it, _my soul knows it_"

I know it too and I trust his words because that is exactly how I feel.

"I love you because your smile lights up your face and my heart, I love the way you can change between serious and humour in a second, I love the way you defend what you believe in and the people you care about, and because you know my heart and my dreams, I even love the way you hit me when you're angry, I could list the reasons all night but I don't want to shock all the innocent ears… I'm crazy in love with you Pretty Girl, and if you will have me then I'll love you till we're old and grey with a dozen fat grandchildren, I'll love you forever which won't be hard because I have been falling in love with you since the first time our eyes connected"

My feet move automatically and in a blink of an eye I'm in his arms, our lips together, my arms twined around his neck and his holding my hips.

I don't have a choice in loving him and he makes it hard not to.

"You'll do" I whisper as we pull a part.

The room disappears, our friends and family fade away, it is just us two and our eyes connected.

He sends me that look and that smile and I know there is no other way this can be.

_Lucas POV_

Talking about my love for Brooke is so easy for me, all I have to do is listen to my heart and the words pour out.

The truth pours out and there is never doubt in my love for her, I have not doubted these feelings are love for a long time, I first recognised it the night I came across Brooke on the beach, the moment she took my hand I had known that I'd let go too quickly, I had known that instead of my feelings ending they had continued to grow so much that it came to the point I could no longer deny it to myself. I was in love with Brooke Davis. I hadn't seen it coming.

Nathan once told me my heart would be flawed as long as I didn't admit there was a girl in my heart, and he was right, my heart was flawed after Brooke and though I loved after her my heart was still flawed and only she can truly heal it.

I look down into her eyes and I just know.

How could I be so stupid to think Peyton returning meant anything when Brooke means everything, I don't need to see Peyton to let her go for I now know I let her go a long time ago and Brooke has my whole heart.

She whispers "you'll do" and everything else fades into the background, our eyes connect and it is just the two of us in this moment.

She is my hearts reason.

"I love you"

"I love you too" her words melt through me, and though I love saying it and love hearing it I don't need the words, sometimes love doesn't need words.

You just feel it.

_Peyton POV_

His words are like a fire in my chest.

He managed to change history, he seemed to forget us and if I didn't know better I would believe his words but I know what we had was something more than what Brooke and Lucas had back then, how can he talk as if they had this great love in high school that overshadowed everything.

That love he talked about is not a real love, that love is not a true love, pretty words, but how can love like that exist.

I know love and I know we are meant to be and to hear him speak to Brooke as if she was his destiny, when once upon a time he called me his destiny, is just somehow unbelievable.

I shake my head.

I brush away at the tears that haven't even fallen and I turn away, I can't be inside at the moment and I can't stand here and listen to the lies and watch as they kiss.

"I thought I smelt whore" a voice breaks into my escape and I turn back around to face Rachel who glares at me with her arms crossed above her heavily pregnant stomach.

She looks angry.

"Hello Rachel, still as bitchy as ever I see"

She shrugs "something's never change. You'll always be that girl, the one who never knows when to hold on and when to let go and I will always be the hot bitch who likes sex, at least I don't pretend to be anything other than what I am"

"Shut up, Rachel, you have no idea what you're talking about, you never have" how Brooke was ever friends with this redheaded bitch I will never know.

"Why are you here because I know for a fact you were not invited? Why are you here in Tree Hill at all? This town was fine without you. It doesn't need another backstabbing bitch moving in"

"Because it already has you. Kicked the habit yet Rach?" as soon as I say the words her eyes harden and her hand covers her stomach.

She just shakes her head and looks at me with something that resembles pity "you can't scare me off with your lame attempt at an insult, unlike some people I choose to not live in the past - I'm clean, married to a man who loves me and we're having a baby, I have my best friends, my career and I'm happy, can you say the same because all I see is the same pathetic whiny Peyton who is trying to make it about herself when it has nothing to do with her. This is Brooke and Lucas' day, so I'll ask you again, why the fuck is your skinny gatecrasher ass here?"

I didn't come here to put up with Rachel.

Why did you come here?

I'm here because…

I need to know.

"Brooke was my best friend a long time before you came into the picture so don't tell me I can't be here" who does she think she is?

She lifts an eyebrow and smirks "_was_ being the point of that statement"

Arghh! I want to just punch her smug face.

I think I would have if we weren't interrupted, I watch on in shock as a familiar face rounded the corner and wrapped his arm around Rachel "honey, what are you doing back here? Mouth and Millie were looking for you"

"Sorry, babe, I was just getting rid of the trash"

"What?" and then he finally looks up and sees me "Peyton?"

Has anything not changed while I was gone?

I haven't seen Cooper Lee since Nathan and Haley's wedding, Nathan's uncle is still as handsome as ever, if anything age suits him.

"Cooper, it's nice to see you again"

"Wha-uh, I didn't know you were here tonight"

I guess no one expects the ex girlfriend to appear at the engagement party, I'm after all the first woman Lucas Scott ever proposed to, that has to mean something.

_Lucas POV_

Grabbing Brooke's hand I lean down to whisper in her ear "let's get out of here" and I feel her suck in a breath as she looks around.

"Luke, we can't just bail" but I can tell by her voice it won't take much persuading.

So I rest my lips against her cheek as I say two sentences that I know will have her wanting to get away from the crowd, she quivers in my arms and for a moment leans her head down on my chest before grabbing my other hand and manoeuvring us through the room.

She seems nervous but all I can think about is slipping that dress off her and showing her how much I love her. Brooke gives a husky chuckle as I haul her out of the room and into the hallway "spare room or closet?" I tease.

When she doesn't answer I look up from her hips which I had been staring at and somehow manage to drag my eyes up her body to her face, she looks so pale and I know something is wrong, I knew something was wrong beforehand by the way her body stilled but still once I see her face I know something is really wrong.

She looks sad and scared all at the same time.

Her eyes aren't on me like I expected instead she's looking at something behind me.

Still holding her hands I spin the top half of my body around.

Peyton.

What is she doing here because I'm pretty sure nobody would have invited her tonight of all nights.

She's looking right at me, I barely see Rachel and Cooper between us, I'm completely focused on Peyton.

What the hell is she doing here?

This is my engagement party to Brooke, this is our night and I don't want Peyton here in front of Brooke, we had managed to put the argument behind us tonight, we hadn't needed to talk about it because Peyton was the last thing on either of our minds when I walked into our bedroom to find Brooke getting ready tonight, we had been too occupied with each other I almost forgot Peyton was even back, I was just relieved to have Brooke back.

And now she's here.

I want to scoop Brooke up and take her away.

Maybe if it was a different situation I could be happy to see Peyton my friend but all I can think of now is that Peyton is the reason Brooke is so insecure, Peyton is the reason why she finds it so hard to trust, and though I know I am a part of that I have tried to be there for Brooke, I have supported her and had been her friend when I couldn't be anything more.

Peyton was too busy thinking about herself to be there for Brooke who had needed her friends so badly and then she had just disappeared.

I don't plan to hurt Brooke ever again and I'm not sure if Peyton has the same intentions.

It's not that I hate her, it's not that I don't love her, she will always be a friend, though I can't help but remember the disaster my other relationships have become due to Peyton, the way she effortlessly seems to destroy the love others have for me.

So I am scared that I may be loosing Brooke and I can't go through that again.

I have felt so good since coming home, tonight had been so good that I don't want it ruined and Peyton has ruined it just by being here now.

I can't get that look of Brooke's out of my head.

Everyone's looking at me waiting to see how I will respond.

If I'm nice they may read it wrong yet Brooke would be angry if I'm not nice either.

I'm trapped.

I don't want to hurt Peyton, I don't want this to be an issue, I don't want Brooke to look at me like she's looking at me.

Though I have to say or do something, everyone's waiting.

"Peyton…

**omfg! trying to do a love speech worthy of Lucas was tough, hope i lived up to him, was inspired by one of the greatest love stories ever Daemon and Jaenelle from BJT. **


	7. Surreal

**disclaimer: i wish i owned it, i really did that way brucas would be a gauranteed endgame and jale would come back and every character would get a happily ever after, but sadly i do not own oth or its characters or much at all really.**

_Brooke POV_

I feel like I'm watching a train wreck.

Lucas doesn't say a thing and I'm not sure how I should take this.

Then I allow my eyes to move from Lucas to Peyton who is just staring at Lucas, the look on her face is so familiar and the feeling I am watching a train wreck jumps a little higher.

Tonight is our night and I can't believe Peyton is here, how did she know? Is her timing that good?

I can't and I won't let this ruin our night, she shouldn't have that power over us anymore.

I look back to Lucas and I wait to see if he'll say or do anything.

And then I realise I don't want him too, not here and not tonight, I don't want him to give into Peyton even if it's a hello, a I love you or a get the hell out of here, this isn't about _her _and she can't make it.

"Peyton…" I say and step next to Lucas, looping our arms as I do, just feeling him touching me gives me the strength to do this "hi, what a surprise, Naley managed to drag you into this and you've only been in town for two days"

Haley would not invite Peyton, I know my best friend and she knows me so if Peyton came it was not by the hosts invitation.

Which just begs the question why she is here and against my will I don't think it's for a good reason, if I could believe she was happy for us I would jump at the chance but I don't and she didn't give me any indication earlier that she was happy for us, she didn't even congratulate me!

"I just couldn't miss this seeing as I was in town" she says to me as her eyes briefly go my way before they zap straight back to Lucas as she gives what I don't know is either a small hopeful smile or a hesitant one "it's good to see you again Lucas"

Lucas mutters a quiet "same" which allows me to let go of the breath I had been holding.

I can tell that even if he said same he is not happy that Peyton is here, for him seeing her again is not a good thing.

We're all silent.

We all do not know what to do.

"Well we better get back to everyone, the parties in there not out here" and I think my laugh is believable, or at least half believable.

Lucas puts his hand to my lower back and leads me back into the room.

Shame, I had been looking forward to our little meeting, I guess we still have the rest of the night.

Rachel comes to my side and walks with us, she whispers down in my ear "what are you doing?"

I whisper back "trying to avoid a scene, I don't want tonight to be about Peyton, I refuse to give her that satisfaction"

"Don't worry, in this family we look out for each other, if that Psych Ho steps one bulimic foot out of line I'll make sure she regrets waking up"

"Rachel… thankyou but please no scenes"

"Oh don't worry about me… I'm just going to go have a chat with Haley" and she quickly walks off.

Damn.

Haley is tame most of the time but when she's not boy is she not, and I know that no matter how bitchy Rachel can get I should worry more about Haley.

If Peyton does step out of line she may be surprised just how much Tree Hill really has changed while she was gone, nobody has my back like Haley does.

Three years is a lot of years for friendships to change, strengthen or drift apart, the dynamics of our group have changed. A group she is no longer part of.

I hope Haley doesn't do anything.

I hope Peyton doesn't do anything.

I hope Lucas and I can get that feeling from two minutes ago back.

This is ridiculous - I shouldn't let her get to us.

I stop Lucas, he looks down at me and I know he is trying to read me so I lean up and kiss his cheek cupping his face as I move away "stop worrying, I am fine. This will be fine, she changes nothing, I am so sorry about this morning I was just reverting back to the teenager I use to be but I trust you Luke, I trust in my fiancé and in our love and I know that nothing that happens tonight will break that trust"

And he smiles, his face just breaks into a big happy smile.

He's just as insecure as me but together we can get through this.

Together we can do anything.

_Peyton POV_

The moment Lucas stepped into the hall my eyes soaked him in, every little inch of him, the moment I saw him I felt safe, my purpose is back.

I do love him.

I do love him.

I love him I feel it at the edge of my heart; it's like a buzzing in my chest.

But now as I watch Lucas and Brooke on the other side of the room I think back to that moment when our eyes connected and I feel even more emotion during the scene. Yet I frown, he had looked at me so strangely, his eyes so blank that I couldn't decipher what he was thinking or feeling.

I notice his eyes keep finding me, he will pause for a moment every now and then and search the room, once he finds me his attention strays back to where he actually was.

He's thinking about me.

Did he fel how right it was when he first saw me, did his heart thump as every time he looks at me tonight does he remember something else, does he remember me and wonder what life could have been like if it was me by his side?

Does he remember our love?

I look up from Skills who I was talking to and my eyes hit Lucas who is watching me and I smile.

He remembers.

_Lucas POV_

I keep my hand on Brooke's back, I barely understand the words she is saying all I hear is her voice, its husky tone a comfort for me.

It soothes me.

My mother looks at us with a proud smile and I smile back, I not only have the greatest fiancé a guy could dream of but I also have the best mother a person could ask for.

There I had been shocked at the realisation that my heart had never let go of Brooke and that I was falling in love with her all over again, and for a second time in my life I hadn't seen it coming.

For a long time I hadn't been able to voice my feelings or my thoughts, the idea was just too shocking, I think it shocked both Brooke and I when we found ourselves in that dance again, fighting our feelings and trying to hold onto the friendship we had yet both knowing deep down we were far more than friends.

The thing was it didn't seem to shock others, not Nathan and Haley, not Mouth and Millie, not Rachel or Jamie, and it seemed that the person happiest about our reunion, even happier than Brooke and I, was my mother. Least shocked out of everyone Mom had been thrilled, she said she had been waiting for this day and had always secretly hoped that we would remember that once upon a time we completed each other like no one else could.

She has always believed in us.

And now she is our biggest supporter, I can't thank Mom enough for everything she has done for not only us but for Brooke.

I will never forget after we announced our engagement Mom pulling me aside and warning me that if I screwed things up again with Brooke she would hunt me down and teach me a lesson, she warned that if I hurt Brooke for one moment then I would have more than just Brooke to answer too.

… _Do you love her Luke?_

_Mom, I love her more than I ever thought I could love a person, she is my everything._

_Good, Luke, but for gods sake never let her doubt it and this time please don't let that amazing girl go again._

_Never…_

I will never let her go again. I don't have it in me to.

My eyes search the room and I look through the crowd until I spot Peyton talking to Skills.

She's on the other side of the room; I keep making sure she is nowhere near us, I want to avoid her with everyone around, I don't want Brooke to feel cornered or uncomfortable so I keep making sure Peyton is as far away as possible.

Brooke might have invited Peyton to join us but I know she only did it to ease the transition, she felt as trapped as I had, and I know she does want Peyton here but she wants the Peyton that she remembered as her best friend, her sister, her family, and that kept her polite, that kept her hopeful.

I'm okay with that Peyton being here but she is not that Peyton, not completely, I didn't like that look in her eye or on her face when she saw me, it is all too familiar and I don't want _that_ Peyton here for Brooke tonight.

So I make sure she is nowhere near us.

Peyton lifts her head and sees me looking at her, she smiles.

Is hate too strong a word to use for that smile, I want to tell her I don't want that smile, she can take it and shove it where the sun doesn't shine, take back her smile and her attitude and leave me the hell alone.

I turn back to look at my mother, I tighten my hold on Brooke.

She leans against me all of a sudden, and my arm wraps around her, I look down at her face and notice her eyes are shut.

Brooke looks exhausted.

"You okay?"

She opens her eyes and looks up at me with a smile in her eyes "I'm fine. I think I've had too much champagne" and she gives a little laugh. I look down at her untouched glass in her hand and raise my eyebrow. She just smiled again and puts the glass down before turning back to me, she straightened my tie and smoothed down my jacket "I am fine, I'm just going to go get a drink of water ad freshen up" and then she stretches up and gives me a peck on the cheek.

I watch her walk away from me, she seems to be walking a little too fast like she is in a hurry, why does she want to get away from me?

My eyes go back to Peyton who was watching us.

Stop smiling.

I quickly look to my mother who seemed to follow Brooke's departure with a worried frown "she's fine Mom" I tell her and I repeat it again "she's fine" and I don't know if I'm trying to convince my mother or myself.

_Brooke's POV_

I raise my head from the bathroom sink after splashing my face ad I stare into my eyes.

Tonight, today, no the last two days, have not gone to plan.

None of it was meant to be like this.

I roll my eyes at my reflection and turn away.

Getting back my nerve I stand up straight and put on a smile.

_Lucas POV_

I touch my mothers arm "I'm going to go see what is taking Brooke so long" my worry had grown as the minutes ticked by.

Mom pats my arm as a walk away and I make my way through the crowd. I slip out of the room and start to walk down the hall when somebody grabs my arm.

Before I turn around I know who it is.

"Peyton, not now, I'm looking for my fiancé"

_Peyton POV_

My eyes follow Lucas as he goes to leave the room, I excuse myself from Skills claiming I need to use the bathroom and go in the direction Lucas went.

The moment I reach him I grab his arm.

This is my chance.

"Peyton, not now, I'm looking for my fiancé" his words slash at me, he sounds tired.

"That could have been me" I say without thinking.

He finally turns to look at me "no it couldn't have been"

His expressions are so much harder to read these days, I search his face and come to the conclusion he is hurting, I don't want him to hurt "I just want to talk, Luke, is that too much to ask?"

Lucas' eyes dance around the room and then they fall back to me, there is a resolution in his eyes like he's made up his mind "not here" he says and grabs my arm leading me upstairs.

_Brooke POV_

The moment I step out of the bathroom I see Lucas grab Peyton's arm and lead her upstairs and my smile falters.

My hands start fiddling with each other as I just stand there.

I close my eyes and remember that I trust Lucas and that everything is going to be okay.

It has to be okay.

But then the scene flashes before my eyes again.

I suck in a breath.

"Brooke are you okay?" Haley's voice breaks into my thoughts and I open my eyes to see her standing in front of me.

"Hey Teacher Girl, I'm fine, everything is fine, why wouldn't it be fine" I even sound crazy to myself.

She lifts her eyebrow and suddenly I can't do this anymore.

I turn and run.

I push the glass doors open and feel the cool night air enter my lungs, the tears fall and I can't seem to stop it.

Haley's arm wraps around my shoulder and I turn into the embrace, she pulls me into a tight hug and starts humming.

It sounds like a lullaby.

Time seems to go so slowly.

"Brooke are you going to tell me what is going on because if this is about Peyton then I'm going to go-"

I laugh, it's harsh and broken, I love Haley, she is the best sister I could have. Pulling away I wipe my eyes, her arm is still around me, I look at her and smile "this isn't about Peyton, this is about Lucas and me, or just me, it's about everything I guess… I don't know why I'm crying"

"Talk to me"

"Everything suddenly got so messed up, I thought I had my life sorted out and then you call and tell me Peyton's back and everything seems to just crumble down and I'm feeling things that I don't want to feel and I don't know why I'm feeling them, it's not Lucas' fault and it's not even really her fault, it's me and I want it to stop but I just _can't_"

I shake my head and look away; I look out at the stars.

How did my life get to this point?

I feel Haley rubbing my back "are you having second thoughts?" she asks.

No, of course not, well not really.

I turn back to her "No, No, No, I love Lucas and I love our life together. He means the world to me and the idea of loosing him again scares the shit out of me"

"You will not loose him" Haley shouts.

I know that.

I do.

I really do.

"This is just bad timing, Peyton always did have bad timing"

"I know, what were the chances she came just in time to crash your engagement party, I swear Brooke if I had known she would show up…" she doesn't finish, I'm shaking my head.

"It's not that" I say and walk out of her arms and over to the balcony rail, the chill evades my body and I welcome it.

Haley steps closer "Brooke?"

I smile nervously, I know I have to do this, I have to tell someone "I'm pregnant"

I still can't believe it myself. I Brooke Davis soon to be Scott am finally going to be a mother, in nine months time I will be holding my baby in my arms, my baby boy or girl who was crated out of the love Lucas and I share.

"I'm having a baby" and my face breaks out in a grin. Haley's eyes widen and her mouth drops, she just stands there a moment before giving herself a little shake and closing the gap between us she threw her arms around me.

"Brooke, oh my god, that is great" she lets go and playfully slaps my arm "I can't believe you didn't tell me"

"I wanted to so badly, I haven't even told Lucas yet, it all just happened so fast"

I still really can't believe it, the doctor had to tell me five time before I had believed him, it's just simply amazing.

Haley is grinning "Luke will be thrilled. Tell me everything, when did you find out?"

I give a half shrug "yesterday. I had no idea and when the doctor told me I almost fainted, I was so happy and then I got home" I roll my eyes trying to pretend it was nothing though I know she won't buy it and she doesn't need me to finish. I see the understanding look in her eyes.

"Then you got home and the phone was ringing, oh Brooke, you had it right, she does have the worst timing"

It should have been the happiest day of my life and somehow Peyton had managed to shadow it, I should have been able to tell Lucas but when I tell him and when I see the realisation hit his face and that beautiful smile take over I don't want anything to shadow that moment, I don't want the day he finds out e is going to be a father linked at all to Peyton or anybody else but us.

She must have some sort of beeper that goes off and tells her when the perfect timing to come back and ruin things is.

Haley holds me by my upper arms and smiles as big as she can "who cares, nothing else matters" her grin gets bigger if that is even possible "Brooke, you're having a baby. This is what you and Lucas wanted, it's a dream come true. A baby Brooke, a baby"

A baby.

It just makes everything a little bit better.

We really are going to get our dream.

_Uh-um... we're going to be a power couple, he's going to be a famous novelist and I'm going to have a fabulous fashion line._

_- but we're still going to have time to have a big family._

_Two boys and a girl._

_And I'll coach little league_

_- ooh and I'll bake treats for the team...or buy them._

_And then we'll spend our summer in our beach house_

_And winter in the south of France_

_It won't matter where we are as long as we're together._

**love the response i got from the last chapter, hopefully this one gets a even better one lol hint hint, please review, you know you want to.**

**hehehe... did you like my twist, brooke said peyton not lucas, but don't worry he will be having words with peyton next chapter, after all they did go upstairs, if you're curious to know what happened then next chapter will answer your questions.**


	8. Reflections

**Disclaimer: I do not own OTH or its characters or this addictive love triangle from hell. Any rumours to the contrary are simple lies, all lies, just like Leyton.**

_Brooke POV_

A baby.

It is just really hard to believe, I have wanted to be a mother for so many years, it was my biggest desire and I had been willing to do it alone but it never seemed to work out and then Lucas and I got back together and everything started falling into place. We discussed children, we discussed those two boys and a girl we had joked about years before when it wasn't even a possibility, and we had decided that our wedding night would be the perfect night to start trying for a family.

Fate had other plans.

Here I am pregnant and though it's a few months shy of the wedding I am so happy because this is it, this is the sign I was waiting for.

I can't wait to see that look on Lucas' face when I tell him he is going to be a father that our child is growing inside me.

He's going to flip – in a good way.

"I can't wait to tell him Hales, I can't wait to see his eyes light up. All I have to do now is figure out the how and when"

"I advice not to just blurt it out, savour the moment, I wish I could take back how I told Nathan about Jamie… but anyway look how well that turned out, everything was fine so I'm sure it won't matter how you tell him. Oh my god Brooke you're gong to be a Mom" Haley holds my hands and gives a little squeal.

"I know" and I squeal back.

She hugs me again and then pulls back with a frown "where is Lucas anywhere? It's like he just disappeared" and as soon as Haley says it I remember what I had seen.

I try to turn my eyes blank so Haley can't read me and I smile "oh he'll be around, I'm sure, come on lets get back to the party" and I loop my arm with hers to take her back.

I am alright with this, I really am.

Okay so when I first say Lucas grab Peyton's arm and take her upstairs I admit my stomach fell but then I reminded myself about who Lucas is and what we have and the promise I made to him not to long ago.

Nothing that happens tonight will change the fact I trust and love him.

I know that there is a reason why Lucas is with Peyton and I know it won't change us and so I can step back and wait for him to return to my side.

I owe him my trust.

I owe him the chance to deal with Peyton by himself without letting it destroy us because he deserves to not let it ruin our night, better its out of the way than it is there all night so the sooner he puts Peyton behind him – no matter what that entails – the sooner she's not between us and he's back to me.

Hurry back to my side Luke, I need you.

We walk back into the main room and I see Haley look around with a frown, she's searching for Lucas and I know I have to distract her, god knows what she will do if she realises Peyton and Lucas are both missing, but she won't understand that this has to happen that I really am okay with it.

I barely understand it.

Hurry back to my side Luke.

_Lucas POV_

As soon as we walk into the room I turn to Peyton.

"Why are you back?"

I need to know why, I need to know she is not going to take Brooke from me or hurt her and I need to know she has moved on.

Most of all I want that look to leave her face.

No matter how angry I am I don't want to hurt Peyton but I simply do not feel the same way about her that I use to, I am not in love with her and I am starting to question if I ever really was.

And if it's between hurting Brooke or hurting Peyton it's the girl in front of me that will loose out.

She goes to take hold of my arm and I instinctively step back moving out of her reach, her eyes shadow over and I can tell I've already hurt her.

"Why are you back?" I repeat growing more frustrated.

"This is my home, everyone I love is here"

Yeah, and we have been here all along, what suddenly changed after three years that makes her suddenly decide that she had to come home "that didn't stop you staying away the last three years"

"I miss you" she says straight away.

She misses me.

_She misses me_.

I feel my jaw drop "that's nice Peyton but I _don't _miss you, I stopped missing you a long time ago"

I see it slash at her, she winces and her voice sounds unbelievably whiny to me when she responds "you don't mean that"

But the thing is I do mean it. I really don't miss her anymore, there was a time when I missed the old Peyton, the girl who was my friend but I moved on, I have friends and family and most of all I have Brooke, I simply moved on.

I look at Peyton standing in front of me and I feel nothing for this woman I see.

Nothing.

"What did you expect Peyton? That you could go away and then come back and nothing would change, things change, I moved on, I moved on a long time ago but you never seem to see that" I didn't mean to say that last bit but I just want her to let go.

"Some things never change" she says in a steely voice.

And she's right, some things never change, some things can't change.

"I don't know why you are here, I don't know why you are looking at me the way you are looking at me or telling me you miss me but if it is because you think that there is any chance for us to be anything more than friends then you are crazy. I am in love with Brooke; I am crazy madly in love with Brooke Davis and _that _will never change"

"And me? What about us and what we have?" did she always sound this way?

I shake my head "there is no us, I haven't seen you in years, what we had is over if we ever really had it in the first place"

_Peyton POV_

_If we ever really had it in the first place._

"What is that suppose to mean?"

Sorry but what the hell is he talking about, how can he stand there in front of me and tell me that he is madly in love with Brooke Davis after everything we have been through, how can he act as if we are nothing?

We are not over, we will never be over.

I've been here before, I've listened to this before with Lindsay and he's wearing that same look, he's trying to fight us but deep down he knows just I like do that we are meant to be together.

"Peyton, didn't you ever wonder if there was something more? Didn't you ever wonder how come it didn't hurt more when we walked away from each other? I was lost and I was hurting and I was confused, you were everything I thought I wanted and thought I needed but the truth is it should have hurt more and it didn't"

What?

His voice is softer as he speaks, and as I watch him I see that he isn't planning these words, he looks like he's thinking as he speaks. I take a step back.

"I loved you Peyton, a part of me will always love you-" I smile at his words, this is better "- but I'm not in love with you, I thought I was but a few years ago I was asked to stop hiding my heart and I didn't at first, it took me a long time but finally I started thinking and then I stopped thinking and I just felt. Being with you was great, it was safe and happy and warm, but it wasn't everything and it took me a long time to realise the difference" his voice is so calm and still, I don't like it, I don't like this or what he is saying.

I don't like it because maybe just maybe a little part of me agrees.

Maybe it should have hurt more, but I would like to think that it's because I knew that we would find out way back to each other.

_Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love, to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted and if having that is tragic then give me tragedy because I wouldn't give it back for the world._

I shake the memory of my own words away.

I will not think about it.

"The difference of what?" I ask confused stepping closer this time.

He takes a step closer too as he looks into my eyes, those intense blue orbs staring inside me "the difference of being in love, a love that is everything, a love that I feel to the core of me and that never goes away no matter how much I cover it up or bury it, a love that never fades or alters, one where it hurts but one I can't live without even if it hurts… I found it, Brooke means everything to me, I went looking for love and I found it right where I left it and the truth is it never really went away, it was waiting for me to remember, waiting for a time when I _we _were ready to feel what we were feeling to its full capacity" his voice goes off and he isn't looking at me anymore, he's looking into space and I realise he's thinking about Brooke.

He's thinking about Brooke.

My eyes close and suddenly I'm standing back in the living room waiting for Haley, I'm looking down at the picture of Brooke and Lucas smiling at each other.

I hate that damn smile.

I hate it because he never smiled like that at me.

_Brooke POV_

I'm standing in the corner with Jamie, Nathan, Mouth and the twins when my eyes catch something.

A formation that sends my stomach falling but I know it's too late.

They finally noticed, the Peyton watch out got together and clicked that Peyton was no longer in the room and neither was Lucas.

I look up at the ceiling knowing somewhere above the crowd my fiancé is with his former girl friend, my former best friend, and now my family is about to go looking for them and I am too far away to stop this.

My feet go to move, one foot steps forward as Haley leads Rachel, Millie, Karen and Laurie out of the room but then I freeze.

Peyton's had long enough.

So I let them go.

And I smile up at Nathan, Brian wiggles in my arms and I look down at my godson, soon I'm going to be holding my own son or daughter, Brian rest his head against my shoulder and I look back at Nathan "we're on your side" he says.

And I know that they noticed what I noticed, the girls were on the move, I look between Mouth and Nathan who both wear knowing looks "are you two meant to be distracting me?" I accuse.

Nathan shrugs "we're not doing anything" he says innocently and I laugh, I am lucky to have such an amazing family.

Strange how we all know what is going on but all the other guests are completely unaware that something far bigger is happening tonight.

"Lucas can handle her" I say.

Nathan nods and looks out the side of his eyes as he replies "so can Haley" and then he takes a sip of his drink and smiles back at me.

It's too late now.

_Peyton POV_

How could it all go so wrong, he is meant to see me and remember. I need him to remember, I need Lucas to love me.

I need Lucas to love me.

"I love you" the words are out of my mouth, I can't control them.

He looks at me sadly, sadly? "No you don't" and he shakes his head "how can you love me, you don't even know me anymore".

Don't tell me how I feel.

Don't tell me I don't love you.

Don't tell me you don't love me.

Don't say it was all nothing.

Please Lucas, love me back.

"I love you, I do, I love you Lucas and I know that you love me, don't you remember what it was like. You don't have to marry her" haven't I spoken these words before? "If you love me choose me, marry me"

I would do anything at the moment to hear him say he loves me again.

"Peyton! I love Brooke"

No.

And then I kiss him.

My feet moved without me even thinking and I'm throwing my arms around his neck and placing my lips on his I kiss him.

I kiss him as if my life depends on it.

I close my eyes and I kiss him.

He doesn't kiss me back, his hands grip my hips hard and he's pulling me away, he rips away from me.

_Rips_ himself away from me.

And I feel empty.

I'm too late.

I am too late.

You're pretty much screwed when they stop missing you.

_Lucas POV_

"I love you, I do, I love you Lucas and I know that you love me, don't you remember what it was like. You don't have to marry her, if you love me choose me, marry me"

I would do anything at the moment to have her take those words back.

Because I know how much she means to Brooke and because Peyton is still Peyton and for her sake I want her to take those words back.

I want her to understand she can't come in and out of our lives and expect to play with our hearts and for things to never change. She can't expect to get away with walking in and out and expect us to feel the same way.

Because we don't.

"Peyton! I love Brooke"

And then before I even realise what is happening she is throwing herself at me, wrapping her arms around and kissing me.

The thing is I feel nothing.

I could laugh.

I feel nothing, this is not what you feel when you kiss a person you are in love with, I know that.

Kissing Brooke is so much more.

This is nothing.

I put my hands on her hips and push her away as a tear myself away from her.

My voice is quiet and confident as I look her straight in the eye and repeat my words "I love Brooke and I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be, no that is a lie, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry at all. I don't know why you are back Peyton but I hope for your sake that it is not because of me because it means nothing to me and it changes nothing for me, I love Brooke and she _will _be my wife"

Brooke.

I need to hold her, kiss her and love her.

I need to get her taste back to my lips.

It's over with Peyton, it is really over, I have said everything I need to say, I have made myself clear.

A weight leaves me. I can finally put her behind me, I have finally said the words to her I should have said years ago. Maybe I should be upset, I don't know, but I am not upset, I feel free, I feel relief and happy and surer than I have ever felt.

I could laugh but instead I smile.

_Peyton POV_

He gives a stupid smile, one too big for his face.

All I thought is being shattered.

All my dreams squashed.

All I knew questioned.

I love Lucas and he is smiling as he walks away from me again and this time it's for good.

What can I say to get him to turn back around, to get him to not walk away?

I love you was not enough.

My heart was not enough.

What words can I find to get him to not open that door and leave me standing here alone?

_Don't go._

_Stay._

_True love always._

_What do I do now?_

_Don't go._

_Don't leave me, you are not meant to leave me_.

Lucas, you are not meant to leave me.

The words don't leave my throat, I say nothing and I just stand there heart broken as he turns away, walks to the door and then it is shut and I am alone.

Alone.

What is new about that?

_Lucas POV_

Once I shut the door I start laughing.

This feels good.

Now I want to find Brooke.

I push away from the door and my eyes lift, Haley is standing a metre away, a broad smile on her face, she walks right up to me and gives me a hug "I'm proud of you" she whispers into my ear.

"Thanks Hales, now I'm going to go find my fiancé, I have been away from her too long"

She smiles at me and pats my back, nothing else is said.

I go to Brooke.

_Peyton POV_

The door opens behind me, I turn with Lucas' name on my lips but its not Lucas who steps into the room, it is Haley.

Then Rachel follows, Millie and Karen come next and last is a woman I do not know, she's a tall curvaceous Latina.

The firing squad.

That is the phrase that enters my head. They don't look happy, Haley looks angry and her arms are folded, Rachel is fierce and she has an eyebrow raised, Karen looks disappointed, Millie stubborn and the other woman has a hand on her hip and looks ready for battle.

"This is not on Peyton, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and I thought maybe you had matured but then you come here uninvited tonight and I think we all know it wasn't to say congratulations" Haley speaks.

I don't need this, I already heard what Lucas said and I don't need team Brooke up here to rub it in because I realise that is what they are, they are team Brooke here to make sure I'm not going to cause trouble.

"You don't need to warn me away, I heard it loud and clear from Lucas, okay, you don't need to rub it in"

"That is not what we're doing" Karen answers and Rachel scoffs "speak for yourself".

She is such a bitch.

"I didn't come back for Lucas, okay, is that what you want to hear, fine, I didn't come back for Lucas, I'm not here for Lucas and Brooke and him can live happily ever after, happy?"

"No. We're not happy Peyton, you come back into town and you crash Lucas' engagement party, you tell him you love him and you kiss him – yes we saw and heard that" Haley shakes her head in disgust "you can't keep doing this" she adds on.

"I am not doing anything" I yell.

Rachel walks up to me and I step back, her face comes right up to mine "back off" I say.

"Make me"

Haley gets between us and pulls Rachel away from me, the redhead doesn't look like she will give up and Haley keeps a hand on Rachel's shoulder.

I go to leave and Haley's other hand stops me by going to my shoulder "where do you think you're going?" her voice is harsh as she flashes her eyes at me.

"I'm going, isn't that what you want, for me to conveniently go away again so _Brucas _is safe"

"Sorry, I don't know you-" the woman I don't know says and I turn to look at her "-but from what I just heard Brooke has nothing to worry about"

"Like you said _you _don't know me" I shoot back.

"But I know Lucas and Brooke"

"Laurie, don't bother, this bitch doesn't understand the meaning of the word friendship" Rachel cuts in and Haley glares at the red head "Rachel!"

I smile but my smile slips when Haley turns back to me "don't you smile. I want you out of my house and I want you to think about what it means to be a friend before you come back into our lives thinking you can do anything you damn well please"

"Then let me go and I'll go"

She looks at me as if she's trying to figure something out "you still don't get it do you? You still don't get that what you did is wrong?" and she lowers her arm.

I love Lucas, is it so terrible that I wanted another chance to know if we could make it work, is it so terrible that I needed to know if he still loved me "I needed to know if he still loves me" and the moment the words leave my mouth Haley's hand meets my cheek.

The slap takes me by shock "don't you dare pretend you are anything other than the back stabbing bitch you are, Peyton. Brooke and Lucas are engaged and you go kiss him and tell him you love him even after he said he wasn't interested, it was wrong, okay, wrong no matter why you did it. God! We are not in high school anymore. You can't just go around ruining relationships, ruining _families_"

_Don't you dare! Don't you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are not a backstabbing, two-faced bitch, Peyton, because you are and you know it. _

I can hear the echo of Brooke's words as Haley glares at me.

"Get out of my house" she states again.

And as she steps back I look at all the women staring at me and I wonder what I must look like to them.

A backstabbing, two-faced bitch.

I walk around Haley and leave the room.

This is not what I expected when I drove into Tree Hill yesterday morning; it is not what I expected at all.

**I know that chapter didn't have much Brucas in and the next one will be different promise. And if you are wondering who Laurie is she's Skills significant other in this story. I wasn't sure about this chapter, its not really what I wanted or how I planned for it to turn out, but the Leyton confrontation was one of the first scenes that came into my head when this story first came into my mind, I had it all worked out but it was so long ago and my memory sucks so by the time I got to this chapter it was gone and I know I liked my original Leyton confrontation so I doubt I would be happy with it no matter how this one came out because it just doesn't match up to what I originally envisioned for it. But hopefully it is not as bad as my biased mind thinks it is. Thanx for getting this far and thank you to everyone who reviewed or is about to. Luv Mickei.**


	9. Heart Beat

**Disclaimer: own nothing**

**This is a quick little chapter which took me a while to write, so I am truly sorry for the delay, but what can I say, I woke up this morning grabbed my laptop and it just came to me. It's quick and is some Brucas after that lack of Brucas is the last chapter. Hope you enjoy the latest chapter, warning I think this chapter tests the bounds of my rating of this story, it's a little more… warmer… than the previous ones.**

_Brooke POV_

I feel his eyes on me first and then an arm wraps itself around my middle and he pulls me back against his body, I sink into the embrace and roll my head back to lean on his chest, a contented smile stills my lips.

There is a wonderful feeling that seeps through my body every time he touches me and holds me, I can't really describe it. I guess the closest thing I can say is it feels like I am home only ten times more amazing.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

He leans his chin over my shoulder "more than okay, everything is perfect" and then he places a soft kiss to my cheek.

Yeah everything is perfect; I have the man I love, a family I adore and the baby I have desired for so long is safe and sound growing inside me. Everything is perfect.

"Dance with me" his words break into my thoughts, and I turn in his arms and look into his eyes, and then I smile. He holds out his hand and I have no choice, I take it willingly and follow my fiancé out onto the dance floor where couples are rocking together.

As the next song begins he turns around and brings me back into his arms "have I told you lately how amazing you are?"

"You might have mentioned it… Lucas, you know you can tell me anything"

"I know and I will but for now all I want to do is dance with my pretty girl"

So we dance.

_Lucas POV_

There is something about holding Brooke, of feeling her in my arms which just transcends everything else. This feeling I get when I hold her is one of the best feelings there is, it's bliss, it's so… how can I describe it other than to say that when I hold Brooke I feel like I am holding my whole world in my arms. It simply feels amazing. Like I am home. Holding Brooke has always been like this, from the very beginning she made me feel this way, it has only gotten stronger over the years making it that much more special with each embrace.

How can a hug mean so much?

I don't know it simply does. It always has. If I think back on my life so many things stand out, so many moments and among them all are my Brooke hugs.

Dancing with Brooke I rest my cheek against her soft dark hair, close my eyes and breathe in her scent, and I remember the time I've held her before, they come rushing to me.

When Nathan was in hospital after the car accident I practically fell into Brooke arms and she made everything seem a little bit better, she gave me hope and comfort, she gave me love even though I had not admitted to her yet how much she meant for me, even after all the pain I had caused her she still was there for me.

Smiling Brooke holding out her arms and wrapping them around me when I surprised her by giving her my room because I was not yet ready to loose her, which is all I could ask in return for that gesture, a hug was thanks enough. A hug from Brooke is always perfect.

The sweet release of holding her in my arms before she left for the summer not long afterwards, the cab waiting outside I had felt Brooke about to leave my life and I had not wanted to let go, holding her and smelling her scent I had never wanted to let go. That hug had ended in a bittersweet kiss that shocked me as much as her, with tears in our eyes I had confessed my desire to be with her. What I would have given to have one last hug before she walked out that door.

In the same room three months later was an easy hug, a returning hug that gave me hope that everything between us would be okay. I would get Brooke back.

That terrible day I lost Keith, my true father, we fell into each others arms, holding onto each other like a lifeline. Brooke was safe, what more could I ask for. Brooke was everything when she was in my arms, she could make everything else disappear.

Our last dance, our last kiss, though they were not our last that is how I feel about Nathan and Haley's second wedding. It was the end for us and there was a sadness and resolution that day as I held her in my arms and felt her press a kiss to my lips. I never wanted to let go and I knew I had to. If only I hadn't, I could have danced that dance forever and it still wouldn't have been long enough.

Senior year while I was dating Peyton standing in that empty room I held Brooke who was at the time just my friend, yet still holding her was one of the best feelings, she was going to change the world someday, she's already changed mine.

With the world spinning around me it had balanced the moment I had my arms around Brooke that night in New York, it made everything else fade to the background, all that mattered was that Brooke was in my arms, she was holding me. Nothing else seemed important. Maybe it was that night I shouldn't have let go? Maybe I should have realised then what Brooke meant to me after that one embrace and later when I kissed her in my hotel room Peyton had not been on my mind, O had wanted to kiss Brooke all night too afraid what it meant, too scared to admit it even to myself. And I had gotten drunk as I looked for an excuse, and when she pulled away from me I felt my world unbalance again, as I looked into her eyes at the emotions she was trying to hide I knew I could not do this to her, I couldn't hurt her again. So I let her go.

Years later I walked into my room and seeing Brooke on my bed I couldn't help but smile, Brooke, my Brooke, was back. That look in her eyes that I couldn't yet place immediately lit up, her face lit up, I'm sure mine did too. I held out my arms because that is where she belongs, that is what I need from her, and she walked into them. Returning home. We wouldn't say it was love, we wouldn't say it meant anything, it was friendship, it was pure and innocent, it was right – it was everything.

Jamie's fifth birthday, she knew I needed that hug and it did more for me than her words ever could. It still had the power to make everything okay, to make it all make sense, to balance me, and I had watched her walk off after she let go amazed by her and what her hugs could do for me. I think that is the moment I subconsciously recognised it was Brooke. That she was the one, that my heart never fully let go of her. I couldn't admit it though, not yet, not when two other women also held a part of my heart.

She fell into my arms at the hospital with tears in her eyes for Angie that baby girl who brought Brooke and me closer. This time I held her and kept her up, I should have realised then it was where I belonged. I should have admitted I loved her when I turned the corner and saw her and my heart stopped, I should have admitted it when my feet went to her of their own accord.

And how can I forget seeing her through the crowd at the airport, of the ache in my heart that seemed to lessen and grow as I held the devastated beauty in my arms.

How can I forget the fight that was the result of me admitting my love for her, her small fists banging at my chest asking me to deny something I had finally stopped denying and then her fists and anger were gone and I was just holding her as she cried, holding her as she broke down in my arms.

The day I gave her Eli, the day I showed up at her door and told her I was not going anywhere and neither was my love. The day the sun shone brightly as I handed her the puppy and told Brooke that I wanted my life with her, my future, home and family to be her. And then I smiled before turning on my heels and walking away leaving her with my words and promise. I heard her run towards me and with a sigh of relief I had turned only for her to jump at me and wrap her arms around my neck, her face buried there as well, her lips resting below my ear. What could I do but hold her. This is definitely the hug I remember the most, the one I hold closest to my heart. It's the beginning of the light.

It's what got me here.

The song will end soon and I guess I will have to let her go, I can't do it and even as the music quietens I sway to a sound that is no longer there. We dance into the next song and then the next and then the next.

_Brooke POV_

The night was perfect.

As we walk inside our home and shut the door behind us I kick off my heels and drop my purse, I am so tired I could just collapse and fall straight to sleep.

Sighing I pause by the stairs and just stand there relaxing and I close my eyes to soak in the peace and quiet.

I feel him behind me, Lucas walks towards me and wraps his arms around my waist from behind, I wrap my arms around his as our heads adjust so our cheeks rest gently against each other. We rock once, twice, before we are still in a hold that is familiar to us. I couldn't count how many times we have stood like this.

"Remind me to thank Haley" I whisper with a smile remembering the last few hours and the happiness I had felt surrounded by the people I love the most.

Lucas gave my cheek a kiss and I smile again as he says "you thanked her before they kicked us out"

"Well remind me not to thank her for interrupting our dance then" I'm only half joking. I understand why Naley finally kicked us out when we were the only two people still there dancing to a music that had been softened. Haley had been yawning, Nathan had been exhausted. Still I hadn't been ready to leave yet "I wasn't ready to let you go"

"I wasn't ready to be let go of" he mumbled in my ear and gives the spot beneath it a kiss that causes shivers to run down my spine and heat to build up in my stomach and before I can even decently respond to what he was doing to me Lucas was spinning me around and grabbing my hands putting us in a dancing position.

I chuckle as he begins the steps and though I follow I feel slightly silly dancing when there is no music "Lucas, please, there is no music, I feel ridiculous" I manage to get out between my laughing and he smiles at me.

Our eyes meet and my laughter stops at that powerful expression in his eyes, the one that tells me he loves me.

My breath hitches and my palms feel damp, I could get lost in that look.

One hand moves from my hip and cups my cheek, our eyes still locked together I am mesmerized by him. I could look into his eyes forever yet they close as he lowers his head and kisses my lips pulling my body against him as we continue to sway to the silence.

When Lucas slowly parts our lips the hand cupping my cheek leads my head to rest against his chest where I could feel his heart beating rapidly "can you hear my heart?" he asks.

I nod and then whisper a quiet yes.

I can't see his face though I know he is smiling, I can feel his lips curl and I can feel his heart pick up more speed in a steady rhythm. His arms our now interlocked behind me and mine are wrapped around his chest, my fingers resting on the other side of his shoulders.

Our feet are still moving to those steps, our bodies still swaying together in the dance and after a moments pause after my yes I hear him reply.

"That's our song, just listen to my heart".

_Lucas POV_

We continue to dance around our living room and I don't know how long it is before our dance slowly begins to change.

My hands began to stroke up and down her back and then explore the rest of her body; her hands were doing the same. How my shirt became unbuttoned I can't remember but I do know she is now pulling it out of my pants, then her fingers walk up my chest causing me to sunk in a breath as my body started to respond to this seductive dance and by the time her hands are to my shoulder sand sliding off my shirt I don't know how long I can last for.

When did I close my eyes?

I don't know the answer to that question yet my eyes are closed and all I can do is feel, I feel her zip underneath my fingers and a slowly inch by inch bring it down as we sway to our heart beats.

The dress drops and I can hear it fall to the ground, now my hands go down Brooke's bare back, feeling the softness of her silky skin. She shivers beneath my touch as I meet the dip at the bottom of her back and I lift her up in my arms spinning her around to abandon the dress on the floor as her legs fling up behind her. Are we still dancing?

Yes it appears we are.

Her feet our now standing on my shoes as if I was dancing with a child as we spin around the room, her deep laugh feels the air sending my heart even further down into my chest.

"Lucas this isn't a fair dance" her husky tone whispers tickling my neck and sending all the blood in my body south.

I open my eyes and look down into her big eyes that now are looking up at me dark with desire that can only be mirrored in my own, and as I cup her breast in my palms her own hands are working on my belt and removing it. I hear the clank as it falls to the ground, perhaps near the discarded shirt.

Thumbs inside my trousers and boxers she pulls them down with one quick move, I shake them off and kick off my shoes in a move I can't help but feel would look so inelegant compared to everything else.

Now completely naked I pull her back against my body to continue this dance that had changed so much, her arms automatically wrap back around my neck and mine trace back down her spine until they meet her smooth buttocks, I cup them and lift her up, her legs now wrap around my waist as her head falls over my shoulder.

Are we still dancing?

I don't think we are.

_Brooke's POV_

I can feel him, all of him.

His heart thumping strongly against my breasts and his warmth everywhere, surrounding me and making me even hotter than I already am, and then there's Lucas' hair beneath my fingers which I stroke and pull and clutch onto, and his hard length poking at my stomach…

Gawd, I want him.

I can't wait, and by the looks and feel of him neither can he.

He's carrying me backwards and then I'm resting on the top of the couch which seems to be the perfect height to meet his hips.

I can't believe we've never done this before.

"_Brooke_" he sighs and lifts my chin with a single finger, now eyes locked again he repeats my name in a whisper "_Brooke_".

His other hand is tracing my pelvis and I wiggle closer to him as he stands between my legs that are still wrapped around him.

"Brooke you are driving me crazy… and if I had known what you had not been wearing underneath that dress then that plan I had tonight involving a closet would definitely have happened" he chuckled as he positioned our bodies more conveniently.

I kink an eyebrow "plans?"

"Me, you, the nearest empty space with a door…"

"We're alone now"

He smirks "yes, we are"

Oh…

Oh gawd.

_Lucas POV_

She feels amazing.

What was I thinking about hugs?

No, this, being inside her, feeling her everywhere, _this_ is even better.

_Let's dance._

And then I kiss her.

She's still everything.

**I'll try to get the next chapter up quicker but I'll probably be too busy working on the next chapter of QoH's after the next episode. Once again thankyou to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and to everyone who will now press that button again and tell me what you think of this chapter, now I gtg and get ready or I will be still in my pyjamas by the time Mel and Tracy get here. **

**Luv Mickei **


	10. Pulling a Mark

**disclaimer: sorry, i still haven't finished my negotiations with mark but i promise the moment i own one tree hill brucas will be back on the tv. but for now i own nothing.**

_Peyton POV_

I still can't believe he said those things to me.

After everything we have been through, after everything we have done for each other I don't know how he could just turn his back on me – on us.

Things juts got so out of control.

"Hi, Peyton right?"

I turn my head to see the girl from my old house, she's smiling down at me, looking far warmer than yesterday "yeah, I don't think I got your name"

She sits down next to me and holds out her hand "it's Michelle" I take it, she doesn't have a strong handshake but she has deep dark eyes and a broken smile "you look like hell" she says to me.

Nice even complete strangers are telling me off.

I chuckle "I feel like hell" I feel like shit, the man I love, the only man I have ever loved and have always loved just threw me away, just threw us away for another girl.

"Could always be worse" Michelle shrugged.

Worse? How could my life get any worse?

"I don't know, I came home for the only man I have ever loved and he tells me it's over and instead has chosen a girl I thought was my best friend, it doesn't get much worse than that"

She looks at me and laughs, full on laughs, I can't believe it I don't even know this girl and she is laughing at my heartbreak "Peyton, you are joking right? Are you seriously telling me _that _was the worse thing to ever happen to you, a boy choosing another girl over you is the worse case scenario, wow, you must have had a tame life"

When she puts it that way I guess it does sound ridiculous "well, no, putting it that way I guess it isn't the worse thing" no having both my mothers die, getting shot or getting stalked does seem to be the more worse case scenario.

That doesn't mean my heart breaking doesn't hurt any less.

"Still sucks though" she says and I nod.

Yeah, in her words it sucks.

She grins at me "tell me about him and the cheating best friend who stole your man? Be as mean as you like, I don't mind, women like that I just can't respect"

Brooke is not a bad person, she didn't cheat with Lucas, she never did.

I'm that woman.

The girl is looking at me waiting for me to talk and spill my heartache, I wonder why I haven't just stood up and walked away.

And then it hits me.

I have no one else to speak to, I walked away from all my friends here and they don't care how I am feeling.

The girl sick of waiting starts babbling "I just don't get why people cheat, if they are thinking that they may cheat what is so hard about ending things before they take the next step, it'll still hurt but at least both sides will not have that infidelity between them, at least the would be cheater can walk away respecting themselves you know. I just think when someone's with someone you should just stay away from that someone, it takes two to say yes, and when it's your best friend well… how low can you get?"

She thinks she's making me feel better but she isn't, again that is me.

But it's more complicated than that, I am not a bad person.

"It's not… it's not that easy… Brooke isn't at fault here, well she is but she isn't… she didn't technically 'steal' Lucas from me, we broke up and when I came back I found out they are together"

She nods and looks around before staring back at me "ouch… must have been a shock huh? How long ago did you two break up?"

"Thr-" I start to say three and then I correct myself, I left three years ago but it has been longer than that since Lucas and I dated so I quickly change my answer "six years ago"

I see the new information roll in her head as she processes it and she nods again "well… still, I couldn't imagine doing that to a friend, it's like an unwritten rule, ex's are off limits, you stay away from their left overs, need I say ewww" her face cringes up.

God, this conversation is just making me feel worse, technically I was the cheater and technically I was the one who got the left overs "I… I… it's more complicated than that"

"You're joking, don't defend her, just because she use to be your best friend doesn't mean shit, she did a crappy thing" Michelle sends me a sympathetic smile.

How could Brooke get back with Lucas knowing how I felt about him, knowing he was _my _Lucas?

After everything we have been through together how could she take Lucas?

But really, isn't she doing the same thing I did?

Shut up Peyton.

I went after Lucas while they were still together, at least she waited, I wasn't even around anymore, she had to watch as Lucas and I got together.

Shut up Peyton.

Brooke and Lucas aren't meant to be together, it's always going to be there, me and Lucas.

He's my Lucas.

But still…

"Brooke isn't a bad person. This love triangle has been around since high school…

I don't know why I'm doing this but I tell her everything, every little detail. I tell her about Nathan and me, I tell her about the old Brooke who slept with anything with two legs, I told her about our families and how everything changed when Lucas Scott entered our world.

The connection between us from the moment our eyes met, how he made me feel when he told me my art mattered, how Lucas told me he wanted everything and I wasn't ready.

The feeling of dread I first got when Lucas and Brooke started hanging out, the pain when I went to his place to say that we can now have everything and instead I found Brooke there. I explained about what happened after Brooke and Lucas got together, she didn't blink as I mentioned the relationship between me and Lucas behind Brooke's back.

Then I talk about the aftermath.

I mention how Lucas and Brooke got together again, I explain how I had been distracted with Jake, I go over this period of time – the time I was with Jake and Lucas was with Brooke – as quickly as possible.

Next I tell her about the realisation that I was still in love with Lucas, that I probably never stopped loving him. The fight with Brooke. Their break up.

How we got together, the paradise that was that time before graduation when it was us two.

And then the end of it all.

My frustration at Lucas for not understanding that someday doesn't mean no.

The year of separation and then the book signing with Lindsey followed by a few more years of separation.

Next was the mess that happened once I returned to Tree Hill, how I realised how much I loved Lucas and what we had together, that I was now ready for everything, but there had been Lindsey and also Lucas pushing me away.

I explain about the 'I hate you', the 'I don't hate you', the comet and the decision to leave Tree Hill.

And then I finally say how I decided two days ago to come back and as soon as I got to Tree Hill I knew I still loved Lucas.

But it was too late, I had lost him.

"… and now Brooke has him, Brooke has my Lucas Scott" I can feel the tears and in the next moment I'm completely crying.

Michelle sighs "wow that is messed up. But can I ask you something?"

There is something about her voice that makes me nervous yet considering I have already told her my life story I don't see why I should hold back now, so I nod and watch as she narrows her eyes in question "do you love Lucas?"

It seems like the stupidest question, haven't I just told her I love him and always loved him, didn't I explain everything "of course I love Lucas, he is the only guy I have ever loved"

And she gives me a smile and nods as if she knows something I don't "why are you lying?" she asks.

I choke and sit up straighter.

Did she just call me a liar?

Michelle turns her body so she's facing me more and looks me straight in the eye "you just said he is the only guy you have ever loved. What about this Jake guy you told me about, was he nothing?"

At first when she mentions Jake I can't help but smile and then I slowly drop it.

Why is some kid interrogating me and making me question my own feelings, who is she to ask me if I love Lucas or to question what I had with Jake "you know nothing about Jake, I love him"

"I know you did"

I say nothing to that.

She looks at me and frowns "I never said you didn't, you were the one who said it. You are the one who said Lucas is the only guy you have ever loved and then you just turned around and said you did love Jake, which I sorta already guessed because I could tell by the way you had talked about him, if you could hear yourself when you tell your story and actually hear what you are saying…" she doesn't finish and just shakes her head.

I love Lucas.

My life is empty without him.

"I love Lucas"

"But what makes him yours? I love Jensen Ackles, doesn't mean I have first dibs. This love triangle from hell you describe you describe as if it's you and Lucas with Brooke as the third party, as if he's yours and she just gets in the way"

She said it not me.

"If you knew us you would know what Lucas and I have is special, he wrote a book that was practically a love letter to me" I am confident of what we share, and this child doesn't know anything.

She smirks and pulls out something from her bag, she throws the book at my feet "this book?" she asks.

I can tell it is Lucas' novel and I look up at her in shock, she shrugs "it is one of my favourites, I'm a bit of a reader which you might have noticed from my wardrobe that you seemed so interested in. And considering this is a small town where nobodies business is just their own and there's a famous author living here I sorta recognised who you were and who your Lucas and Brooke were too, I knew before I even sat down next to you"

There are no words that I can say, I still don't really understand where this is leading.

"Tell me Peyton, you said this book is practically a love letter to you, but what about the actual love letters Lucas and Brooke wrote each other? Their history is embedded with yours and Lucas'. When you were eyeing Lucas so was Brooke, she did something about it where as you kept denying it, she got the guy. She dated him first, and after the first go Lucas chose her and fell in love with her and she didn't give in easily, while you were distracted by your love story with this Jake guy Brooke and Lucas were creating their own love story. Which I must add you got in the way of again… Lucas didn't walk away from Brooke, she walked away from him. You got your shot with him after that and from what it sounds like Brooke put aside her own feelings for you two, you blew it and Lucas and you walked away from each other, and then you came back three years ago thinking you were entitled to Lucas when he was with a different girl as well, a two year long adult relationship, and once again you and Lucas walked away and then _again _you come back after years and in that time Brooke and Lucas found their way back to each other… now I can only really go off most of this by what you have told me and by what I have read in this book, but what I actually have seen with my own eyes is Brooke Davis and Lucas Scott, a local couple who are very much in love, who have walked around with goofy grins since they announced their engagement. So again I'll say that you and Brooke saw Lucas at the same time, she dated him first, she shared the first I love you's, she had him first, and when he asked her to marry him _she _said yes, they live together, they are engaged, they have a damn dog, so Peyton, what makes him more yours than hers?"

She looks at me seriously and repeats the question "what makes him more yours than hers?"

"Nothing" I whisper and the truth of it goes all the way through my body.

Nothing.

Nothing.

And nothing.

Michelle smiles at me and nods and suddenly I start hearing the yells of teenagers, we both turn, about ten metres behind us a group of girls are standing around, their hands motioning towards us "come on Mickei, we're going to be late" one yells, another one glares our way "Squirt hurry the fuck up will you" she says.

I watch the teen beside me stand up and face down to look at me "Peyton Sawyer was always my favourite character in that book. I thought we had a lot in common, but the Peyton Sawyer in that book is not the Peyton Sawyer in front of me, maybe the love story isn't the same one as well"

She looks over to her friends who are now all grinning and mucking around and a large grin takes over Michelle's face, she looks more at peace in this moment than I had seen before then she turns back to me with that light in her eyes "I better go to my friends before they ditch me"

"You seem pretty close to them"

She shrugs "for some people their friends are their family. They're mine" and Michelle begins to walk backwards towards the group, grinning she says to me as she walks "you seem pretty cool, but it doesn't sound like you have always been the best sort of friend. Remember you can't help who you love, and neither can they, you can't choose for Lucas not to love Brooke but you can choose how _you _deal and react to it"

She turns and quickly runs to her friends, jumping onto one of their backs as they walk off together.

I had sat down feeling sorry for myself and wanting to curse Brooke and Lucas, now I feel like somebody kicked me into sense and a whole lot less sorry for my self.

I can't help but grin as I look out at Tree Hill and I start to laugh.

I'm not sure why but I just can't stop laughing and then I'm crying.

P. Sawyer, you royally fucked things up.

**i know, i know, whats with all the peyton, but well this chapters to her and her growing up. and well it was mainly a little fun for me cause well if mark can enter his show and spit a bunch of crap out that really means nothing well then i can pull a mark and enter my story and actually say something postive to peyton, like stop being a self centred bad friend who cries to lucas everytime her life is fd up, grow up, learn to stand on your on two feet and think of other people. i love her, i do, but i hate a lot of things she does and its driving me crazy, i cant believe she actually asked brooke to make her wedding dress, does the girl have any sensitivity?? this is just perfect, how like mark to make brooke the wedding designer and maid of honour balh blah woof woof ect of her best friends wedding to the only guy brooke herself has ever really loved. i just hope that lucas' leyton wedding goes as smoothly as his first one. even jamie doesnt wanna be a part of it, well skills better save his energy to celebrate for when lucas and brooke finally get engaged. third times charm!! anyways, lol, im babbling, next chapter will hopefully be up soon and its brucas filled, lots to happen for them after all brooke and lucas have yet to really discuss peyton or their baby that one one of them knows about (for now) thanks for reading and pelase keep reviewing. luv mickei**


	11. Thinking of You

**disclaimer: yeah, dont own it sigh**

**a hug toothfan326, princesakarlita411, whiterose0925, skybluesw, bella, shonnia, tanya2byour21 and toplaoder for the reviews of last chapter, hope everyone enjoys this one too, good news for BL fans, the last one was all peyton pov and this one is all Brucas pov. this chapter is dedicated to the mel's, two of my best friends, one who sadly is a leyton lover, what can i say, you have no choice in who you love, and the other has never watched oth and has no idea who brooke and lucas are except that i talk about them all the time and it pisses her off. anyway, they are two of the best friends i could ever ask for, i wouldnt have gotten through many days without them.**

_Lucas POV_

There is something about lying next to Brooke after we have made love that can be even more amazing than the act itself, which is saying something.

But then again anything with Brooke is amazing, even when she's yelling at me.

"What are you thinking?" her voice breaks my thoughts and I roll my head over to look into her beautiful big eyes.

"You" and she smiles at my answer, her eyes crinkling as her dimples appear, I think she is the most beautiful creation on this planet and my bias is only a part of that. I seriously can't think of one thing that I have ever seen that can possibly challenge her beauty.

"You better be" she replies with a wink after a delayed reaction.

What else would I be thinking about?

"Do you remember our first date?" she sighs and leans further onto my chest, her fingers subconsciously tracing circles along my stomach.

"How can I forget, you got me drunk and branded me that night" not that I regret it for a second.

Her hand slaps me playfully "hey, don't put all the blame on me"

"I'm not complaining"

And her fingers go back to doing those circles, I don't think she even notices what she's doing let alone what it is doing to me, she gives another sigh, this one more cheerful and then she asks with wonder in her voice "that night did you think it was possible we would ever be where we are now?"

No. I didn't.

Brooke Davis was nothing I could have imagined, this life we have is far more than I could ever think of or dream.

"No, Brooke, I didn't. That night all I was thinking about was that night, the future didn't matter, hell that morning didn't matter, just the moment, I have a hard time thinking about anything at all when I'm with you, except you, even back then"

She has this way of just taking over, when she speaks you can't hear the other voices, when she walks into a room you just _have _to look at her, when she smiles all other smiles seem insignificant and when she cries your heart feels it too. Brooke Davis is a lasting impression, she is an intense presence, she is one in a million and she's mine.

_Brooke POV_

I remember that night as if it was yesterday, I was a completely different person back then, one I'm not exactly proud of but if it hadn't been for that girl I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't have Lucas either. Things have a way of just fitting into place, no matter the mistakes you make.

But it's just strange, even I can admit that. It's strange how far we have come not only as people but as a couple. What were we back then? Lucas was a brooding, quiet loner who dreamed of Peyton, and I was the type of girl you didn't introduce to your mother, a new guy every week, no cares in the world of what I did to myself or to anyone else.

I mean who would have thought that Lucas Scott would ever fall in love with Brooke Davis or for that matter that I would fall in love with him, truly and genuinely.

That we would have the home and the dog and the wedding and the family.

That we would have it all.

I wonder if Peyton ever thought it was possible, that it would be me and not her.

In all these years did she ever think it would be me or did she always want it to be herself? When she told me it was alright to go after Lucas the first time, did she think for a moment Lucas and I could ever be anything real? Or later as Lucas and I somehow became 'friends' when she was with Jake and after Felix disappeared, when Peyton was on Lucas' and my side did she think even then it was meant to be her and Lucas and I were nothing? When we finally got back together, during that bumpy relationship was she never really routing for us? Was she jealous? Was she waiting for her turn?

And as she confessed to me that she was in love with the only boy I had ever cared about what the hell was she thinking then? When she asked me if _I _loved Lucas was she already counting down the days til it was her turn, til Lucas broke up with me again? When she was telling me she would do nothing about her feelings was it all a lie? Doing nothing would be never telling me, never bringing back those insecurities, it would have been avoiding Lucas as we crumbled into nothing and our relationship was killed, nothing would have been doing nothing and she did something. And when I broke up with Lucas for a million different reasons, mostly because I myself was counting down the days until he did break up with me and I didn't want to wait so I got in first, what was she thinking as she sat back and watched it happen? Did she ever think it could have been me?

Did she ever imagine I would be Mrs Lucas Scott and bring more Scott's into the world?

For one moment did she ever?

I wish I could hate her, I wish I could be angry, I wish I could just stop loving her but you can't help who you love. I understood – understand – that.

I'm not mad, I'm crushed.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?"

_Lucas POV_

I can tell that Brooke's thoughts have strayed from our first date and as I watch the expressions change on her face I just know who she is suddenly thinking about.

Brooke is the best pretender I know, with her smile on her face she is beautiful and brave and can act the act, yet the longer you know her the more you find out that really the mask is easy to see through and once the mask is gone the emotions are breathtakingly there for anyone to read, just look into her eyes.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" I ask wishing we could just put Peyton away, I should have known we couldn't, I should have known she would be back between us.

We still have to talk about tonight.

"Lucas, we have to talk about it, I just need to know what happened"

I know she's right, I just don't want to hurt her "Pretty Girl, we don't have to do this now" do we ever have to do this?

She sighs, this one of resignation "yes we do, let's just get this over with so I can get back to just thinking about you and the last few hours which by the way was amazing"

"We talked, she wasn't happy" I say simply.

Brooke doesn't say anything at first, we just continue to lay there the she speaks "you went upstairs together so you did more than just talk, what _happened_?"

I hate hurting Brooke, I just hate it, if I could protect her from the whole world I would but I can't.

"She wanted answers"

Brooke's head shoots up and she turns her body around, a hand still on my chest as she hovers above me and looks down with shock and maybe outrage "_she _wanted answers, you are kidding me"

"Okay, maybe not the most precise wording, she seemed confused about how we ended up where we are, why you, Peyton sounded like she wanted answers about what we all were feeling"

Brooke's eyes soften "and what are you feeling?" her question is so reserved as if against her will she is having doubts.

I raise a hand to cup her cheek "I told her the truth, I told her I am madly in love with you and that won't change"

"And what did she say?"

"She told me she loved me… but Brooke, she doesn't love me, she can't love me because she doesn't know me, if Peyton really does love Lucas Scott it's not the same one that is in this bed with you now, it's a memory, that's all. And I told her as much"

"And what did she say?" Brooke asks again.

I can't say anything, this is the part I'm scared about telling Brooke. But I don't need to say anything, she pulls back a bit and says clearly "she kissed you didn't she?"

She sounds slightly angry, her question though isn't asked with shock, and I think she was expecting it.

"Brooke"

"Lucas, just tell me"

"Yes"

Emotions cross her face, she's hurt, I just don't know if it's because of me or Peyton or both of us, I go to touch her face again and she pulls back, slipping off the bed as she rambles on "of course she kissed you, she's Peyton Sawyer, she always kisses you no matter who it could hurt, no matter- arghh!" she turns to me her eyes blazing "did you kiss her back?"

"Not for a moment, I pulled away. She's not the one I want nor the one I love"

"But she told you she loved you and she kissed you" okay, its anger now.

"Please don't be mad" I plead.

She just slumps her shoulders, her whole body seemed to just fall a bit and then she's walking out of our room.

"Brooke!"

"I'm mad Lucas and I'm angry and I'm hurting, so don't tell me not to be mad!" she screams as she storms downstairs.

See, this is why I didn't want to talk about Peyton "it's over Brooke, she said her piece, I said my piece and now its over"

"It's never over!" her yell seems so loud in our otherwise silent house and she spins around to look at me, pain in her eyes "it's never over with her, Luke, she just keeps coming back, she just keeps doing it and I can't take it. I just can't. It's not you, not really, I trust you when you say you love me, I trust you when you say you pulled away but still it hurts" and the tears begin to fall.

She looks amazing, even as she cries she looks so damn beautiful.

"I. Just. Can't. Do. It" each word she says is punctuated, each word a painful whisper.

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere"

She just shakes her head at my words and then whispers "you don't understand" and she shakes her head again. Her eyes move from the floor and rise to meet mine and before she even speaks I know what she is going to say "I need to think, I need to just process this"

"You're leaving"

She gives a slight nod and begins to collect her things, I watch completely taken back as she picks up her purse and grabs her keys, and when she starts picking up her dress from the floor I snap back into action.

I can't loose Brooke, not again.

_Brooke POV_

I just need to get away from him, he confuses me, he muddles everything, I just need space, I need to talk about this with someone other than Lucas. I have never really felt comfortable talking about Peyton with Lucas. It just feels awkward.

Without glancing at him I go to pick up my dress which is still on the floor from earlier, but before I can do anything with it it's being pulled out of my hands and is thrown across the room "I won't loose you" he says just before his mouth covers mine.

There is nothing inside me that can resist his kiss and when it's over and we pull apart for air and I somehow manage to find my voice "you can't loose me but I have to go, please Luke, just let me go"

I just need to get away from him, I can't think about them in this house, I can't think of her here or him and her here, he clouds my judgement.

He just doesn't understand.

He's afraid of loosing me, he won't, he can't, and it's not about him at the moment. It's not about me and him and it's not about her and him.

I kiss his cheek and move out of his arms, at the door I grab my coat and cover my naked body, if I don't leave now I won't be able too.

Then just as turn to face the door, as my back turns to him his voice finally reaches me and I freeze.

"I remember"

I turn back to him confused and he looks at me with his bedroom eyes, all squinty and looking as if he was about to cry, yet standing naked in the middle of the living room he still looks so sexy and though I'm drawn to him his words confuse me.

He continues "I remember everything. Since the moment you climbed into my back seat, I know every moment as if it happened yesterday. When I look back over my life it's full of you, I remember every kiss, every touch, every hug, every word and I remember every time you have walked out the door, every time you turn your back on me, walk away and shut that door between us. And it's okay, it's always been okay, so go, it's okay, because I also remember every time you walk right back through it, so when you close it behind you again in about ten seconds I'll know that soon you'll walk back in and come home to my arms" his head tilts to the side as he adds on "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere"

And that's all I need to know as I do exactly as he knew I would, I turn my back to him and walk out of the house, shutting the door behind me.

Maybe I should have said something.

_Lucas POV_

A let out a breath as the door shuts and I'm left standing alone.

Something wet nudges my hand and I look down to find Eli licking my hand, I pat his head as he begins to whine "don't worry, boy, Momma will come home. She always does"

She always does, I just have to trust that.

I have to trust that all she needs is time, someone else to think with and then she'll come home to me and maybe she can make me understand what she thinks I don't.

She'll come home.

_Brooke POV_

I knock on the door and I can see the image I make, crying on the front porch wearing only a long black coat and an engagement ring, my feet are bare, my hair is sleeked back by the rain that surprised me when I got out of the car. I must look a wreck.

The door flings open and I fall into her arms, I can only manage one word "Mom"

Later I sit next to Karen on the couch, my head resting on her shoulder and I'm now wearing slacks and a shirt she leant me. We haven't talked much. Well really we haven't talked at all.

"Are you going to tell me why you came here crying and half dressed in the middle of the night? Not that I mind, Brooke, you are always welcomed here but if you need to talk-"

"She kissed him" I break in.

I can hear Karen gulp "well… ah… I assume we are talking about-"

"Peyton" I interrupt again, this time I leave her shoulder and sit up, wiggling to the other side of the couch I hug my knees "Lucas thinks I'm mad at him, I think he thinks I will leave him"

"Will you?" she asks nervously and I look up in shock to stare into her blue eyes, she looks almost scared, do they all think I'm about to flee?

"No" and then after a long moment I repeat it "No"

The thought didn't even cross my mind.

"Did you tell Lucas that?"

"No" I sigh. I should have reassured him, I should have explained, I am such an idiot, why do I do this to him, why can't I just _tell _him how I feel? "I made a mistake didn't I - damn, I should have just explained it to him. I should have just told him that it's not him I'm mad at it's her, he's not hurting me, _she _is" just thinking about it all makes me itchy, I stand up and start pacing the room, Karen watches me as I walk back and forth.

"Why, Karen, why does she not seem to care what she does to me? Why does she think it's alright to hurt me? She was my best friend and it hurts that she never seems to see what she's doing to me or what I'm going through, she can single handily turn my world upside down over and over again and she doesn't seem to care at all. I would do so much for her; I was willing to give up the boy I love because I loved her and it was hard, it was hard to be there for her when even years later I still loved him but I hid my heart, I didn't say anything and I _was _there for her and I just want to know why she can't do the same, why she always puts me last"

Oh god, I probably sound so self pitying and pathetic but Peyton was my best friend and it all just hurts, she keeps hurting me and she doesn't even seem to notice.

"Brooke, sweetie, sit down" Karen tells me and pats the spot beside her, I roll my head and then plop myself next to her, her arm moves around my shoulder, she kisses the top of my head before she starts speaking "I can't pretend to understand what you are going through with Peyton and Lucas, I can't begin to pretend I know what you should do, however I do know what I think you should do"

Karen always has the answers, I trust her, I want her to be able to just tell me what to do "please, nothing you say could possibly make it any worse"

"Well… Brooke, honestly I think you should stop thinking about Peyton and right now think about yourself. I love all you kids and I want the best for you all, Lucas may be my only son but to me every one of you are my children, so I can't say that I don't care about Peyton… but I care about you more. I remember the first time I met you and I think we both know I was a bit stunned, you were Lucas' girlfriend but I had no idea who you were, I had never heard of you before, you were beautiful but you never stopped talking and you seemed so shallow, nothing like the girl I expected my son would ever be interested in. But none of that mattered; it never did because I have never doubted that you were crazy about my son, not once in all these years since, not for a moment. And a part of me always hoped you two would find your way back to each other, I could be happy as long as Lucas was happy but I'm a mother and I wanted the best for my child, I wanted the girl I never had to wonder if she loved him. And that was never Peyton"

"But it's not enough. Lucas has to love me back"

"And you don't think he does?" she sounded surprised, as if it was unthinkable.

If it was only that easy "I know he loves me _now_, but you said you never doubted my feelings for him, I can't say the same, I can't say that I never doubted his feelings for me, for so long that is all I could do, I could never quite believe he loved me. I'm only just starting to get use to it and if you want to be honest with me can you say any differently?"

"What? Have I ever doubted Lucas' feelings for you? Oh Brooke, I stepped into this saga a little late, after all the damage the first time had happened, and I can't say I thought the same thing about him that I did about you originally. I wish I could, I wish that at sixteen Lucas could have just known what would happen, would just know what was in his heart, but he was a boy, and he didn't and neither did I. But I did see it Brooke, not at first, but I did slowly start to notice, and there was a point when I knew he was in love with you, and since then I never doubted how important you are to him, I never doubted that he loved you, I may not have known how deep it went or what it meant but I knew that whatever it was it was love"

Our eyes meet and I smile, she strokes a piece of stray hair back behind my ear and pats my cheek before bringing me into a hug "we could hope, we could guess, we could wish, but now we know, you're the one Brooke, you don't have to be scared anymore just allow your self to know what we all now know. It's not about Peyton anymore, only you can make it about her"

_Lucas POV_

I can't sleep.

There is an ache in my heart that won't go away, I can't sleep when its there, I close my eyes but I can't sleep without knowing where Brooke is and how she is.

I'm waiting for the sound of the door, I'm waiting for her to come home and with each new agonizing second that she doesn't appear I get more frightened.

"Hey"

Am I dreaming?

Do I want her home so badly I just imagined hearing her voice?

I open my eyes scared that it's all just a dream and there she is standing in the doorway, her fingers nervously playing in front of her, the engagement ring being twisted around her finger "hey" I say back not knowing what to say.

She slowly walks forward and then she's slipping into bed with me and he arms are around me, holding me, holding onto me "I'm sorry Luke, so sorry. I was never mad at you; I was never going to not come back. I was hurting because I couldn't understand how she could do this to me again but I love you Luke and I know you love me and I should have just told you how I felt and I don't know why I didn't, why I don't, but I promise from now on I'll come to you" she is talking so fast and through her crying I barely understand it.

I squeeze her tighter and relief sweeps through my body "Brooke you have nothing to be sorry about, I'm the one who should be apologizing-"

"No Luke" she cuts in and pulls back to hold my face roughly between her hands"_you_ have nothing to be sorry about, okay"

I'm not sure if I believe her, I still feel like this is my fault and if it's not mine then its not hers "neither do you. I'm just glad you're back, I couldn't sleep without you"

"I was always coming back" and then her hold becomes gentler and then she's stroking her fingers through my hair, she smiles a big smile and her eyes light up "I'm the girl for you, Lucas Scott, and one of these days everyone is going to realize it"

"We already have" I say back straight away. Those words mean so much to me, to hear her mirror the words I so long ago said.

_I'm the guy for you. I know we're just part-time, and that's cool. You know, do whatever, have your fun. But one of these nights you're gonna realize it. I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis. You'll see. _

I lift my own hands to go through her silky brown locks, and as I hold onto them I pull her closer to me "you're the girl for me" I whisper just before our lips meet.

_Brooke POV_

I still remember what it was like to wake up in an empty bed with no one to wrap their arms around me, to get up and walk through a silent house with nothing to cause a smile to break my face.

I remember it though I can't remember the last time it happened. It has been so long since those days. Now I always wake up to Lucas, in our bed at our home, granted I don't always wake up to his arms around me. Some nights he's on the couch, those mornings I still smile when I first see him sprawled on the couch with his too long legs hanging over the edge and an arm over the side.

There was no couch last night, there was no empty bed, and I wake to find his arms wrapped around my waist, his front pressed closely to my back as he holds me as close as possible, there was a leg over mine, his chin on top of my head. He was all around me, surrounding me, holding me.

_Lucas_.

My Lucas.

Turning in his arms is a struggle, he has me imprisoned in his grip, and carefully I manage to face him without waking Lucas up. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, as cliché as it sounds he looks like an angel. Not a very sexy thought, I smile, yet he's so beautiful, so peaceful without that frown or the squinting, it's just plain angelic.

I love watching him sleep, I could just lay here for hours and watch him. I wonder what it will be like when the baby comes, will our baby look like Lucas? Will I be entranced with its beauty and watch it sleep for hours? Will Lucas sit beside me as I do?

I can't wait?

The long hours, the little sleep, the crying, everything, good and bad, I simply can't wait.

With little control of my actions I lower my hand to my stomach that is still flat; it's hard to believe that there really is a baby hidden in there.

What if the doctor was wrong?

What if I'm not pregnant?

What if it's all just a mistake?

No, I am. It's true. The doctor was sure. Soon I'll be big and fat with swollen bits… oh my boobs! Lucas will like that.

I chuckle at that and suddenly mental pictures bombard me, oh Lucas will really like that.

Hmmmm….

Is it true what they say about pregnant women and sex drives?

This is going to be so much fun.

Lucas is still sleeping, he really does look cute when he sleeps, I hope our baby gets his eyes and blonde hair, or his nose and ears, or his little smirk. Actually I hope our baby looks just like him. Well… if it's a girl not _just _like him.

It doesn't really matter though; I'll love and adore our baby no matter what.

I should tell Lucas, I want to tell him now.

I want to see his eyes light up when it clicks that he's going to be a father, I want to see the smile steal his face and hear his first words. I want the moment to be perfect.

I can see it all now.

The table will be set beautifully with all his favourite breakfasts set ready, candles lit for the hell of it, I'll wear that red dress, no that little black one, actually no I'll forego the dress and wear that lacy black and red lingerie set that Lucas gave me for his birthday. Then I will tell him, I'll take his hand and lead it to my belly and look into his eyes as I say the words _"Broody, we're having a baby, your going to be a dad"_

It will be perfect.

Leaning over the bed I grab the closest piece of clothing to me, it just happens to be one of Lucas' business shirts and as I slip it on I can smell his aftershave. Hugging it closer I give Lucas one last glance before I leave him lying there and I imagine him not asleep but awake and smiling as I tell him our news.

_Lucas POV_

The first thing I notice on waking is the empty bed, there is no warm body snuggled next to me, no Brooke to make me smile.

Then the smell overtakes my senses.

I jump out of bed still naked, the cold is the last thing on my mind as I make my way through the house.

Running into the kitchen I have no time to freeze before my body just takes over.

"_Shit_"

The first thing I do is turn off the stove tops, the bacon is too far gone and the eggs black like charcoal. The smell is strong and even worse the smoke causes me to cough. Quickly dumping the remains into the bin I then drop the frypan into the sink and throw the windows open.

The fresh air seems to do nothing and as I spin back around my elbow knocks over the mixing bowl I hadn't noticed _was _sitting on the kitchen counter, I step right into what I can only assume is a pancake mix "Brooke?" I call out wondering what happened to our kitchen and slightly worried about why she would just leave the room in this condition.

"Brooke, where are you?"

The house seems too silent and as I frown I finally hear something, not Brooke though, it's the sound of Eli.

I find him whimpering by the downstairs bathroom, the door is firmly shut and knocking softly I scratch behind Eli's ears as I ask through the door "Pretty Girl, you alright in there?"

The seconds before she answers seem to drag on so I knock again, my worry increasing with each moment I don't hear her voice, and just as I am about to turn the door knob to push my way through I finally hear her and I sigh in relief.

"Lucas Scott, don't you dare come in here"

"May I ask why?"

"I don't want you to see me like this" she replies in a low husky voice that holds a tint of sadness, I can't wait any longer and ignoring her wishes I slowly open the door to find Brooke sitting by the toilet with her head resting on her arm which is the only thing between her and the seat.

She looks pale, too pale "Brooke"

"Don't give me that look, I'm fine, I must have just had too much alcohol last ni-" she begins to say with a weak smile, her whole argument flies out the window when she can't finish the sentence and instead leans over to be violently ill which I can only assume isn't for the first time.

I'm by her side quicker than you could say I love you.

_Brooke POV_

The last thing I want is for him to touch me, I feel horrible and sick, yet as soon as his hand starts rubbing my back I feel just the tiniest bit better.

I hate the fact he can do this to me, yet I love it as well.

As soon as all the contents of my stomach is flushed _surely there is nothing left in there _I turn my face away from Luke and close my eyes.

His hand still rubs my back.

"Come on, lets get you to bed" he says and tries to lift me up, I fight him off and stay exactly where I am, moaning I reply "no, I'm fine besides every time I stand up I get all dizzy and have to sit back down" probably not the best thing to tell him.

"I think you need to see a doctor" he whispers and I want to groan.

Instead I roll my head over to look at him and open my eyes "I'm fine"

"Brooke"

"Lucas" he can't do the name thing on me, it reminds me too much of Mom "I'm fine, I must have just drank too much"

And I can hear him scoff at my excuse "when has Brooke Davis ever gotten sick from drinking too much?-" he's got me there, I've lost full nights of memories in the past but the worst thing I've ever woken up with after drinking is the guys next to me and considering that it has been over three years since I've woken up with any other guy except Lucas I think I'm safe "- and I don't recall you having one single drink last night so why are you lying to me?"

I want to tell him, I do, I just don't want to tell him like this. I had everything planned out and now it was all ruined.

"Brooke?"he asks growing more impatient as I remain silent, his eyes narrowing into worried and frustrated slits.

Loosing control the tears start pouring out, I can't stop them even though I'm not really sad. Lucas pulls me into his arms, rocking me against his chest and shushing into my hair "It's alright Brooke"

"No Luke, it's not. It's not meant to be this way. You were suppose to wake up to the smell of breakfast, I'm suppose to be waiting by the table wearing something sexy and looking pretty, I'm _not _meant to be sitting by the toilet… wearing your dirty shirt. It's meant to be perfect not a naked mess" and my crying gets worse.

I must sound crazy to him.

"If it helps I think you look sexy in my 'dirty' shirt, it looks much better on you" he's still holding me and I can't help but chuckle at his words.

I smile through my tears "it helps a little bit"

"Then I will say it again, you look sexy Brooke Davis soon to be Scott, and you'll always be my pretty girl, no matter what you are wearing or not wearing… you are always perfect" its not just what he says that gets to me, it is how Lucas says it, the words loose all meaning as I just hear his voice with that tone that is only for me. I meet his eyes and I can't move.

I swear my heart skips a beat.

"Brooke, you know you can tell me anything?" he repeats the same thing I had said to him last night and I manage a warm smile for him.

As much as I want to tell him I don't want it to be like this "I know. I just had this picture in my mind of how this conversation would go and it looked, well, nothing like this" I motion to our surroundings, we're now sitting together on the bathroom floor, he's still as naked as he was the night before and I'm only wearing his shirt, my hairs a mess, I probably smell like vomit and did I mention we're in a bathroom by the toilet??

He strokes my hair "well, as good as that breakfast sounded I think we're out of bacon, the pancake mix is on the floor and the kitchen is a hazard zone at the moment, and to tell the truth you have me kind of worried. I want everything to be perfect too but I have this horrible mental picture you are about to tell me something that I won't like, something that'll scare me, like your sick and I may sound calm but I'm shaking inside because I don't know what I would do without you" he stays stroking my hair softly the whole time he speaks so I move slightly away as he finishes and I turn around in his lap to face him.

"Lucas there is nothing wrong with me"

He immediately lets out a long, deep sigh of relief and then he smiles "just tell me then before my mind jumps to the next worse thing"

"I told you this wasn't how I imagined it" and I give a small shake of the head.

Lucas just continues to smile "then tell me how you imagined it"

So I take his hands in mine and look straight at him and I begin to speak "you wake up to the smell of something delicious cooking, pulling on a robe you come downstairs and are surprised to see a fully set table with all your favourites, and then you see me wearing that one piece you got me for your birthday and you'll want me… we'll kiss, we do maybe a little more than kiss before I pull away and say 'after', then we have breakfast. The whole time I'll wear a secret smile and you'll wonder what is going on and then I'll take your hands-" I hold a hand of his in each one of mine as I straighten up on my knees and scoot closer to Lucas, raising his hands as I go "- and then I'll place your hands on my stomach" and as I say it I do place his hands on my stomach still covering them with my own, but my eyes don't leave his, we're locked together and I see the moment his hand touches my body that it has clicked.

His eyes widen, he looks slightly scared and he doesn't smile, he looks mainly shocked, so I smile instead as I whisper the words that will finally let it all out "and then I say while looking in your eyes _Broody, there's a life growing in there, we're having a baby_" I give a slight squeal as he just looks at me his eyes getting bigger and bigger "You're going to be a dad"

And with those words he face seemed to transform, speechless he just sat there with a goofy grin.

I just smile as well waiting for him to say something – anything – and when he doesn't I start to feel really nervous.

And more nervous.

Why doesn't he say something?

What does that goofy ridiculous grin mean exactly?

"Lucas, please say something"

Anything, how about _wow Brooke this is freaking amazing!_

He remains silent and then slowly as we just stare at each other his face slowly calms down, he's still smiling, which I'm taking as a good thing but its not that goofy grin at the moment, his eyes are still wide open, yet they seem more intense some how, calmer. I still am not sure how he's taking this.

Then he gently takes his hands from my stomach and raises them to my face, his thumbs trace my brow and then he cups my cheeks between his hands and leans forward to kiss my forehead tenderly.

He was so gentle, so still, the moment seemed frozen in time as his lips pressed against me. The feel of this moment will never leave me, even as he pulls away so barely an inch separates us I still can feel his kiss, I can still feel him surrounding me, like a shadow running down my back.

"It was perfect"

His whispered words reach me and I instinctively close my eyes as he gives me an Eskimo kiss before leaning our foreheads together, his hands still holding my face.

_It was perfect._

"Do you hear me, Pretty Girl, this is perfect. It wouldn't have mattered where we were or what we're wearing, nothing else matters but the words and we're together. Me and you, Brooke, me and you. That's all that matters"

My eyes flutter open and all I can see is his mouth hovering near me, he has the slightest and sweetest smile on his face, almost as if he was still asleep so peaceful and serene.

"But that's the thing, it's not just me and you now" I say almost scared at the idea, I'm excited and I can't wait to have this little person in my life yet at the same time I am so scared. Scared of it not working out, scared I'll be a horrible mother, scared that I'm going to wake up any moment now, I'm scared… in a good way, I guess.

He shakes his head softly and one of his hands strokes down along my neck until he is rubbing my arm in a slow gesture of comfort "even more perfect. Our child is a part of both of us, what could be more perfect? It's a little sooner than we expected but this is what we have both wanted"

And the next thing I know we are somehow standing up and his arms are wrapped around my waist and I'm being spun around the room. A chuckle escapes as his goofing grin reappears.

"Luc… please… down…room spinning" I manage to say through my laughing and he immediately comes to a stand still, arms still wrapped around my waist and my bare feet perched on his.

He looks down into my eyes "It's a dream come true" and he gives a little smirk.

A secret smirk that makes me curious "what's with that smirk?"

He brings me closer if that is even possible "just that a long time ago someone asked me a question of who I wanted next to me when all my dreams came true and you were the face that popped into my mind"

I look down, I know he said my name but I also know that after that he said the same thing about another girl, Peyton, the whole world knows Lucas Scott said that Peyton Sawyer was who he wanted next to him when all his dreams came true, the quote was in his damn book, right next to the quote I hate the most in that damn amazing book that haunts us.

"Peyton…" I whisper quietly and quickly covered my mouth; I had not meant to say that out loud.

Lucas' eyes narrow and he looks momentarily hurt before his expression changes to understanding "I'm sorry I ever said those words to her, I know we don't regret what got us here but I do regret that my past with her is always there between her, I regret that it makes you doubt us or me. Brooke, I thought of you before her, I said it about you before I ever said it about her. And you know what, even if at one point I had wanted it to be her it was always you. It's always going to be you. You're the one who _has _been there when my dreams have come true, you're the one who was there when they didn't, every moment that counts in my life you were there, good and bad, you were there. I can't help loving you, I can't choose to love you, and I don't like thinking it was fate,_ it just is_, but if there is such a thing as destiny and fate then it's got to mean something, if I have a destiny it points to you" there is a pause as we just look at each other and then he adds on quietly "this is a dream come you, and you're the one by my side, it's a dream come true just having you be that person"

"How do you do that?" I asked bemused, how does he make me feel this way? How does he control my heart?"

"Do what?"

"Know what to say?"

He smiles softly and tightens his hold of me "I don't" and then my legs are swept up from under me and he's holding me bridal style, in his arms I'm carried out of the small room.

"Luke, what are you doing?"

Now he's taking me upstairs, my weight doesn't seem to bother him at all "where are you taking me?" I ask as we step onto the second floor.

"Well, you're going to have a long hot bath and then you are going to bed until you feel better"

"I'm pregnant not dying" and his smile widens as I say the word pregnant.

"Just let me take care of you" he scoffs.

"I have a better idea, why don't _we _have a shower, then _we _can go to bed and you can take care of me as much as you like there"

I am already feeling _soooo_ much better.

**so wat ya think? lucas finally knows hes going to be a daddy, brooke is going to put peyton behind them, but can peyton put luke behind her, last chapter she got some sense knocked into her but has it stuck. find out next chapter as peyton comes face to face with half of brucas. luv mickei**


	12. Saving This

**disclaimer: as much as i would love to say how i own oth and it will soon have brucas back and it will all be perfect (cause you know if i was in charge the show would be perfect :P) but i cant caus i dont so it would be a lie so yeah dont own nothing never said i did so dont sue me. its all just for fun, and out of desperation.**

**AN: so i was meant to post this by thursday at the latest but well unexpectedly was out like everyday and today was for first chance to finish it off and post. so here it is. hope you enjoy. oh yeah, to all you brucas fans please come onto fanpop, sign up and join the brucas spot and the oth. all you non brucas fans, well come along too but well dont join the brucas spot, there are spots for everything there but the brucas spot is the best. hope to see ya all there.**

_Lucas POV_

I'm going to be a dad.

A dad, as in an actual father, there will be a baby in this world here because of me, half me and a part of me.

A part of me and Brooke.

My mind can't seem to wrap around the thought. I, Lucas Eugene Scott, have created another life with the woman I love more than I ever dreamed I could love.

This child, our child, will only be perfect, it could be the worst of both of us and it'll still be perfect.

I have got to stop smiling, Nathan is looking at me as if I'm crazy and maybe I am.

Crazy happy, crazy in love, crazy for my fiancé and for my life, and I don't care because I love being this crazy.

I don't notice that Nathan has thrown the ball at me until it's hitting my chest; I rub the spot and glare at him "watch it, Nate"

"Hey, I'm not the one not paying attention, dude, you've been like this all day. And what's with the goofy smile, Luke?"

I can already feel that goofy smile getting wider "This morning Brooke-"

"Oh please" Nathan interrupts me and holds out his hand to stop me "I don't need details about the sexcapades of Broody and Cheery"

I am so whipped and everyone knows it.

But I'm not talking about the sex, which was amazing though, the things you can do in a kitchen…

Anyway.

"She told me she's pregnant"

Suddenly Nathan seemed to freeze. In fact I think the whole world did. He opened one eye to look at me, having squeezed them shut when he had cringed. Then Nathan smirked that Scott smirk we were both known for and he opened the other eye "pregnant? With a baby?"

"No, Nate with a puppy, of course a baby. _My _baby" Brothers, I am mentally rolling my eyes at him.

I laugh and shake my head and Nathan finally moves, walking over to me and hitting me on the back "congrats, bro. I thought she had a glow about her… I bet you Haley knew about this, she's had this smug little smile on her face as if she knew something I didn't" Nathan narrowed his eyes again even though he still wore his smile.

I bet Haley knows too, it would be so like Brooke to spill to her before working up the nerve to tell me.

But I really don't care, I know now and that's all that matters.

A baby.

I'm never going to get sick of that.

_Brooke POV_

Okay, I'm not the most eloquent speaker, but I don't really need to say anything big, anything grand, it's a simple statement I have to make. The whole car ride I wonder what I will say, how I will say it. I will be cool and collected and say it in some amazingly beautiful way that no one ever forgets it, least of all me.

I'm secretly glad it all was forced out; I would have hated to have to keep this secret inside and have it bubble up until it exploded, this way I can let everyone know how happy I am.

And I am so happy. So with a million o's.

This is so freaking awesome.

Just imagine what I would have had to go through at the brunch if Haley hadn't known or Lucas didn't know, I would have to sit there the whole time with the girls and have my hands under my thighs and my lips firmly shut. I wouldn't be able to speak in fear of blurting it out, now I can relax and take my time being able to feel free to tell them at any point.

I spot the others the moment I walk through the iron gates of the restaurant courtyard, they are sitting at the same table we always meet at for brunch on days like this. My girls.

Haley beams the moment she sees me and waves to let me know where they are, how cute, even though we've all been meeting here for the last year and sitting at the same table, we are so predictable that we even always sit in the same seats. So I know that it is Millie's dark head to the right and Karen's to the left, both with their backs to me. There is an empty chair both sides of Haley, one is the one Deb occupies when she joins us here and the other one is reserved for me. Laurie who sits next to Millie, her best friend, turns as Haley waves, her face lighting up as she also sees me, I wave to them as Rachel, on the other side of Laurie, places a hand on her fat stomach, she is getting so big, I'm going to be that big in a few months.

Well not _that _fat I hope.

Oh, I don't really care. Bring on the fatness and the everything.

I can't wait to tell them, my feet move faster, I'm not exactly running but well I'm not really walking either. All I know is I'm at the table.

"I'm pregnant!"

Sorry, was that noise squealing me?

Did I just say that out loud?

Oh shit. I did.

They're all looking at me.

Think, Brooke, think.

"Repeat that" Laurie says lifting a finger and moving it in a backwards motion for me to remind.

Karen's chair scrapes back and she stands there, wide blue eyes staring at me. Damn, I ruined it. I didn't just blurt it out to all my closest friends I blurted it out in front of Lucas' mom, with no preparation and no warning and no thought. Lucas is going to kill me.

I bite my lip and Karen suddenly grins, her whole face lighting up… okay maybe I didn't completely screw this up, she seems happy and now she's holding her arms out to me "come here"

So I do.

I walk into her hug and when she pulls back she takes my face between her hands "oh, Brooke, this is wonderful"

Shrugging I sent her an apologetic look "sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to just spit it out like that, it was meant to be more elegant, and I totally forgot Luke wanted to be here to tell you too"

The others all laugh and Karen just continues to smile, she waved it off "no, this is fine. Lucas can tell me all over again later and I will still react exactly the same way"

Oh I know how she feels.

"Lucas is _so _happy; he got all gooey and wouldn't let me clean the kitchen, not even one plate, even though I was the one who messed it up. Then he got out the baby name book and started 'browsing', he was so cute" and the others all aw.

Lucas had suggested Dylan for a boy and Bridget for a girl.

I had told him I would think about it.

Dylan Keith Scott, it does have a nice ring to it but still I sort of like the name Aiden, but Dylan is cute too. Oh now I am confused.

Bridget though… yeah I don't really think so, Lucas likes it but I want something different, I was thinking more on the lines of Jacqueline, Eloise or Samantha.

But we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves, we have months to… I can't help but give a secret laugh… we have months to fight about this.

Millie drags me back to reality "tell us _everything_"

"When did you find out?" Karen asks.

"When will you get fat?" Rachel grumbles plucking at her dress. Oh shut up, Rach, you love it and you know it, Cooper loves it too or so you keep telling us in excruciating detail.

"I found out the other day, the doctor had to repeat it like five times before I believed him, I'm only five weeks along and the doctor said the spotting when I expected my period was normal because I totally freaked out but its all good and I told Lucas this morning after he walked in on me with my head over the toilet" I stop rambling and take a deep breath.

Slow down Brooke.

Suddenly everyone is up and they're all hugging me, congratulations go around until I finally take my seat next to Haley, she nudges my shoulder with her own and sends me a smile "I told you everything would be alright"

And so it is.

I'm having a baby.

God, I'll never get sick of that.

_Lucas POV_

We swing by Mom and Andy's place to pick up Jamie before we go to meet the girls and the car ride is too quiet, Nathan and I are both trying not to talk about the baby but I can tell in fear of slipping up Nathan is just staying silent, and so am I.

I know how important it is too Brooke to tell Jamie herself about our baby, so far she's showered most of her motherly love onto Jamie our godson, and she loves that boy, telling him that he won't be her only little one now will be something simply huge for those two. When Brooke had Angie the little boy had known it was not forever, Angie would go home to her real parents and Brooke would still forever be his, and then when Sam came into the picture she was already a teenager and Jamie adored her, his little crush was still a joke at dinner time, so Jamie had never felt threatened by Sam's presence in his Brooke's life.

I got more of a lecture from the boy when Brooke and I started dating officially again, and they still had their 'Bramie' time as they dubbed it. Time I was not allowed to infringe on without Jamie's permission, though usually he didn't mind.

But now with Sam away at college and Brooke and I about to be married everything was changing, to add a baby of our own to the mix may make the eight year feel less secure about his close relationship with Brooke.

I look at Jamie through the rear view mirror, he's watching us carefully, damn he's smart, he knows there is something we are not telling him and he's just biding his time.

Yes! We're here, I breathe a deep sigh of relief, and Nathan does the same. Our eyes meet and we smile, it will all be over and done with soon enough.

I'm not really worried, Jamie's an amazing kid and he'll be an amazing cousin, he'll be happy for us because we're happy, so I'm not really worried. But still… he's going to use this, I see it now, Brooke will want to reassure him and in the end she'll make some promise Jamie will subtly lead her to make, one she didn't have to do because he'll be happy but still he'll use this to get something from Brooke, like a sleepover or her picking him up from school, he'll weasel his way in for some more Bramie time. Something that will more than likely mean ice cream as well.

I shake my head just thinking about it.

_Peyton POV_

It feels so weird, everything is just different. Now as I re-explore my old home I'm seeing it all over again for the first time, truly seeing it with wide open eyes for what it is now. It's not the same but it is _right_, it all fits together so nicely.

I kind of wish I could fit in as easily as everything else.

And speaking of, there they are. Sitting around a table talking and smiling, there's a free seat but I know it's not for me. Not anymore.

It kind of sucks when you come home and realise that everything else moved on while you were away, and I don't even have anyone else to blame but myself.

I gave up so much for the life I thought I wanted, thought was meant for me, for a foolish dream that wasn't ever really mine I gave up on a million chances that didn't seem to match up to what I had pictured as perfection. I was a bitch; I hurt a lot of people who loved me over the years and now I'm alone. Utterly, completely alone, and I still don't want to be but I'm not sure if I deserve to be anything else.

People always leave. When did I turn myself into one of those people? When did I start walking away?

When did I start doubting what I wanted?

And suddenly I'm sitting hugging my legs, Jake is behind me, and I know what he's going to say, I remember it, remember that in three seconds he's going to open his mouth and tell me how I should go home, how what I feel for him isn't right or enough or real or whatever stupid, horrible words he used.

I chase away the memory before it can take root, yet even as the picture fades I feel his touch against my hair.

Why I think of those words he spoke I'm not sure, maybe because I always come home when I want answers, maybe because I always turn to Luke when I no longer feel safe.

A safety net when life gets too hard, too painful, too close to something that scares me…

Peyton, don't think like that.

But why not? Maybe I should have thought about this all a little more before I just went and did things. Maybe I should have thought before I did a lot of thing in the past.

And not just about my damn self, god, I've been a selfish bitch.

I led Lucas on, time and time again I walked the moment he wanted something more and yet I come straight back when he's happy with someone else. And I didn't care enough to not walk over other people as I figured out what I wanted or needed, and it's not just with Lucas, it is with every guy I ever get with.

And Brooke…

My best friend, what was I thinking when I told her I was in love with her boyfriend? The only guy she's ever loved, after what happened last time, with everything I know about Brooke I told her that.

_But what if Brooke didn't have Lucas?_

There it is again, that voice

What if Brooke didn't have Lucas?

Then maybe I could work on that dream I have, but the thing is it shouldn't matter, it _doesn't _matter because Brooke does have Lucas, just like she had him in high school and just like Lindsey had three years ago. And I have to respect that, don't I?

I do. And _I _can. I can do this because I'm not a scared, lonely kid anymore, I'm not a confused twenty two year old, and maybe I have finally grown up.

All I know is I can't be that woman anymore.

And Lucas, bless him, isn't going to let me be. Hell, somebody should have slapped me years ago.

Okay Brooke did slap me and yeah so did Haley this time, and okay nobody should have had to be that person for me, I should have just been a better person myself.

And a kid doesn't need to explain this to me, not this time. My eyes are open and I can see for myself.

Lucas isn't mine.

I love him, I don't know how to just shut it off, but he's happy and I have to respect that, I have to let him be happy.

I have to let myself be happy.

Just thinking about it takes me back to all the chances, all the moments in my life, where I turned my back on happiness.

Where I screwed things up.

There was Nathan who I let treat me badly, I was safe with him, our hearts weren't fully involved and we both held back because I think we both didn't want it to be any other way. But I did care, I did feel something, love I can admit looking back but more like you love a friend or a brother.

And Lucas, so different to anyone else I had ever met, we clicked and he could read me so well and it scared me and thrilled me and moved me. He wanted something, something I thought I could only dream of yet with him I could taste it. And it felt so good, too good, and I just couldn't do it, I ran, and then it was too late. Brooke happened.

The dream squashed me. It was a loss that seemed fitting, and I had myself to blame. But it still hurt. And there was Jake, I knew it, I felt it, as things slowly changed for us. It happened so quickly and slowly I still can't quite work it all out. I guess I was falling in love with Jake even as I was coping with the Lucas drama.

And then suddenly I had Lucas again, and it felt wrong yet so right. I don't know the words to excuse what I did, to excuse the fact I dived in knowing how it will all end. And I ended it, too late when the pain was already going to be there for all of us. I thought maybe it wasn't, maybe I could save something, and maybe I could take it back and have everything be _right_.

You know, Brooke and I best friends forever, Lucas and I friends, perhaps Brooke and Lucas friends. Because we were kids and love was just so _big_. It had to be easier than what we all were going through.

And after the mess had cleared it was, hard to believe.

Or maybe considering everything that happened later on it was never clear, it was just waiting to rear back up, maybe it always does. It still is.

But for a while it did seem mess free.

I got Brooke back, I got Lucas back and I got Jake back.

And it was amazing and I was happy, and I fell hard, hard for this life that was torture and pain and happiness and joy. It's addictive.

Then it all crumbled.

And it all starts over and over again.

Theme here, I screw up.

I screw it up, whether it's my life or theirs. Hearts are such a delicate thing.

They break too easily, and as much as they mend there are always going to be those missing and frayed pieces.

I'm laughing again.

A trail of broken hearts.

I can't breathe, it hurts.

My chest is tight.

My cheeks are tingling.

Broken hearts, breaking hearts, healing hearts.

The laughter still comes, painful, weak and harsh.

I don't want to be that woman.

I'm sick of that woman.

I want to be happy.

And I don't want to take anyone else's happiness either.

I'm shaking my head even as I think it.

I need Brooke.

I need my sister and my friend. I need the constant that she is, the love that she gives, I need her back again. I have missed something all this time and I think I know what it is, it is love but like Brooke told me sometimes it doesn't matter where the love comes from.

Being in love doesn't mean happiness, being in love doesn't have to bee it.

Just love.

From family, friends or even from a place.

Love.

Maybe that is why Brooke became the girl who had everything figured out, because she figured that out. And I think she tried to teach me that and I was too stubborn or blind to learn.

Or not ready.

But I feel I'm ready now.

For life and for love.

Real love, and I'm not talking about to death do us part, epic romance love, just real love in all its forms. No more dreams for me, just reality, just real love.

Like Brooke, I love that girl, I always have for as long as I can remember and I know I've hurt her in the past but if I could somehow make it right this time I'll never make the same mistake again.

Not just because they're not going to let me, all of them, that is.

But because I won't let me.

She may be able to forgive me, he may be able to forgive me, though it doesn't matter because this time I don't forgive myself.

Everything's changed this time around. Tree Hill, Brooke and Lucas, and I laugh, so have I.

I have changed.

_You're meant for better. _

_You are. _

_Listen to me. I need you to get past this. _

_I need you to forget about me and move on, okay?_

_You're too amazing to carry this around, you're too full of greatness… and… and I love you too much. _

Maybe one day that free seat can belong to me. I smile a sad smile as I turn away.

They don't see me, but I see them. Nathan, Lucas and Jamie walking towards that table with all the girls, they don't see me because all they are looking at is _them_. And its okay, it really is.

I don't fit.

It hurts.

But its okay, it has to be.

Maybe one day I can fit again like I use to.

I have to believe that, because love no matter what form it come in is what matters, and god I love _a lot _of the people on the table. Not just one.

Not just one.

I hope its going be okay.

Sighing I give one last glance to the group, soaking the sight in.

Yeah, it's going to be okay.

I walk away.

_You know I could have held you in my arms forever and it still wouldn't have been long enough._

_Lucas POV_

Brooke looks different; it isn't just in her body it's in her eyes and her smile.

"Hi, Pretty Girl" I whisper as I pull away from the swift kiss, her hand is gently touching my shoulder and mine stays cupping her cheek.

Her eyes shine and sparkle, I never thought Brooke could get more beautiful but she has, somehow she has squeezed more beauty in there.

Someone coughs, and Brooke and I force our eyes away from each other to look at the others who are all smiling at us, and we both chuckle, the others laugh.

But then my eyes are back to her "how are you feeling?"

"Like a very satisfied Brooke"

I can see that, how can she show that smile in public, it should be outlawed.

I try to get my mind back to or surroundings, my eyes flicker around the table before flicking back to Brooke. My touch leaves her cheek and I lean over, placing my hand on the back of her chair "they all know, don't they?"

She gives a guilty little nod and bites her bottom lip.

"I don't know" Jamie pipes up.

Brooke immediately turns to our godson and opens her arms. Jamie bypasses me, pushing me instinctively backwards as he races to Brooke.

She kisses his cheek and he kisses hers, with her hands holding his small waist Brooke looks directly at Jamie "let's go for a walk, come on, handsome"

There's a brief look and nod that passes between her and Haley before Brooke stands up, her hand holding Jamie's and she walks away with him.

My attention is, I must admit, on the sway of her hips.

"…Luke?"

"Yeah, Ma" my head snaps back.

Mom shakes her head and then kinks an eyebrow at me "don't you have something to tell me?"

Oh.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I ask with a lopsided smile.

_Brooke POV_

We sit together unmoving, his head resting against my shoulder, my cheek atop his soft blonde hair.

I love Jamie, I've watched him grow into this amazing little boy and as much as I cherish our time together it always ends, because he's Naley's.

I love Sam, and she is _my _daughter, nothing can change that no matter what blood is or isn't flowing through our veins, but I missed the first fifteen years of her life.

She's my daughter but she's never been my child. My kid yeah, Sam's my kid, my daughter, my pride and joy, but I never rocked her as a baby or soothed her tears, I never fixed a boo boo or read her a bed time story.

And I will never tell her how much it aches that I never got that with her, it's alright though because I don't like focusing on what I missed, I like to focus on the time I do have. And I make the most of it.

Still, knowing I will get this chance to have everything, and I mean _everything_, the chance to be a real mother, not a god mother, not a foster mother, but to get time from the first breath where it doesn't have to end. Well, knowing that feels amazing and magical.

"Are you going to have a baby?" Jamie draws me out of my thoughts.

I pull him closer and look down at him, our eyes meet and I see a million questions in those blue orbs.

Nodding I smile.

He looks down, I lift his chin with my finger "hey, this doesn't change anything for us, okay?"

Jamie still has his eyes lowered but he nods. This definitely doesn't change anything for us, and I need him to know that "Jimmy-Jam, look at me"

He does.

"Aunt Brooke, are you happy?"

"Yeah, I am. Me and your Uncle Lucas are very happy, we both wanted to have a baby, not this soon, but sometimes things happen when they are meant to happen not when you think they should happen. And we're not worried because we know this baby is going to have a lot of love, it's got us, and everyone else and it's going to have the best big cousin in the whole wide world"

Jamie grins "true"

"And we Scott's have to stick together"

He gives a little frown "but if you have a baby when will you have time for Bramie?" and he gives the slightest little smile as he asks the question. Little sneak.

"Well, I think I can squeeze you in between the nappy changes and the shopping trips, maybe, if I move around something" and I roll my eyes and exaggerate my tone, he gives a fake gasp and I wink and nudge his side "seriously, you'll always be my godson and we still have a _long _time to go before this baby comes into the world"

"So we can have extra Bramie time before that?" he slyly asks, why did I not see this coming?

I nod.

"Cool"

"Yeah, cool. Now come on, we better get back, your parents are probably wondering if I'm pulling a Carrie"

He gets up first, jumping off the bench and walking in front of me "I'm happy too" he says as if it's an afterthought.

I chuckle "I'm glad. I wouldn't want the cutest Scott in town to loose his gorgeous smile"

He spins around, walking backwards now, pointing to his chest with his thumbs "I won't" and he slows down so we're walking side by side, his little face looks up at me "Aunt Brooke, will you still think I'm the cutest Scott even when the baby's born?"

How do I answer that one? Ha

I roll my eyes again and give his shoulder a lite push "heck no, by then I'll be the cutest Scott in town"

"Oh right" he laughs.

I wrap an arm around his neck and give his hair a quick tousle "come on, Cutie" I encourage him to hurry up as I let go, he slips his hand into mine and leads the way his voice asking an innocent question "Aunt Brooke…"

_Lucas POV_

By the time we get back to the court yard where the table is, Brooke and Jamie are just sitting down. Another table and more chairs have been added in our absence and I take the one next to Brooke willingly.

I give Brooke a gentle swift kiss to the lips, leaning over her with my hand against the back of her chair, and our eyes meet as I lower myself into the seat.

Even though we have just been through this routine not too long ago I don't mind doing it again, actually I have a sudden urge to walk away just so I can come back and have an excuse to kiss and touch her again.

I don't really need an excuse though; she is my fiancée after all. I kiss her again and take her hand, placing it on my knee "how'd it go?" I whisper as I once again lean forward.

Brooke nods "it went better than I expected"

"Good. So what did you promise him?"

"Nothing"

Oh yeah, I doubt that "Brooke"

"Yes, fiancée"

"What did it cost us?" how much ice cream?

She tilts her head and gives a wide dimpled smile, her husky voice rolling down my spine as she curls her fingers over my shoulder "one week of the holidays". It could be worse I guess, not that I can complain, I get Brooke for the rest of our lives. Why begrudge Jamie one week.

"And he says not to call his cousin Bridget" Brooke adds on with a smirk, laughing I raise a doubtful brow.

Someone once again fake coughs and I lean back to sit properly in the chair, reluctantly I might add. Brooke's free hand covers my hand so it's between both of hers, gives it a quick squeeze and sends me a wink.

I love her winks.

When I drag my eyes away from Brooke I notice Mom watching us with a big smile and a look of pride.

_I know things haven't been easy between you two, they never are... I would tell you to be happy Luke, but it's not necessary, I know Brooke makes you happy and that I'll never have to worry about your hearts again. They're safe. _

**_thank you for all the lovely reviews, hope this chapter gets a similiar reception, i personally am not completely happy with it but well whatever i wanted it out there. have a great day! luv mickei_**

**_next chapter: something is about to rock brucas, it may seem small, but to them its so much more. who can help them?_**


	13. Tilted

**Disclaimer: i do not own anything.**

**so yeah i cant update anything at hoem on my computer so my updates my be very few and far between, at the moment im using the internet at a convenience store near where i work, which is a bloody rip off but hey i wanna update.**

**so heres the latest chapter, hope you enjoy. **

_Brooke POV_

By the time I walk up to the front door I'm exhausted, today has been a long day and parting with Lucas had been bittersweet.

I hear something, a sound muffled by the heavy door, fumbling with the keys I hurry up in my attempt to get inside.

The phone is ringing through the house, I don't know why I'm so anxious but I suddenly feel rushed, I have to get to the phone.

"Hold on" I call out irrationally as if whoever is calling me can hear my request.

I trip over the mat by the door and swear, finding my balance I manage not to fall flat on my face and stretch out my arm for the wall. Closing my eyes I briefly relax, letting the dizziness leave me.

Breathe, Brooke, just breathe.

One. Two. Three.

I open my eyes and turn to glare at the mat by the door, stupid ugly thing, I knew I should have told Lucas to throw it out.

The phone is still ringing, shit, I quickly turn back around and jog towards the kitchen and the phone, kicking of my shoes as I make my way through the house, my hand stretches out and then I'm bringing it to my ear "Hello?"

"Brooke, I've been trying to call you for like forever"

"I just got home. Sorry, sweetie. Why didn't you just call my cell?"

"I did. Maybe you should check it" Sam replies, and so I reach over to my bag and dig through it until I feel my phone, I lift it out and swear again as I notice it's turned off.

"I must have forgotten to charge it. So tell me, honey, how's school?"

"Oh, _gawd_, don't mention it. Please, don't mention it. I think I totally bombed my last paper. And besides I called to talk about _you_"

I am sure Sam's overreacting, I can't remember the last time she failed anything. That's my girl.

"Oh, come on. My Sam _bomb _a paper, I don't believe it, you probably aced it-"

"Why is Brooke Davis not jumping at the chance to talk about herself?" Sam interrupts me and I can hear her laugh, it causes me to smile as well.

"Brooke?" she asks again when I don't say anything.

I sigh "I really don't want to do this over the phone"

"So are you going to hang up on me like Haley did?"

Haley did what? "Haley hung up on you? When?"

"When I couldn't get through to you I tried Haley's, I was going to ask her about the engagement party, which by the way I am _so _sorry I missed, but I'm coming home next weekend, anyway she completely cut me off and refused to tell me anything. Said I had to talk to you, and then when I asked to speak to Jamie she just said 'talk to Brooke' and then slammed the phone down… so, Brooke, I'm talking to you, please don't hang up on me"

I'm picturing Haley trying not to say something, then freaking out when Sam wanted to speak to Jamie and just slamming the phone down. Oh, her eyes must have gotten so big.

"Brooke?" She sounds impatient.

"I told you, I don't want to tell you over the phone"

"Well you're going to whether you like it or not because I am not waiting a week to find out what the hell is going on, so either you tell me now or I'll track down Jamie and make the kid squeal"

"That is mean, Sam, mean. Can't you wait a few days, trust me when I say the wait is going to kill me as much as it does you"

"No it won't. You know how I don't like not knowing something, come on, spill"

Okay, but don't say I didn't try.

Smiling, I look over at the fridge where a collage of pictures occupy the space, pictures of Lucas and me, pictures of Sam, Jamie, the twins, Naley, Karen, Lily, Mouth, Millie, Rachel, Coop, Laurie and Skillz. In the middle was one from the day Lucas moved in with us, Lucas and I sat on the couch, his arm slung behind me, Jamie on his lap with the little boy holding my hand against his knee, Sam is leaning against my side, her fingers doing bunny ears behind Lucas' head. It's my favourite picture so far, we're all smiling and our eyes are shining up at the camera, I still remember the grin Haley had worn as she took that photo.

My family.

"If I tell you promise not to freak"

I hear her smile, I know is that weird? but I can tell, and I can also tell she is rolling her eyes at me so I just say it "how are you with babysitting? Because as the big sister I figure I get to use you for free"

There is a strange silence on the other line.

"Sam? Sam? Tell me if you're dead?"

"Oh shit Brooke, no way, you're knocked up? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did, just then"

"Fuck, everyone knows before me don't they?"

"Language, young lady"

"Don't change the subject, old lady"

I hate when she calls me that, I am not _that _old, I'm only twenty six, and as strange as it sounds considering Sam is my foster daughter, there is not even ten years between us. So I'm not _old_.

"Hey! If you bothered to come visit your old lady every now and then maybe you wouldn't be the last to know"

"I can't believe Luke found out before me" I hear her complain and hold back my laughter.

"It's his kid" I shoot back.

She merely replies quickly "but you're my Brooke… I guess you're our Brooke" she adds on in a mumble.

I scoff "since when did I loose ownership of myself?"

"I would say three years ago"

She's quick; she didn't even pause for that one.

I look away from the fridge and stare down at the diamond on my finger, unable to say anything for a moment. Everything is going a little differently than I expected, I can't help but think how it wasn't meant to be this way and I wonder how Sam feels about the baby.

All of a sudden I blurt out "you're happy about this, right?"

There is silence again this time as she thinks of something to say, eventually she settles on a calm "I'm not freaking"

"That's good because I am. I wish you were here" And I didn't even know I felt that way until I said the words.

I miss Sam, and I wish she was here this weekend to help balance everything out, to help remind me how happy and right my world is, to help remind me everything is going to be okay.

"Why you freaking? What, is it so terrible to get everything you ever wanted?"

Actually it is. It's quite scary because suddenly I have everything to loose.

I'm glad Sam can't see the smile slip from my face as I whisper "Peyton's home"

I expect another explosion, some reaction, but there is nothing

"Did you hear me, Peyton's back" I repeat it, thinking this time Sam will say something.

And she does. "So?"

"Peyton's back" I say again, in a tone that clearly says _why don't you care, don't you see how _big _this is?_

Again I can tell she's rolling her eyes "Brooke, unless Luke has suddenly run off with her, which I highly doubt, I do not see the problem here. Isn't she like one of your best friends, didn't you tell me how much you wanted her to come home all those years ago? Now she's home, you've still got Lucas, you got the kid inside you, and you got me, seems to me now you do really have everything you ever wanted, so what the hell is the problem?"

When she says it like that…

Sam can look at this clearly, she has never met Peyton, was never dragged into the love triangle even though she did witness the tug and push game Lucas and I played as we got back together. But still I don't know if that clear head is a good thing or a bad thing in the circumstances, maybe it just makes her oblivious to how serious this could be.

_Could _be.

Not is.

Which is exactly what Sam was saying really.

"Would you be so cool about this if I told you she gatecrashed my engagement party, told my fiancé she loved him and then kissed him?"

Sam's reaction was immediate and I couldn't help but smile as I heard her curse and start yelling "what? The bitch did what? You have got to be fucking kidding me, tell me Haley decked her, and tell me Lucas did her in for sexual harassment. I can't believe you ever called her your friend let alone your best friend. Tell me where to find the skank and I'll sort her out"

I slap my knees "welcome to Team Brooke"

_Lucas POV_

I wish I could just go home and sleep. Or better yet, go home, crawl into bed and wrap my arms around Brooke.

It has been a long day, a great day for sure, but a long one. And I would really like to just close my eyes, relax and sleep. I'm so tired I'm barely paying attention. I did suggest to Brooke I could reschedule today, though considering I'm meant to be making the final decision on where exactly we're getting married in a matter of months, lets just say she didn't take my suggestion well.

We're still torn, doing the same dance we have for the last few months going between two places.

There's the church down on Abbey Way, right next to the playground, it's beautiful and something from another era, we both fell in love with it on first sight but at the same time its so small. I doubt our wedding party could all fit in, let alone all our family and friends.

This morning when I went there it seemed even smaller.

There's the ballroom, the hotel staff are trying to sell us on their location, and they're the only ones who seem to care about getting the wedding of a best selling author to his self made millionaire fiancé. It's probably more to do with the fact I am marrying _the _Brooke Davis, it is still weird to see people come ask for her autograph when we go out. But we are reluctant to hold the ceremony and reception there, it all seems too… well… not us.

We did consider the beach, however as much as Brooke loved the idea (since she did come up with it) she loved her gorgeous wedding dress even more. I am assuming it's gorgeous; I haven't a clue what it looks like. But Brooke chose the dress over the beach.

Now I'm on my way back from Charlotte still with no final decision on the location, and Brooke is expecting me to have made up my mind.

I just want the perfect place, somewhere that can be special, so in fifty years when we look back on the day there is not one regret. And I don't think we've found perfect yet.

"I like the church" Nathan suddenly says and I turn in the passenger seat to give him a thankful smile.

I like it too "it's too small" but there's that.

Nathan sighs "well you've got to pick one or you'll be getting married in my backyard and it ain't big enough either"

"Thanks, but I think your backyard is bigger"

"So what's the problem, solution solved, just pick the hotel"

And I wish it was as simple as that, but nothing ever is.

You can't settle on something just because it fits better or is the easy choice.

It has to fit, but even more important you have to choose what you love. And as long as you follow your heart then you made the right decision.

"It's not that simple" I say to Nathan.

Nothing ever is.

_Brooke POV_

I'm still feeling slightly dizzy when I finally finish the conversation with Sam and say goodbye, I'm just so tired that I could crawl into bed and sleep for days, but I have so much to do.

Not to mention I should probably take Eli for his walk.

"Eli, boy, time for walkies" I call out.

He should run to me straight away, usually he's jumping on me when I'm just thinking the magic word, and I expect Eli to do just that. But he doesn't.

"Eli?"

It's not until the fourth time I call his name that I see the front door open, caught on that stupid mat I had tripped on when I first came home.

And its then that I realise I haven't seen or heard from Eli since I walked through the door.

Fear slowly rises inside me, my heart fills like it's about to leap from my chest, the cold dread shakes me to the core.

How else can I say it?

My ears are ringing as I finish searching through the house and yard, I mean there's a chance he's just sleeping somewhere, there's a chance he never went near that open door.

But I know I am lying to myself and I've wasted precious time, so I race to the front door and with large anxious eyes search the horizon.

But he's gone and I can't see him.

And that's when I start crying.

_Lucas POV_

There are the moments when you just know its all about to change, and like the simple moments of love that fill up life these moments do too. Sometimes you don't even realise you even felt it til it has passed, until your whole life has already changed.

Yet the moment I heard my phone ring I knew the world had suddenly tilted.

_Peyton POV_

It is hard to accept it all, to look back on every choice I have made, every action I have done, and suddenly look at it from a different view and see every single wrong turn.

Every single moment of pain I have inflicted on the people I care about or the people I should have maybe tried to care about.

And as much as I want to make it right I don't know if I even have the right too do that.

My first instinct is to go talk to Brooke and to explain it but then I think how can I possibly explain what I have done or tried to do. I don't know how she listened to it all back then let why she should now.

As much as I owe her an explanation, as much as she deserves an apology, there shouldn't be an explanation and I don't think there really is one.

I don't know if I make sense to myself let alone anyone else.

For so many years I have been hiding what I feel, and not just from the world but I think from myself as well.

I don't want to hide anymore.

And that means I have to face her, no matter what is waiting for me.

I am not ready.

I am not ready at all.

But I have to be.

_Brooke POV_

I shouldn't be here.

I should be out looking for Eli with everyone else but instead I am sitting at home with Jamie trying to distract me.

They said somebody has to stay at home in case he comes back, and over the phone Lucas had demanded I relax and think of the baby. But it's not that simple.

Eli is my baby too, he is more than just a pet, to me he represents how far Lucas and I have gone, and he represents the hope for our relationship and our future.

And more than that, I simply love Eli.

I want him home.

I want to stamp my feet and demand my boys both home this instant.

But instead I'm sitting waiting, watching a clock which seems to move slower and slower, and I hate it.

Jamie takes my hand and squeezes it, that makes a little of the pain go away but not all of it, because I know deep in my heart that this is my fault.

Guilt is a horrible pain in itself.

_Peyton POV_

There is something inside me that I have never felt before, not like this.

It has a name.

Guilt.

Deep, painful guilt.

It is all part of that whole looking back with a different view thing, my new eyes and new realisations bring on old feelings, only ten times stronger.

Guilt is the one that overtakes me as I walk up to Brooke's front door, her bright red front door, and its still there as I knock.

And when Brooke opens that door after a pause that lasted too long, as I look into her tear stained eyes, the guilt keeps growing.

My mind flashes back to when Haley opened her door, when I saw the fear in her eyes as she looked at me, it took me so long to place that emotion in Haley's eyes, but I quickly recognise the anger that takes over Brooke's now.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, clearly shocked and clearly very angry.

But I don't know what to say, what am I doing here? I'm not sure.

"Peyton, if you don't-"

"I-" I interrupt her but she is quick, she interrupts me straight away.

"No. Save it. I don't want to hear anything you say, Peyton, you're the same backstabbing two faced bitch you were back in high school, hell three years ago, and you haven't learnt anything at all… so save it, just go"

"Brooke, I-"

"I don't care about anything you say which begins the sentence with '_I' _so take whatever you think you have to say and tell someone who cares because I can't do it anymore"

Maybe I should say something, anything, but I can't, I think I've said enough I shouldn't have so instead I just listen, I let her take the anger out on me.

"You know I trusted you, and I don't know why I ever did because you never did anything to earn it, yet I keep trusting you, and I trusted you when you told me you weren't here for Lucas… I trusted _you _more than I trusted him, how crazy is that"

She even laughs before she continues.

"I should have known it was just another lie. It was my night, Peyton, my night and my fiancé, two things you had no right to touch. Just like you have no right to my trust"

Each thing she says is like a stab at my heart, I try to stop from flinching at each verbal slash, I think I fail.

Not that she would notice.

The insults blur together, the anger seems to make more sense than the words themselves, and against my will my mind stops understanding what she is yelling at me.

Because somewhere along the line her raspy voice lost its cool tone and turned into full out yelling.

The whole time though I never lost contact with her pained angry eyes.

I was so focused on them that the slam of car door didn't register until Haley was wrapping an arm around a hysterical Brooke and trying to calm her down as she tried to lead her back though the open door.

And I just stand there and let it happen.

I'm still standing there as the door slams in my face.

I can still hear the crying and the yelling, I'm not sure how long it is before I go to turn away but I somehow manage to find my legs and walk away.

The door opens again and feet come running towards me, I'm scared Brooke has more to say, scared she doesn't, but it's not Brooke's voice that gets me to turn back.

It's Haley.

"Peyton, why are you here?"

I'm still not sure.

But I have to answer don't I.

The words don't come to my lips, Haley fills the silence.

"She's pregnant, do you hear me, Brooke's having his baby, and you're trying to destroy a _family _this time around"

I'm surprised how that doesn't hurt, not one bit. If anything a part of me is happy, this means I haven't ruined things, maybe my being here could just be forgotten.

Though for some reason I don't believe that.

It can't be that simple.

I never meant to hurt her. But I did.

"I never meant to hurt her" I say the words out loud, I didn't even think about it, somehow they were just out.

"But you did" Haley replies simply, her shoulders sagging "you know it's not your fault, whatever happened between them in the past or what happens now, in the end it was and is up to the two of them… but all those insecurities Brooke has, a lot of them are there because you keep hurting her, whether you meant to or not… and that's on you"

Guilt. Its still there and I would like to think Haley's right but a part of it is my fault, and I can finally admit that, so I think I have to keep the guilt for now.

Sometimes guilt is a healthy thing.

I don't think coming here has helped me in anyway, I don't think Brooke or Haley told me anything I hadn't already figured out on my own.

But it doesn't really matter.

I just hope that Brooke said what she needed to say, I hope she was helped in someway by this. I really do.

"I made I mistake. I know that" I say quietly.

Haley tilts her head.

"I finally get it" I finish and with that I turn back around and walk to my car.

She's still watching me as I reverse out of the driveway but the last view I have of my old home is Haley running back inside.

She's running to Brooke.

That could have been me.

Yeah, I definitely made a mistake along the way.

_Lucas POV_

The searching keeps going.

As soon as they all heard Eli had gotten out there had been no second thoughts, we had a whole search party planned instantly.

I wish I could be at home with Brooke right now, I can't believe I haven't seen her yet, I am dying to hug her and whisper everything is going to be alright. But at the moment I am at better use being active and searching for Eli because having him with me when I get home will be the best way to tell her everything is going to be okay,

"Brooke is probably itching to be out here with us" Laurie says into the silence, I nod, that thought hasn't been far from me since Haley called hours ago with the news.

Laurie adds on again "and the strange thing is I don't find it odd at all that we're all out searching for Eli as if he was a missing three year boy instead of dog"

And Mouth simply laughs "if you think this is bad, you should have seen what Brooke was like when Sam did a vanishing act three years ago. She had us all searching for days, by the time Julian and Lucas found her-"

"Who is Julian?"

I groan "someone I really don't want to talk about"

"The producer for Ravens" Mouth supplies anyway and then whispers on "_and the guy who nearly swept Brooke away from Lucas"_ as if I didn't hear him.

Laurie says loudly "how did I not know about this?"

Probably because I hate hearing his name, even if against my will I sort of like the guy, history though, I have to remind myself that, he's just a part of our long history.

"I am still here!"

"So this Julian is that guy who wanted to do the almost movie Ravens…I now know why you ended up knocking him back"

"I wouldn't say he knocked him back, Luke has written three other scripts for him since then" Mouth now shoots in for my defence.

"We're meant to be looking for a dog!" I say loudly, Laurie looks at me with a smirk, okay so I get a little jealous, just a tiny bit, but Julian is the first guy I ever really felt threatened with when it came to Brooke. I saw them together, even as friends and it really hit me what I was letting go.

For the first time I think I saw Brooke falling for someone else, as hard as it is for me to admit that, and well I didn't like it. In the end though we all ended up friends, I'm just glad that Julian lives in a different state and it's a very long distance friendship.

Oh god I wish I could find Eli and go home to Brooke, but it's getting late and I have a sinking suspicion when I end up dragging myself home tonight I will be doing so alone.

The search continues, eventually I tell Laurie and Mouth to go home, call the others and tell them to call it a night as well.

It's two in the morning when my eyesight has become so useless that I mise well be sleeping in my car that I finally give in and decide to make my way home.

It is a very sombre home I enter.

Brooke isn't asleep though, she's sitting on the couch hugging a cushion to her body and when I walk in she looks at me with her big brown eyes waiting for an answer, waiting for hope.

And I can't give her the one she wants.

I shake my head and a sob escapes from her, it breaks something inside me.

How quickly days can change, they can start great yet end broken, or it can go the other way, any moment can suddenly change it. Like a see-saw that keeps going up and down, one you can't get off.

I would like to just stand and steady my feet, bring Brooke into my arms and let the world stop spinning around us.

I would like to steady her world.

So I do the next best thing, I go over to her and place one arm around under her knees and then use the other one to bring her body to my chest as I lift her up, then I carefully carry her through our home and up the stairs and into our bedroom.

Once she's placed on the bed I kick off my shoes and crawl in with her, wrap my arms around her, bring Brooke close and just hold onto her sobbing form as we slowly slip into sleep.

Our world may not be that steady but as long as we're holding onto each other we won't fall.

**coming soon: peyton decides to leave tree hill, the fate of eli is revealed, more bl history becomes known... find out in the next chapter... maybe.**

luv mickei


	14. Wake Up

_**Disclaimer: i do not own anything, so please dont sue me caus i have nothing of value, unless u like my book collection, but even that wouldnt be worth much secondhand. **_

**hey blers, so... what u doing? nothing, what a shame, you should totally go check out fanpop, join up and come hang out in the brucas spot. seriously, give it a try.**

**anyways, a hugs to teamxxbrucasxx, teamsophia, bella, othfan326, princesakarlita411, longlivebrucas. photoboothromance, tanya2byour21, flipflopgal, for the reviews for last chapter. im looking forward to hear back from you guys like always, so advance thanks.**

**and im still unable to update on my home computer, so im typing this in hopes that ill be able to sneak time in somewhere else where there is internet and quickly update, and i guess if you're reading this then obviously i have. **

**on another note, caus im in a happy mood im gonna dedicate this chapter to my favouritist sister in the whole wide world, so this ones for Jondy, i love you big sis, even though you wanna abandon me and move to cairns with that boyfriend of yours :P but still ur you, so you're naturally forgiven. hugs, luv squirt.**

_Lucas POV_

Even before I woke my fingers were reaching for Brooke, something they did every morning, and when the fogginess of dreams finally faded I had realised that what my fingers were clutching had not been her.

Once again I woke to an empty bed, no warm body next to me. I don't think I'll ever get use to this again.

It isn't even seven o'clock and I already miss her.

I need Brooke, like I need the air I breathe. That may seem unhealthy, that may seem unbelievable, but for me it's simply a fact of life.

She is not only a want, she is a need.

And it pains me to see her broken.

I guess it would be expected that our night had been restless, our bodies twisting and turning in worry, or would it be less surprising if I was to admit it was the exact opposite. Last night was still and calm in each others arms, I woke in the exact same position except for the lack of Brooke curled against my chest.

Brooke usually wakes before me; it's been this way for as long as I can remember, from that very first night she stayed over all those years ago when we were sixteen. However, usually she doesn't leave the bed before me. Most mornings I wake to find her staring at me, just watching me sleep with a little smile on her lips, this is one of the reasons I love waking up most mornings.

I received no little smile this morning.

I find her leaning against the couch, her arms cross with one finger touching her lips in thought, and her eyes are staring straight at the front door. It's a lost look.

For a moment I continue to watch her from afar as I wait at the top of the stair case, I wait for some sort of move from her, a twitch even.

She remains so still, just as I put one foot down on the step beneath me I see her suddenly fly across the room. Like a woman possessed Brooke swings the door open and then slams it against the wall, my steps turn into a run but by the time I reach her she's slammed the door into the wall four more times. I see the mark it's left only subconsciously as I catch her in my arms, stopping her struggles by pulling her back against my chest and wrapping my arms around her, my hold trapping her arms.

"Brooke… shhh… It's going to be alright" and with my words she stops struggling and falls limp against me, my own legs weak from everything as well buckles and I seem to follow her down to the floor.

Now in my lap Brooke turns her face into my neck and I loosen my hold on her, now free she wraps one arm around my neck and tucks the other between our bodies, her fingers clasp onto the collar of the shirt I never took off last night.

Before I do anything else I kiss the top of her head and try to make my voice as light as possible "morning Pretty Girl, I love you" and even though she's crying and her tears wet my shirt I feel her give a reluctant chuckle.

Once sentence, that's all it takes.

I wonder if she's remembering like I am.

"_Morning Pretty Girl"_

_Brooke jumps and turns around with her hand over her heart "Lucas Scott, don't sneak up on a girl like that!" and she looks so scared and cute, I can't help but smile._

_She smiles back._

"_Just wait, is that a smile? Are you happy to see me?"_

"_No, that was a twitch. I hate you remember" she spins back around._

"_I love you" I don't let a heartbeat pass before I reply._

_Her whole body freezes "No, you _think _you love me. You'll get over it"_

"_And what if I don't?"_

"_You have before" she whispers so quietly I barely hear her, actually I'm hoping I heard wrong._

_I choose to ignore that comment "I love you Brooke Davis, and I know there's nothing I can say to make you believe that but I'm going to keep saying them anyway, because you never know, one of these days maybe you'll see it"_

_Brooke POV_

"_Morning Pretty Girl… I love you"_

"_Not again" and I go to slam the door in his face, his hand stops me._

"_Brooke, I just want to talk"_

"_No you want to talk about something I _don't _want to talk about, something we _have _talked about, a lot, Lucas"_

"_Just tell me the truth and we can move on" _

_And I almost step back in shock, it's the first time Lucas has even talked about ending this act of his or moving on, and a part of me is slightly disappointed he's backing down already, upset that my fears that his 'love' would fade aren't for nothing. I try to keep my face passive._

"_The truth about what?" I ask nervously._

"_Why did you tell Julian to go home?"_

"_It wasn't because of you" the lie slips from my mouth easily, maybe too easily. His eyes narrow. I sigh, "Go home, Lucas."_

"_Oh, now you're sending me away?"_

"_I'm trying to" and I go to close the door again, and once again Lucas stops it, he pokes his head into the house further._

"_Actually, I'm here to see Sam"_

"_My Sam?"_

"_Yeah-"_

"_I don't trust you Luke, I don't trust you when you say you love me or that this little act of yours won't end, and I sure as hell don't trust you around my kid. Playing with my heart is one thing but I won't let you play with hers"_

"_I'm not playing with any hearts"_

"_Playing daddy when you feel like it? That is playing with our hearts, Luke"_

"_I get it, you don't trust me. But I would never do anything to hurt Sam, or you for that matter… just give her this-" and he hands me a USB, our hands touch for a moment longer than necessary and I look down at where our fingers brush, then he's letting go and I look back up into his too blue eyes "- tell her it's good, really good, and she knows where to find me… so do you Brooke, if you need anything" and with that he's gone leaving me standing at my door not quite sure what just happened. _

_When the car finally drives away I slam the door shut and storm through the house to Sam's room, I give two loud knocks before I just burst through and walk up to her bed, pulling the pillow off her head and throwing it across the room._

_Sam lifts her head up, her dark eyes looking at me "who peed in your cheerio's?" she mumbles half asleep and slumps her head onto the mattress, closing her eyes again._

"_Stop talking to my ex boyfriends!"_

_This wakes her up, her eyes open wide "what?"_

"_Don't what me, you know what. All these phone calls to Julian, 'secret' sessions with Lucas, I don't like it… so stop it… please" and as she continues to look at me blankly I know she thinks she is doing this for me, that nobody will get hurt. I wish I could feel that way. I shake my head and just go to leave the room, placing the USB on her bedside table as I turn, at the doorway I'm stopped by her voice "wait! Did he say anything?"_

_And when I look into her eyes again there's a hope there, a fear as well, I wonder if that's what my eyes look like when Lucas is talking to me. I nod "he said it's good, really good"_

_Sam squeezes her eyes shut in relief for a split second and then she smiles, she looks at me with a glint in her eye and tilts her head "that's funny, he said the same thing about you"_

_I roll my eyes and turn back around ready to leave the room but not before I lift a finger to point at her "seriously, stop talking to my exes"_

_But her laughter follows me through the house. I would mind if it wasn't so good to hear her laugh._

"It may not feel like it right now, Brooke, but trust me, its going to be alright" Lucas' voice brings me back to the present, the memory fades away.

"I trust you" he's given me no reason not to, Lucas Scott earned my trust.

_Lucas POV_

I don't know how long we sat there on the floor in front of the open door, eventually the calmness came, I rocked Brooke in my arms and the tears started to flow again. Yes, I don't know how long we sat there for.

Eventually Brooke whispered through her tears "it's my fault, it's my fault Eli's gone"

I told her it wasn't, I told her it was an accident, and I told her we will find him.

She falls back to sleep in my arms and I carry her back to bed, this time I lay next to her, I don't touch her, I just watch her sleep.

Brooke Davis is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Even red eyed, even half naked over the toilet seat, even broken or vulnerable, Brooke Davis is beautiful.

Inside and out.

_Brooke POV_

Even when I wake up I am still tired, exhausted to my bones.

There is a heaviness that keeps me from opening my eyes, and if I open them I'll have to start my day, really start it. And if I start my day all over again then I'll have to remember all over again.

Instead I stay in bed, even though the sun is shining through the window and even though I know I have a whole life waiting for me outside this room.

So I have to open my eyes, I have to go live.

The first thing I see is the single red rose resting atop the pillow by my head.

_The first thing I notice is the red rose sticking out of the door, I am curious but I already know who is behind the rose. I pluck it from the door and a note falls to the ground._

'_Welcome Home'_

I can't help but smile, and even though Eli's gone there is a comfort knowing I still have Lucas.

_A lone rose stands up in a long silver vase, a white card poking from under the small base. It stands out from the doorway, waiting by itself on the ground._

'_Happy anniversary'_

_A rose on each step, I follow the path they map out._

_There's a white box waiting at the top of the stairs, a rose looped in the ribbon, a card on show._

'_Open Me'_

_It's a dress, red._

_By the bedroom door is a gold box, larger, the shape is all too familiar._

'_To match the dress'_

_It's a shoe box, I carry the two boxes inside the room, the bedside table jumps out at me, a bottle of wine waiting with an empty glass next to it, another rose laying beside them. This card is propped up, and as I finger the edge of a rose petal the words pop out._

'_Drink me'_

_I pour myself a glass and take a sip. Spinning around I now notice the rose dangling from the bathroom door, I go inside. There's an envelope by the next rose._

'_Relax. Have a shower first'_

I sit up in bed and look around "Lucas?"

There is no answer.

_I toy with the envelope before I open it, still dripping wet from the shower._

'_I believe there's an outfit waiting for you'_

_Dressed I stand in front of the mirror, another envelope in my hands; it had been under the dress waiting for me to discover it._

'_You look beautiful' is written on the cover, when I open it the letter says more 'you're not ready yet, Pretty Girl, check the second draw'_

_There's a box waiting for me, this one smaller._

'_I love you'_

_A heart on a white pillow, a white gold heart hanging from a chain._

"Lucas?" I call again, I don't know why, I already know he won't answer, I've been here before.

_The doorbell rings and I race down the stairs, I expect Lucas to be on the other side but it's a man I've never seen before "Miss Davis… Your night awaits" he gestures his arm out wide and steps back so I can see the black limo parked metres away._

_The door is opened for me and my eyes zoom onto the single red rose resting on the cushion, I take my seat and lift it. Something glitters from the stem, a shiny loop caught amongst the thorns and leaves. A shiny loop with a glittering diamond and my heart stops. It's a ring._

"_Marry me" _

_Before I can even look up he's kneeling in front of me, taking the rose from my fingers and slipping off the ring, he takes my hand in his and slides it onto my left ring finger, his voice slightly shaky just like his hands "I love you, Brooke Davis, I could love you forever, and I can't imagine a world where I won't get that chance. So I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, no matter what the future holds for us, I want it to be together… Pretty girl, will you marry me?"_

I pick up the rose and bring it to my nose, smelling its gentle scent before replacing it and reaching for the letter underneath. '_Brooke, I know you want to take on the world but please just think of our baby and stay calm. Don't worry about the store, I called Marc, it is all taken care of. I'm going to be out looking for Eli with Nathan today, and before you ask don't worry about the team, Skillz has it under control. Call me when you wake up, and I'll call you if I find anything. I love you, Lucas'_.

Sighing a let go of the letter and drop back into bed. Looks like I don't have to face the world quite yet.

"_Forever is a long time" I whisper breaking away from the kiss._

"_Not long enough…"_

_Peyton POV_

Two nights I've spent in Tree Hill, two nights and I'm not sure I should stay a third. I'm now questioning why I ever came back.

It was meant to be for my friends, I mean isn't that why I came home, because I missed everyone here. I missed my friends, the people I use to think of as my family. But I think all I've done is manage to drive a deeper wedge between us all.

I feel like I was on the right track, I saw Haley and Nathan, I saw Brooke, and it was good, there was that feeling between us that I was home. But then I saw Lucas, and I thought that would be the thing that completed the homecoming, instead it destroyed everything. And it's my fault. I asked for more than I should have and now I walk away with nothing. It's a risk I didn't even think about before I took it.

For some reason I thought I could come here, go straight back to the way things were, have my happily ever after with Lucas… actually no, I thought I could steal Brooke's happily ever after with Lucas and still have Brooke too.

And sitting in my car now with no one around I can admit that it's Brooke I miss more than Lucas, I miss them both, but the thought of loosing Brooke's friendship scares me more than the loss of Lucas' love.

When I drove away from her house, drove away from a broken Brooke, and saw Haley run back inside that was the moment it really hit me. I had been more jealous of Haley running to Brooke than I was of Brooke for having Lucas.

But I screwed up, story of my life. And because of my 'love' for one friend I may have lost both of them forever.

Who am I fooling; I lost them a long time ago.

I lost them over a year and a half ago when I made the decision not to call Haley back, to skip leaving a message for Brooke.

I lost them three years ago when I left Tree Hill.

Though I can't quite bring myself to regret my decision to leave, I still believe I made the right choice, especially now, because if I had been around their stories would be different and after seeing how happy they all are I can't make myself regret not being there if this is the result. But hell I do regret not being here at all, not even in spirit, I regret not making those phone calls and for waiting three years to come back for a visit.

I waited too long to _care_.

My bags are packed and splayed over the backseat, my hotel room is paid off, and my tank is full.

Tree Hill doesn't need me anymore, and its time for me to leave.

As I drive back through the town I use my hands free to call Fiona "hey girl, hows our city?"

"Surviving without you, barely, so when is P Sawyer going to come home?"

I thought I was coming home when I drove back into Tree Hill. I sigh and try to smile "I'm in the car right now"

"Oh…"

"I'll be back by tomorrow morning, in time for that meeting with War N Peace"

"I thought you were staying in Hicksville for a while"

"Change of plans, I guess I miss home"

Just wait… what's that…

Shit.

"Peyton? P? You okay?" Fiona's voice screams over the line as my car comes to a halt.

I fumble to undo my seat belt as nerves race through my body "I gotta go, Fi, I just hit something" and I end the phone call quickly.

I don't know what to expect, but my heart gives a little drop as I see the body on the side of the road.

Just great, more devastation before I leave Tree Hill, first I kiss someone else's fiancé and now I run over someone's innocent pet dog.

The first thing I do after running over to the dog is stroke though its thick dark hair, my fingers find the dog tag and I twist around to get a better look.

_Eli_

My heart drops again when I see the address on the other side.

Fuck.

"You've got to be kidding me".


	15. Waiting

**disclaimer: i dont own one tree hill or its characters, if i did, well peyton would loose the baby, lucas will remember who the f brooke davis is, and samn or julian would stumble across the letters. but well, yeha i dont own it so try to focus on the good this season. and just cros your fingers lp will come back to planet earth sometime soon.**

**so... this is me updating, are you shocked? i am, for the life of me i kept sitting in front of my computer and my little fingers just wouldnt move. plus i sort of have no idea whats going to happen, taking it one chapter and a fn time. but yeah here it is.**

_Peyton POV_

Please, please, please, can this be the part where someone comes out and says "you've been punk'd" because my luck can't be this bad. What the hell did I do in another life time for this karmic joke of a life?

Come on. I was leaving them alone! I was walking away!

What more can you possibly want?

Shit. Fuck.

I was ten frigging metres away from the Tree Hill zone, TEN METRES!

Shit.

They're going to think I aimed for their dog, and that I'm out to get them.

Ten metres!

But no ones jumping out of the bush, no ones going to tell me this isn't real, no ones going to help me out of this one.

This is happening and I have to DO something.

So I do.

_Brooke POV_

Can you close your eyes, just close them, and forget everything around you.

Forget your past, your present or even your future, the one you dream of or the one you fear, just forget it all.

Ignore the sounds, the feelings, the touch, the darkness and the light. Just clear your mind, heart and body.

What's left?

Nothing worth anything, you need it all, or you'll be empty. But I like doing this, then I slowly let it all back in, piece by piece, and the last thing I do is picture a moment where I can look back and say, that is when it all changed.

_Hi, I'm Brooke Davis, but you probably know that. I was thinking seeing you're sitting here all by yourself, and we're all standing here with nowhere to sit well then we could just sit here._

_Um… okay… I'll just ah go._

_Why don't you stay and we just go on from there._

_Ah-kay._

_So, do you have a name or do I just call you Curly?_

_It's Peyton, Peyton Sawyer._

Each time I see something different, this time I wish I did.

If I could go back, if I could just go back and change that day, would I?

No. I wouldn't, no matter all the bad things that happened in my life, no matter how Peyton hurt me I would never take away the good to erase the bad. It's all connected, change one thing and everything else shifts.

_You all know our journey has not been the most conventional, there were detours and misunderstandings, we hurt each other and we hurt ourselves, we are not ashamed of how we got to standing here, all that matters is we finally reached this point – where we belong._

It would all be too easy to just go back and have everything be perfect with no conflict, no pain, no issues, no insecurities… no heartache. But by changing the twists and turns, you change the path, and by walking a different path you get to a different destination. So I take the heartache, because it's what got me _here_.

You have to take it, that doesn't mean you don't fight, no, if you want to fight then you damn well better make sure what you fight for is worth it, and you take what the world, or destiny and fate throws at you. And if you have regrets you have to live with them, and if you can't do that then find a way so you can.

If that means forgiveness, revenge, acceptance or redemption then decide and make it happen. In life you can't always control what happens, but you can control how _you _survive, because in the end it's you who has to live with yourself.

I have to live with myself and the choices I make. I have to make a decision.

So I do.

_Peyton POV_

I don't like hospitals; I haven't since my mother went into one and never came out. I hate the waiting, the uncertainty and the smell. I try to avoid them as much as possible, even in high school when at some points the hospital seemed like a second home to our group, I still managed to spend as little time possible within those halls.

This doesn't feel much better.

There's still the waiting, the uncertainty and that smell.

"Is he going to be alright?"

The vet looks up with a smile "he'll be back to normal in no time. You can breathe"

I take his advice as relief fills me "oh good"

"So instead of telling them the worst you just have to break the news about his leg"

"Them?" I ask

He looks up again from Eli "his parents"

"How do you know it's not my dog?"

"Eli Benjamin Scott" he says with a sparkle in his eyes and a warm smile "Brooke and Lucas have been bringing Eli here since they got him. I know they will be grateful to get him home safe and… well home safe. If you like I could call them, get them to pick him up from here?"

I'm tempted to just pay the bill and walk away, tempted to just forget I ever came back to Tree Hill, but then I look away from the vet and instead into the deep amber eyes of little Eli Scott.

This is something I have to do.

For some reason fate has decided I'm not ready to go home yet.

I just wish I knew why.

Because it's hard, being here is hard.

And I have caused enough pain on these people, my friends, to last a lifetime and I want to stop the pattern. I want to stop it _now_.

But there's Eli's eyes, and as I look into them, as I remember how close I was to leaving I know I can't do that again.

"No, it's alright. I'll take him home"

And then _I_ can go home.

_Lucas POV_

"Brooke, go home!" I repeat.

She just smiles at me and pats my cheek "maybe later"

Maybe later? I don't think so, it's a hot day and she's emotional as it is, I don't want her roaming the streets of Tree Hill like a mad woman.

"Brooke…" I warn.

"Lucas" she replies with a kink of her eyebrow, and for a moment I feel us sinking into our usual battle pattern, I can almost believe this is like every other day.

But though she has that indulgent smile on her lips, though she has that cute kink of her brow, though she seems relaxed I _know _that inside its completely different. There is a worry in her eyes, stiffness to her stance and of course the sadness inside a heart that she always wears on her sleeve.

That's Brooke Davis for you. You may fall for her happy smile, once upon a time I did too, I mean those dimples could fool the best of us, and if Brooke is good at one thing its keeping her emotions to herself and pretending that she's fine when she is far from it. But once you see behind the mask you realize all those emotions are breathtakingly clear, all you have to do is look into her eyes.

And you can read her like a book.

"Brooke" I say her name softer this time and place my hands on her upper arms, rubbing gently "please, pretty girl, I'm worried enough about Eli, I don't want to have to worry about you too"

Her jaw tightens, in that little stubborn way it does "what? But it's alright that I have to worry about you?"

"Don't worry about me. I have Nathan to keep me safe"

"Puh-lease, I could take him" she crosses her arms as she says this, though there's a tilt in her voice that holds doubt and I know she's giving in.

"I love you Brooke, and I would do anything for you, but if you don't turn around and go home I'm gonna have to do something drastic"

"You have no idea what its like waiting, knowing I may never see the people I love ever again and not being able to do anything but wait and worry, its driving me crazy, Luke!" her outburst was sudden, she lowers her eyes and softens her voice "I need to _do _something"

I'm a little shocked and have a feeling that she wasn't just talking about Eli "okay" and I rub her arms again "how bout you go home and we get one of the girls to come keep you company, you can make some more posters, call around, keep an eye out in case anyone calls the house phone about Eli"

"In real people speak – go home and do nothing" she huffs.

"No. Not nothing, be our home base, help us, and help me by allowing me not to worry about the love of my life and our child. That is not nothing, Brooke that is everything to me" and I touch her cheek, in a move familiar to both of us.

_You're everything to me._

_Brooke POV_

Okay when he says something like that how can I resist?

Huh, you tell me that.

Not to mention the fact resisting Lucas Scott was something that I was never really good at, it takes everything in me to resist him, to go against him, and I am too weak now to not fall for it.

"Call me, the moment you hear or see anything, call me, cause I better be waiting for something… and make it something good"

He's still touching my cheek, stroking it in that reassuring way he does.

"I will"

He so better.

I go to move, but I don't.

We just continue to stand there.

I can't move.

I can't leave.

"I don't know if I can go"

And then he pulls me into a hug, and for a moment, a long moment, I don't need to go anywhere. He holds onto me until I find my feet.

_Peyton POV_

What's the worse that could happen?

I get slapped, yelled at, our past demeaned… oh yeah, been there, and done that.

They could hate me more than they already do?

I just really don't want to see more pain in Brooke's eyes.

And the selfish part of me, the part that is thinking of me, well that part of me doesn't want to be responsible for Brooke's pain. I don't want to feel this bad.

It burns.

I'm sitting my car again this time parked across the road from Brooke and Lucas' house, Eli sits next to me, his large warm eyes looking deep into my soul as if asking what I'm going to do.

Turning away I go back to staring at that house, Eli barks and I look back to him "you wanna go home, huh?"

He barks again.

"I guess I have to get out then"

But my hands don't move from the steering wheel and my legs don't seem to be able to work either.

"Once I do this I'm out of here, you hear me, once you're home I'm back in this car and I'm leaving-" my voice breaks, he's looking at me sadly, and I don't know why I feel like I have to justify myself to a damn dog, I don't need his approval.

"Don't look at me like that, just because you stopped me once… what am I suppose to do? They hate me and I can't _blame _them"

He barks while looking straight over my shoulder, and I look in that direction too.

Brooke is home, Haley is with her again, the two women start towards the house, Haley supporting her friend.

A sigh escapes my lips. I guess it's now or never.

But my feet won't move.

Closing my eyes I let go of a breath and turn to Eli, when I open my eyes he is looking at me again, this time when I sigh its one of surrender.

My hand picks up my phone the same time I look back at that house, I'm dialling a number I didn't even realise I still remembered, and as it rings I see Brooke stumble inside in a hurry.

I see Haley turn at the door, about to follow Brooke in but instead something stops her, and suddenly she's looking right at my car, her eyes in a frown, my mouth opens.

"Hello?" Brooke's husky voice comes through.

"Hi, it's me"

_Brooke POV_

The hope dies the moment I recognise Peyton's voice, this is a waste of my time, I go to hang up when, as if reading my thoughts, she begs "please don't hang up".

And for some reason I tighten my hold but keep it to my ear.

"Look, I know I am the last person you want to hear from, but I'm parked outside your place"

Okay, the first thought that pops into my head is a simple question.

What can she possibly want now?

"Peyton, I don't have time for this"

"I know, and I uh don't exactly know how to tell you this, I ran over your dog"

What!

Back up, slow down. What?

"What do you mean you ran over my dog?"

My heart race has picked up and I spin around to face the front of the house.

This just can't be happening.

Peyton's voice comes fast, I barely understand her "I was leaving town and he came out of nowhere so I took him to the vet, he's okay, he has a sore leg but he's okay, and so here I am, with your dog"

She has Eli, oh my god, she has Eli.

"Is Eli okay?"

"Yes" she replies immediately, but she'd already told me that, I just… he's okay, he is really okay. A chuckle breaks free from my throat and I cover my mouth, sending a silent pray of thanks to the skies.

And when I speak it's with a smile "and he's really next to you, right outside?"

I can tell she's nodding "yeah, he really is".

And just like that my world tilts back.

_Peyton POV_

I want to add on that I didn't aim for Eli, but I thought that would be pushing it too far, so I just wait for her to react.

Haley is looking between my parked car and where she must be able to glimpse Brooke inside.

Then Brooke asks me if he's okay and even though I'd already told her he's fine I still repeat it.

"And he's really next to you, right outside?"

I nod and give Eli a pat as I say with shy confidence "yeah, he really is".

"I… just wait" Brooke cuts herself off and through the corner of my eye I see her emerge from the house, the phone still to her ear.

Finally my feet move.

Before I know it I'm getting out of the car, Haley looks really confused but Brooke isn't even looking at me, she's staring at my car, there's a loud bark and so I help Eli down and then stand back as he limps over to Brooke.

Brooke's step quickens, she's dropping the phone, and then she's running.

I could just get back in my car and leave, I have no more excuses to stay now, but I just stand here watching them.

Brooke has so much love written on her face as she meets her dog in the middle of the road, bending down to his level and laughing as Eli attempts to jump into her arms.

For a moment my eyes stray to Haley, she still looks a little nervous.

Then I bring them back to Brooke, maybe she has forgotten I'm here, maybe I should just get back in the car. My left foot takes a step backwards and my arms just hang by my side, unsure what to do.

Okay, Eli's home, now I can go home.

My right foot follows my left.

Suddenly I freeze, Brooke's looking up at me from where she's kneeling on the road, she's still grinning, but I know it's not for my benefit, but she looks beautiful, she looks like the happy Brooke I use to know. She looks like Lucas' Cheery.

And then the grin dims, its like she has just remembered I'm standing here, she now looks unsure, her eyes go between my car and me, Haley's go between me and Brooke, but mine stay focused on her.

"You're leaving?" she asks, I can't read her tone.

"That's the plan"

Her mouth sort of drops open and I can tell she's battling whether to say what she wants to say or not, eventually her brow wrinkles "why?"

A simple question, with so many answers, just like when she asked me why I was back, and again I don't know how to really respond.

"I don't belong here"

Is it my imagination or does her eyes sadden when I say that?

Oh god, I don't know what to do with my hands.

So I take another step backwards, her eyes shift to my feet and then make their way up my body, she's frowning, I know she's thinking.

"So… I better go" the words slowly come out of my mouth.

Say something Peyton, say anything. Just say something!

We continue to look at each other for a moment, the silence stretched between us, then Eli barks and Brooke looks down at him, immediately grinning again. I turn away and walk back to my car.

Coward!

My body is turning, what am I doing?

"I'm sorry" the words are out before I can even recognise I am going to speak, her head snaps up, and as her dark eyes gaze into me I feel naked "I'm sorry… for everything" and lowering my head I spin around again and hop in my car.

I feel her staring at me, so I look back as I turn the key, her eyes are so large, she looks confused, but then she blinks and the confusion is gone, Brooke bites her lip and closes her eyes, she looks calm. I feel like an earthquake has shaken me, but she looks calm.

My eyes catch Haley again, this time she is smiling.

I don't feel so bad this time as I drive away, last time I let her say everything she needed to say, this time I said the one thing I needed to.

I'm sorry, for everything.

_Brooke POV_

I want to be angry; I want to be able to hate her.

I've never been good at holding grudges, for keeping the hate and anger alive, eventually the love just takes it over.

But its not love this time.

It's something else.

I didn't look up because of the words, it was the voice and then she spoke again and it washed over me.

She was saying sorry.

Looking into her eyes, looking at her nervous unsure body, I know she _means _it. She means it with every fibre of her being. There was no excuses, no explanations, just a sincere apology, a genuine I am sorry apology.

She didn't ask anything from me, she didn't ask or expect my forgiveness.

And for the first time I feel like she _is_ actually sorry.

Lucas once told me he was sorry, they were his words when I walked out his door all those years ago, and they hadn't been what I needed, that night I needed more.

But today, with Peyton, it is enough, I think it has been what I've been waiting and searching for with her.

And those two simple words make all the difference.

_Lucas POV_

One hundred and ninety two, that is how many posters we've put up so far, and the whole town seems to be covered with Eli's face.

Every time I look at that face I instinctively smile before I remember why I'm looking at the poster and the sadness hits me.

Today my feet haven't stopped moving and though I thought I knew Tree Hill I'm finding corners of my hometown I never knew existed.

There's this playground, its small, it has two swings, a slide, the biggest monkey bars I've ever seen and a small climbing frame. Other than that there is only one lone bench. It's small and simple yet at the same time deeply beautiful.

However, though the playground is small itself it's only a tiny corner of a much larger park, or should I say garden.

If you pass the playground and the small yet sufficient amount of clear grass next to it, there is a pathway that leads through a neglected yet promising garden, it's overgrown with daisies, so many daisies I couldn't think to count them. Brooke would love it, Gerber Daisies are her favourite flower and they run wild here.

I close my eyes and a picture comes to me.

I can see this place cleaned up, more beautiful than ever, and Brooke and I are sitting on that one bench, her legs are tucked up and she's leaning against me, our baby sleeps peacefully in her arms, his golden brown hair barely there. Eli is barking and running around, Sam's throwing the ball for him, and her laugh fills the air. Dangling from the monkey bars is our oldest son, we're close enough I can see his big dimpled smile as he hangs upside down. A little girl toddles up to us, her dark hair the same shade as Brooke's, she has a shy smile as she hands Brooke a daisy and then a wicked laugh as she runs off to chase Eli.

I can see it; it feels so real I can almost touch Brooke's hair that tickles my chin.

But then I open my eyes and it begins to fade away.

This place could be amazing, with a little love and attention it could be something as close to perfection that this world can get to, and it could become what I envision.

If I find Eli then the dream can really be complete, my family can be complete. They're the most important people to me, and I would do anything for my family. No, I _will _do anything for them.

I walk away from this place, as magical as it may seem, because I will do anything for them.

My phone rings as I get back onto the sidewalk, and when I see Brooke's name flash on screen I answer straight away "hey Pretty Girl"

"Luke. Come home".

**i got to be quick so im just gonna give a collective shout out to everyone who reviewed, you know who you are, and i love em all. so thanks, and please keep reviewing.**

**oh yeah, dont worry, im gonna make up for the lack of brucas in this chapter with hopefully lots of bl in the next. **

**thanks again.**

**luv, mickei b**


	16. Carry You Home

**disclaimer: still dont own anything but once that tractor finds mark u never know.**

**a/n: so this is shorter than usual but there is only so much fluff i can write, i do not do fluff, i feel strange writing it, and again im not sure i really pulled it off as something good to read or just blah, but i promised bl athen i give bl. and once again im promoting fanpop, the bl spot is a little too quiet and we lost kels to lp, sorta, shes stilal bler but she likes lp a little more than she use to, sadly. so come join fanpop, become a pinja! anyways.**

**on a side note, you may not know this, im not sure if the rest of the world cares about australia but this weekend our nation was rocked. first there was black friday, then ash wednesday, but nothing prepared us for the fires that have ravaged victoria for the last three days. The death toll is rising, last i heard it was at 140. over one hundred innocent people burned to death, some protecting their homes, some in their cars trying to escape. homes, towns, lives - all lost. my thoughts are with my fellow aussies and most of all with the heroes, the victims and the survivors. hopefully it will end soon, theres not much you can say to something like this. but we're digging deep, and as a country we will stand together and get through this.**

**on a more positive note, please read on...**

_Lucas POV_

Brooke looks different; there is a light in her eyes that wasn't there this morning, or yesterday, something I'm not sure I've ever seen before.

She's sitting on the couch, her head resting on its arm, a content smile gracing her lips as she strokes Eli's short hair. But her eyes are in another world.

"Are you just going to stand there?" she asks, her lip curling up, I push away from the doorway and walk further inside. I wonder how she knew I was home, did she see me through the corner of her daydreaming eyes or hear my car pull up, or did the backdoor give it away? Does she feel me watching her like I feel her?

"Didn't want to spoil the picture"

She looks up and smiles, her hand stretches out "then come join it"

I take her hand and she pulls me onto the couch, as I collapse next to her she lifts my legs onto the couch, one by one taking off my shoes and socks before dropping them to the floor. Brooke pats my thigh and I know exactly what she wants me to do, so I twist around, my feet go up onto the coffee table, and we both scoot over. She shifts her legs over mine until her feet are on my other side, then she leans her back against the arm of the couch to help lift her bottom, I slip under her and then she sits back down so she is half sitting on my leg and in the space between the arm and my leg, her shoulder rest in the crook of my arm and her head leans on my shoulder, and then Brooke slips her bare toes between my legs. There's just one finishing touch, I wrap my arms around her and finding my way under her shirt I splay my hands across her stomach.

"We're all home" she sighs, her breath tickling my neck.

I pull her in a little tighter "it feels good to be here"

"I'm not scared anymore" she whispers, we both tilt our heads to look at each other and she smiles, she just smiles, and all worry leaves me.

I'm not scared anymore.

_Brooke POV_

Eli plops his head onto Lucas' leg and I chuckle, the three of us have been sitting here for nearly half an hour, and I'm in no rush to move.

Our hands are entangled in our laps, and I can feel Lucas playing with my engagement ring, twisting the band around my finger, like I often do. I've lost a little weight since the ring first came to me, just enough that it's a little looser, Lucas has offered to get it resized but I refuse to take it off. The moment he slipped the ring onto my finger I knew I could never take it off, I have an amazing life; everything was just fitting into place.

I feel like our marriage is the last missing piece.

"Do you remember Rachel's cabin?" he asks, the tone of his voice giving away his smile as he continues to play with my ring.

"How could I forget, that was one of the best weekends of my life"

"I know what you mean. It was like a dream, everything back home was forgotten, and everything that weekend was perfect"

And then we came home and our relationship slowly unravelled, that was the last perfect time in my life during high school. If someone had told me then that in a matter of months Lucas and I wouldn't even be talking I would have told them they were crazy. Trying to forget what happened after that I focus on our time at the cabin "that was one of my favourite letters".

He laughs "I remember… and all your attempts to steal Haley's ring back"

A memory comes to mind at his words, involving a sleeping Haley and shaving cream and I can't help but laugh this time.

He continues "or your face when you thought I was proposing to you. I must say, though if I had been, you turned me down very gently"

"We were seventeen!"

"And if I had asked you back then, would you have really said no?" he sounds curious, and I think about it.

I lean my head back to look at him and kink my eyebrow "we were seventeen" I say again, softer this time "besides, I said yes this time, didn't I?"

"You did, and I don't think I've ever felt more vulnerable than I did at your feet that night"

Dropping my head back onto his shoulder I clasp his hand in mine as I reply "same here"

Loving him still makes me feel vulnerable, showing my love for him even more so, having him love me back like this sends my vulnerability skyrocketing.

Yet at the same time, our love gives me a confidence, strength and security that nothing else does, one that overshadows the vulnerability.

He squeezes my hand, and I smile as I add on "but that's how I always see us, and I think it's kinda beautiful".

_Lucas POV_

I can't help but look down into her face as she says it, its not the best view, she's looking down at our hands and I have to strain my neck in my attempt to see just a glimpse of her big eyes.

But it's worth it, just to see the quiet happiness that is there.

We make each other vulnerable, and it doesn't have to be a negative thing, it can be beautiful. It is beautiful. She is beautiful, and not just the perfect feel of her skin, not just those curves or that smile, or her luscious hair, and it's more than the way her eyes light up - her soul is beautiful. The way Brooke weaves into others lives is beautiful, she saves people, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Brooke Davis saves people, and that is only one of the ways she manages to change the world.

There are two sides of her, both of which are amazing, both of which are beautiful, and I'm lucky enough to be able to see both sides, and be a part of it all.

It sometimes scares me how close I was to missing out on this life, how close I got to loosing her. If we hadn't found our way back together what would our lives be like? Would we find happiness with another? Perhaps I would have settled for Peyton and led an easy content life, with a bunch of blonde children, we would be happy but there would be no fire, no intense emotion that I feel with Brooke. I would not ache with the pain, I would not fight, and I would not love so desperately, I would smile but I wouldn't shine, and every time I looked at Brooke that silence would speak volumes, neither one of us knowing quite what it meant. So eventually I would have to look away. I've been there before.

In this other world perhaps Brooke would have given her heart to Julian and never pulled it back, maybe she would have buried her feelings for me forever, eventually leading her further away from Tree Hill. She would have searched for happiness, perhaps allow herself to be vulnerable to somebody else. Would she still keep the biggest part back in fear of being hurt? Would she jump back at each sign of a lie or excuse to hold her heart back? Would she carefully step back forward once reassured? I don't doubt she would be happy, that she could find her smile, but again there would still be that silence between us, and that look that drags us in only to force us to turn away.

So we would be happy and content, yes, but there would not be the fire that burns between Brooke and me.

How close were we to not sitting wrapped together on this very couch?

How close were we to settling for a second dream?

I don't want to think about it.

We _are_ sitting together.

And the 'what if', well, all the 'what if' that use to and still does float around in my mind, they don't have anything on what I really have. They're simply there to remind me that I'm exactly where I belong.

"You know, I wouldn't have it any other way" I have to say something, and she only gives a contented sigh. I didn't even need to say it, did I? She knows.

I lift a finger and I use it to turn her face up towards me, we've shifted so close that our noses are nearly touching, and I continue to gently touch her cheek.

Our eyes lock, and there's that silence between us, but in this reality that silence has something else hovering in it, something we both know is there without having to say it.

_I love you._

_Brooke POV_

_I love you too_.

And I close the gap between us, meeting Lucas' lips with mine, his gentle touch changes and now he's cupping my chin, bringing me even closer, and his other hand tangles in my hair.

My eyes close.

The kiss is slowly changing, building in passion, and I'm loosing control of my body.

How did I become sprawled across Luke's lap, straddling him?

When did I unbutton his shirt?

My hands run up his bare chest.

Oh god, I can't think, I can only feel.

And it's amazing.

"This can't be good for the baby" his voice is rough, he can't even manage to pull away, and I laugh, how can he think so practically at a time like this, how can his words say one thing when his body and actions say something completely different.

We're still kissing, our tongues dancing, but I manage to rub our noses together "what's good for Mommy is_ really_ good for the baby. Really, really, really good" and I punctuate every really with another kiss. Oh, how can this be bad?

Lucas chuckles too, even as his hand finds the way to the zip of my jeans "are you sure?"

I've never been surer of anything in my life.

Haley never told me how horny pregnancy can make you; I guess Rachel was right about this one.

I don't answer Lucas with words, sometimes actions speak louder.

_Lucas POV_

I can't seem to wipe the smile from my face.

She looks so cute in our kitchen.

My mind flashes back to her on all fours mopping the floor with a sponge, and I can't help but laugh.

"What?" Brooke asks, sending me a look, her hand stilling where she is stirring the sauce.

I shrug "just remembering a time when you didn't know the right end of a mop… let alone a pot"

Her eyes narrow at the same time her spare hand reaches for the tea towel "Shut up!" the cloth is thrown at me, her aim has definitely improved, it hits me squarely in the chest.

"You're burning it" I shrug.

"Am not" but her eyes flicker down and I laugh.

It should look strange, but the scene seems just right.

Brooke's wearing the shirt she'd ripped off me over an hour ago, it falls mid thigh, showing off her legs and the curve of her thighs, and beneath it I know she's completely naked, the scent of our earlier activity still on her skin. The sleeves are rolled up but the left one is beginning to slip, she's a beautiful dishevelled mess, and it's as sexy as hell.

I fling the tea towel over my bare shoulder, and turn my body slightly away from her so I can continue to make the small salad.

Just when I'm about to open the draw to grab a knife I feel her brush close to me and without even looking at me places in front of me the very knife I had mentally been thinking about, and I find my own hands moving, twisting my body around I pick up the pepper and offer it over to Brooke's waiting hand. And so we continue to move and laugh together, cooking something more than food.

"Lucas! Don't you dare" she warns, smacking my hand away from the pasta sauce.

"One taste" I shoot back, already dipping the spoon in. But before I can bring it to my mouth she swoops in and grabs my hand, directing it to her own instead, she closes her lips over the spoon, and she even has the nerve to close her eyes and moan.

I raise my eyebrow "good?"

She opens her eyes and crinkles her nose "so, so. It's not Moms though-" and then she winks "-you should have a try" as if she didn't stop me. So I move back around her, Brooke right next to me still with an arm around my waist, and go to taste some more but with a laugh Brooke steals it again.

She laughs and I don't even think about it, this time I swoop in, stopping her laugh with my lips, kissing the breath out of her.

She tastes good.

It's my turn to moan, "Taste good" I whisper pulling away, not even noticing that somewhere along the way my hands locked behind her back, pulling her to me.

We both lick our lips.

I shrug with fake indifference, unable to resist teasing her "but you're right, not as good as my Mom"

Her face gets the strangest expression like confusion but she's about to break down in laughter; I go over what I said again in my head. I can feel my eyes squint "that didn't come out the way it was meant to".

Brooke laughs "I hope not"

"I mean-"

"I get what you mean" she cuts in and kisses me again.

I don't want it to end, but the sound of over boiling unfortunately causes Brooke to pull away with a swear word. When I chuckle she glares at me, but turns back to the sauce with a smile. I'm still reluctant to let go, so I step behind her and wrap my arms back around her, spreading my hands across her stomach. Brooke, still stirring, sinks into my arms.

Yes, this is perfect.

_Peyton POV_

I've been driving home for what seems like hours and the further I drive away from Tree Hill the more I feel like I am driving _away _from home.

What the hell am I doing?

I go home to be with my friends, because I miss them.

And I get sidetracked and put that behind my crazy, brief chase of Lucas, and I let that scare me away.

I just walk away, just like I did three years ago.

I don't even try to make it work.

I just let my friends go.

_Why? _

I hear Brooke's voice in my head.

If I leave now I can never take it back. I can never call Tree Hill home again.

What the hell am I doing?

The highway is clear; I do a quick u-turn and turn the music up as I continue to drive home.

Home to Tree Hill.

It's late by the time I return, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I know I'm going to fight. Fight for a chance, fight for Brooke, for Lucas, for Haley, for Nathan - for my family.

I don't need to come out of nowhere with proclamations of love, I don't need to ambush or scream. No I'm not going to fight like that, I am not looking to force anything, and to be honest I don't think _I'm _ready for that, to just click back in. But one day I may be, one day they may be ready too.

With the way things are I think I need to make the first step.

And the first step is making things right.

So I stop in front of the familiar house and suck in a breath. I don't have much choice.

I don't know why I'm standing in front of this door, but I'm here, and I knock, unsure who will answer, I'm relieved when I see her face.

"Well, you're the last person I expected at this time… or at all"

I brush it off and just give a desperate smile "I need your help".

She shakes her head and comes outside, closing the door behind her "sure, why not".

Small steps, one thing at a time, I'm not looking to get forgiveness.

I'm looking to earn it.

**thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapt, hope you like this one too, and to those who got the impression peyton was gone, lol i did admit this was about her journey as well, we're not getting rid of her that easy. and lol, jewish dog, haha didnt even think about it, i just happen to like both the names eli and benjamin and thought they went well together. hugs. love ya all.**

**mickei b.**


	17. Imperfectly Perfect

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, but you never know, one day I might.**

**I'm gonna keep this short and simple because I am in a rush here. BUt first off OMG! YES1 i have been waiting to post this for days but my fanfi wasnt working, i dt know how many people had this problem, my friend rece said hers was doingteh same ting, damn i cldnt evenstory alert fics. speaking of, said friend has justposted her first fanfiction on here so if u wanna do me a favour go check her story out and support her, you know what its like with first stories and all, and i know im biased but i honestly think its great so go read it and give it a chance, her name on here is RealLuvAlways and the story is 'all those years ago'. thanx.**

_Lucas POV_

Something wakes me, I'm not sure what it is, by the time my minds cleared from sleep I have forgotten what caused me to wake up in the first place.

Brooke is curled around me, her front against my side with her arm slung casually over my waist and one of her legs tucked between mine. My hand which had been holding her hip instinctively clutches her flesh before I open my eyes into the darkness.

The bedside clock is flashing 4:00 and I groan. This is way too early for me.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

I almost jump when Brooke whispers against my chest, and then the memory of waking come back to me. Brooke's body had moved, her breathing changed, and that was what had caused me to leave my dreams behind.

"You alright?" I ask, shifting so I can see her eyes in the dark.

She nods, but its not one full of confidence, and so I narrow my eyes at her "Brooke, you have that look on your face"

"What look?"

"The one that says there's something you don't want to say"

"It's nothing, I'm just thinking"

"About?"

"Everything" and her frown turns into a smile "Like a million different things"

The world feels so calm, I could hold her like this forever, completely satisfied never leaving this bed which I've decided is the best compromise we made when I moved in.

Brooke's smile slowly relaxes but doesn't go away, her left hand covers the one I had slipped under her shirt to rest on her stomach and I think back to all the times we've laid together like this before. It's amazing how many good memories are wrapped up with her, sure there might be some bad ones, and some _really _bad ones, but I honesty don't know how I would have gotten through all these years without Brooke by my side.

"Do you think the baby will have your eyes or mine?" she asks dreamily, and my thoughts turn from her to our future child, but before I have a chance to say anything she continues "I want the baby to have your eyes"

I try to remember how I envisioned our child, but looking down at Brooke I can't imagine having anything other than a mini her "I don't know, a little girl with her Momma's eyes sounds good to me"

"I always saw us with a son, just like you but well more cheery" she sounded so thoughtful and I raise my eyebrow at her.

"What, I'm cheery"

Brooke laughs, her body shaking with it that I feel the chuckle vibrate through my body as well "No, you, Lucas Scott, define the word broody. If I was to look in the dictionary under broody I'd find your name. _I _am cheery" and she proves it by giving her famous dimpled smile.

Broody and Cheery, just like the old days. But I don't know, I like to think that being together blurs those titles, we balance each other out, as if we were specifically designed to complete one another.

Maybe we were.

"Broody?"

"Yeah, Cheery" and my lips curl up at the nick names.

She gives me her best innocent look, which always works on everybody even though the words innocent and Brooke Davis don't really go together. "I could totally go for some ice cream".

I roll my eyes "Brooke, it's barely four o'clock!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise it's my fault _you _got me pregnant and I'm gonna get fat with a bigheaded Scott baby that apparently likes ice cream"

"From what I remember it's as much your fault as it is mine" actually probably more hers, not that I would say that.

She just smirks and kinks her brow. I can hear her thoughts _I still don't have my ice cream!_

Getting out of bed I give an exasperated "Fine, but only because I love you".

At the doorway she stops me again "Luke, the baby likes chocolate flavour, with sprinkles and topping"

Oh yeah, this is going to be a long nine months.

I shake my head smiling as I leave the room and hurry down into the kitchen.

And then a minute later I'm staring at the empty ball.

"How do I tell my pregnant fiancé that she's already eaten all the chocolate ice cream without getting something thrown at me?" I ask Eli who sits obediently by my feet. Surprise, surprise he doesn't answer me, "Well you're not much help"

Now he chooses to bark.

"Okay, strawberry swirl it is, extra sprinkles, extra topping, and a few marshmallows to soften the blow. Wish me luck"

Eli barks again, this time spinning around and limping towards the front door.

"Wanna go out, boy? Come on then, you know it's the back door at night. Eli?" I roll my eyes again and follow him to the front door, grabbing his collar "come on" but he still doesn't budge.

With another bark Eli plops himself down as if guarding the front door.

I should have bought her a rabbit.

Eli barks again, growling at me "just kidding" and I lift my palms up in surrender "I wouldn't take you back for the world" I say it in that owner-father tone he brings out in me and as if on cue Eli rolls over to expose his stomach. Chuckling I give his belly a scratch, and that's when I notice the envelope half poking out from underneath the door.

Something tightens inside my stomach, a six sense tells me to be wary, and even though as I pick it up and see 'Brooke and Lucas' written in an unfamiliar hand I still know exactly who is behind this.

The who is not something I question anymore, it's the why that is always foremost in my thoughts.

None of this matters at the moment, all that matters is that my soon to be wife is waiting in our bed with a craving for ice cream.

I slip the letter under the band of my underwear and go back to the kitchen, choosing for the moment to put the most important thing first.

By the time I return to the bedroom Brooke is curled on her side with her cheek cuddled deeply into my pillow. She is fast asleep.

God, she's perfect.

"Sweet dreams" I whisper to her as I bend down to lightly kiss her visible cheek and stroke her hair, for a moment I pause, unwilling to put distance between us, and then I kiss her again, a similar peck to her shoulder.

Moving away is a slow process but soon I'm sitting in the chair that's tucked in one of the corners, and I pull the envelope out. It's played with for two full minutes that drag on like an eternity. The names leap out at me again and again, before I can open it I take one more glance at Brooke sleeping peacefully.

It seemed that I waited longer than I did to open it, yet actually opening it was rushed, the piece of paper almost falling to the ground.

"_In this simple moment, standing together under the moon about to embark on journeys that may either make or break us, we knew that nothing else mattered. No matter where life takes us, together or apart, we'll always have each other. It was a promise spoken in our hearts, proved by two hard years, and reaffirmed tonight in words." 8am, the river court. _

Something twinges inside me on reading those words, ones I know only too well after all I wrote them. Eight years have passed since that paragraph flowed from my fingers, and a lot has changed since then. The ideals I had, the dreams I kept, the future I expected, and the simple fact that we didn't keep that promise. It's just another paragraph of fancy words.

But still, they call to me.

I look at Brooke again, she's so peaceful, and just watching her reminds me that things have changed the last few days, so much and so little at the same time.

Things keep getting thrown at us and Peyton earns a special mention for she just seems to be the boomerang that keeps coming back for more.

And each time I ask the same question, why?

What does she mean by this?

Does she want our forgiveness?

Brooke was so sure that things were going to be okay, she'd been so certain when she told me that Peyton had left and this drama wouldn't happen again.

Believing Brooke is not the problem.

It takes me three minutes to get dressed, by the time I'm reversing out of the driveway its only been five.

Expecting to be driving around for ages I'm slightly unprepared for how quickly I spot Peyton's car outside a motel.

It is not even five o'clock in the morning but I know exactly which room is hers, the light is on and even from here I can hear the hum of the music.

_And everybody wants to be special here  
They call your name out loud and clear  
Here comes a regular, call out your name  
Here comes a regular, Am I the only one here today_

_Peyton POV_

The steady strokes come to me easily, and as time passes the strokes become lines and shadows until a picture begins to form and then I'm staring into familiar eyes.

Warm, large, kind eyes that see into my soul.

With a sigh I allow this picture to join the pile.

I jump when there's a knock on the door, and unwittingly fear causes the hair to rise on the back of my neck.

Only one person knows I'm here and they left not too long ago.

I take a breath and allow the strength to come back.

You're strong, Peyton Sawyer, be strong.

And with that thought I open the door.

_And even alongside old sad eyes, who says  
"Opportunity knocks once then the door slams shut"  
All I know is that I'm sick of everything that my money can buy  
A fool who wastes his life god rests his guts._

"Lucas?"

Oh that is definitely a question mark at the end.

"Peyton" he nods and walks pass me to enter my motel room. I'm pretty sure my mouth is hanging open.

I shut the door and prepare to face him. Prepare might be the wrong word to use, because there's nothing I can do when I have no idea what I should be expecting.

"I didn't expect-"

He cuts in before I can finish the thought let alone the sentence "cut the crap, Peyton. I don't know what game you're playing but leave my family out of it. First you tell Brooke you're leaving and now you're leaving notes at our doorstep, and don't tell me it wasn't you"

Technically it wasn't me, not that he wants to hear the technicalities.

"It's not a game"

"Then what the hell is it?" his voice screams at me.

I spread my palms out in front of me and step forward barely noticing I'm moving "It's just me, okay, it's just me. I fucked up, and I know it, so don't think I'm gonna let you come in here and scream at me because there is nothing you can say that I don't already know" I got a little anxious there at the end, but I'm calming down, ending in a half whisper "It's just me"

He looks up to the ceiling and then back at me, still with those questioning eyes "and who are you meant to be? I don't know you anymore, Peyt"

It's a stab at my heart.

"I'm not entirely sure. But I know I came here for a reason-" he looks slightly afraid when I say that but as I continue his worry visibly lessens "- I missed my friends, my home, I missed my god damn _family_, because that's what we all became, and I missed it Luke, I still miss it. I miss you, and I miss my best friend, and I miss the stupid birds in the morning and the smell of the river from the pier. I even miss _me_, and having a purpose in life, feeling like what I'm doing matters, that the life I'm living matters… I came back home for all of that"

If I could just get someone to point me in the right direction, to give me reason and meaning, then maybe, I don't know, maybe I can finally just be happy and satisfied. Maybe then I'll stop feeling lost.

I swipe a hand through my dark blonde waves. Lucas is looking at me so strangely, I wonder what he's thinking, but he doesn't say anything.

I take another step forward "That is why I came home, but then I… I got confused. All my memories came rushing back and I convinced my self the only way to be whole again was to have you back"

"You can't come to me for answers every time life doesn't work out the way you wanted"

"I know that _now_, I was just… sidetracked, but it didn't take much to slap reality back into me – literally" I still feel the sting of Haley's hand across my cheek, all it took was a rejection, a slap, a teenage girl, some serious thinking and one Brooke Davis.

"And what's reality?" he asks nervously.

I smile "I love you Luke, and I'm not going to lie about it, I fell for you a long time ago and you never gave me reason to stop loving the man you are but…" and I take a breath, he does the same.

Luke is waiting, and I'm not sure how to say it. I guess I should just say it "but I love Brooke more and I loved her first. She was such a big part of my life, and without my best friend, without all my best friends, I've felt a huge hole inside myself. And I filled it with work, and I tried to begin a new life, but it didn't work. I don't want to fill that hole anymore, I just want that piece back" it won't be easy.

"It won't be easy" he says into the brief silence and I nod.

"I know. And if I have to wait forever at least I won't have to wait knowing I never did anything to change the circumstances or who I am. I have done enough pushing, trust me Luke, I know that. I just… I just need to fix things, not just for me, but for everybody. I can't vanish again, no, I _won't _vanish again"

He just stares at me, slightly shocked, maybe even amazed.

I have that feeling again, like I don't know what to do with my hands "you're staring".

He shakes his head as if waking from a dream, his voice stumble when it finally comes "I-uh-I-just… Brooke was right, it is different"

I'm not sure what he means, what Brooke and him are referring to.

Then the next song on my playlist starts and I can't help but smile.

_I hate the world today  
You're so good to me  
I know but I can't change  
Tried to tell you  
But you look at me like maybe  
I'm an angel underneath  
Innocent and sweet  
Yesterday I cried  
Must have been relieved to see  
The softer side  
I can understand how you'd be so confused  
I don't envy you  
I'm a little bit of everything  
All rolled into one_

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover  
I'm a child, I'm a mother  
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint  
I do not feel ashamed  
I'm your hell, I'm your dream  
I'm nothing in between  
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am  
This may mean  
You'll have to be a stronger man  
Rest assured that  
When I start to make you nervous  
And I'm going to extremes  
Tomorrow I will change  
And today won't mean a thing

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover  
I'm a child, I'm a mother  
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint  
I do not feel ashamed  
I'm your hell, I'm your dream  
I'm nothing in between  
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

_  
Just when you think, you got me figured out  
The season's already changing  
I think it's cool, you do what you do  
And don't try to save me_

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover  
I'm a child, I'm a mother  
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint  
I do not feel ashamed  
I'm your hell, I'm your dream  
I'm nothing in between  
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

_I'm a bitch, I'm a tease  
I'm a goddess on my knees  
When you hurt, when you suffer  
I'm your angel undercover  
I've been numb, I'm revived  
Can't say I'm not alive  
You know I wouldn't want it any other way_

We're both silent during the song, and somewhere between verses Lucas had sat down on the edge of the rooms bed. As the coda plays we both speak at the same time.

"This song always reminds me of-"

"When I hear this song I always think of-"

And we both stop and look at each other, we laugh, caught in the moment.

"Brooke" he finishes.

"Yeah" I say to confirm what we both already know.

"Perfectly imperfect, she still keeps me on my toes" and I can hear the love in his voice.

For a moment it feels like we're teenagers again, sitting in my room, music playing around us and we're laughing, enjoying each other with no ulterior motive and nothing hidden between us.

It feels good.

It always did.

I just don't want to break this atmosphere, looking at him through my lashes and leaning back against the table I say as easily as I can "so I hear congratulations are in order"

Lucas gets a silly grin on his face "you heard huh?"

Now I move to sit next to him.

"Haley told me. I think it was her way of warning me to step back, I already had though. It was kind of a bittersweet moment when it hit me I missed what I had with Brooke more than what we had. I would do anything to take back all the pain I've ever caused her, to show her how much I still love her, I haven't done that very well in the past" I guiltily admit.

I'm afraid I just broke the moment with my seriousness, but us brooding, what is so new about that.

"This whole showing Brooke you love her doesn't involve a declaration and a kiss does it?" and for a moment I think he's serious and then I grab a pillow and wack him in the chest, the both of us laugh again.

"Not funny, Luke"

"I'm not joking, what if Brooke decides to run off with you and I never get to see my kid?"

"Ha ha" if it did happen he would totally deserve it. I could do worse than Brooke.

Lucas falls back onto the bed, the pillow falling on his stomach "sorry, I know you two have _history_ but there's nothing you can do now, Brucas ftw"

I can't help but laugh "ftw?"

"For the win" he replies softly, now his voice turning serious "for the win. It feels good, damn good, knowing I have her, knowing she's not going anywhere. I didn't know how to feel when I heard you were back, all I remember is being afraid, I kept seeing Brooke slipping away" his voice gets quieter.

I don't interrupt.

"I haven't said this to anyone; sometimes I think I was too afraid to say it out loud. But I never felt like I had _all _of Brooke, like she was always holding something back. I hurt her so badly the first time that it scarred her, and when I finally got her back I felt it in my heart, as much as we loved each other, she was waiting for a sign to push me away so she could close herself off from me, and it finally happened. I still remember the look in her eyes, the moment I realised my fear was coming true. And this time, it wasn't so much her waiting to push me away, it was more than her constantly testing me, it was just that part of herself she held back, that part she refused to give me in case it all crumpled again. Knowing she felt she had to do that, it _hurt _Peyton, it made _me _feel insecure"

He turns his head to look at me "I don't feel that anymore. This weekend has changed something between us, Brooke and I, we're in this together. It forced us both to face the fact that we do love each other and this life we have, this great life we've built, it is not going anywhere. I finally have all of her, and she has all of me. And as crazy as it is, we have you to thank for that" he shrugged "so thank you"

Wow.

Wow, to it all.

I can't believe he's thanking me.

"I'm glad I didn't ruin your life. But thank you, Luke, thanks for not letting me do that, and for loving Brooke like you do, and thank you for-"

"Peyton, it's still not going to be easy. With us easy was always just easy, but it still isn't enough, but I wish you luck"

Good, because I'll need it.

He sits up and slaps his hands onto his knees "I have to get back now"

And he does exactly that, he leaves me with an awkward smile and goes home to Brooke.

_Brooke POV_

The first thing I see in the morning is Lucas' beautiful face inches away from me, the first thing I feel is his arm slung over me and the first thing I hear is his steady breathing.

My first thought.

It's Lucas.

And then my children, first Sam pops into my head as I wonder what she's feeling when she wakes, I frown over the idea of the more than likely unhealthy breakfast my daughter has planned. And thinking of breakfast I then wonder if my baby inside me will even allow me to eat breakfast this morning.

But I push my worries about Sam away, she'll be home soon and I'll show by example how she should look after herself, and I'm not even hungry so breakfast isn't an issue as of yet.

Instead I just keep watching Lucas sleep.

Imperfectly perfect.

**thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapt, they always bring a smile to my face, hugs and dont be shy, please review this one, come on you know you want to, with all the lp, either hate it or like it im sure u have an opinion. hugs, mickei**


	18. Our Worlds

**Disclaimer: Hey if I owned it, trust me, it would be so much better. **

**A hug to my reviewers, the always faithful othfan326, long live Brucas, princesakarlita411, bella, austingirl76, tanya2byour21, teamxxbrucasxx, othrulez08, sunshine, krjemb, and flipflopgal. If it weren't for you guys then this chapter wouldn't be up so quickly or well probably wouldn't have some of what it has. Keep reviewing and I'll keep listening and writing.**

_Brooke POV_

At seven o'clock on the dot the phone rings, I race to get it, sending Luke a wink as my hand reaches it a mere second before his would have.

"Morning" I say straight away.

"Good morning to you too, so what's for breakfast today?" Sam asks back.

I look around at the full table "French toast, fruit, waffles" and I find my self surprisingly hungry, eyeing the big bowl of chocolate ice cream waiting for me, not that I will tell her about that.

Sam laughs "just how many kids does he think you have to feed in there?"

"A basketball team, I think he got carried away"

"You think?" and Sam laughs again, I send Lucas a quick look and turn away, stifling my own laughter.

He walks around and takes a seat at the table, placing a glass of juice in front of me as he does so.

Sam quickly adds on "maybe if you buy him a puppy this time Luke will back off and shower the craziness on Lassie"

I look at Lucas again and smile "I think it's cute"

"Of course you do, you've got the guy whipped"

"He's not whipped" I roll my eyes.

Lucas squints and takes a big bite of French toast.

I try to change the subject "so what are you having for breakfast?"

"Mom!"

"What?" God, its not like I'm asking her about her sex life, does she have to say my name like that.

"I'm having fruit too" she says a little too cheerily.

It's my turn to roll my eyes "picking up an apple that has been sitting it that bowl all semester after I ask you does not count"

Sam's scoff is a little too fake "so didn't"

"Sure… Sam just get something decent before class, please"

"Will do, and speaking of I better go, I need to meet Gawain before Manning's class"

I perk up, and Lucas kinks an eyebrow at my sudden perkiness "Gawain?" I ask instantly curious.

She sighs "going now, Mom"

"But wait, does this boy have a-"

"Bye"

"Samantha!"

"Love you too, Mom" and then she's gone, I stare at the phone in my hand in outrage.

Did she just hang up on me?

"Sam has a new boyfriend?" Lucas asks, I can't really answer seeing she didn't tell me anything so I shrug.

Lucas smirks "you never know, she might make you a grandmother soon"

My hand throws the phone at his shoulder before I even realise it "shut up!"

"Granma Brookie" he teases laughing and completely ignoring the fact I just threw something at him, arghh!

I lean forward a bit "what does that make you, Granddaddy"

Now his laughter stops.

"Or do you prefer Poppy?" I ask with a smirk of my own.

Lucas slowly stands up "what did you say?"

Gulping I step back from where I'm standing on the opposite side, I do not like that look on his face. And for each step he takes towards me I take one away from him "Luke" I warn.

He continues walking closer and then we're both running, Lucas chasing me, and I'm squealing, he catches me with an arm around the waste and picks me up.

"Put me down! Luke, please" but he ignores me, carrying me over to the couch, spinning me up over his shoulder as if I was a doll "Lucas!" I scream and hit his back.

But when he drops me onto the couch and quickly follows me down I'm laughing.

"What did you call me?" he asks.

"What's wrong Poppy, feeling your age?"

He tickles me, and I have a flash of doing the same thing to Jamie on this very couch, Lucas is going to make a great father. But the way he swoops down and stops my laughter with a soft kiss isn't fatherly, and neither is how his hands go from tickling my sides to cupping my breasts.

When our lips finally part an eternity later I can't remember exactly how this all happened.

"What did you call me?" his question reminds me.

Grinning I run my fingers through his soft blonde hair "Daddy"

"I like the sound of that" he whispers and kisses me again.

I could just forget everything when I'm lost in his arms.

_Lucas POV_

When we finally finish breakfast I know its time to talk to Brooke, because very soon the clock is going to strike eight.

"So…" I begin, unsure what to say.

She smiles "so" but when she says it the word doesn't carry the same heavy weight.

I play with the letter in my hand, then I place it on the table and slide it across to her, keeping my voice calm "I found this when I got up earlier, it's a letter"

"I can see that" and her hand picks it up.

Her breathing hitches as she reads the quote, she looks slightly confused.

"I had a feeling it was from Peyton, so I went to find her"

She finally looks up. Brooke seems to be calm, maybe too calm "and did you?"

I nod "you were right. She did feel different. I could barely believe she was the same woman from the other night. It felt strange, familiar, almost like-"

"The old Peyton, before everything got messy" she cuts in.

"The happy, content one? Yeah. Still a bit lost though-"

"So lost she apparently can't find her way _out _of Tree Hill"

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe it would have been best if I just never gave Brooke the letter.

I reach over and cover her hand that holds the letter, and I look into her eyes, forcing Brooke to focus on me "look, you don't have to do anything you're not ready for. You can go chuck that piece of paper out for all I care, but if you want to go know that I'm gonna be right beside you, we'll face it together. We face the world together"

After that I wait for her to speak, she doesn't at first, instead Brooke keeps staring at me, and then she looks away, at the fridge where dozens of pictures claim centre stage but I don't think she's seeing the same thing I am.

When she speaks it's so quiet I barely hear her "I hate her, for so many different things I hate her, but mostly I just miss her" she looks up again, so vulnerable, so damn beautiful "do you think its possible to hate someone but love them so much at the same time?"

"I do" I just don't think that person always deserves the love.

"I don't know if I can forgive her _again_, I don't know if I can _trust_ her" her voice is breaking, without letting go of her hand I move around and pull her in my arms.

"You don't have to"

"What if I can't help it?" she sounds so… she just sounds like Brooke, sweet, loving, selfless and forgiving Brooke. And she's fighting the very instincts that make her the person she is.

Do I help her fight herself, or do I try to be true to who she is?

I stroke her hair as she begins to cry and I try to say something to help her, in the end I just tell her the truth, and leave the decisions to her "you know, Peyton told me she loved me… but she loves _you more_. That she knows she hasn't shown how much she loves you very well in the past" and I don't need to add on that Peyton just wanted a chance to show it the right way this time.

I don't think what Peyton wants should matter right now.

It's ten to eight.

All I care about is what Brooke really wants.

_Peyton POV_

I arrived at the river court early, in case they come before eight, but mainly its because waiting in that room was driving me crazy.

Sleeping was impossible and I didn't get one moment to close my eyes last night.

But hopefully it'll be worth it.

I can't take back some things I have done, but there are some I can.

Starting here.

Where are they?

What if they don't show up?

I'm checking my watch constantly, by my time eight o'clock was a minute ago.

Three minutes ago.

Five minutes ago.

Is that a car?

Oh god I am not ready for this.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Quickly I turn to the river, facing away from where the vehicle is fast approaching.

There's a slam of a door, and then another one, and then even more, so nervously I turn, my hands clutching each other.

It's not just one car.

Nathan and Haley send each other a look as they walk towards the court, both carrying one of the twins. Jamie follows behind them, he looks at me with confusion and I wonder once again if the boy even remembers me.

Millie and Mouth walk side by side, so close they are touching. They both look completely shocked.

Skillz, Fergie and Junk walk forward together as Skillz' girlfriend falls back.

"Hey" I say, my voice coming out a squeak, as Nathan and Haley finally meet me in front of the court.

"Hey" they both say back and send each other a look again. I wish I knew what those two were saying to each other.

Before I cam say anything else another car pulls up and Rachel steps out, moving with attitude and grace which I wouldn't expect from someone so heavily pregnant. Her eyes are flashing the minute she sees me.

Crap, I shouldn't have involved her in this.

Cooper steps beside her and takes her arm and together they start walking towards the group we have formed.

"I thought you hightailed your unwanted ass out of here" Rachel immediately shoots at me.

"Don't worry I will"

"Not soon enough"

"Calm down, honey" Cooper intervenes.

Haley snaps her attention to me and her brow lifts in silent question, I nod towards her and open my mouth "I know you are all probably wondering why I asked you here, but thanks for coming, I will explain everything in a minute… I'm just waiting on two more"

The two I want here more than anyone.

So we wait, after some time Skillz puts a hand on my shoulder "I don't think they're coming"

And my heart sinks.

Be strong, Peyton.

I nod "okay, then lets get this over with, I know you all have lives to get ba-" but I stop, the words dying on my lips as another car drives up to the river court. Everyone is watching, holding their breaths.

And I can't help but grin when Brooke and Lucas close the car doors behind them and meet in front of the car, they casually hold hands and I see Brooke wink at him before they start walking over to the rest of us.

Okay now I can really start.

As Brooke and Lucas get close enough to hear I speak louder "now that we're all here I can start… I know I have made some mistakes, and some of you barely know me but you already know about that, but I am trying to change"

Rachel scoffs.

I choose to ignore her "I'm trying to fix some of those mistakes"

Haley smiles proudly at me.

Walking backwards onto the court my confidence grows "seven years ago most of us stood in this very spot, our futures spread out in front of us. We were separating, some of us leaving and some staying, we said goodbye to each other with no certainty of where our lives would lead us or if we'd ever all be together again"

I spread my arms out indicating the river court "we marked _this _spot, as a reminder to not just each other but to the world and all those after us that _we were here_!"

There eyes are looking around, taking in this place and what I'm saying.

"And we weren't just here, we were here _together_"

_Brooke POV_

I didn't know what to expect, certainly not this though.

She is literally giving something back to us.

And she probably has no idea what this will actually mean to Lucas and me, what exactly she is especially giving back to the two of us.

But I know, and excited butterflies are awakening in my stomach.

I squeeze Lucas' hand.

Peyton's hands return their tight clutch in front of her body and her voice turns more serious, there is guilt in it "three years ago I painted my own mark here, erasing something that I had no right to. At the time I didn't think it selfish, I didn't think about how covering our signatures could make everyone else feel. Once upon a time I knew those names, that promise, stood for something great between us, it was selfish and rude and I am sorry" she smiles anxiously "so I'm taking it back" and she starts to grin, then I watch Peyton pick up the bag that was by her feet.

One by one she pulls out three spray cans of paint and throws them to the closest people.

Skillz throws his in the air and catches it again, grinning he snaps off the lid and separates from the group.

Millie is a little taken aback, Mouth covers her hand with the paint "come on, lets find a spot"

And Jamie stares up at his parents, unsure what to do, I look to Lucas and he smiles at me and let's go of my hand, and with a returning smile I leave his side and kneel down in front of my nephew "how about I go first?"

Jamie gives me a relieved sigh and takes the hand I hold out to him.

And just like I did seven years ago, I spray paint my name in big bold letters.

B – R – O – O – K – E

Before I can do anything else Lucas' hand stops me, he takes the can from my hand and I watch as he finishes it.

I was laughing and smiling two letters in.

BROOKE + LUCAS

SCOTT

Maybe there are some mistakes you can take back.

It's nice to know that.

_Peyton POV_

Sitting on the bench watching everyone else muck around and sign the court doesn't make me feel left out, I feel privileged to witness this moment.

"You okay?" a voice breaks my thoughts, and I turn to see the woman standing to the left side of me.

"I'm fine, Laurie right?" I ask and she nods

Her dark eyes go between the others and me and then as if making a decision she holds out the paint can in her hand and offers it to me.

I shake my head and send her an apologetic smile "thanks but I can't"

She nods this time and walks back to the others, sending me one last curious look before clinging onto her boyfriend.

My eyes catch Brooke letting go of Lucas and walking towards me, taking the seat next to me she looks out at them like I am, well, my eyes dart towards her constantly too.

I don't know what she's waiting for, Brooke's just sitting there, her hands crossed over her knees, watching the others like I had been.

Then without turning to look at me she speaks "you did good"

And at her simple words I feel… proud.

Still facing the others Brooke frowns and I know when she speaks that it's me she is talking to, her voice even huskier than it usually is "I don't know what to do with you. One minute I want to hate you and the next I'm upset you're leaving and now you're still here and I just don't know" and she sighs, her shoulders slumping.

"That's okay"

Brooke finally looks at me, she looks older, and by that I mean wiser, than when I left Tree Hill three years ago.

Her dark eyes gleam as she stares daggers into me "when are you leaving?" and I can tell she's not asking me because she wants to know when they'll be rid of me, some instinct tells me her question is an accusation that I will leave again.

It's my turn to look away, and the fingers I have clutching the edge of the bench tighten. "I did leave. I drove out of here like I told you I would and then… I couldn't leave like that, so I came back"

"To say goodbye?"

"To say hello and goodbye"

"When?"

"I have to be back by tomorrow morning"

And with my answer she looks away again.

We sit side by side on that bench in silence, both observing the people on the court.

If it's possible I feel both comfortable and awkward.

As we sit the others start to depart, they always wave or nod goodbye to Brooke before they go.

In the end it's just us two sitting here and Lucas in the middle of the court looking like he's trying to not e interested in what we're doing.

Brooke checks her watch "he's gotta be at work soon" and she lets out a loud sigh as she uncrosses her legs.

In other words she is telling me she has to go.

And if I don't say this now I might never get another chance, "I love you, B Davis"

"I know. And I don't know if that makes this better or worse" she gives her head a little shake as she looks down and then she is getting up, pushing herself away from the table and bench.

Is that it?

No it's not, she doesn't move, still looking at Lucas, Brooke addresses me "you were wrong"

I've been wrong a lot, I think as she pauses.

"This is where you belong" and with that she walks away.

_Brooke POV_

It takes a lot for me to walk away.

This morning took a lot out of me.

Fighting the urges to kill or hug Peyton, to hate or love her.

To be angry for the last few days or be thankful for what she has done with one action.

It takes a lot for me to walk away from her.

But when I finally reach Lucas and slip my arm around his waist and feel his arm go around mine I just feel complete and completely content.

I lean my head onto his arm and smile, "This is my world, Luke"

_This is my world Brooke… or at least it use to be._

"It looks a lot like mine"

_I have been here before, you know._

"I know. I've never told you what this place means to me, it's not just your court, it's our past and I always saw it as our future. I didn't come from here, but it's where I belong. This is my world"

_I know. It's just I've never told you what this place is to me. It's not just a court it's where I came from, it's where I belong. It's my world. _

"What part of this world am I?"

_So do I get to be part of this world?_

"The centre of it, Luke, you're the heart"

_The biggest part, Brooke._

This is our world, and we stand in the centre of it, Brooke + Lucas surrounded by the people we love.

And the bright red words that were already dry when we arrived stand out, in the middle of all the names, mere inches from our feet.

WE

ARE

HERE

**The end.**

**Was it what you all expected? Huh? I don't think there are many words I can use to describe just how angry I was when Peyton painted over their names and put those stupid love lyrics on the river court. I love her, but god I hate what she does sometimes, it just highlighted to me how selfish Peyton can be sometimes. How that court is something that a lot of people share, it means something to a lot of people, its Lucas' world and she like violated it, and sure he like proposed to her in the show but what if he hadn't felt what she felt??? I just found it intrusive and rude and selfish and arghh! The river court is more bl's than lp's and I feel like Peyton stole that. So I took it back, and I returned it to what it use to be, I returned something Peyton had no right to erase. So yeah, I have anger issues. Anyways, now you've read it you should review, totally just click that little green writing right under here because it's a joke, this wasn't the last chapter, I know I couldn't help it, it could have ended here, but it won't, um there's more I wanna write, but gawd if I know what that is. Did I freak you out, or are you thinking that it was a good ending.**


	19. Follow It

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill, it's a shame, but hell, I'm the next best thing, I'm a Brucas fan.**

**So for those who read Author notes then this chapter isn't a shock, for those who don't well you thought that was the end. It wasn't, there's more as you can see. So since I threw out the last chapter I've been trying to write the next one, and well I just couldn't., so instead I've been staring at a blank page with no idea where to start, and then this came out, I didn't intend it, but my fingers moved and this chapter unravelled with a will of its own, so please read and don't forget to review.**

_Peyton POV_

I once again find myself standing outside Nathan and Haley's place, for some reason I keep gravitating back here.

Nobody answers when I knock, I'm about to walk away when I finally notice the soft music coming from inside. Curious, and entranced, I make my way around the house and through the back, as casually as I would three years ago.

I slide open the glass doors and follow the sound of the piano and Haley's voice, one I haven't heard live for too long.

It has been so long I've almost forgotten how beautiful it is to stand in the same room as her as she belts out her musical talent. I'm slightly jealous of her for that, I love music, but I can't _create _music like she can. I can feel it but I can't grab that feeling and let it out through my voice and fingers.

How long I stand here listening to her is lost as one song turns to another, and then another, not even a break between them.

After the third song Haley pauses for a moment and I use the opportunity to clap, I can't help it, I am in awe.

A startled Haley jumps and quickly turns to face me, a finger going to her lips she shushes me.

My eyes take in the sleeping baby strapped to her chest, feeling like an idiot I slap my forehead and mouth _sorry_.

Haley smiles and stands up carefully, I watch her adjust one of the twins and lift him from the strange contraption, she then carries him over to a near by playpen and places the sleeping child in before covering him with a light blanket.

Quickly and quietly Haley makes her way over to doorway where I stand and ushers me out, I follow her towards the kitchen.

"Sorry about that, Brian seems to only fall asleep to music and if he wakes up it'll take even longer to get him back down, which I don't mind most of the time because it's the only chance I really have to rehearse anymore… not that I can really call it rehearsing" she rambled off a mile a minute and I laugh.

"You sound great"

She tilts her head at me and lifts a brow, and I don't know why she thinks I would lie, I would never lie about music "seriously, you sound great. I don't think I've heard that last song before, it's beautiful, poetic"

We're in the kitchen now and Haley switches on the kettle as she answers "I wrote that while carrying the twins" and she stops, looking up at me all of a sudden "what you did today, it took guts, admitting you have made mistakes… in all truth I didn't see you doing that, but Peyton it means a lot to us, all of us, what you did this morning"

I feel slightly uncomfortable talking about it, hearing Haley speak of me like that. It's nice because all I've gotten from Haley since the engagement party is a slap and words spoken in a far from friendly tone, unlike this one. Well deserved, so I don't really mind anymore. But at the same time it's another reminder of the woman my friends must have seen me as, the type of person who they never thought could realise there was anything to apologise for let alone actually do something about it.

By the time the coffee is pushed in front of me I still haven't spoken again, Haley took a sip of her own drink, and as the mug connected with the counter top I looked up to find her gazing thoughtfully into her coffee.

We sat like this for a while, perched against the kitchen counter, a mug between our hands, and I take the occasional sip for something to do, Haley on the other hand keeps the thoughtful gaze.

Then she takes another sip and as the mug is placed down again she begins to speak, her eyes still lost in the mug, "you know, when I came back from the tour it was harder and easier than I ever expected it to be. Having to earn Nathan's trust again, not only that but proving how much I loved him, how much his love meant to me and that I would never do it again. Do you remember how you treated me when I got back?" and now she looks up.

_Hey! You look great. Are you talking to me yet?_

_Not really but I guess you're talking to me._

_Peyton, I don't undertand why you're so pissed off._

_Really? You come back to town after months of being away and try to pretend like nothing happened._

_I'm not pretending anything. I'm just... I'm sorry i didn't stay in touch with you. It was hard to keep up with people._

_Haley, it wasn't me, okay? I'm not that needy but you didn't even call Nathan._

_I did call._

_And anyway, I just don't like what you did! But you know what, you're husband just said you look hot, so if you do still love him, there's your hint._  
_  
_"Um… I recall a few evil glares"

She kinks her brow and smirks.

I roll my eyes "okay, I was a total bitch"

She smiles "I'm not sorry I slapped you, I'm not sorry that you're hurting. If forgiveness or acceptance is what you're aiming for then that pain needs to be there, to apologise you need to _feel _sorry or it means nothing, and they can tell"

"Most people just give you a cookie with coffee" I mumble taking another sip.

Haley smirks again, it reminds me of Nathan, she lifts her mug "_we're _not most people" she says just before bringing the mug to her own lips.

There is something about Haley, maybe it's the fact she's a teacher or that she's a mother, but she has this way of lecturing you and making you feel like a five year old, not in a condescending way though.

I sigh "do you think they'll ever let me back in?"

She doesn't need to ask who they are, she knows who I'm talking about and who better to ask than Haley.

Haley leans forward "okay, at the beginning of senior year when you were giving me death glares and Nathan was trying to avoid me, you know who was there? Brooke. She took me in, even though she barely knew me and made it clear she didn't like what I did, but it didn't matter, _that _is what Brooke is like. She takes you for what you are, no questions asked, baggage and all, and she doesn't hold it against you" there is a love and loyalty to the way Haley talks about Brooke, a lift to her voice, and I'm drawn to it.

Straightening up I watch as Haley places a wild wave of hair behind her ear, her clear brown eyes staring at me as she adds on more softly "to answer your question, yes, I do think they'll eventually let you back in, but Peyt, maybe the real question is _should _they"

_Should _they?

How can she just delve into my soul and grab the one question that I don't really want to face.

I feel my eyes blinking and I look down at my hands.

_Should _they?

When it comes my voice is quiet, unsure and desperate "_should _they?" and I lift my eyes to direct the question at her.

It is Haley's turn to sigh "I understand about making mistakes, trust me, I understand that" and she stops.

I wait for more, there has to me more. Come on, Haley! Don't hold back on me now, "Haley?"

"Peyton" she sighs my name in the same tone, and frowning she glances out the window before turning back to me "_should _they? That is entirely up to you… but for what it's worth, I think you're on the right track"

Should_ they? That is entirely up to you._

But when I hear the statement again in my head it's not Haley's voice saying those words.

It seems the past always haunts me no matter how fast or far I run.

_Then face the past, Peyt, you can't keep hiding._

_Brooke POV_

"Brooke, sweetie, you can't hide in here all day"

I groan and try to ignore the outside world but Marc's voice comes again.

"Why don't you just go home?"

Slowly I open my eyes, the world doesn't spin and I am grateful for that "I'm _fine_" I say for the hundredth time today, and to prove me wrong I suddenly feel light headed agianj forcing me to close my eyes.

Marc gives me that sympathetic I'm not falling for it look he does so well "sweetie, you look ghastly"

"Oh, thanks, Marc, just what a girl wants to hear" _men!_

"I mean it in the kindest way possible. Look, you're not doing us any good hidden away in the backroom with last seasons throw aways"

"If I stand up I'll just come straight back down, so thanks for the thought but I think I'll stay just right here"

He clicked his tongue "suit yourself but Karen is waiting for you at the front desk" and then he is gone.

I mentally groan. Just great, the last person I want to see at the moment is Karen, she'll force me to go home.

Maybe I can hide…

"Oh, Brooke"

Damn, too late.

This time I open one eye "hi Mom"

Karen strides into the room all business with that stern loving look in her eyes "what have you done to yourself?"

"I didn't do this, _your _son did" I shoot back with a groan.

Chuckling Karen kneels beside me and feels my head, loosing her chuckle she breathes out slowly "Brooke, you should be home"

"I'm not going to let this get in the way of my work"

I can do this. I have to do this.

Karen strokes my hair "you're lying on the floor in the backroom" she says softly with humour and worry.

One that is so not the point and two… well… two…

"I'm fine"

And that is the same thing I say three minutes after Karen walked in, but the fact I just finished vomiting all over the floor doesn't make it sound as convincing.

Have I mentioned how much I hate that mother look she gives me?

I don't, I love it, but still sometimes I want to hate it, like as she tucks me into bed and tells me to relax.

I have a new line to work on, a company to look after, a store to watch over, a fiancé to welcome home, a home to clean, a million phone calls to make and not to mention the godson I promised to visit later.

What I don't have is time to _relax_.

But with one look from Karen I know that all those things just flew out the window.

But I can do this.

I have to be able to do this.

_Lucas POV_

I have this feeling deep within my gut, somewhere in my heart, this instinct that tells me that something isn't right.

"Do you feel it?" I ask my little brother over lunch.

Nathan eyes me strangely "feel what?"

I narrow my eyes as I look up at the too blue sky "I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right" it feels _off_.

"Lucas, everything is fine, but if you keep looking for something to be wrong you'll eventually find something… relax"

But I can't, so I ignore Nathan and grab my phone, dialling Brooke's number first I get her message bank, expecting her to be at the store I try there next, but Cindy answers and tells me Brooke left, thinking she may be at HQ I dial there next but Millie picks up and soon she is saying she hasn't heard from Brooke since the river court.

My last option is home.

To say I'm shaking as it rings will be an understatement.

Eventually the phone is picked up.

"Brooke, are you alright?"

I'm holding my breath and Nathan doesn't seem so calm anymore either.

It's not Brooke who answers but my mother's voice still sends relief through me "Lucas, she's fine"

"What's wrong?" I just know something isn't right.

Mom's tone becomes easier "she's pregnant and trying to balance the world on her shoulders. Don't worry; I managed to slow her down enough to bring her home"

Thank god, I let out the breath I'd been holding and smile "thanks Mom, may I speak to my girl for a moment"

"She's actually asleep, the moment her head hit the pillow Brooke was out"

"Okay… that's alright. Will you be staying there?"

"I can't, I promised Lily a trip to the cinemas, and I'm already running late" and I can hear the regret in Mom's voice.

"Well thanks for bringing her home, so we'll be seeing you tonight?"

"You can count on it. Love you, Lucas"

"I love you too, Mom. Bye"

Before the phone is in my pocket Nathan touched my arm "everything okay?"

I nod "my baby's making her presence known"

Nathan laughs and I smile.

"Man, you're in for a ride. When Haley was pregnant she would get so hormonal, one second she was fine the next she was in tears" and as Nathan talks my thoughts return to Brooke and the baby.

How did I get so lucky?

The thing is that the feeling doesn't really go away. I guess knowing Brooke isn't feeling well makes me feel nervous, and Nathan is shaking his head but he agrees to check in on Brooke on his way back to the campus, even if its just to reassure me.

I really am lucky, Brooke and I are lucky; we're surrounded by people who love us, who even as they shake their heads would still go out of their way to do us a favour.

It helps keep that feeling at bay, even if it's just a little bit.

_Peyton POV_

It's up to me to.

I keep repeating that to myself over and over again, but that doesn't make getting out of the car any easier.

Brooke is inside that house, some guy at her store already told me she's inside, and I never meant to just show up at her place, pushing myself into her life again but then I hear her voice.

_You were wrong… you do belong here._

Why would she say something like that if she didn't mean it?

I have to try. I have to let her know… I just have to give her a reason to let me back in.

Even if she decides not to.

I don't know what I'm going to say, yet something tells me I have to go knock on that door or my chance is over.

_You do belong here._

With anticipation I get out of my car and make my way to Brooke's front door, but as I get closer I feel something.

Something feels off.

Everything is so quiet, everything is too quiet, except for Eli's barking, and I don't know quite why but my feet start running and I'm not knocking on the door I'm banging on it, I'm pressing my finger down hard on the bell.

I have to get inside.

I just have to.

Eli is still barking.

Brooke's inside but where is Brooke?

"Brooke! Brooke! It's me, can you let me in?"

Where the fuck is Brooke?

"Brooke!"

It feels off.

What would Brooke do?

Inspiration strikes and I rush to get the hidey key, and it's just where it has always been kept.

Some things never change.

So feeling a wave of relief I let myself in.

But the relief dies quickly, taken over by fear.

I will never get this picture out of my head.

The dark room, skin too pale, my best friend on the floor, it keeps spinning in my head and for a split second I'm unable to move. But then I snap and I'm pulling myself towards her.

"Brooke!" I don't notice I even screamed until my voice echoes back to me.

I don't reach her gracefully instead I trip in my hurry and fall to her side, my hands reaching for her.

"Somebody help me!" I yell in desperate appeal, tears finally falling.

It's going to be okay.

It's going to be okay.

It's going to be okay.

"Brooke, it's going to be okay, I'm gonna get help so it's going to be okay"

It has to be.

_Lucas POV_

And it comes to me out of nowhere, something I've read from John Steinbeck _"As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment." _And that feeling that has been with me all day suddenly grows into such a moment where the world stops.

And for that moment, that moment which is much more than a moment, so does my heart.

**Do I need to write the end to get as good as a response that last chapter got??? But thanks to everyone one who reviewed, a hug to tanya2byour21, flipflopgal, godesssiri, othfan326, othrulez08, coffeewithcinnamon, ga-4-ever, long live Brucas, austingirl76, babi, teamxxbrucasxx, bella, zagsaddict, princesakarlita411, sunshine, rece and iluvmedou. Now don't be shy, please review.**


	20. Pray for Something

**disclaimer: i do not own one tree hill, if i did then brooke and lucas would have had a positive pregnancy test by now, and therewould be more sex scenes, for naley and brucas and jeyton of course, and dan wouldn't get as much screen time and the only baby getting a coloured monkey would be bl's and it would be PURPLE. anyway...**

**AN: so sorry for the long wait, but whats a cliffhangr if i don't leave ya all waiting. thank you all for reading this story this far and for those of you who review. (long thanks in front, might wanna skip if you didnt review) NYJOEY, you had me blushing, i'm glad you like my writing so much and it gives you a break from the actual show. Sophiannabella, sounds like a great plan, betterget strated on that time machine, tahnks for the lovely review. Sunshin, thanks for another review, i know i didn't update soon but i hope you think thsi was worth the wait after the cliffy. Ga-4-ever, thanx again for your reviews, hope this chapt answers yoru curiosity. tanya2byour21, my faithful reviewer, thanks for the words. iluvmedou, lol, glad you liked the last chapter so well, hope this isnt a let down. bella, hugs for all your reviews, an its def not over, just keep on reviewing. monkeyluver012, husg for the review, hope to hear fom you again. princesakarlita411, amazing is alway good to hear, keep reaidng to see if she'll be okay. teamxxbrulianxx, i hink ive already told you to hold off on the tomato throwing. hebreden, highly enjoyed your review, thanks for the words. flipflopgal, anoter loyal reviewer, sos for the late update, but here it is. zagsaddict, thanks for the review, hope to hera back from you again. longlivebrucas, another loevly review, i look forward to them as much as you hopefully look forward to an update. brookescott3, hugs for the review. austingirl76, okay i promise im not in writers block, in fact complete opposite ive been writing a lot of OTHER stuff, lol, and this sorta just sat here because after the shock of writing last chapter i had no idea where i was goig caus it was so unplanned. coffeewithcinnamon, another thanx for the review. othfan326, sorry for the late update, please forgive me. missmimi87, thanks for the review, always happy to have a new one.**

**keep the reviews coming, and oh yeah before i forget, i am so not a doctor. I did i firts aid course in high school but i dont think that really counts for giving medical advice, but yeah, so like just go with the flow here with the medical stuff, for frig sake ive never even been a patient in a hospotal in my whole life, so i don't evenknow what they're really like (other thn the fact the security guard at king edward is an ass who made me and cass wait downstairs where there are no comfortable chairs, tvs or vending machines, while tracy was giving birth even though there was a waiting room upstairs around thw corner from her where we could have spent at least half the night, but :P he got in trouble for being an ass and his beeper broke when he dropped it after we stormed through the door, jerk deserved it) okay, ill stop babbling, just read the chapt...**

_Peyton POV_

I find the hospital chapel and walk in a daze to the front.

I'm exhausted and scared, my body is shaking.

_Brooke, hold on, they're coming._

_I'm fine._

_You're bleeding._

_I guess… I'm…not… a good… liar._

Shock.

That is the word that comes to mind as I fall to my knees and drop my head.

_Don't leave me._

_I'm not going anywhere. I'll hold on as long as you do._

I don't believe in god or karma.

I don't believe in the power of pray.

Bad things happen to good people; there is no what comes around goes around, bad things just happen.

You get stalked or shot at and people sometimes just die.

People leave.

But sometimes they come back.

Sometimes you survive or you get saved.

_Haley, you have to call Lucas… I'm with Brooke, we're at the hospital._

If there was meaning in these acts then my mothers would still be alive, Keith Scott would still be alive, because I have to believe they didn't deserve it and the people they left behind didn't deserve it either.

So there has to be no higher power.

But on the off chance there is some great puppet master up there who is looking out for us and deciding who gets the happy endings, even if it's the littlest chance that you exist, I am here pleading with you.

God, Goddess, Gods, Allah… or freaking Zeus… if you can hear me please just listen for a moment, because if there is some sort of reasoning behind it then there has been some terrible mistake.

Let me tell you something about love and life, it doesn't get much better than those two, okay. Brooke and Lucas, they're special, they are dreamers who have crawled their way up and fought to get to where they are, and do you think that money or power or success could possibly corrupt them? It can't.

If anything it allows them to appreciate the simple things that much more, things like friends and family and love.

They save people and that has to be worth something on the karma scales, right?

Brooke Davis use to be my best friend, I know her, she is strong but if you take this from her I don't know how she will survive.

_She's pregnant… you have to do something._

You know, she is getting married and she is happy, the girl's in love and there are a lot of people waiting upstairs wanting to know she's going to be okay.

_What the hell happened?_

_I don't know, I found her on the ground THEY WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!_

_Somebody has to know something._

_Where's Luke? She kept asking for him._

Brooke Davis is somebody's daughter; she's a mother, a sister and a kick ass friend, an amazing boss and an amazing person. She is _somebody_.

So on behalf of everybody, though I'm sure they are all praying too, I'm asking you, no I am telling you, don't take her away and don't take her baby from her.

Please.

Do I say amen?

I don't know what to expect, a light to appear or a gentle breeze to reassure me, but there's nothing.

Just the memories.

I keep picturing it all in my head, opening the door and seeing Brooke, falling, calling the ambulance, Brooke opening her eyes, the drive to the hospital where our hands stayed tightly locked. Calling Haley at home (the only number I could still use) and that small cry when I told her what happened. The doctors freezing me out, the endless wait, Haley and Nathan arriving, Lucas striding in and walking straight by us, his face… I'll never forget that face.

Standing there, the crowd of friends growing so quickly, I felt out of place among them. So I found myself looking for somewhere to 'brood' alone, and it seemed only right to come here.

Brooke once told me something about faith, about hope, a long time ago when my life seemed to be going nowhere she took my hand and whispered one sentence.

_You know what I tell myself when things seem hopeless, when I feel like giving up. Believe in the possibility even when life is giving you every reason not to believe._

And she said it with the slightest sad smile and a look in her eyes that is simply indescribable, even to this day.

Feeling like my bearings are finally returning I stand back up and slowly regulate my breathing, staying here any longer isn't going to tell me anything.

_Lucas POV_

I'm moving but the world around me has stopped, I can't hear anything, just the beating of my heart thumping in my head, vibrating painfully through my whole body.

I don't hear the noises of the hospital, and I only barely see Nathan, Haley and Peyton as I walk straight pass them. Their presence tells me Brooke is close and I don't want to look in their faces to see what they'll tell me.

My legs move, each step getting me closer to Brooke, closer to the answers I need.

I'm afraid, because something is wrong with my pregnant fiancé.

I am worried, because I've felt something is wrong and if anything was to happen… I just don't know how I would cope.

And I am blindly hopeful, as I make my way through this familiar hallway, I am blindly hopeful because if I'm not, if I think for a second that something has _really _happened, something that can't be taken back, then I would fall to the ground, my feet would stop working and my heart… my heart couldn't take it.

So I am blindly, irrationally, crazily, hopeful that everything is fine.

And if it wasn't I would know, wouldn't I?

Everything is fine. That is what Brooke would say, strong willed and tight lipped, even if everything else contradicted what she was saying she would still say it.

_Everything is fine_.

But if that is what keeps me moving, then I will do it to.

See, everything is fine.

And my feet keep moving.

Closer and closer, I just follow my feet and then I hear it.

I sigh, relief instantly filling me, I hear Brooke's voice, and I follow that.

"I am fine. I don't need some bleach blonde poking holes in me!"

She is _fine, _Brooke you're in a fucking hospital!

I step into the room and Brooke shoots up in bed "Lucas!"

"_Brooke_" my voice is quiet yet strong as I walk right to her and pull her into a fierce hug against my chest "don't ever scare me like this again"

And I rock her softly and eventually Brooke breaks down and starts crying so I hold her a little tighter.

"I'm assuming this is the fiancé" a man's voice interrupts us, and I turn slightly to take in the doctor who has entered the room with a clipboard in his hand.

The nurse, or Brooke's bleach blonde, who had taken a step back when I entered nodded and the doctor eyed us, nodding himself, and took a few steps closer, tucking the clipboard under his arm and sending Brooke a disapproving look, "Miss Davis, is there a reason we don't have a blood sample yet?"

"Is there a reason I _have _to?" she asks back straight away, our hold onto each other only loosening enough so we could face the others.

"Your baby's safety being the case, yes there is a good reason-" and then his pale eyes softened and his voice turned fatherly "-I understand you're scared, and most of what we've told you has probably gone right over your head, but before we can stop something like this happening again we first have to know _why _it happened"

I still don't exactly know what the hell happened.

But I stay silent as Brooke concedes and allows the nurse to take a blood sample, now standing beside the bed and holding her other hand, squeezing it when the nurse finishes and Brooke sends me a look full of fear.

Sometimes knowing the answers can be worse than not knowing.

The doctor sends Brooke a reassuring smile as the nurse leaves "Brooke, Dr Simmons is expecting you soon, and a nurse should be here any minute to escort you down"

"Thank you" Brooke says, this time squeezing my hand and then it's just the two of us.

I prop my leg up onto the bed so I'm half sitting on it, my left arm placed casually behind Brooke as my right hand strokes her cheek.

Tentatively I go to touch the stitches that stand out against her hairline "what happened?"

She flinches and looks down "it's no big deal, I fainted, pregnant women faint"

That's funny because I barely need one hand to actually list the times I've actually heard that a pregnant woman has fainted, and that doesn't really explain how Brooke ended up in hospital. I don't say anything, I know just by looking at her she knows exactly what I'm thinking and silence will get the answer quicker.

"Okay, I might have hit my head on the corner of the coffee table on my way down, and got a concussion, and lost a little too much blood than the doctors would have liked"

Not good, but compared to what I was thinking when I first got the phone call this is like a huge weight of my shoulders, so much so that the next question scares me even more "and the baby?"

She looks up at me, her big eyes teary, and I fight the instinct to close my own.

"Dr Simmons is an ob/gyn…" and something flutters in my heart, excitement and worry all at once, I'm not entirely sure how to take this, but Brooke picks up my hand and entwines her fingers with my own.

"Everything's going to be fine" she says and I give a weak smile.

_Brooke POV_

I'm not going to lie, I am scared, and I don't cope well with something threatening the people I love. Even if I don't know what the threat is.

Actually, the unknown part scares me even more.

So I am holding it together, as hard as that always is, because I know the minute I break Lucas will too, so I do this for the both of us.

Lucas sees me as brave, and I'll always love him for that, but the truth is I am not brave, I'm vulnerable - I just don't like people knowing that. But brave sounds so much better.

Oh, god, what if something is wrong?

What are we meant to do then?

"Brooke, I'm right here" Lucas whispers into my ear as we wait alone for the obgyn.

Warmth seeps into my body, starting from where his hand holds mine and his breath touches my skin.

Sometimes I wish it could just stay the two of us forever, when we're alone just holding each other in the quiet, I think that he is all I need. But it's not just him. It's our lives that I love as well. I love the crazy family fights we get in with Sam, the look that comes on her face when we try to parent her, or the feeling I get inside my chest when I look at her and am overwhelmed with pride and love. I love our home, the perfect combination of the two of us mixed with memories of compromise and stubbornness. I love having Nathan and Haley near by, knowing no matter what they are there for us, knowing that if something was to happen to me that my family would be safe in their care. I love their hugs, Nathan's big bear ones, and Haley's sisterly ones, or when Jamie wraps his little arms around my neck as if I'm the closest thing to perfection in his eyes. I love having Karen, Andy and Lily in and out of our lives (though I wished it was more in and not out) with their strong presence a promise of love and wisdom. It's all our friends and our family. And I already love the life growing inside me, so much.

But right now, being held by Lucas Scott, I almost forget there is a world outside this room, or that I'm in a hospital. I _almost _forget it because he's right here.

And trying to forget just a little bit, while I still can, I pull his head down to mine and kiss his lips.

_Peyton POV_

I'm on my phone as I make my way back upstairs, "No, Fi, I'm not going to change my mind. I can't come ho-back right now… tell them it was an emergency, I don't care what they think. I am not leaving Tree Hill today" and before she can say anything else I slam it shut.

I look up and notice Nathan sitting by himself nowhere near where we'd all been waiting before. The sight causes me to freeze, should I go talk to him or go find the others? I look between him and the hallway that waits, back and forward, until I make a decision.

I silently sit beside him and following my instincts I cover his hand with my own. In that moment I hear a sob come from him.

"Nathan?" I ask, I'm asking if _he's _okay but I'm also asking if Brooke is okay.

He doesn't look up. His head is buried in his lap, so at first I'm not sure I heard him let alone if I heard him properly, "I should have stayed"

"Nathan, you couldn't have known"

His eyes shoot up, glaring at me "Lucas knew something was wrong, he trusted _me _to check in on her, and I leave her there… I could have stopped this"

He blames himself, god, I wish I could just hug him and tell him everything is going to be alright. Instead I force my voice to become stronger "this is not your fault. Nate, do you hear me?" and I place a hand on his cheek to force him to look at me. His eyes are so blue, I forgot how blue can be "_this is not your fault_"

"I _left _her"

"You were there, okay, you were there. That is what matters. You kept your promise, nobody blames you for leaving Brooke, you couldn't have known this was going to happen" neither one of us blink. I'm not sure he believes what I am telling him, and I can't blame him.

I've been there.

I soften my voice this time "I know what it's like. For years I lived with the what if's, what if I didn't go to school that day, what if I walked home, what if I caught the bus, what if… what if… I blamed myself because if it hadn't been for me my mom wouldn't have run that red light to pick me up. So it was _my _fault" I haven't thought about this in a long time, truth be told a part of me still blames myself, that irrational part that is still stuck as that confused angry child who just lost her mother.

I choke on my next words "It was _her _fault. _She _was late, and _she _made the decision to keep driving when the light was red, it was red, Nate, red, and that means _stop_" And I have to stop, because tears are threatening to fall.

Nathan continues to look at me, his eyes clearing, so I speak again this time with more control "this is no more your fault as it is Brooke's, or Karen's, or your brothers. Brooke wouldn't want you to blame yourself"

"How am I meant to forgive myself if something happens?" he suddenly asks, searching in my eyes for an answer.

It is strange, that he is asking me this question when over the last few days I have struggled to come to the conclusion I shouldn't forgive myself, yet Nathan Scott is not me, and he has nothing to forgive himself for.

Then Haley and Karen catch my eye as they suddenly appear, and I smile, gripping Nathan's hand just a bit tighter, I say with a smile "for what? Look around you Nathan, nobody is blaming you"

Karen and Haley seem to walk faster and faster with each step they make towards us, there is a look in their eyes, a relief which makes me happy, but there's also guilt.

I think Nathan sees it too, I whisper to him as they grow closer "looks like you're not the only one blaming themselves. Go talk to them and maybe let them know this isn't anybody's fault"

He nods and silently stands up, he meets them half way, and Haley practically falls into his arms as Karen says with tears "she's okay" over and over again.

I think we all blame ourselves a little bit.

But nothing feels as good as hearing those two simple words.

Nothing like nearly losing a person to make you realise how much they mean to you, if only we could appreciate things a little bit more without needing that sort of reminder, but then again some people don't need the reminder.

People like Brooke.

_If you're watching over her up there, just thanks._

_Lucas POV_

"Are you worried about the baby?" It's the first thing I ask as we sit alone with Dr Simmons, she has a frown on her face as she moves away from Brooke.

I think her smile is meant to be reassuring, let me tell you, it isn't, "I'm sorry if all this is gong a little fast for you. At the moment Brooke seems to be in good health, and the fact that her feeling so pregnant got her in this situation in the first place is a good sign-" she then turns to Brooke "-but tell me Brooke, when you saw your doctor the other day did he do any physical examinations?"

I squeeze Brooke's hand as she straightens up, her eyes quickly glance at me before sending the doctor a questioning look "no. I told him my symptoms and he suggested a pregnancy test, it came back positive… I was in a rush so we booked another appointment for tomorrow… was that wrong?"

"No, it's fine. I didn't mean to worry you, it's just we think you're a little bit further along than originally expected. But we're just going to do a quick scan to double check and if I'm right you might even get to hear your baby's heartbeat"

The heart beat, oh my god. I didn't even think about that, I turn to Brooke and she's already turning to look at me, we both smile.

Soon the machine is on and the doctor is looking curiously at the image, it doesn't seem much to us and I can tell Brooke is disappointed, especially when we don't hear the promising and impossibly fast heartbeat of our unborn child to tell us everything is alright.

"There it is" Dr Simmons suddenly says with a smile and she points to something on the screen "that is your baby's heartbeat"

We both inch a little closer, there is a flickering on the screen, and it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

"Still a little too early to hear it, but I was right, you're quite a few weeks further along than first thought and-" she moves the Doppler along Brooke's stomach and suddenly a new noise feels the room "-ah, looks like I was wrong"

_Brooke POV_

That there, people, is my baby's heart, fast and strong and _healthy_.

I remember dancing with Lucas the other night, I grab our linked hands with my other hand "that's our song, Lucas, that's our song" and he smiles down at me.

Dr Simmons is watching us I can tell, and now she's paying attention to the screen in front of her as well, she gets that little frown again, it doesn't worry me as much now, I've come to the conclusion it's her thinking face. I'm sure she doesn't mean to scare us half to death.

Her lip tilts up, and if I didn't know better I would say she has a secret, there's just something all together devilish about that tilt of the looks, and then she speaks.

Sorry?

"Sorry?" I ask, not sure I heard right.

She does that smile again and looks straight at us, oh my, I can't mistake those words again "I said, let's see if I can find the other baby's heart beat. Congratulations, Mr Scott, Miss Davis… you're having twins"

I _got that_.

Twins?

_Twins?_

Haley is going to freak.

"No way!" I say aloud just as Lucas almost falls off his chair and says "are you sure?"

The next five minutes are some of the best of my life as Dr Simmons points out both our babies to us.

Both our _healthy _babies.

I'm going to be a mother, I'm _really _going to have a baby, not just one, but two.

For so long I thought this day would never come, and here it is, and it feels even better than I thought it would.

Then a thought hits me, I grab Lucas' hand hard "You know what this means-" I say and he looks down at me completely confused, so like a man, "- I'm gonna be a _fat _bride. I'll never fit into the dress now, that beautiful dress I spent ages slaving over for a skinny un-pregnant me"

And he _laughs_.

_Lucas POV_

I have to forcefully stop my feet from running, as calmly as possible I walk up to the others, all looking anxious o hear the news of the baby.

Or should I say _babies_. Just thinking of it puts a stupid smile on my face and I watch them all drop their shoulders in relief as they see my broad grin.

Brooke is back in her room, it's my job to tell them everything is okay and then lead them a few at a time to see her where we can break the news. But a look at them and suddenly my mouth is moving.

"Twins!" I yell in a high pitched voice unlike my own "We're having twins"

God, it felt so good saying that.

I'll have to tell Brooke that I understand how she could just blurt out to all the girls and my _mother _about the baby.

Not to long ago I was more scared than I had ever been. Now, I've never been happier.


	21. Fading

**okay another chapter that sort of just wrote itself, hell its not what I expected so i'm not sure if its what you expect. im kinda winging it at the moment, how high school of me. so feel free to give me some idea of what you want, you never know, i might take it into consideration if a suggestion catches my eye. luv mickei**

**disclaimer: i own nothing,**

_Peyton POV_

I feel like I've been waiting forever, by the time everyone else has been in to see Brooke hours have gone by. When Haley and Nathan walk around the corner and see me sitting in the same spot they seem shocked "you're still here" Haley says almost unintentionally, I just smile and hug myself a littler harder "she okay?"

Nathan nods, "yeah. Maybe you should see for yourself"

But instead of moving it's like we're all trapped here, standing looking at each other, unable to say anything else.

It is Karen who breaks the moment, she walks in on the scene and looks between us for a long second, and then her eyes lock onto me.

"Everything alright?" she asks, I'm not sure what is going through her mind but I doubt its anything good.

Placing a hand on Karen's arm Haley cuts in "she's just worried about Brooke"

"Well" Karen breaths out slowly, and then she smiles "why don't you go see her" and she makes a gesture as if to say _follow me_,

And I can't help but nod, before I go after her slowly retreating figure, and I give Haley and Nathan a thankful smile as I walk by them. And it isn't until I am out of their sight that the feeling of their eyes watching me finally fades.

Karen is silent as she leads the way, stopping at a door she touches my arm before walking away.

I can hear them softly talking, and I realise suddenly Brooke and Lucas are arguing over who gets final say over the twins' names. I chuckle as I hear Brooke's comeback "you get the last name, it's only fair I get the first"

"Brooke, it's not like I got to _choose _Scott"

"Okay, if that's true then I'm sure you won't mind if we go with Davis instead?"

"Oh, come on, Brooke, _you _don't even want to be a Davis" he's slightly frustrated this time.

"Are you _insulting _my family?" oh my god, poor Luke couldn't see that one coming, Brooke's quick and good at sounding offended.

"No, I'm just saying-"

"That my mother is a alcoholic bitch and my father is a heartless workaholic, nice, Luke, nice. Need I remind you about where _your _genes come from?" _Ouch_

"I didn't even _say _those things!" just like to add in we all _think _those things, she isn't called Bitchtoria for no reason.

"Whatever. I'm the one who has to squeeze them out, and I'm picking Davis" It's a bluff, it has to be, but then again Brooke has always been really proud about being _the _Brooke Penelope Davis.

"But even _you're_ going to be a Scott"

"Who said that? We still have time before the wedding, buddy, and right now let me tell you, it's not looking good"

"I didn't want a fat bride anyway" and at the sound of a hard wack Lucas quickly defends himself "I was _joking _Brooke, you look beautiful"

She mumbles something so quiet I can't hear, and I can only imagine Lucas getting as close as he can, and curious I peek inside the room.

He's down on one knee by her bedside, leaning over her and stroking her cheek, while Brooke has her arms crossed and is looking in the opposite direction, "you know you're my pretty girl" he whispers.

Brooke turns back around to look at Lucas but she sees me instead "Peyton!"

Lucas with his back to me groans "is this about her again?"

"No, Peyton's here" Brooke laughs.

Lucas quickly spins around and I smile nervously at him "she sounds a lot happier with me than you at the moment, better watch your back" and I step into the room.

He cracks a smile "maybe I shouldn't leave you two alone then"

"Eh-" I shrug one shoulder "-I promised I wouldn't run away with her"

"Like you could" he dares and Brooke kinks up her brow before patting his arm for him to move out the way as she says quite deliberately "I don't know about that, I have a thing for blondes"

She winks at me and says to Lucas "besides Peyton always likes the unattainable"

If it wasn't for the wink that would have hit me hard, but instead I just laugh as Lucas stands up quickly and lifts his hands up away from Brooke "Fine, have her then" and he starts to walk towards the door, both of us laughing at him. When he reaches the door way I call out after him "awww, Luke. That just takes all the fun out of it"

I'm still grinning as I turn back to Brooke who is sitting peacefully on the bed, her head back against the pillow and her eyes now shut. I move closer "too soon to joke about this?" I ask not sure if I'd overstepped some invisible line.

Without opening her eyes Brooke smiles and replies lightly "I was right there with you Peyton, besides we're getting married in two months and I'm doubly pregnant so I'm not really worried"

"I guess I better cancel the honeymoon I had planned for me and you in Tahiti?"

"Ooh, Tahiti, I like… but I gotta say no. I already have a date in Europe"

Her eyes are still close, and slowly it comes to me that she's not resting peacefully like I first assumed. Brooke's in pain.

"You okay?" I ask, suddenly serious, barely noticing that I've stepped even closer, until I'm by her side.

Her smile is weak, forced even, and her voice is laced with pain as well when she finally answers me quietly "it's just my head"

"Want me to get a nurse?" and without waiting for a reply I turn to leave, but her hand snaps up and grabs my wrist, effectively stopping me.

So I turn back, and I face her, this time her eyes are open and looking straight at me. She makes me feel naked, like she can see into my soul. It's unnerving, always has been. I've always felt she can look right into my mind and tell if I am lying or not. Brooke's eyes are just so _honest_, it's that look that made me end things with Lucas back at the beginning of the triangle, and the look which made me hope for them when they got their second chance, and it is also the look which made me crack and confess my feelings for her boyfriend all those years ago.

"Peyton" is all she says, her grip never weakening, and eventually as the moment grows longer and longer I cover her hand with mine and I smile, just smile.

"I thought you'd left"

I shrug "I'm still here"

A slight confusion enters her eyes "we all thought you'd left, I asked where you were, I thought they were-" and she stops, her smile becoming more genuine "you stayed"

And I can't help but remember holding her hand as the world seemed to fall around us, Brooke asking me not to leave her "I told you I wasn't going anywhere" it's sometimes just as easy as that.

_Brooke POV_

She hates hospitals.

I've always hated them too, but Peyton was always ten times as bad. This place reminds her of her mother and everything Peyton lost after the accident. This place holds a lot of hard memories for her. Every time we've stood in these halls I've seen her struggle, I've seen her leave as quickly as possible or take her breaks to go for walks and get fresh air because she can't stay here for too long.

Yet she stayed.

I can't help but smile at that. It makes the pain a little bit less.

"Thanks Peyton, it means a lot to me. But you don't have to be here if it's… too hard. I understand"

She looks hurt so I quickly add on "you hate hospitals, and you probably have a plane to catch"

"Brooke. I'm here. Some band, or work, can wait, my phone can ring as much as it likes, but I am _here_ and I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay… the reason I came back to see you was to say I love you, and even if you don't want or need me I'm still going to hope that maybe one day you will again" her voice breaks "but if you _can't, _if it is too hard for you, I understand that too"

I don't know what to say. I feel like she has played with my heart so much over the last few days, and I can't get the picture of her kissing Lucas out of my head. I want to be able to let it go, I want to be able to trust her. I want my friend back so badly. But it hurts, it hurts so much.

I can't go through this again, not after everything we have been through, I can't get her back only for it all to come apart later on.

Every time it happens something inside me breaks.

Really, I do want to trust Peyton. But I guess I am afraid.

Her hand moves from mine.

She's looking into my eyes and she is seeing exactly what I am thinking.

Peyton's mouth opens without sound, my heart skips a beat with something I can't describe, and then she finds her voice "when I first saw you in the store I forgot everything else and I was just happy to see my friend, after so long when you hugged me I felt like… I felt like a part of me had come home, and I could tell you felt the exact same way" and as she pauses to catch her breath, holding back tears I am sure, I know that she is right. I felt it too. For the first time since finding out she was back I had felt happy, so happy, and it did feel like a part of me had come home. Of course it did, because she _is _a part of me. But sometimes that just isn't enough.

I don't have the strength to say that, confronting Peyton was something I was never good at unless I was too blinded by anger and pain to care, but right now I just feel _tired_.

She continues "Is there any chance that we could just get that back, I'm not saying right now, but maybe-" she breaks off, her tone changing as she gives a laugh that has a edge of disbelieve in it, sort of when you laugh after someone tells you something terrible which your mind can't get around so you laugh instead of crying "-I mean five minutes ago we were smiling and laughing and _joking_ about it"

"Yeah, but how long can that last? Peyt, I wanna be able to hold onto that feeling but I keep seeing you kissing my fiancé, or remembering that you looked me in the eye and told me I didn't have to worry about you only hours before you did that, at _my engagement party_" it's all just coming out of my mouth.

And even after all she's done to me it still hurts to see my words hit her and then watch her look down to avoid looking at me.

I feel bad, but why should I be the one to feel bad?

I hate this.

"But-" she begins, only to quickly drop it.

"I want to feel that way Peyton, and I did, when I first saw you, and when you held my hand earlier, or first walked into this room, but it fades"

It's fading fast.

_Peyton POV_

If someone could tell me how this changed so quickly I would be really grateful, because I am completely baffled.

But I told her I would understand if it was too hard for her.

The truth though is I don't understand, not at all.

I got my hopes up and now it's like she's crushed it.

"What am I suppose to do Peyton when you leave again? I don't know if one day you're not just going to stop calling or answering your phone because suddenly you're too busy for us. That one day you're not just going to disappear. Because I don't think I could go through it all again, I've lost you too many times and I always pretend like its okay and we go back to normal, but you've hurt me, and it's not okay, I am _not _okay"

Her voice is getting stronger, louder.

Brooke's right, it's not okay. As much as I want it to be, it's just not, it can't be not after everything.

One night, one damn night with one stupid impulsive decision and I've possibly damned everything. I know that if Brooke doesn't accept me back into her life then the others will follow suit, by losing her I lose it all. And I lose me.

The thing is though, over the last few days, I finally feel like I was starting to _find _me again.

_It's like misery's an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that it's just always gonna be there. That you can't be happy. But you can. You can walk away from pain. And I think being in love's the best way to do it._

I thought walking away from my mistakes, and from the misery and pain, would be easier, as if fate would some how step in because I thought for a second maybe this is the way it's meant to be. We'll get that happiness. We'll find it through love, even if it's the love for a place or a friend, because its fate, it's meant to be.

_Okay, at the beginning of senior year when you were giving me death glares and Nathan was trying to avoid me, you know who was there? Brooke. She took me in, even though she barely knew me and made it clear she didn't like what I did, but it didn't matter, that is what Brooke is like. She takes you for what you are, no questions asked, baggage and all, and she doesn't hold it against you. To answer your question, yes, I do think they'll eventually let you back in, but Peyt, maybe the real question is should they._

It's up to me, I repeat that. It's up to me to deserve that should. Meant to be or not. It can't be easy, for the first time it has to be hard.

_You know what I tell myself when things seem hopeless, when I feel like giving up. Believe in the possibility even when life is giving you every reason not to believe._

This time Brooke's words from the past come back to me, so different to what she has just said to me in this time. And then that voice inside my head is back, that voice that always seems to be there. Just one word, one single word said with the very thing it is.

_Hope._

I still have hope.

_Brooke POV_

I know if I push her away again I will regret it. For the rest of my life it'll be on my conscience, the next time I wake up it'll already be haunting me and I'll wonder if I made the right decision.

I know it.

Yet I still can't find the strength to do anything else. Because for the first time I don't want it to be okay, sweeping this under the rug like all the other times only made things worse in the long run.

It just can't be okay, not already.

It is too soon.

And you know what, it's pathetic, but I already miss her. Here I am feeling her slipping away, already missing her and yet I still can't do anything to stop it.

A part of me wants to and a part of me doesn't.

I've been torn in two directions since this love triangle from hell started, no three directions, one in Lucas' and one in Peyton's, and then that part of me that wants what _I _want.

The tugging has damaged me, and now lying here I know I have to put an end to it and finally just choose to go in one direction.

And Peyton's lost out.

Then her eyes lock onto me again, and the empty look in their pale depth is suddenly replaced with a fire.

"You're right" she says quickly, "but you thought I would leave and I'm still here. Eventually I'll return to the city, but I will come back, and I'll keep coming back for as long as it takes to prove that this is my home, and in the end this is where I come back to. You said it Brooke, I _do _belong here, you know it and I know it… and I might hurt you again, I can promise I won't, but we both know it means nothing because I've said it before. But what if I don't promise, and what if I don't ever hurt you again, what if I come back here and I give you my number" and she hastily grabs a pen from her bag, frantically she looks for something and eventually pulls out a novel from her bag as well and rips out a page from the back. Peyton starts writing as she speaks "my home number, my cell, my work, better give you my assistants, and just in case you can't get hold of me you better have my friend Fiona's too, and my address, and my three different email accounts" and then her writing finishes and she hands the page to me.

I just stare at it.

"I'm standing here in front of you Brooke, I'm not perfect, and I never was. I'm sorry, and I know that isn't good enough but I am willing to do anything to not make it okay but to make it so one day it can be okay. I'm asking for a _chance_. No promises I can break, just hope, just us" and she gets a little closer and the page is now moving slowly up and down as her hand trembles.

"You don't have to take it-" Peyton whispers when I still don't move or speak "- you don't have to take the chance, but if you just reach out a little then you'll have it, just in case one day you are ready"

All I have to do is reach out, and if I do I'm not making any promises.

If I don't? Then I am making statement.

It'll be final, that is what she's saying.

No promises, no broken promises, it is just a chance, just an option.

Or I can say no.

All I have to do is reach out or do nothing.

**so?**

**what do you think brooke did? what are your feelings towards peyton, from the reviews i got last chapt it seems the p sawyer hate is dying down, did this help or just make you wanna slap her? feel bad for her? think she deserves it?**

next chapter(maybe): i have sorta planned to have some bl to even up the lack of it in this chapter, and perhaps brooke will get some support from an unexpected source.


	22. After the Storm

**Disclaimer: i do NOT own on tree hill, or any of its characters, but like thats gonna stop any of us.**

**so i am back with the latest chapter and the end of era for this story, next chapter will be fast forwarded. so don't forget to review, and yes that is a threat. this chapt took longer because i knew it would be the last for this partof it, and i wnated to fit everything i need into it but i didnt quite know how to, s it ay be a little dodgy and like pieces of a puzzle that dont relaly fit smoothly together, but eh, i relaly cam't be bothered going over it, or it make take me even longer to update it, so you get the copy minutes after i finish it, unedited as always, so sorry in advance for the mistakes, but like my tecahers learnt, i just don't do the editing thing.**

**a thanx and hug to the reviewers, long live brucas, zagsaddict, bella, flipflopgal, teamxxbrulianxx(i swear your name use to be brucas not brulian), coffeewithcinnamon, othfan326, tanya2byour21, jill, maine27, sunshine, mrs-mcdreamy1 and lovelylily07. **

_Brooke POV_

Everyone has a smell, a unique scent that is just them, a mixture of everything they are.

Lucas has a spice about him, it's musky and sweet all at the same time and there is always this faint smell on him that reminds me of books. I remember when we first started dating when we were sixteen, he use to drag me into all these bookstores, and I use to think they smelt funky, but the more I fell for him the more appealing that smell became, the one that seemed to hover on him as well, and in the end I missed it. These days whenever I miss Lucas I just lay on his pillow and I feel like he's right next to me. It's Lucas's scent I usually wake up to.

This morning though I am not at home in the bed we share, I am waking up in a hospital, but before I even open my eyes I know I am not alone. I can feel the presence lying next to me, and I can smell her.

It's just a touch of jasmine, from her shampoo, and coffee. The word fresh comes to mind, like the morning.

So, before I even open my eyes I know what I will find.

One by one I open them, and a warm smile instantly takes over "morning"

Her eyes are tinged with sadness, and they sparkle with a million stories, they always have. Yet she has a secret to her lips that she never use to, something I like to think is contentment and happiness. My daughter, my beautiful and talented daughter, she looks so much older than when she first came into my life as a fifteen year old girl, yet somehow in many ways she seems younger as well. Most of all, the look she use to wear of having the weight of the world on her shoulders is long gone. She looks relaxed.

My smile grows broader.

"Mom" she whispers, and that one word manages to cause my breath to hitch with emotion, and as she covers my hand with her own I entangle our fingers and give a quick squeeze.

"I'm okay" and for the first time since I found myself on the floor in the store's backroom I actually mean it. I'm okay.

Every other time was a lie. And I don't know if I should feel guilty about that, when I lied I did it to either protect someone I love or to protect myself. Some lies are worth it, right?

But right now, I don't care, because finally, I really do feel okay.

_Lucas POV_

When I left Brooke last night she had been sleeping, looking peaceful and safe, and as much as I did not want to leave her I needed to go home.

I checked on Eli, made sure he was alright and then I had to clean up all the blood.

In the end I took the mat that usually decorated the spare room and placed it in the living room instead. The coffee table was moved and I wiped all the traces of blood from that as well. It made me feel sick, seeing all that drying blood and knowing it was Brooke's.

Sleep didn't come easy. The whole time I was haunted by nightmares, it was three in the morning when the phone rang, it didn't wake me up. I had been staring at the empty space beside me that usually occupied Brooke when it rang. I never knew how use I had gotten to having Brooke in my arms at night, to waking up with her smell as the first thing that greets me. And then it was gone. At three though, she called me.

After that the nightmares stopped.

We were on the phone for an hour, and for half of that I don't think we even spoke aloud. But just knowing she was there made me feel better, and hearing her steady breathing and imagining her smile, it chased the nightmares away. _Love you, sweet dreams _was the last thing she whispered before the nurse took the phone away, I never got a chance to even say it back.

So now I'm anxious to see her so I can whisper those words back.

"Nathan, where are we going?" I ask on noticing that the car was going the wrong way.

He turns to me and gives that cocky smirk that became his trademark in high school, "you gave me an idea…"

My little brother has an idea, is that good?

"Brooke's waiting for me"

"She's waiting for an answer too, trust me Luke"

Love, a part of it is trusting them even when you don't.

_Brooke POV_

"Twins, huh?" Sam asks for the hundredth time since I told her, well over an hour ago.

I nod as I roll my eyes, "Lucas likes the name _Nicholas _now, Nick Scott, as if" and I scoff, Sam smiled and shrugs "I like that name" trust her to be on Luke's side.

"Oh, right, take your fathers side. I dated a Nick once, didn't end well-"

"Dating your teacher _never _ends well" Haley shoots out as she breezes into the room, I glare at her, sending her a clear message I did not approve one bit of the information she let slip.

Sam, with her mouth now fallen open, looks at Haley and then back at me "a teacher?" and I can't blame her for giving me that accusing look over, not after I had a huge go at her for even suggesting getting together with her college professor. Well, a college professor, he hadn't technically been _hers_ but so not the point.

"Anyway…" I say.

"What about Nicola for a girl then, you can call her Nikki" Haley suggests helpfully, and I cringe at the name.

"Great, now we're naming my daughter after random bar sluts"

It was Haley's turn to cringe as she sat carefully against the bed next to Sam, "oh"

"Lucas?" Sam asks, her brow kinked up which makes her look a little too much like me.

"Don't ask" I say, rolling over onto my back "let's just keep exes off the baby name list"

"Um… Brooke" Haley slowly says, and I lean up on my elbow to look at my best friend.

"Yeah"

"It's going to be a really short list then" she says seriously, and my mouth drops. Sam on the other hand just laughs, loud and rudely.

"Samantha, that was not funny!"

But I direct my glare at Haley, who just gives me an innocent smile, Ms James Scott innocent, huh, how would she like it if I told Jamie all his parents' deep dark secrets. Chris Keller ring a bell… note to self, Christopher and Christine are totally off the list.

"Haley's a good name, very uni-sex"

"Please, name one boy who has the name Haley" Sam challenges, lifting a doubtful brow at Haley.

"Haley Joel Osment"

"Who?"

"The Sixth Sense" I say at the same time Haley replies "Pay It Forward"

"Aw, I totally cried at the end of that" I add on.

Sam looks between us, clearly still confused, "he was this big child actor" I tried to clarify, slightly shocked that the mention of sixth sense didn't ring a bell for her.

"Moving on…" Sam drawled. It amazes me that even though biologically it's impossible for this girl, no, this _woman_, to be my child, she has become my daughter and still has the power that all children have. She makes me feel _old_. And I know she can make Haley feel the exact same thing, and my eyes meet those of my best friend, Sam between us. And we connect, sharing a knowing smile.

Haley James Scott. My best friend, my soon to be sister-in-law, and the person who has helped me get through everything life has thrown at me since we opened that door senior year and declared ourselves roomies. Sometimes I've taken her for granted.

God knows, how I would have survived the Brooke Lucas love saga without her by my side.

Haley should definitely make the list.

"You know what, Haley is officially on the list… hmmm, Haley Catherine Scott?"

Sam winces.

"Haley Melinda Scott?" I ask with more confidence, the name rolling off my tongue after just popping into my head, and then I smile as the future unfolds before me "no, Haley Isabelle Scott and Melinda Rachel Scott, Hales and Mel"

I must have that daydreaming look on my face, because I know I'm no longer in the hospital room, instead I'm at home, and the two cutest little girls are giggling up at me.

Then Sam brings me back to reality "here's to hoping they look like their Mom"

Rolling my eyes I ignore her, she adores Luke and I know it.

Haley smirks "there is nothing wrong with the way Scott men look, Samantha, I happen to have four at home to prove it"

I don't really care what I have, boys or girls, or one of each, and I want them to be healthy and perfect but I don't care if they fall short of that expectation, because I know I'll love my children no matter what or who they are. I know they'll make me proud, I know I'll feel pride every time they smile.

"Earth to Brooke!" Sam chimes in, waving her hands in front of me, and she smiles as I look at her, and there it is, that pride.

And so the three of us continue to chat, about everything and anything, we've had afternoons like this before, the three of us flowing together as easily as the harmony of one of Haley's songs. We're all very different notes, but when put together we become something else, something amazing. We're family.

A part of me is aching to see Lucas, but Haley has told me he's on his way, and I trust her, I trust her completely.

Sam leaves to answer her phone and the moment the teenager is out of the room Haley looks at me and tilted her head to the side "how you feeling?"

"Honestly" I say and then break into a smile "I'm good. I'm more than good. I… I'm happy"

"I can tell" and she covers my hand.

And I can't imagine a better time to do this so I use my other hand to cover hers, and I look at her with big eyes, and then I just blurt it out softly "I want you do be godmother"

I remember the feeling I'd felt eight years ago when Haley told me the same thing, asking me to be Jamie's godmother. And I hope she feels the same way now.

Her eyes light up "you better" she laughs and hugs me.

_Lucas POV_

My feet get faster as we make our way closer to Brooke's room, I turn the corner and suddenly I see my step daughter ranting on her phone, I know the moment she sees me because her expression changes and with two words I can't hear her conversation is over and she's slipping the phone back into her pocket, then she's marching towards me.

"Sam" I say her name in welcome, a smile forming on my lips, because I've missed her.

She doesn't smile, my hello is a nice hard slap to the face, and her finger pokes at me "that is for letting skinny bitches who aren't my mother kiss you" and then she punches my shoulder "and that is for not calling me the moment you knew something wasn't right" and then there is the kick to my shin "and that is for… for… every tear she has shed because of you" she sounds angry and frustrated and I just take it but that kick hurt.

Seriously, it hurt, I bend forward to rub my ankle, but can't because as I lean forward she pounces and her arms are wrapped around my neck, I wrap my arms back around her and sink into the hug. It's one of our hugs, they never come easy, but they mean something, they remind me of my Uncle Keith. Her voice softens, becomes indulgent "and this is for everything else"

"It's good to see you too" I chuckle and give one last bear hug squeeze before she's pulling away.

Nathan pats my shoulder, and the three of us start walking back to Brooke.

My brother stops me at the door, Sam has already walked inside "I will never understand your twisted family" he laughs, and I can't help but mentally laugh, because he's part of it.

But I don't say that because I can glimpse Brooke and she looks amazing, she puts a whole new meaning to the term pregnancy glow, and mid laugh she spots me.

We both freeze as our eyes meet, everything else fading away, her smile softens, and her lips crinkles up at the side with the smile that's only for me, and her eyes have that look, you know the one, the look that tells me she loves me.

I don't know how I get to be by her side all I know is in the next moment I am next to her, leaning down to kiss the side of her mouth "morning, Pretty Girl, I love you" and it doesn't even matter that our morning routine is happening in a hospital with witnesses. She moves her head slightly so our noses touch, they rub for a moment and she moans, "good morning" she whispers and then she kisses me, on the lips, and when Brooke Davis kisses you there's only one thing to do.

Kiss her back.

"Daughter in the room, thanks"

I don't care.

I don't care who watches.

_Brooke POV_

When the kiss ends I look into his eyes, and I see the best good morning I can get, that look he wears, the one just for me, and if there has ever been doubt that he loves me that look can shatter it. Because even the blind can see it, the way he looks at me, he's _never _looked at someone else like this. The next time Rachel rolls her eyes and tells me to stop with the eye sex I'm just going to smile and keep on at it.

And when less than half an hour later I'm standing by Nathan's car with Lucas holding me, after helping me out of the wheel chair, and our eyes lock, and Sam doing a great Rachel imitation rolls her eyes and sends as a disgusted and envious look with the same mixed tone in her voice "get a room or stop with the eye sex, I just ate" I just smile at Sam and then go straight back to looking at Lucas, I have to bite my bottom lip to stop from kissing him.

There's this feeling, a flutter in my stomach, a tremor in my hands, a burst within my chest, I can't really explain it. But here it is, and it feels a lot like happiness.

I don't know why but I just can't stop watching him today, the whole car ride, which Sam declined to join Haley and Nathan, I just watch him. I feel like we're in high school again, he's a mystery and something familiar all at once, and the future is this thing that causes me to get butterflies. Back then I didn't know what it held for us, now I do.

"This is it" Lucas suddenly says, and still watching him I take note that he is nervous, and when he stops the car and looks at me my smile widens "you look nervous"

"I am" he says clearly, and it reminds me of when he asked me to marry him.

And so or some reason I take my eyes off him and finally take notice of where I am, and I'm not home, what I ma is confused, I frown back at Lucas "what's this?"

"A surprise" he answers and quickly hops out, jogging around to my side and opening my door, I got o step out but he picks me up bridal story, causing me to laugh, and starts to carry me.

I don't know what to say, I'm still confused.

Where at a park, it looks abandoned and wild, but I can't help but feel a tightening in my chest and a kindred feeling as I look over his shoulder and all around us.

It's beautiful, under all of the mess there's this wild beauty and potential that I can't help but notice. And the gerber daisies are amazing, and I can't believe I've never been here before, this so beats getting flowers in a vase.

I'm so busy exploring with my eyes that I don't even notice straight away that Lucas has stopped "what do you think?" he asks nervously.

"I love it… what ever it is" I say at first with confidence and then with uncertainty because as lovely as all this is I don't really get it.

Lucas carefully places me down an positions me by holding my shoulders and then he moves a step back and takes hold of both my hands "I was thinking right here"

"Lucas" I laugh "what are you talking about?"

And then his facial expression suddenly gets a calm intensity, as he stares right at me, my smile slips, as I feel the mood change to a serious, a _good _serious. It reminds me of when Lucas told me he wanted to be with me again, or the first time he said I love you two years ago.

"Brooke, I know you wanted perfect, a fairytale dream, and I want to give you that. But we couldn't seem to find it, not in a church or a hotel or any other place we looked, but when I came here all I could see was you and our future. And I know it doesn't look perfect but I was thinking we could work on that"

And suddenly I look around, seeing a totally different potential here "Lucas?" I ask.

He's getting down on his knee, still holding my hands "marry me, marry me here, among the flow-"

My lips crash down on his.

I don't know what he is talking about, because to me, this looks perfect.

Ten minutes later we're sitting together on the grass, and he passes me a daisy as I lean against him "I knew you would find the place" I say, kissing his chin, it seems we've kisses more in the last ten minutes than what's possible and right now I just like the feeling of him holding me and feeling his chest move up and down against my back to the steady rhythm of his breathing.

He places a light kiss to the spot behind my ear, brushing my hair back as he dos so, "there's more"

"More?" I ask, what else could there be.

I turn to him, a question in my eyes and he sits up a little more, taking me with him "I told Nathan how I felt about this place and he did some background checks, this park is privately owned and has been open to the public for fifty years"

"How could someone just leave it like this?" it seems like a crime, and I can't help but wonder the question out loud.

Lucas looks around too, and I know he sees what I see, "this property is for sale, it's been on the market for two days-"

"Are you?" I ask not sure what I'm really asking.

He picks up my hand, my left one and plays with my engagement ring, his voice soft "fifty years ago this place was created by a couple, and the wife designed the gardens and landscapes, both of them wanting to give something to the town but when she died her husband stopped caring about keeping their dream, but he could never get rid of it. And so it has become this"

This being a forgotten piece of Tree Hill, its beauty hidden behind a wild mess with no love to help it thrive, and it must be pregnancy hormones because the story makes me feel unusually emotional.

"He died, didn't he?" and I sink further into Lucas' arms, lost to the idea that life could separate us in a blink of the eye and there was nothing either of us could do about it.

"Last week" Lucas whispers, still playing with my ring, and then he slowly stand, still with my hand in his so I follow him wordlessly through the maze of gardens and over the bridge to the other side of the water, walking behind the trees to a hidden part of this place, where it ends at a fence, overgrown with vines.

There's a heavy wooden gate, it looks old and Lucas pulls out a key and unlocks it, pushing it open with a squeak. He takes my hand and leads me through.

_Lucas POV_

When Nathan first mentioned the house it wasn't with any intention, just information about the two properties that were for sale, but the moment I first saw the house I felt it.

This was home.

The back is only half the size of Nathan and Haley's yard, however there's a bricked section by one of the walls and I can already see the basketball hoop being put up there, and there's a large square strip of grass for running around, and a large tree for shade and climbing.

The back porch is huge, and I take Brooke carefully up its small steps.

It's old, and like the park and gardens needs a lot of love and care but also like its counterpart the house is beautiful.

I use the key the realestate agent gave me to open the door, its dusty, but the sun coming through the stained glass windows dances through the abandoned rooms.

Room by room I lead Brooke through, and I don't stop talking, telling her with each room what I envision. She says nothing.

On the second floor I show her all the rooms, we've already been through the third floor and the attic but I feel like the second floor is the one that is most important. In the last room I'm by the door "this could be Sam's room for when she's home, the light here is amazing, I can see her sitting at a desk by the window as she writes"

Brooke's by the window now, and she turns to me shaking her head.

She's been so silent, I start to worry she doesn't like it but then she smiles and looks out the window "no, this should be the nursery, and I'll stand here looking out as I rock our child to sleep"

I move behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, she leans back against me, hugging my arms to her as her head finds its spot on my shoulder, the both of us looking out the window. From here you can see the entire yard as well as over the back fence to the park.

"Sam can have the attic, it'll be her get away, and we'll be able to hear her stomping around from anywhere in the house"

"And when the twins get older they can move into other rooms, and have their own, this one can go to the next baby"

"Next baby?" Brooke asks with a smile but I know she's thinking the same thing.

"Yeah, the next one, there's eight rooms to fill after all"

She rubs my arms and sighs, and the sun chooses that moment to hit the room, bathing us in light. Warmth surrounds me as I hold her a little closer, for a moment I place my chin on the top of her head, and then kiss her soft waved before leaning my cheek back against the same spot.

And that feeling I got the moment I stepped into the yard is getting stronger and stronger.

This is home.

_Brooke POV_

I don't know how all this has happened so fast. I woke up one day Brooke Davis, getting married in the near future in an undisclosed location, the save the date invites already out. I couldn't wait to be married and start trying for a baby, a little sister or brother for my foster daughter who is all grown up. And then I'm pregnant, months before the wedding, and I'm having twins and small things like the fact the house we share is too small and we have nowhere to get married and I'll be showing undeniably by the time the wedding date arrives, become big things that I only briefly consider then as life just takes over.

And then it's all just sorted.

A new family and a new home all in one, and the answer to where and when follow.

I've been home from the hospital for barely twenty four hours and Lucas is on the phone closing the deal with the house and neighbouring gardens and park, and Nathan and Skills are playing rock band with Jamie, getting thrashed as Millie, Mouth and Cooper cheer them on, the McFadden's with a Scott twin on each lap.

Haley is frantically going through organising a playlist, asking me every two minutes if the song she's playing is right for our first dance, and she still manages to change the catering date and flowers at the same time, not to mention dealing with an irate chef about a wedding cake needed a month early.

Because I'm getting married in three weeks.

The honeymoon plans are being sorted by Karen and Andy, the original plan to use the boat for two weeks flew out the window when we realised I was pregnant so they are all hush about the surprise change which, and I quote, I will just love.

Laurie is handling the decorations, under my strict care of course, consulting me on every change that has to happen.

Rachel and Sam are helping me with the invitations, I mean; I am helping them seeing I'm meant to be resting in bed. Lucas keeps glaring at me in disapproval, and when he moves the phone away every few minutes to comment on my lack of suitable 'taking it easy' I say in a minute, or just after 'this'.

"Damn, it's the wrong fucking address book" Rachel says and goes to stand, her hand resting on her large belly. I stop her and stand myself "no, you stay, I'll get it. I don't need your pregnant ass going through my stuff"

Lucas puts the phone to his chest and points the pen he's holding at me and then directs it to our room "and then rest" he instructs. I just smile and pat his cheek as I walk by.

I'm pretty sure the other address book is in the top draw on my side, the one i just dump stuff in when I need a place to put them. Old notes, spare change, a cd, a few bookmarks, the stray piece of jewellery, and other random objects. And just as I expect its crammed in the draw, with triumph I pull it out, with a little too much force because it flies straight out of my hands and lands on the bed.

I pick it up and there it is, once tucked between pages it now sits accusingly upside down on my bed as I hold the stupid address book. And I know exactly what it is before I even turn it over.

How old is this photo? It feels like a million years ago, but what, it's nine maybe ten years, yeah nearly ten. We're all so young, just sixteen. I remember that night, Naley's first wedding party after they'd announced their marriage. Planned by Lucas, with the help of me and Peyton. The photo is packed with all of us, the river court kids and the cheerleaders and basketball team. It should have been awkward and not just because of the two social groups being joined through Nathan and Haley's scandalous marriage, but because half of us didn't know each other, and not long after the first round of the love triangle from hell Lucas was far from my favourite person, on the out with both Peyton and me as we struggled to fix our friendship - to build it from scratch. But it hadn't been awkward, not at all, and you can tell in the photo. We all just seem to fit together even though we shouldn't.

Holding the photo between my hands I collapse onto the bed, the address book now forgotten beside me, as I stare at the two teenage girls smiling up at me. Opposites in both looks and personality, but both wearing large smiles as their arms hold onto each other.

How long I sit here I don't know, it must have been a while because Lucas steps into our room, his eyes asking me what took so long, Haley is behind him and my eyes connect with my best friend as I flash back to the moments before Lucas came to the hospital the day before.

_So, Peyton_ _stopped by, she told me what happened._

_Tutor Mom, I…_

_Its okay Brooke, I think you made the right decision, really its okay._

_She's gone now?_

_Yes, she's gone but she's going to come back someday, she told me that too._

_Doesn't she always…_

I look at Haley, and our whole friendship flashed before me, and as I fall into memories of the past Peyton makes her appearance, until everyone else I know now is not there, and it's just her and me like it had been for so long.

_So, do you have a name or do I just call you Curly?_

_It's Peyton, Peyton Sawyer._

I look back at the photo, then my eyes see the address book, my heart kind of flip flops, I look back up at two of the most important people in my life and say the sudden words that keep going back and forth in my head "I think I made a mistake"

"_I'm standing here in front of you Brooke, I'm not perfect, and I never was. I'm sorry, and I know that isn't good enough but I am willing to do anything to not make it okay but to make it so one day it can be okay. I'm asking for a chance. No promises I can break, just hope, just us… You don't have to take it… you don't have to take the chance, but if you just reach out a little then you'll have it, just in case one day you are ready"_

"…_Peyton… I…"_

"_Brooke, please don't do this"_

"_I'm sorry"_

"_B Davis-"_

"_I'm okay now, I am… so…you can go"_

"Oh my god, I made a big mistake" and once again I am that girl in the hospital bed, I'm that lying girl saying that I am okay when I am far from it, because once again I am not okay. I am far from okay.

I lost _my _chance.

And as I cry Lucas and Haley come to my side, not understanding the ramble of words I suddenly blurt out but they hold me anyway.

Damn pregnancy hormones, that's got to be it.

"What's wrong?" Sam asks appearing at the door, her eyes watching me, and I hate the look of worry she now gives me.

Haley comes to the rescue and ushers Sam out, blocking her curious eyes and questions as she shuts the door behind them, leaving me alone with Lucas. I dig myself into his chest, grabbing hold of his shirt.

"I can't take it back Luke, I can't get that moment back. I _should _have taken it; I should have just taken the stupid note-"

"Brooke"

"-I'm an idiot, I knew I would regret it, I knew I would but I still did it, I did it because I wanted to _punish _her. I wanted her to feel even an ounce of what she has done to me-"

"Brooke"

"-I wanted to hurt her and it hurt me, it hurt me, but then the pain went away, because there was Sam, and Haley and you but now its here again, and it _hurts me_"

"Brooke" he says my name more firmly and the fact he's moved away from me creeps in, I open my eyes and look at my fiancé. He looks at me hard, reading me, looking for something and then he must see it because he gets up and walks over to the bookshelf, he grabs a copy of his first book and takes something from between the pages before replacing it and walking back to me.

I stay frozen, watching him, watching his hand gain closer, and he holds out his hand with the note fluttering in front of me, waiting to be taken or ignored. And I just stare at it.

"She knows" is all he says, and not looking at him I take it.

I take the chance.

"And she knows you love her. A part of love is trusting them even when everything inside you is screaming that you can't, it's blindly taking a hand offered with no idea where it'll lead you"

Like us.

How close was I to not taking the chance with Lucas? And if I'd kept to my fear I would have nothing of the life I have now.

Maybe I can have faith that it can happen again. After all, you should believe in the possibility even when life is giving you every reason not to believe. And sometimes that faith is rewarded.

It's just a chance.

It's not even a promise.

"I love you" I tell him because I do, more and more with each day. And I just want him to know that.

He touches my cheek, "I love you too, Pretty Girl"

_I know_.

And then we go join our family, and like I promised, as soon as I finish the invitations I crawled into bed again. Once again I'm the girl who really is okay.

…

_Two lives, two hearts  
joined together in friendship  
united forever in love._

_  
It is with joy that Karen Roe  
invites you_

PEYTON SAWYER

_To share  
in a celebration of love  
as her son _

_Lucas Eugene Scott_

_Exchanges marriage vows with_

_Brooke Penelope Davis_

…


	23. Still Counting

**disclaimer: as of yet i do not own any rights to one tree hill or anything to do with it, and if i did jake would be back so fast it aint funny and bl would be having a lot of great eyesex moments, and then it wont just be the eyes.**

**thanx to all those still reading, favouriting or alerting this story. **

**and a bigger thanks to those who take the time to review, this story woudlnt have gone as far as it has without ya.**

**zagsaddict, bella, austingirl76, teamxxbrulianxx, hebreden, princesakarlita411, flipflopgal, othfan326, tanya2byour21, maine27, and sunshine.**

**long live BRUCAS - i hope this chapt helps answers your questions. and the house being whiteys never crossed my mind, its a beautful thought though, just not one im going with.**

_Peyton POV_

It has been two weeks and five days since I was last in Tree Hill.

I've been counting.

There were many reasons why I left, the main one being I was starting to finally like the person I was becoming. I use to be strong and independent and I had found myself depending too much on others at the expense of myself, or depending on the past, I had reverted back into a different me, one I didn't like very much, a girl who was too self pitying, too reliant, too whiny, too selfish, too many things I didn't want to be. And then I saw what was happening, I opened my eyes and gave my life a long hard look, so I decided to change. I like to believe I have, and that I've rediscovered an even older me, one I have missed, one everyone missed. Someone my own judgement had deemed worthy enough of being missed.

It hasn't been an easy journey, returning to Tree Hill was just the beginning. I had to change my life in the city too. My priorities at work, because there was a time that I was in it for the music, and my art, going back to Tree Hill and drawing in that motel room reminded me of my other passion. And the amazing outlet music and art gives me helped me sort through all the mess.

Most of all I've struggled in the attempts to fix my friendships.

And it's that journey, which is still going strong, that keeps me on the straight and narrow. It's the one thing I don't regret about my behaviour in Tree Hill, and in a way maybe I needed to fail so miserably in the friend department so I could finally see the flaws that had always been there, in order to change them.

The best decision I made in Tree Hill was not giving up, and because of that this time when I left I made sure to say goodbye, giving all my friends a way to contact me. Even Lucas, shaking on their doorstep I'd nervously waited for him to open the door so I could give him the same note Brooke had refused to accept from me. I had known that one day she would regret it, probably sooner that either of us expected, not because of me but because of who she simply is. And I had also known that Lucas would know when she was really ready to take that chance.

It has been two weeks and five days since I drove out of Tree Hill, and it's been three hours since I last heard news from there.

I hear from them everyday, and if one of them doesn't contact me then I contact them.

At first I waited, but it took me forty-five hours before I caved and called Haley, and we talked for hours. I now know that Brian started walking two months before Wade, and Wade sleeps with a stuffed bear called Crumpets. Jamie's basketball team is coached by Skillz, and the Tigers are sponsored by Clothes over Bro's, which Brooke insisted on. For the last week I've been trying to convince Haley to record another single, she's thinking about it, Nathan tells her to go for it. I know a lot of things. I know the highs of their days and the lows.

And they know mine.

Talking to Haley had been easy, Nathan too, and Skillz is a great listener, a great talker too, I've even talked to Laurie a few times, her and Millie are really close so I catch the gossip from the both of them when they are together.

Getting in contact with Brooke or Lucas was something altogether different; I left the ball in their court. They're the ones I have hurt, and they are the ones who deserve time and consideration.

And if Brooke wasn't ready then I had to respect that.

Five days after I left Tree Hill the invitation came, five agonising days where they were never far from my thoughts.

So I picked up the phone and finally dialled the number I had wanted to call the most. I told Brooke that I would love to come. The next day she called me and asked a random wedding question. At first our conversations were overly polite and over quickly, but after a week she surprised me by showing up at my door with Sam. For the first time I met Brooke's daughter, apparently they were having a mother daughter trip before the wedding, but I knew that Brooke was taking a step and using Sam as her support system. It was a great weekend and I showed them my world, it was easy, easier than I ever thought it could be. We spent most of it shopping, my highlight was buying the matching yellow and white baby outfits and watching Brooke's eyes light up as she stroked the soft fabric. I hope that she got that I was happy for them, and fully supportive of the life she is living. There were no bad feelings on my part anymore, I don't resent her or hold jealousy over her relationship and family with Lucas.

When we hugged at the airport as they left I felt that happiness of holding my friend again, sadness too because we were parting. But since then our conversations have grown longer, they flow once again, sometimes we just call each other to complain about the line as we waited for an order.

I was trying to avoid the subject of Lucas, I didn't want her to feel awkward or that I was overstepping the boundaries, every move I make is careful. But I call the house and he picks up and we say hi before he hands it over to Brooke, and then the hi's started to get longer too, and then Brooke started handing the phone to him so we could talk as she quickly did something.

After a while we started emailing each other with quick messages, and the songs I sent Haley would be in Lucas' inbox as well. And it feels good because I am getting two friends back and Lucas was always one of my best friends, I can talk to him, even now, even about Brooke. It feels good to have that back, and it helps me come to the realisation that I missed and craved for Lucas as a friend more than anything else.

It has been two weeks and five days since I was last in Tree Hill.

And now I am going back.

In many ways I'm a whole new person, or maybe I'm just an old version.

Either way it feels right and I am completely satisfied as I drive by that sign.

Welcome to Tree Hill.

_Brooke POV_

One year, four months, two weeks and one day.

I've been counting.

Maybe I always will keep track of how long we've been together, but having an actual official anniversary will make it so much easier.

Looking at a photo of Lucas and Jamie the number flashes in my mind, that is how long we've been together, and really, now thinking about it, it's not that much time.

It's not that much time at all, but we've survived it this far, longer than we have together in the past, yet I can't help but remember that his relationships with both Peyton and Lindsay were longer.

But then again, we haven't exactly gone _slow_, we never did that well, and actually I'm amazed we didn't just elope as quickly as possible. I guess it wasn't really that _slow_, it took over a year for Lucas to finally get me to agree to dating him, and he proposed on our one year anniversary, not the most uncommon of dates to do the deed, and if it wasn't for the fact we had the Scott fertility working against us and I'm about to pop out two of the latest generation then we would have had a six month engagement. But I _really, really _love my dress.

Which I'm not going to think about, the dress is currently off limits, and the next person who suggests that I might need to give it up for something a little more 'roomy' around the middle will get bitch slapped. Seriously, I have not put on _that _much weight, and I am not showing… much. Okay, the bump is unmistakable, seemingly popping up out of _nowhere, _as if the moment I learnt I was pregnant my body decided to let the whole world know. One week after the positive test just looking in the mirror would have been enough for me to question it, in fact once the news was out and the drama of that weekend was over everyone kept eyeing me and saying how they couldn't believe they hadn't clicked sooner. Was I getting that fat?

Damn twins.

I love my twins, my babies, but still… I love my dress and I'm going to wear it.

Off limits!

I sigh and walk out of the room, snapping my keys up as I do so.

One year, four months, two weeks and one day, and I still can't get enough of him, I still wonder what he's doing or thinking, and my thoughts constantly stray to him if I'm not kept occupied.

Like right now, why aren't I with him? The next few days are going to be crazy, hell in mere hours it's all going to start. This will be our last chance to really spend time together as a single couple, you know, not husband and wife.

As much as I have been waiting for this moment, the grand I do's, the truth is I wouldn't mind if we never went through with it, if for the rest of my life we could just stay the way we are now I will live as a very happy and satisfied woman.

I don't need the white dress (as great as it is, and I am talking about to die for beautiful), or the piece of paper, I have Lucas, and I have my daughter Sam, and soon I'll have the twins, and whether we make it official or not his family is now my family.

I'm doing this for Luke, as crazy it may sound, I know my guy and I know that making it official is important to him. Not for the party or the day, but for everything standing in front of our world and saying I do stands for. It's me accepting him, and saying that this time I'm not going anywhere, it's forever, no matter the rough times or what the future holds. By taking his name I am assuring him that we _will _be a family, the type of family he never got, with the mom and dad living under one roof with the same name. That life is important to him, and in a way it's important to me too because it's not like Victoria gave me the Rockwell friggin painting, but where as he has put together the pieces of his family I created one from scrap, I learnt that family isn't about who you are linked to through blood or marriage, it's all about the love, so yeah that piece of paper or that name really isn't the all or nothing thing for me.

Once I arrive at the new house, still very much in the fixing up stage, I hop out of the car and make my way inside. The mail box already reads Scott, the first change Lucas made, and the front door is a bright red, the second change. As soon as I step inside I can hear his music blaring through the bare house, and it wouldn't surprise me if it's one of the new mix's Peyton sent him. Their taste in music is starting to grow on me; in fact thanks to P Sawyer I completed the perfect playlist for the wedding.

"Luke!" I call out sweetly.

No reply.

"Luke?"

The music is louder than I expected, he obviously can't hear me, and I almost miss him as I walk by the soon to be kitchen, I'm not sure if at the moment we can actually call it a real kitchen. Something stops me from letting him know I'm here, and I feel my eyebrow kinking up at the sight of him topless in those snug jeans and work boots, is body smeared with the odd drop of paint.

Smiling, a plan forms in my mind.

I sneak back into the backroom, the one the music is coming from. A ladder is propped up in one corner, the floor is covered and the room is nearly finished. The wallpaper is gone and now replaced with a warm red feature wall surrounding the open fireplace and the four other walls a soft cream. I'm not an expert but it looks like he only has half a wall left to go.

One year, four months, two weeks and one day, maybe I can stop counting.

_Lucas POV_

This song reminds me of Brooke, hell, a lot of things remind me of Brooke. The other day an ad for toothpaste made me think of her.

I walk back into the room…

And freeze.

"Brooke?"

Damn, I can't help but smile at the sight of her, leaning against the ladder wearing my abandoned shirt, and by the pile of clothes in the middle of the room she's not wearing anything else, and she's holding that paintbrush in her hand in the cutest way. Nathan is so right, I'm whipped.

"Hey Broody" and she winks.

"I thought I told you I didn't want you here while I'm painting"

"I'm here to help" and she sways her hips a bit as she rest a hand to her hip, the pain brush in the other being lifted up higher "see"

"Brooke-" I step forward and she walks a little closer to me "-this isn't going to work" and we meet, my arm wraps around her waist and hers come to meet behind my neck.

"What won't work?" all too innocent.

I tap her nose "trying to distract me away from the-" something wacks the back of my head, it's wet "…the rest of the paints for the wall not for me"

"Really?" Brooke asks and suddenly she is tapping my nose with the paint brush and then before I can react swipes it down my chest.

The next second I know we're in a battle for the paintbrush, both of us becoming its victim as her shrieks rise above the music.

Two days, three hours and fifty two minutes until she's my wife.

We fall to the ground, the brush hidden under her back, she's still laughing, and I stop above her, just locked on the look in her eyes, the way they seem to burn. I can't move, I can't breathe, and all I can think about is her. The way she smells, the way she looks and feels, it's like I look into her eyes and I see straight into her heart, her amazing heart. I feel sixteen again, locking eyes with her again in a doorway. That's the thing about falling in love with Brooke - I never stop.

Her laughter stops as I kiss her.

Two days, two hours and three minutes away from my wedding and I have just made love to my fiancé on the floor, the both of us smeared with paint, naked we stand looking at the mess in front of us.

"It wasn't me" Brooke defends herself again.

"I didn't do it" I say back, sure that I would have remembered knocking over the can of paint.

Then again I was a little distracted.

Two days, one hour and forty nine minutes until Brooke Davis becomes Brooke Scott and we're doing what we do best, arguing. This time because we can't agree if it was Lemon Ice or Bavarian Cream.

I wouldn't have it any other way, because I've been waiting for this countdown for a long time.

Two days, one hour and forty sev… forty six minutes and then we get forever.

**hope you liked the beginning of this part, luv mickei b**


	24. Whispers

**disclaimer: i do not own oth, brooke, lucas, peyton or any other oth characters. all just for fun.**

_Peyton POV_

There is a bounce in my step as I walk towards the house, and now comparing my last visit with this one I can instantly tell the difference, and the more positive emotions that make this one so much more pleasurable already. There was no bounce in my step last time I was in Tree Hill, and I wasn't filled with such easy joy and confidence.

This time I don't knock, I feel comfortable enough to pop my head in through the back door, a smile widening my lips "honey, I'm home!"

"Doors open!" Nathan's voice calls out, sounding distracted.

I walk on in, shutting the door behind me and follow his voice and the giggles that accompany it, and there is something about finding Nathan with a naked boy over one shoulder and another one poking around his waist, an arm restraining the wriggling Scott from escaping, that brings back old memories, ones about being part of a family. I see Nathan look at Brian with a light in his eyes, one that says he'd do anything for that boy, and it's made of the same look Haley and Nathan share, it's also there between Brooke and Lucas, Rachel and Coop, Millie and Mouth, and I remember the same look between Karen and Keith, and Lucas. It was there for my parents, and they gave me the same one, and Ellie use to give it to me too.

That look holds a promise, the _I will give myself for you _one_, _and I have to admit I miss it, I ache with the sudden need to remember the last time someone gave me that look, and when the answer finally comes I shake it away.

"You look like you have your hands full"

Nathan looks up, "and Haley wants to have _another _one" he rolls his eyes and simultaneously drops Brian – or who I'm 90% sure is Brian with the brown eyes – from his shoulder to under his other arm.

I step forward and Nathan instantly hands the bare boy over to me, Brian swipes for my hair and giggles as I shake the curls against his face.

"Nathan, your phone-" Haley walks into the room and stops when she sees me "hi Peyton, you're early"

Still smiling I hold Brian more securely as I look at his mother "yeah, traffic was a breeze. So how is my soon to be hit artist going?"

"Peyton-" she rolls her eyes dramatically "-not this again"

"Come on, Hales, you know you want to" Nathan chimes in as he swaps Wade for his phone.

One Scott on my side, now I just need to convince Haley that she can do this, it's songs like hers that keep the music industry real, "Haley, just give it a chance, we could play around with it, and if you don't like the idea then we'll figure something out"

She shakes her head but her smile is growing, then turning away from me Haley walks over to the couch and drops Wade, dressing him with amazing speed before taking Brian from me and dressing him in an identical outfit but with a green shirt instead of blue, "I just don't think this is a good time in my life to reboot my music career"

I'm about to say something when Jamie runs into the room, "Mom, phone!" and Haley places a steady Brian onto the ground, allowing the twins to toddle around as Jamie dropped himself onto the couch and switched on the TV.

I sit next to Jamie, watching Haley pace the room as she talked to someone out of the corner of my eye. "So…" I say to Jamie "what you watching?"

He shrugs "nothing"

"BROOKE!" Haley's exasperated voice catches my notice and I return my full attention to her. Haley looks at the phone in her fan, confused and offended "she hung up on me" and then she looks to me, her eyes wide in shock "she's unbelievable" and Jamie starts to laugh, the boy shakes his head and grinning replies "yeah, isn't it wonderful"

I look at him, this little boy with Nathan's eyes and smirk, Haley's colouring and chin, Brooke's charm, and Lucas' heart, who despite genetics or because of them manages to capture these four people so well.

And he winks at me, I turn back to Haley, memories of Brooke Davis rushing to me, and I laugh. Loud and freely.

Yeah, isn't it wonderful.

Haley suddenly chuckles, and with a smile slips her phone into her pocket. It's at that moment with us all in different stages of humour that Nathan walks back into the room, he's frowning down at his own phone, and looks up, "hey, Lucas baled on today so if you want me to take the boys while you girls do your thing-" he stops, Haley had collapsed back onto a couch and no had a cushion over her head as she gave into laughter. The sight making me and Jamie laugh even more. Nathan looks between us all "what?"

Haley drops the cushion and tries to calm down, she holds a hand over her mouth until she's not even smiling, and then she lets go of herself and answers Nathan "Brooke just called me, apparently something's come up and she can't make it today"

Nathan shakes his head and looks down to the ground, "yeah I'm sure something _came up_"

"Nathan!" Haley says too loudly and glares at her husband.

"What?"

"Children"

"Come on, they don't know what I'm talking about" Nathan shoots back and then looks at Jamie, lifting an eyebrow as if asking his son _right?_

Jamie shrugs, changing the channel again "I know you mean Aunt Brooke and Uncle Lucas blew you guys off so they can kiss and stuff… the whole week when I was at their place Brooke kept saying she needed 'help' in the kitchen-" he shakes his head, tsking "-she just wanted to kiss him without me looking"

Nathan chuckles but Haley sighs, leaning back into the couch, "what are we going to do now" she whispers to herself.

I lean forward, me arms hanging over my knees; this is perfect "Nathan, you still up for looking after the kids?"

He nods, and I smile, my eyes turning to Haley, she's beginning to sit up too, "good-" I say "-just because Brooke is playing bros over hos doesn't mean we can't have our girls day"

… I wonder if Bryce can squeeze us in.

_Lucas POV_

There is something about Brooke's eyes, how expressive they are, as if by looking into their dark depths you see right into her heart. The pain, or love, is right there to read.

At the moment, sprawled between my legs with her chin resting on my chest, those big eyes looking right at me, she seems utterly content.

"Are you happy?" and I don't know where the question comes from, all I know is in a blink I had a sudden urge to ask her it.

Her eyes glaze over, hiding something from me, they narrow just the slightest and her lips curl up, dimples appearing immediately, and she nods, the movement hitting my chest.

I feel her heart beating strongly against my abdomen as she says quietly "I am happier than I ever thought I could be, you make me happy Luke, never question it"

She sighs and turns her face away from me so she can lay her head against me instead, I can't see her eyes, but her heartbeat is still their, beating reassuringly against me, I lift my arms to link them behind her back and with another sigh she snuggles closer to me.

It's another moment before she speaks again "honestly, I wouldn't change anything from what it is now. It's pretty damn perfect"

I make a noise in agreement, my fingers finding the tips of her loose hair I twist a lock around me, the softness feeling amazing. I never want to let go of her.

I don't know what I would do without her, she holds everything together. I barely remember how I survived all those years when we weren't together, I made it through somehow, but how I do not know.

"Do you ever think that it's too perfect?" her voice has changed, become deeper as it feels with emotion, almost like she doesn't dare say it out loud.

"What do you mean?" my fingers stop their movement, and my heart skips a beat. I never really thought things could be too perfect, in my life I've learnt that something always come along to remind me that life is never that smooth perfect ride.

She shrugs, and I can feel the moisture from her lips and mouth against my skin as she speaks so close to my chest "I don't know, like how we have it all working, and we never have it all working. Like it's too perfect that something's just gonna come along to remind us it's never going to be that way"

And I chuckle because I was just thinking something similar, but she suddenly leans back up against my chest, looking me in the eye, and my laughter goes away the moment I see her serious expression.

"Yeah, sometimes" I say quietly, and her eyes darken, but at the same time I feel like I said what she wanted to hear. She gives a slight smile, even though her eyes have a shadow to them.

"I kept thinking that the wedding wouldn't happen" she says quickly and thoughtfully, not really looking at me. I tighten my arms around her "why?" because I never thought that, it's the only outcome I ever saw.

She shrugs again, "things kept going wrong. We couldn't find a place, I had no one to walk me down the aisle, the material for the dresses were delivered to another country, and just a million little things… and then I got pregnant… it's just…" she stops, and presses a quick kiss to my collar bone, not far from the tattoo that graces the middle of my chest. The black outline of the graceful and strong B that is there to represent the constant claim Brooke has on my heart; she is a part of me. She is there on my body and under my skin, always.

After the kiss she looks down at the tattoo, I can see her thinking, as she traces the design and her smile stays there, happy and content "we keep winning, things keep going wrong and we beat them. And I guess a part of me waits for the next thing to come along, because it's never perfect"

"Maybe-" I tell her, a tone in my voice that echoes long ago declarations, and she looks back up at me, her fingers still touching the B, and I stare into her eyes "-maybe it's time we just have to face that life can be perfect"

_Peyton POV_

"… I just finally realised that life doesn't need to be perfect, but that doesn't mean it has to be unhappy. Every song has a coda, right?"

I smile as I finish and Haley looks at me, smiling as well, her fingers strumming over the guitar, she plays a few notes "you do look happy" she finally says, and I let out a breath.

"I am… happy, I mean. So, life's not exactly how I wanted and I'm not where I thought I would be, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy being where I am while I'm here"

And Haley just plays a few more notes, they are becoming clearer, and I forget to talk for a while as I'm lost in the music. She begins to hum, I'm not sure she even knows it. After a few minutes Haley abruptly stops, shaking her head, she redoes the last note and then shakes her head again.

I replay it in my head, humming the tune, I instinctively change it at the end, making a slight difference and Haley suddenly looks up at me. Her eyes light up "do that again" she tells me so I begin humming, following the music and as I do she begins to play the guitar again, and this time she doesn't stop.

It's beautiful, almost tragic in its beauty, each note becoming something new yet tying together at the same time, coming back to the same thing. Haley plays it again with more confidence this time, when it's over I can't help but ask "what's that?"

She tilts her head and looks at me through the corner of her eyes, a smile on her thick lips "love"

Sounds about right.

I smile and nod, but Haley suddenly frowns, its small, just enough to crinkle her nose, and I know she's worried, and something tells me she's worried about me, it is in the way she turns to me suddenly all serious, and then she confirms my suspicions "there's something I should tell you-"

"Sawyer, times up!" Bryce calls out, his voice coming through the speakers from the other side of the recording studio. I look down at my watch and sigh, meanwhile Haley's phone beeps with a message.

Bryce opens the door and stares me down, "we're just leaving" I reassure him and turn back to Haley to see her tucking her phone back away.

She gives me a nervous smile "just Brooke, apologizing and saying she'll see us tonight" and I smile even if I don't really believe her, but I ignore that and focus on before "what did you need to tell me?"

She gets up quickly, putting her guitar away and pulling the case over her shoulder as she stands "I've been working on that song all month, it's the official Brucas wedding song" and she laughs and adds on without looking at me "thanks for the help, that part has been bugging me"

And that feeling she is lying to me is still there, but why would Haley lie to me?

I watch her pack up all her things and walk towards the exit, I'm not sure what to say, so I settle on something that suddenly comes to me "it sounds familiar"

She stops, and I swear the world just completely froze. Slowly Haley turns around to look at me over her shoulder and whispers so quietly I almost missed the words "it is"

But then she's shutting the door and I'm left sitting at the keyboard, confused and uneasy, alone I wait for a moment, for sense to catch back up to me, and then I gather my own belongings and follow her out.

There is something she isn't telling me, and Haley wouldn't be worried if she didn't think I should know whatever it is.

I guess this visit to Tree Hill might not be any smoother than the first.

_Brooke POV_

I can' shake the feeling it shouldn't be this smooth. _Something _has to happen.

It always does.

The last time was just before Peyton came back and then there she was kissing my fiancé and running over my dog.

We've done the happy, perfect thing before, and it's great but then the world goes crazy, like a kid comes to the school with a gun and we are torn apart, separated, diving heart first into one of the darkest times of our life and relationship. And just when we are getting it back, that perfect thing, in the face of losing someone we care about and dealing with Lucas' heart condition, and surviving these things, coming out stronger than ever, yeah it falls apart again.

Nathan and Haley's wedding renewal, one of the best and hardest days of my life and proving that nothing stays perfect. It's just the eye of the storm.

My wedding dress reminds me a bit of the wedding itself, it looks perfect, beautiful and made for me. Perfect, except for the growing fact that I'll try it on for the last fitting and it won't fit, losing its perfection. I can't even control that.

But I snuggle closer to Lucas and try to forget my fears, trying to forget that maybe I'm not meant to keep perfection, that I'm not good enough for it.

I can't lose him, I don't care about it being great, 'perfect', I don't care if we don't get to keep it maybe no one is meant to.

As long as I get to keep him.

**as always, thank you to all those who reviewed, and to all the readers. **


	25. If Only For a Day

**disclaimer: i do not own oth at all**

**okay, damn i jut finished watching the last ep and i guess it makes me want to get to my bl wedding even faster, so heres to being one chapter closer to the big event. and after adding sam to my story they go and have her leave brooke, which arghh, im sad about, totally had me crying, i just hope sam hasnt vanished not because i am some huge fan of sam (but i like her and the brooke sam SL) but because its just bad writing and inconsistant for her to just vanish on brooke like that. **

**on anothor note,i must admit im a little disappointed with the reviews, love to everyone who gave them (othfan326, long live brucas, zagsaddict, princesakarlita411, flipflopgal, tanya2byour21, and sunshine) but it seems to me that reviews are dropping, so im a little worried. im starting to get a complex. so just for piece of mind i would really appreciate if you can speak out after reading this chap, im hoping its from lack of time and not losing interest. thanx, luv mickei b**

_Lucas POV_

I'm standing in our bedroom doorway, leaning against it with my hands in my pockets as I watch Brooke standing in front of the mirror. The red halter top dress is elegant and flirty, it reminds me of high school, but older now her body fills it out in a way it never could back then, more than curves, it's in attitude.

Once again I am taken away by her beauty and her overwhelming presence. Yet looking at her now I can't help but think back to what she said earlier today.

Today has been great, full of moments I will never forget. A day taken out of life to spend with Brooke before we're caught up in the wedding, and there was something almost delicious about blowing off all our plans to take this one day.

_I kept thinking that the wedding wouldn't happen _

Okay, I can't help but frown at that memory. The way she said it, the worry that seemed to be there hovering in her voice. I just wish I could make it so all her insecurities about love went away, after two years I had hoped I'd already done that.

To think I damaged her so much in the past that I've doomed our future.

Brooke would tell me it's not about that, and I agree, to some extent. It's not just me, it's partly Victoria and Richard's fault, but her parents and early home life only gets so much of the 'credit', the rest lies with Peyton and of course me.

You wouldn't guess it at first, how vulnerable her heart is, how insecure this brave and independent girl really is. There are two sides to Brooke Davis, both of which are amazing, but so profoundly different that any given situation can take a drastic turn depending on which Brooke you're faced with.

Her graceful fingers move to her ear, slipping the earrings through the holes so they dangle tantalisingly down her neck. This Brooke seems fearless, dressed in red, confident and brave and ready for the future. Barefoot she stands short, her hair is in waves again today and I love the look on her, this Brooke is carefree.

Her chin turns just the slightest, and in the reflection I can now see half of her face, her down cast eyes snap up, meeting mine in the mirror. She gives a smile, one I know quite well, the _I know you're watching me _smile. Brooke's eyes flare.

But does she know what I've been thinking?

The unsettled feeling inside me, can she feel me sending all the love to her I possibly can.

I love you, Brooke.

I will never hurt you, and I will do anything in my power to protect you in the future and prevent anything hurting you ever again.

Trust me.

Just trust me.

I close my eyes, and I am back in the new house, her naked body safe against me, warm and loving. We have the whole world at our feet, and in this moment it feels perfect. We are there, together, and then I open my eyes.

We are standing apart, opposite sides of our room, eyes locked in the mirror, our reflections side by side. Metres separate us, nothing separates us, I feel her beside me and as I open my mouth, just the slightest, she sucks in a breath. She can feel me too. Metres apart physically, yes, but we're still together every other way.

I can't stand here anymore, my feet move, taking me to her.

Gently I take hold of her waves and lift them up, shifting her hair to fall down one shoulder. I kiss the now bare shoulder and feel her shiver.

Something makes its way through my body as well, shaking me to the core.

God, I love her.

I lean over and pick up the necklace that waits on the dressing table, placing it around her neck the delicate chain looks perfect.

"You have my heart" I whisper to her, touching the charm, the same one I gave her for our one year anniversary. It's probably terribly cheesy to say that, but sometimes love makes you cheesy and when it's you it doesn't feel embarrassing or bad, it just feels right. Okay sometimes it's a little embarrassing.

She sighs as she smiles, and leaning back against me she whispers back "I'll take care of it"

Okay, if you promise to let me take care of yours.

_Brooke POV_

Is it strange to feel sorta sad about it?

I have been Brooke Penelope Davis for twenty six years, and on Monday morning I'm going to wake up a different person.

Brooke _Scott_.

Brooke Penelope Scott.

Mrs Brooke Scott.

Scott.

Sc-ott.

Brooke Scott.

It does have a nice ring to it.

In a way I'll instantly change over night, it kind of reminds me how fast all this has happened.

_Me _married. I still can't quite believe it and I guess this means happily ever after comes next.

I kinda like the sound of that.

Just like in the fairytales, I get to marry the prince. Though, touching my baby bump, I'll probably have to forego the beautiful dress, or at least I'll be walking down the aisle looking like my daddy is holding a shotgun. Well, if I _had _a daddy to do the shotgun holding.

"What's on your mind?" Lucas asks me, as he takes his eyes off the road for a moment to look my way.

"The dress" I answer, not for the first time this last month.

Lucas sends me a sympathetic smile and takes one hand off the steering wheel to rub my shoulder,"it'll be okay. You'll look beautiful in it" he adds on like it's obvious.

"Coming from the guy who thought I looked beautiful with my head over the toilet-" and I stop as he chuckles, I shake my head "it's not funny"

"Brooke, stop worrying about it. I thought you said you weren't going to dwell on the dress"

I did say that.

I sink my cheek into his hand, and as we reach a set of lights Lucas quickly leans over to kiss the top of my head.

You can't believe how one simple act can make me feel so much better, after all, if a dress is all I have to worry about then I have nothing to worry about.

"Thanks"

"For what?" he asks me, smiling my way.

The light turns green, "for everything" and he holds my face a moment longer before letting go and driving off.

"Thank you too" he whispers back, and I can't help but smile as I look out the window.

The world looks bright.

_Lucas POV_

Walking up the steps to Tric I grab Brooke's hand and draw her closer to me, "before everyone steals you away… today was amazing"

Brooke looks up at me and begins to wrap her arms behind my neck, grinning her whole face lights up, her eyes glowing "why thank you mister Scott, you weren't too bad yourself"

And taking this last chance for privacy I fill the gap between us and kiss her lips, I intended for it to be quick, but my mouth hovers, her lips part and our tongues join the dance.

Now standing on her tiptoes Brooke leans further into me and deepens the kiss, a moan escaping from both of us.

"Gross, oh gross"

Damn.

I give a half fake smile as I break the kiss to look up at the open door "Samantha" and Brooke chuckles, I can hear her mentally comparing my tone to my 'scolding father' one and noting the fact I called the wayward teenager by her proper name.

She tilts her head, long dark hair falling over one shoulder "you kept us waiting to kiss, come on, you can kiss for all eternity after Sunday" and then Sam nudges her head towards the inside of Tric.

Brooke's arms leave my neck, and I feel a little colder, she takes my hand again and starts to lead the rest of the way up the stairs.

I catch Sam grinning at us as she turns back inside, calling out loudly "the lovebirds are finally here"

The moment we walk in everyone stands and starts clapping, Brooke's eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights. I squeeze her hand.

_I'm here._

With a bashful glance around the group Brooke places her hands on her cheeks "sorry for being late… again" and the room just falls into laughter and a few whistles.

She squeezes back.

_Peyton POV_

I see the embarrassment on their faces and can't help but laugh with everyone else. Sitting at the bar I haven't been here long, only arriving perhaps three minutes before Brooke and Lucas, I take a swig of my drink and look back towards the happy couple.

Thank god I realised my mistake before I did anything else, like ruin this day for them.

Sam links arms with Brooke and starts to lead her parents into the club, and I must say it looks amazing tonight. Reminisce of the Naley rehearsal dinner Tric once again is full with tables and chairs, and enough room for a dance floor. The lighting is magnificent, if not a little dark, and soft music is playing through the room.

I'm barely noticed in the crowd, but I don't do anything to let my presence be known, later after it quietens down I will find Brooke and say hi.

I can't wait, but for now I have another drink.

No matter how many drinks the regrets don't go away, and I can't help but wonder if my life could have been different.

If I could have touched on perfection if only I had let myself be happy, but I guess there's no point in regretting the past, what's done is done and I made my bed.

_Brooke POV_

We haven't been here long when Sam walks up to the microphone up on stage and tells everyone to shut up and listen, as elegant as always.

The room falls silent, and someone turns down the music, so all attention is on Sam, who shockingly looks a lot like me dressed up in the flirty purple dress, I wonder if Haley helped her find the match.

"So… hey everyone, welcome to this… rehearsal dinner. As you all know Brooke and Lucas are _finally _making it official this weekend, so here we are at the pre-celebration which is just another excuse to party in true Brooke Davis style. I guess I can't say that for much longer" she shrugs as her eyes look up at the ceiling "but I'm sure even as Brooke Scott she'll still be Brooke… the amazing person she is. And I know, because she's my mother. Ever since she took me in Mom has done everything to make sure I am safe and happy, I wouldn't have made it through without her constant love and support-"

Damn, I am going to cry.

"- now I'm just glad to see that she is the one safe and happy, and I have Lucas to thank for that. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that now you two have my love and support"

I look to Lucas, but his eyes are glued on Sam, so instead of ruining his line of vision I just snuggle into his side and am rewarded with his arm wrapping around me.

This is nice.

_Peyton POV_

I started walking through the crowd towards the stage when Sam started speaking, I didn't even notice that I ended up standing next to Haley.

"Hey" she whispers but her eyes stay on Sam, and I become aware that where I'm standing at the corner of the stage I not only have a side view of Sam but I can also glimpse Brooke and Lucas through the crowd. Watching them I can't help but smile.

"...I'm trying to say is that now you two have my love and support. So, if you all can just lift your glasses and show your support with me by toasting my Mom and Dad…" I see Sam give a closed lipped smile as she pauses and lifts her glass, the rest of the room seem to fall completely silent as they take a moment before following the action. From where I stand I see Brooke's mouth gape open the slightest and Lucas eyes begin to tear, my hand pauses too before I lift my glass.

"What's happening?" I whisper to Haley who still watches Sam, her eyes now teary as well, the other woman only glances at me briefly before she lifts her own glass and whispers back "Sam just called Lucas dad for the first time"

"To Brooke and Lucas, all the luck in the future" Sam finishes and takes a sip, the whole room follows the move and I'm smiling once again as my glass touches my lips.

There's a bit of sadness in my smile, and I'm not sure why.

_Lucas POV_

Today just got better and there are no words to really describe just how touched I am by Sam's gesture.

My body seems to weaken however Brooke is right next to me and she gives me the strength to stand straight, it's not until her hands cover mine that I realise I'm now cupping her stomach.

I breathe in deeply, soaking in everything about this moment, the night my family became complete.

In a blink of the eye Sam is in front of us, and I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything, I just open my arms and allow her to join in a family hug. The three of us hold onto each other for an extra long moment, and with my head resting on Sam's shoulder I finally find the words to say "I love you, baby girl"

"I love you too, Dad"

_Dad._

My heart swells up. I've heard guys talk about what it's like to hear those words for the first time but I never imagined it could feel as amazing as this.

It's like a dream come true, and suddenly hugging my two girls, I realise - it is.

_Peyton POV_

Damn, I'm going to cry.

There is just something about watching this family come together that touches me on a much deeper level. It's a bittersweet moment for me.

Haley touches my shoulder "my turn" she says but I barely hear her as she walks away from me to begin her way up to the stage.

I can hear her as I look around the club, "okay, I don't think I can beat that but I'm sure that Lucas and Brooke will want to welcome you all themselves once they're finished hugging each other to death…"

Her voice fades away in my mind, but then she's introducing the next performance by saying how good it is to be up there for old friends… I'm not really paying attention because I'm walking away from the stage even as the guitar starts playing.

It's not the moment to interrupt Brooke and Lucas, and with Haley on stage I feel awkward standing by myself, so on spotting Skillz and Laurie I make my way towards them.

But with each step I take the music seems to get louder, and why I'm slowing down I don't know, not until I hear the voice over the speakers singing in that all too familiar voice…

_  
"It's the biggest storm  
in years they say  
couldn't take a plane  
so I hopped a train  
well my life will stay  
in a stormy winters day  
so I'll come back to you  
Someday…_

My heart stops, my breath hitches, my body ceases all movement as I am caught up in this single moment.

Everyone else fades, and it's just his voice, singing to me.

_  
As the states roll by_

_the sun is so clear  
I'm everywhere  
but never right here  
it's always the same  
but constant change  
_

_But I'll come back to you  
Someday…_

Against my will my eyes close, my feet turn, and I'm about to open them and see the face of the boy I lost so many years ago. The one I gave away.

_So close  
So far  
So long, girl  
the world is leading me away…"  
_

_Jake POV_

I almost stop singing, because I know she's about to turn around, and I don't need to see her face to know that she had as much idea as me that the both of us would be here tonight.

If I had known maybe I would have chosen to start with a different song, and not ours.

It hurts, but I find the strength to continue, and if I sing with a shake to my voice, with a fierce desperation, I just hope no one knows it's because I'm still singing to her.

_  
"I'll drive all night  
just to see your face  
the way you touch  
to the way you taste  
even if only for a day  
so I'll come back to you  
someday…  
_

I meant to close my eyes yet instead I'm staring right into hers when she finally spins around.

If it's possible to both love and hate a person at the same time then at this moment Peyton Sawyer is controlling both emotions.

And it's crazy, because after all these years her lost eyes shouldn't tug at my heart.

_I speak the truth  
it's all I know  
as your tears fall to the snow  
and we both know  
that tonight I can't stay  
but I'll come back to you  
Someday…"_

But they do.

**dum dum dum... ive been waiting for this for ages, Jake is back!! woot woot. and damn allie, what did you do, read my frigin mind!!! no clue my ass,you had the exact right idea going on, like my mouth totally dropped open when i read the review.**


	26. Goodbyes and Hellos

_**dislaimer: i do not own oth and after that rip off of a season finale i woudl be ashamed to.**_

**_NOW THAT is what i call reviews, thank you everybody so much, way to make a fanfic writer feel apprecriated caus i was worried for a while there. and i am sorry it took me so long to update (though for my standards this could be quick, i dont know, it feels like ages to me) i havent had anytime to write lately caus my sister was back in town and i was using every op i had to spend time with her and she flew out last night and it was a bittersweet day for me and so today i was hoping to cheer myself up caus im missing jondy soooo much already, so i decided to watch the oth finale and im sure you all can guess how that helped my mood. IT DIDNT. omg. is that it? seriously. arghh. whatever, hopefully if luke and peyton arent coming back it means they were hit by a car after they drove off and next season starts with someone getting the call. sawyers cute, got to give the kid that, and obviously a super baby because she seemed to age magically in this ep and by the end of it was smiling and holding her head up and everything, how typical for 'epic' lp to have a super baby. do i sound bitter? hmmmm, maybe. moving on. so i wrote some more, and here it is, its not a long chap, its i think my shortest but i didnt want to add anything more to this chapter, theres the next one coming after all. luv mickei b_**

_Brooke POV_

Just when I thought that things couldn't fit more into place this happens.

I grab Sam by the cheeks and hold onto her face, and I can tell she's embarrassed by her show of emotion, so I smile at her as warmly as I can "I am so proud of you"

"Mom" she complains but there's a small smile she's trying not to let out and I can tell.

This is my family, and for the first time I really feel like there's nothing different about us to any other.

Who cares if I didn't give birth to Sam, or that she's barely seven years younger than Lucas and I.

Who cares that we have no wedding certificate, or that for the moment we all have different last names.

We're a family, a damn good one, and I am proud of them.

I hug her again and motion for Lucas to join us, which he does.

I could hold them in my arms forever, and never want to let go.

"Mom, Dad, I can't breathe" Sam struggled to get out and when we pull apart I feel the tears starting to fall.

"Are you crying?" Lucas asks, touching my cheek as he wipes away a tear.

"No… yes" and we all chuckle.

That's when I see what's happening, and it's like watching a train wreck in the making, I don't mean to get distracted but I can't help but take a mental step back from Lucas and Sam as I see Peyton's blonde head turn to the stage.

_Jake._

I forgot what tonight would mean for someone other than me, and I feel bad for not warning her, I really did mean to. But I guess I just forgot.

My eyes go to Jake, and the look in his eyes chokes me, it's powerful, the pain and hope shining in that glance, staring right at one girl.

Can others read him just as well or can I only recognise it because I've been there?

Over and over I look between Peyton and Jake, my mind going between them, and most of all I'm unsure which one needs the most support at this moment.

They stand there, unnoticed by anyone else, and I wonder how anyone can miss what is happening, it's just so… powerful.

The song ends, and the eye contact in abruptly broken as Jake looks down at his still hand, for a split second all is silent.

In that split second Peyton runs.

_Peyton POV_

I never thought I would ever see his face again, I wouldn't allow myself to, not after that night in Savannah.

Ever since that night I've considered it over, the final nail on the Jake and Peyton coffin, we died with no second chance of life. I lived with that for years, trying to forget that he ever made me weak.

Losing Jake is hard, trust me, I know, I've lost him too many times to go through it again, too many times to risk my heart on a boy who always leaves.

Jake is a heart breaker, with the power to break mine with a wave, a wave I know well enough. Goodbye shouldn't be something you anticipate at the beginning of a relationship, shouldn't be a constant fear, like it is with Jake.

I had to let go.

And I did.

Lucas doesn't leave; he's this ever present figure waiting to save you, always there when he's needed. Letting go of Lucas is not needed because goodbye is not in his vocabulary, he has a home, Tree Hill, and he can always be found there.

Jake has a home too, it's with his daughter and that's one of the reasons why I loved him so much, but in the end it's the very thing that destroyed us.

Destroyed me.

I'm not going to sink again, I refuse to.

But, damn, listening to his voice, looking into his eyes, I can feel it, I can already see it.

It's in that look, the one no other guy ever gave me, the one that says he'd give anything for me.

If only I believed that was true.

_Jake POV_

Love is a double edged sword, one that can cut you by accident over and over again until you're bleeding on the floor begging for release.

The thing about love, and I learnt this the hard way, is when you love somebody else, _real _love, you would sacrifice anything to do what's best for them, even the love itself.

I've sacrificed myself too many times for love.

For my daughter, Jenny, and for the girl who stole my heart and left with it, leaving me behind.

It sucks, doing the right thing, especially if what's best for them isn't anywhere close to what is best for you.

But I'm the good guy, and I'm meant to always do the right thing. But sometimes I just wish I could be a little selfish.

And maybe that is why when Peyton bolts I just continue to sit there, unable to move. Peyton can run, but being selfish I don't chase her. Just this once I'm going to think of me, and right now I need to protect my heart.

Love is a double edged sword, capable of saving you or cutting you to pieces.

_Peyton POV_

I burst through the door, the rails of the stairs stopping me from flinging straight over and falling to the ground.

Breathe, Peyton, just breathe.

But I can't, my chest feels to heavy, my heart is beating so hard and fast I'm afraid it's just going to burst straight out through my body, opening me up to the world.

I can't breathe, and I struggle to suck air into my lungs, tears painfully falling from my eyes.

Damn.

Just, damn.

How can he do this to me?

How can he just walk back into town after all these years and sing _that _song?

How can he look at me, and still make me stop and stare, lose my breath, lose my mind, lose my power, and find them all at the same time, how?

I bang the rail with my hand, mentally cursing this damn town.

And then I look up, my tear stained eyes look over the dark parking lot, and for a moment I see him sitting on his motorcycle again, about to drive away from me, and I'm that seventeen year girl crumbling inside and outside but stubbornly grateful that Jake ever entered my life in the first place, because he gave me my hearts desire.

Then I blink, and the night is once again empty except for all the vehicles, though one thing remains the same – I'm still alone up here crying.

Nearly ten years later and I'm standing here again, where I swore I never would, crying over Jake Jagielski at night, all alone.

Or I thought I was. The door swings open, the music seeping outside for a fleeting moment before the door shuts again.

"Peyton?"

"How could you do this to me?" I accuse, looking down at my shaking hands, but she doesn't answer so I turn around to face her. Brooke's eyes widen slightly when she sees me, and I hate the pity that flashes in them "is this some kind of payback?"

"Peyton…" she starts but doesn't finish, and I almost choke as I manage to break the silence again "well congratulations, it worked" and I quickly spin away from her, trying not to trip in my haste down the stairs.

At the bottom I do trip, falling to my knees and breaking down again, Brooke tries to help me up but I shake off her grip and stand by myself.

Her voice sounds so apologetic "It wasn't payback, he was always going to be here for the wedding. I didn't think you would mind this much"

Mind?

"It's _Jake_" is all I can come up with saying, and I look at her with pleading eyes, because I'm not even sure why this means so much.

But it's _Jake_.

"I know" she whispers, touching my arm and this time I don't shake her away, I fall into her, sobbing onto her shoulder, grateful when she hesitantly wraps an arm around me in a hug, patting my back as if I am a child she isn't use to comforting, "I know"

But she doesn't, she can't, I don't even know.

After my tears dry she continues to hold me, thoughts racing through my mind, the thing sticking out the most though is I'm going to have to face him eventually "what do I say to him?" I ask completely confused because this was never a conversation I was meant to have.

The last goodbye was meant to be the _last _goodbye, I promised myself I would not let Jake hold me back ever again, and it was easy because he was in Savannah and that was that, all I had to do was stay away.

Just stay away and never look back.

Why couldn't he hold his part of the unspoken bargain? Huh, why did he have to come back and make it so now I have to figure out what to say to him because no words seem to be enough, no words even enter my thoughts that would be at all appropriate in this situation.

Brooke's hand moves to my hair as she strokes it, "what about just _hi!_"

Hi, I walk up to him and say hi, as if we are friends, when the truth is we were _never _just friends.

"Just start with hi" Brooke says again, getting rid of all my doubts.

It's not like I'll ever find the right words.

Together we walk back up to Tric, and she keeps an arm around me even as we enter, but the moment I see Jake standing at the stage with his back to me I instinctively step away from Brooke no longer needing her support.

The closer I walk towards him the braver I feel, as if the nearer we are the clearer things get, and when he stands up stiff I know he knows I'm behind him, my eyes greedily taking every new inch of him in.

And just before he spins around I manage one word, "hi" and for a moment it is enough, for a moment it is everything.

_Lucas POV_

Arms slip under mine to wrap around my front, and I can feel Brooke lean against my back and rest her cheek to my shoulder blade.

"Hey, pretty girl, I missed you"

She sighs, "Dance with me?" and I'm already turning in her arms before she finishes the question. I take her hand and lead her onto the dance floor, grateful for the warmth she gives me as she settles into the moves, our bodies swaying as one.

"Where did you disappear to so fast?"

"To help a friend"

"Well…" I say, stretching out the word "I need your help too"

She smirks up at me "really?"

"There's this girl, you may know her, and I can't stop thinking about her"

"What does she look like?"

"Kinda like you" exactly like you.

She seems to grow taller as her face gets closer and closer to mine "want help forgetting her" she breathes against my lips. I shake my head, our noses bumping, "no, I want your help to remember her"

Her lips crash onto mine before I get the chance to say I want her help to remember every moment we have together, no matter how little. I want it to last forever, to remember forever what it feels like to have her in my arms, to feel her against me, to smell her hair or taste her skin, to be held by her, to taste her lips and see the world through her eyes.

I don't get to say any of that, but as she kisses me more she's already helping me to imprint this moment deep in my memory.

When she pulls away breathless, still so close I can feel her heart beating against me and her breath on my lips, Brooke looks straight into my eyes, her pupils darting from side to side, "hi" she says in an excited whisper.

I search her eyes, reading the joy and happiness that is shining in those dark depths for me to see "hello" I say back, because at this moment Brooke has stolen all my ability to string a sentence together.

Our eyes still locked she leans in that little bit more and softly kisses me again, it's a long moment before our eyes flutter shut against our will, unable to fight the need anymore, and so we sink into this gentle kiss as our bodies sink into the soft music.


	27. Faith, Hope, Love and Patience

**disclaimer: i do NOT own oth, and that knowledge sucks.**

**okay this chapter was hard for me to write,for some reason it just was an issue with me and i couldn;t seem to be happy with anything and restarted it a gazillion times, but because its been a while i thought i better update so you get what you are given, its mainly bl filler and jpness. and feedback on jp will be much appreciated because if you cant tell they are gonna be a big focus of the wedding wkend, and its my first time really writing non blness, and jp means a lot to me, so yeah feedback will be great esp seeing i am so close to that 300 review mark *hint hint* i would love to do giant review thanx but i am seriously in a rush to go meet a friend so ill just say thanx to everyone who reviewed last chap, you know who you are. hugs.**

_Jake POV_

No word for how many years and then this is the first thing she says to me, and I have to make it worse by smiling like an idiot, "hi, Peyton"

"You look… good" and it's hesitant, her eyes not quite meeting mine as she says that last word. And a part of me wants to ask her why she thinks she has the right to say that to me, the other part just wants to say it back.

But no words come out, everything I go to say gets stuck in my throat so instead we continue to just stare at each other. Someone bumps me and I lurch forward, Peyton steadies me with a hand, and for a brief second we're standing so close I can smell her shampoo, and as the instinct to sniff sets in I quickly jump back to resist the temptation.

The tingling through out my body leaves slowly, touching her was like touching a live wire, and once again our eyes link, both wearing no doubt the same wide expression.

"Do you want to, I don't know, go for a walk or something?" she asks, her voice unsure, and unable to reply with words I simply nod and follow her through the crowd until we're outside in the cool night, suddenly alone. It doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore, with nothing between us or any chance of escaping into the crowd, but having come this far I can't help but follow her down the steps and through the parking lot, and even as I do so I hate myself because I'm following Peyton Sawyer.

I would follow her anywhere.

_Peyton POV_

I thought I was figuring things out, I thought that I was finding myself, but right now walking next to Jake I have never been more confused in my life.

Yet, at the same time, certain things have never been as clear as right now, and that itself causes confusion. I'm now seeing my actions through his eyes, and I `can't help but wonder what he knows. Does he know about my history with Lucas, does he know what I did three years ago, or even mere weeks ago? Never have my actions seemed so bad to me until I picture them through his eyes. I want him to be proud of me, I can't explain why, but I do. I want him to see me as the Peyton Sawyer he thought was amazing, flaws and all. I just wish that over the years I hadn't collected even more flaws for him to judge.

I don't even need to question his life. I know Jake, no matter the years between us, and I know the man he is. He's the good guy, the prince charming, that has the uncanny ability of making everyone around him a better person just by being in their life, because when you stand next to Jake you can't help but want to be a better person - stronger, kinder, and happier, he makes you believe in the impossible.

It stirs up long forgotten memories and the emotions that come with them.

Emotions I am not allowed to feel anymore, ones I gave up the right to have a long time ago.

It's strange though, as we continue to walk, strange how the silence is not awkward at all.

There are no words I can say to him, I have no idea where to start, because I never imagined I would have the chance to speak to him again.

He looks amazing. Can I just say that now and get it out of the way. Older now he wears manhood like a perfect fitting suit, tailored specifically to him, and it's more than his attitude and looks, it's an aura around him.

Jake isn't movie star handsome, with classic good looks or stunning features but he still has that oomph factor, one a girl can't quite place _why_ he's special. But he is.

"How are you, Peyton?" he asks quietly, the silence clearly over.

It's a loaded question, I am fine. Yet fine could cover so many things, fine is fine, though it's not great, it is not the goal we aim for. Fine is for the in between, for the times you wait for great to happen or the calm before the storm.

And I am still busy trying to figure out what the great I'm waiting for is.

Is it in my music, my most loyal and trusted companion.

Is it in my art, my first passion, the one that has helped reawaken me this last month.

Or does the answer lay with something I haven't even come across yet, an unknown fate waiting for me to discover it.

Perhaps, it's somewhere in my past. Maybe I was just looking in the wrong place all along and that 'great' was exactly where I left it in the first place.

I look up to the stars, as if they could answer all lives mysteries for me, or just answer this question at least. They twinkle, the question still unanswered. Looking back at Jake I drop all pretence "honestly? I've been better, but I'm getting there" and we've slowed down so much we've now come to a stop and I'm not sure what to make of the searching look he sends me in the long moment that follows my answer.

He's so quiet, so still, these days. I want to shake him, and I want to know if he's as confused as me, I want to know if it's really as easy for him as it looks. But he doesn't speak again, he waits, this certain figure for as long as he's here.

"You…" I say, forcing my eyes away from him, and start walking again "…look great, you look happy"

"Do I?"

I snap my head back towards him, my body turning half around. He blinks and then starts walking himself until we're once again taking even strides along the road, "I am happy" he whispers roughly.

Last month with Lucas it hurt because deep down I believed every word he said to me, and I didn't want to. Yet now it hurts for a completely different reason, I don't believe him, as much as I want to, I don't.

I think he's just as lost as me.

And that's the last thing I want for him.

"We should get back" Jake abruptly says, not waiting for my answer before he's spinning around and walking back towards Tric, and away from me.

Again.

_Jake POV_

I am happy. I am damn happy.

There is no reason for me not to be, I have an amazing life, and I have an amazing daughter to help make it complete.

I _am _happy.

But damn it if looking into her eyes doesn't open up my life to scrutiny, and show in blaring detail every haunted hidden corner in my perfect happy life. Every flawed smile and laugh I give secretly wishing for something that is missing, something so basic yet so out of reach.

But the last thing I want is for her to see that, not when she's reaching for someone else, just like she always has been.

_Lucas POV_

Two big blue eyes stare up at me, dark and completely innocent; it's amazing to think of all the things this small life is yet to see, about all the first just waiting to be met.

"She's incredible" I breathe out as I touch one perfect miniature hand and feel her little grip wrap around my finger. Next to me Brooke leans her head on my shoulder and laughs as her goddaughter tries to eat my hand, "Broody, stop hogging _my _goddaughter" and before I can stop her she steals Natasha from my arms. I'm about to say something but seeing Brooke holding the baby stops me in my tracks. It looks so right.

No wonder Rachel made her godmother, Brooke was born to be in that role, and soon she would have her own baby to hold, our own baby.

"Hey there pretty girl, you're so cute, but you know that don't you" Brooke cooed to Natasha, pulling her closer to her chest, and though the baby's eyes kept the same expression the smallest most devilish smile seemed to grace one corner of her lips.

A sigh could be heard beside me and I turn just in time to see Rachel sink contently against Cooper, the proud parents look utterly exhausted yet perfectly happy. It has been two weeks since Natasha Lee was born, but the new born has thrived at the party, proving she really is her mother's daughter.

"It's so crazy-" Brooke's voice brings me back to her, and she now has a bright sparkle in her eye, she lifts her head to the side, eyes meeting mine "-it won't be long before we have two of these"

Rachel groans, "Good luck with that, finding sleep with just one is fucking impossible" but she smiles as she complains.

I scoot over to wrap an arm around Brooke's shoulder "lucky there are two of us then" and I kiss the spot above her dimple.

With reluctance I slowly move my lips from their spot against her skin, already aching to taste her again, but as I move back she looks up at me, the sweetest smile on her face, and her big eyes lock with mine.

I am frozen in this moment, lost in her eyes, lost in our happiness. Nothing, nothing at all, can stop this now.

The truth is - it never could. Brooke and I are inevitable, like the rising of the sun each morning, no matter how long the darkness may hold the sun will shine brightly once more.

And shine she does.

_Brooke POV _

My mother never read me fairytales, she never held me so tight I couldn't breathe and she never kissed me goodnight. I never had a childhood; I was raised in a no parent household with just enough rope to hang myself. And by the time I barely graduated from high school I'd survived myself so many times over. I graduated with the knowledge that life is what you make of it, there is never going to be that happily ever after, no prince will come rescue you, it's just a bunch of BS that parents read to their children so they have dreams and not nightmares. But like I said, my mother never did that.

But here I am, twenty six years old and living a dream, my own personal fairytale which is next to perfect. Moments sneak up on me where I question if any of this is real.

Then I look around.

I see the smiling faces of my true family, I see the emotions in my friends' eyes, and I stand and watch them live their lives right next to mine. I see Lucas, the closest thing to a soul mate I'll ever have, and he may be no prince charming, in fact he's hurt me too many times to count, but he's still here, and the feeling I get when he looks at me or touches me has to be real. Because if I can't trust this feeling, what can I trust?

"This is when I give my speech" I say to the crowd who all sit at their tables, watching me as I stand at the microphone on stage, "this is when I'm meant to thank you all for being here to help celebrate my wedding. Which is this Sunday, by the way, you don't want to miss it, it will be _awesome_!" and I take a breath as a small chuckle fills the room. Then I look at Lucas "but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to thank you all for so much more, because if it wasn't for our family and friends Lucas and I might never have made it this far to have something to celebrate-" my eyes sweep the guest as I continue "- I never believed that the happily ever after was for me, and for a long time I didn't think it was possible for anyone but it's the people in this room that taught me to have faith and hope, who kept me strong"

Haley and Nathan sit together, and I smile as I see their fingers entangled on the table, and looking directly at them I speak again "the hope I got from watching a love that never alters, something almost straight from a fairytale, one I couldn't help but believe in"

My eyes move to Karen "I saw a love that was patient, one that was welcoming and sweet, one willing to wait. And I saw courage in the face of tragedy and even in the loss of that love the strength to keep the heart open"

Rachel and Coop sit up a little straighter and I meet their eyes, and can see where their daughter Tash rest peacefully between them "I got to experience the miracles that happen every day. I saw that second chances can happen, and with love and forgiveness, and patience, the result can be something so beautiful, so incredible, it'll never be risked again"

Something catches my eye and I look towards the back of the club where Jake is quickly making his way to his seat, Peyton just stands there by the entrance, her arms crossed as she watches me "I learnt that true love, no matter its form, is always going to be there. It can survive anger, and hate, jealousy and fear, because beneath it all the love will always be the strongest emotion there is. And we have to hold onto that, or we might just lose the thing that is most important... love is the key-"

And now I finally search out Lucas. He sits with a smile on his lips, indulgent and loving, and his eyes have that all too familiar stare, the one that tells me he loves me.

"- it can be fated, written in the stars. A little bit of destiny. But don't get me wrong, in the end it is up to us and the decisions we make, if we are to keep that love"

I look at Sam, my daughter, "Sometimes it's irrational, sometimes it's hard, but the heart has no reason, it feels what it does and leaves the rest to us. We can run and hide, or we can take it and see where it takes us"

With another sweep of the crowd I lift my glass "so thank you all, for allowing me to share in your journeys, and for being a part of my own. Your love gave me faith, it gave me hope, and it gave me a chance to love you back. To friends and family, and to love"

The cheers go out, and I grab the microphone again, changing my voice to light and carefree "okay, the waiters are getting impatient, so let's eat"

With the slightest of curtsies I quickly leave the stage as the waiters start delivering their plates to the tables. But instead of sitting at my seat I find myself being dragged into Lucas' lap, I don't mind one bit, or have a problem with him nibbling at my ear.

Laughing a give him a playful slap as I turn to sit more comfortably on his lap, he only wraps his arms around my waist to pull me closer, "it's really going to happen, isn't it?" he sighs, a song in his voice. And it stops me for a moment, how happy he sounds, and it's kinda overwhelming to know that someone else's happiness is in your hands. It's a dangerous thing, love is, how you can grow to depend on it that even the thought of losing it can destroy you in a split second. It's like a drug, easily addictive, causing highs and lows.

I use to be so independent, before Lucas came striding into my life, I've almost forgotten what it's like to survive without him.

"Mom, you okay?"

I turn to look at Sam next to me, "sweetie, I couldn't be happier" and then I twist my head around and kiss Lucas on the lips, holding his cheeks between my hands.

He makes me happy. He gives me hope, faith and love, more than anything or anyone else, Lucas is the one who has taught me those lessons the most.

_Don't look at me_

_Have you been crying?_

_Just tearing up a little...I read your speech._

_Brooke!  
_

_Don't leave your journal where I can find that, either... It was beautiful... 'Remember tonight for it is the beginning of always'..._

_That's Dante. We read him last semester._

_And I need to pay more attention in English._

_The rest is me._

_The part about taking chances and believing in the possibility, even when life has given you every reason not to believe…_

_That's what's so great about weddings; you know, two people come together… and even if it's just for one night, they make us believe again._

_Stop! I don't have any more tissues._

_Here._

_I just hope at my wedding, someone says something that nice about me._

_I think you can count on that._

I wonder if Lucas knew back then that one day it would be us getting married, was his _I think you can count on that _his way of saying he had every intention of saying something beautiful at our wedding. Way back then, before the triangle of hell take two, did he think about us getting married? It's kinda out there to think that even back then he had a faith in us that I never could.

Was I so blind?

Was I so oblivious to his feelings? Why?

And after all that how could senior year end the way it did, with us barely speaking and him with Peyton. Is it my fault? Did I give up too soon and push him away.

Damn, I was a fool, how many years could we have gotten if I trusted back then what I trust now.

Freaking hell, now I'm thinking about the past again.

Lucas touches my cheek, bringing me in for another slow, sweet kiss, and just like that I am back in the present, thinking of him in this moment and nothing else.

_Peyton POV_

Everyone is beginning to eat, those who weren't seated our now finding spots, and I just stand here still trying to figure out what just happened.

How did I manage to make Jake angry?

God, he's already twisting me up in knots.

He has no right to be angry at me, I didn't do anything! He can't treat me like some disease after everything we went through.

Now _I _am feeling angry, and I storm across what is usually the dance floor of Tric until I've reached where Jake is now seating, I lean down behind him to whisper in his ear "why are you angry?"

"Peyton, drop it" he says, grinding his teeth.

"No, I'm doing my best here Jake, I didn't know you'd be here and it's... hard... but I'm trying, why can't you?"

The music suddenly comes back on, and I become aware that other than the waiters I am now the only person not seating, so I quickly grab the empty place next to Jake. His eyes snap to me, and the look in them is powerful but far from friendly, he looks like he's about to explode.

He whispers when he talks, but it's harsh and cold, two things I never thought I would ever get from Jake "I _am_ trying. I am trying to not cause a scene. I thought I could do it... but I can't. Us sitting around, talking as if we're friends, you telling me how I look, it's not going to work"

Ouch.

"Jake-"

"We are not friends, _we were never friends_"

He just stares at me after he says it, daring me to deny it and I can't.

"You ask me if I'm happy, what are you really asking me Peyton? Was I happy after you left me-"

"You left _me_" I cut in, his anger hitting a nerve, his accusation hitting an even bigger one.

His eyes widen "no, Peyton, that last time _you _were the one who walked away from me, you asked me to marry you and I said yes, but you still never came back... I waited, but I could only wait for so long..."

"You told me to go" I whisper back, almost forgetting to keep my tone quiet, I can't even look at him as I say it. If he only knew the truth.

Then he laughs, loudly, a few others look at us and I'm grateful they are strangers to me and don't know our history.

"I told you to follow your heart-" he says, a smile on his lips "-and I never heard from you again, that said _everything" _

"Jake-" I begin, trying to find the words to explain what happened, but I keep going to that night in Savannah. The memory stops me. I falter, unable to speak.

He keeps looking at me, and then he shakes his head, but his eyes remain on mine, "just for one second try to imagine how hard it if for me, the first time I see or hear from you in eight years is for a _wedding_"

He could have just called me a selfish bitch and it would have had the same effect.

"Okay, I get the message" I don't know how I spoke without breaking into tears, but trying to be brave, trying to keep him from seeing how much he hurt me – how much his pain hurts me - I meekly look down and leave the table.

Is the picture of my back walking away from him as painfully etched in his memory as his is in mine? I never considered that.


	28. Love and Infatuation

**disclaimer: still don't own it, no rights at all, its a shame.**

**hey so i know a lot of you are waiting for the bl wedding, well the fics timeline is that the wedding is on sunday and we are currently on the friday night, so pretty much we just have saturday to get through and then sunday comes. im thinking two maybe three chapters and then sunday is here. okay and it just hit me that sunday is literally three days away. but anyway...**

**thanx to my reviewers, princesakarlita411, bella, long live brucas, othfan326, zagsaddict, tanya2byour21, teamxxbrulianxx, realluvalways, babyd21, and to my newest reviewer brucasfanatic who helped me hit 300 reviews, so yeah i love you. **

_Lucas POV_

She knows I'm standing behind her before I even get the chance to speak, "it's different... just like everything else" she sighs.

Her back stays to me as she sits lightly against the pool table Brooke insisted on adding to the room months ago, and I can't help but nod. It is different, after three years there are no more traces of Peyton in this room.

Golden blonde waves slip off her shoulder as she turns her head the slightest, not looking at me but enough that she could probably make out my expression from the corner of her eye, "all my dreams use to be inside these four walls... I knew exactly what I wanted, and now I feel like I've lost it all"

"You know, that is the beauty of losing something... you can find it again" I say to her, cautiously, as I step further into the room, running my fingers along the private bar.

There is a picture, hanging on the far wall, framed with the utmost care the enlarged photo is from the first night the gang left the crowded main room of Tric to escape into our own private room. Mouth use to call it the club house, Rachel refers to it as the VIP lounge, but Brooke would always call it the red room. We've spent hours relaxing in here with friends at all times of the day or night, the group has had fights and confessions in this room, it's even been known to be a hideaway for a stolen hour with that someone special. I know that Brooke and I have spent the night in here when we are either too intoxicated to drive or she's surprised me while I was working late covering for Tric staff. And of course, just when we want to, luckily there is a lock.

Peyton's face turns away again and her head falls slightly back "I think too much has happened for that... I just wish I never took things for granted like I did"

I know that feeling, the feeling of waking up and discovering all the times it just slipped through your fingers. It still amazes me Brooke gave me another chance, not that I gave her much choice in the matter.

But I'm not sure what to say to her, what the right words are when I'm not entirely sure why she is so upset. What is she regretting taking for granted? "Peyton-"

"I'm sorry Lucas, I shouldn't be talking to you about this, not tonight-" she gave a self pitying chuckle, lacking all humour "- but hey, who is Peyton Sawyer is she isn't in the middle of some drama" and then came one of the deepest, saddest and emptiest sighs I have ever heard.

Following my gut I sit next to her, resting my hands between my parted legs as I lean against the pool table too. That photo is right across from me and I can instantly see where Brooke and I sit on the long lounge, our shoulders pressed tightly together as we grin our stupid in love smiles.

"I have some time" I simply say, nudging Peyton softly.

She cracks a smile, but it's gone all too quickly "not enough for this. I don't even know where to begin"

The beginning is usually the right place "how about at the start?"

Her hands are shaking as she lifts them in frustration to run her fingers through her hair, a groan escaping her lips, "I'm a mess"

"What's new... we're all messes, Peyton Sawyer"

She finally looks at me, really looks at me, and I smile, she looks like she could use a friendly face.

"When I started my label under this very roof I wanted exactly two things, I wanted to find music that touched the soul so I could share it with the world-" her hands lift and curl into fist and her eyes close tightly for one moment "-just one, I would be satisfied if the music could touch just one soul and help them, as long as I was trying, that and... I wanted _you_"

I'm about to protest when she gives a little shake of her head and looks towards the windows "... but now... I'm not sure anymore. I wanted you so much, but I'm sitting next to you knowing that in two days you're marrying another woman and it doesn't even hurt anymore, not at all, not even a twinge of wanting it to be me and not her... I spent so long thinking you were it, convincing myself it had to be that way and now I'm wondering if I ever really wanted _you _or if it was just... I wanted to want you... I needed to want you-" she stops and looks up mumbling softly "_I'm not making any sense_"

Actually, I think she makes perfect sense.

"Luke... I shouldn't have to _convince _myself that it's meant to be you" her eyes look at me again, tears in them "I shouldn't have to convince you"

We just continue to look at each other, and just when I'm about to speak again she gets in first "it's not meant to be us" quiet, I'm not even sure if she's really speaking to me, her eyes snap away from me, "_it's not meant to be us_" she repeats, a quick hard nod follows it, barely noticeable.

I let go of a breath I hadn't even realised I've been holding, "I know"

"That's hard to admit" she says quickly, now looking down "harder than I thought. It's... such a waste"

"A waste?"

"Of my life, Luke" she snaps her eyes back to me "... when I came back to Tree Hill I was worried I had taken the wrong path by leaving you and now I instead find out that it was following a you that didn't exist that was the real detour and damn it, things could have been so different, maybe I wouldn't be so lost" and she stops to wipe a stray tear from her cheek.

_Do you ever wonder if we chose the right paths?_

_Sometimes... but I have all these wonderful things in my life. Things I wouldn't of had otherwise._

The long ago conversation between Brooke and I comes to mind, and remembering Brooke's response I say to Peyton "sometimes the wrong path leads the way home. I was just a kid with a crush on a girl, but that crush Peyton shaped my life, sure it's not meant to be us, but if it wasn't for us I might never have joined the basketball team, or gotten my brother back, and Haley and Nathan... who knows. If it wasn't for some girl and her art-" I nudge her again "- then the real girl for me might never have given me a second look"

She laughs "so now you and Brooke owe me for hooking you two up... after everything I've done that is kinda messed up"

"But kinda true" and then I add on kindly "have hope, you're a little lost now but that right path is somewhere in front of you"

It's worth the wait and the search because once you're on it and you see the end right within your grasp... it's worth it, every wrong turn, every tear and heartache on the journey is worth finally holding that one person in your arms and knowing you're complete.

You are home.

_Peyton POV_

I use to think that, now I'm not so sure.

"I don't hear it anymore" the whispered words shouldn't make sense but I instantly see comprehension in his eyes. We've always been so in sync with each other it shouldn't surprise me.

Lucas lets out a rough "oh"

"How am I meant to catch that dream of touching others soul's with music when I don't feel it anymore? And if I can't even do that... what is there, Luke, when the only thing I want is so far out of reach, what is there left?" the last time I really remember feeling that overwhelming connection with music was when this very room was my office. Ever since moving back to LA it's faded more and more, half the time I think I was too busy with the business side I forgot what made me love my job in the first place.

"Is that the only thing you want?" Lucas asks me, his voice cutting into my thoughts.

I don't answer, instead I find myself studying the far wall opposite me where the framed photo proudly hangs, and I stare at it so hard, trying to figure out why it calls to me so much.

Then it hits me, it's that smile. The one they all wear, the way all of them just fit together.

What do I want? I want to belong.

And the other thing I think I may want, well I can't have him.

"Nothing I can have" I whisper darkly.

"What are you two doing in here?"

My head snaps around towards the door, apprehension tingling down my spine as Rachel steps into the room, not wanting to give the wrong impression I quickly stand up and move away from Lucas.

"Hi Rachel" Lucas says with a smile and ushers her in, and the red head takes the welcome, stepping into the room with Mouth on her arm.

The next second I know the room is filling up quickly, the fridge behind the bar is open and beers being thrown to the guys, it seems in the time it took me to blink the inner circle of friends had gathered in this back room, already engrossed in chatting and drinking.

Jake walks into the room last, guarded eyes scanning the room before falling on me, I practically see his shoulders sag as a breath escapes from between his lips but he turns his head politely when Cooper calls his name and at the last minute catches the bottle that is thrown to him. He smiles, eyes briefly flicking to me once more before he walks from his spot and joins one corner of friends.

All I did was blink.

_Lucas POV_

With the party still in full swing in Tric our more intimate group of friends are back in the red room playing pool and the majority drinking beer. I should have guessed this would happen eventually.

Lily, Brian and Wade are asleep on the queens sized bed in one corner – again, Brooke's addition to the room – with my lovely fiancé buried half under my little sister, and Brian's head resting on her other shoulder.

"You can't be comfortable"

She just smiles, "the sacrifices we make for the people we love"

"Okay" and I slowly lean onto the bed, until my face is directly above hers "but how about you leave them to their dreams and you join me for a game of pool?"

"And if I win, what do I get?" she asks, her tone teasing, and oh so sweet, I bend down further and kiss her gently, my arms shaking in the attempt to keep my weight from falling on top of Brooke and the children.

"Me" the bargain is spoken as my lips move away from hers, our breaths still mingling.

Brooke twitches her nose, "I get you anyway" she tries to say casually but I can hear the emotion in her voice.

"True..." I drawl, now rubbing my nose gently against hers "... okay, then, if you win I'll give you full say in naming the babies... as long as Scott's at the end"

"You've got yourself a deal, kiss on it" and we do.

_Brooke POV_

"I _love _beating boys in pool" I joyfully say as another one of my ball's smoothly falls into a pocket, twirling around I brush against Lucas with a cocky smirk before walking around the table, slowly because I know he's watching me and then set up my shot. I'm bent low over the table, my head close to the cue, and just as I go to take it I look up at Lucas "what do you think of Eugene for a boy? I think it'll be cute to name our son after you" and then I watch him wince as the ball moves gracefully exactly where I wanted it to.

I can hear Peyton chuckle.

"You wouldn't dare" he says tightly, laughter in his eyes. I just set up for my next shot and kink my eyebrow at him as I take it.

He laughs as I miss, "hope your heart wasn't set on it" and then sinks one of his.

But I'm the one grinning when he sinks the white, he cringes and steps away, swiping a hand through his blonde spikes.

"Watch me, you might learn a thing or two" with confidence I take my shot, everyone is silent, hanging on for this moment.

The white streaks right by one of mine, and Lucas automatically smiles, already walking back to the table, I hold up my hand "not so fast, Broody"

"Maybe you should watch me, Cheery" he simply says, still smiling, I lean against my cue and smirk, m head tilts towards the table.

"Keep watching" I say.

While he was busy gloating the white hit the side of the pool table, then raced to the other side, coming off hard, and now with both of us watching it makes contact with one of my balls, which hits another one, and then both fall straight into the corner pocket.

The next one I sink just as easily.

With black my only one left I take my time, with a finger to my chin I start listing names "I think I like Majandra for a girl, or Giselle, Gertrude?" and then I snap my fingers "no, I got it! Tia and Maria Scott"

"This was a mistake" Lucas sighs and then lifts pleading eyes to me, he places both hands on the table.

"Scared?" I ask, slipping around the table so I'm next to him. He drags me to him trapping me between him and the pool table before returning his hands to the red cloth.

"Anything but Eugene" he begs.

"I promise"

He nods, still not letting me go, "okay, take your shot" and he steps back.

I look to him and then that last ball, but I can't do it so instead I place the cue onto the table and turn slowly to face Lucas "let's call it a draw"

"Draw?" he squints, stepping closer again.

"Yep-" I nod "-we can cut the prize in half"

Sam chooses this moment to cut in "pretty sure it's illegal to cut up babies"

I roll my eyes at her before smiling at Lucas and taking his hands in mine "noooo... I mean, you name one and I name one"

"No Eugene?" he steps closer, our hands crushed between our bodies.

"No Eugene and no Penelope. Kiss o-" before I finish the sentence his lips are on mine.

Every time he holds me, kisses me, it feels like coming home.

_Peyton POV_

He's avoiding me, and not in the subtle I just happen to be nowhere near you avoidance, I am talking about blaringly obvious if I so much as look like I'm taking a step in his direction he moves avoidance.

Which I wouldn't mind so much if he just stopped looking at me all the time, I keep feeling his eyes on me. It's driving me mad.

I can feel him from across the room, as if he's right there behind me breathing on my neck, I'm so occupied with trying to ignore Jake that I jump when Lucas slides up next to me "how you doing?" he asks.

I don't answer instead I see Jake across the room, when he sees me look he quickly turns away, I do the same and quickly take a swig of the beer in my hand.

Lucas looks between us, and then sighs "ah... that Peyton Sawyer drama"

If he wants nothing to do with me then why dies Jake keep giving me that look.

"Where's Brooke?" I try to change the subject.

It's not like I am chasing him, I never cornered him, I just tried to be nice and he has to act like I'm asking him to marry me... again.

"Restroom again, she's there every ten minutes... nice try with the change of subject"

So we've never been friends, it isn't like we can't at least try to be.

"We're friends, right?" I abruptly ask Lucas, turning my glare on him.

He seems to consider it and nods "yeah... I think so. I'll always consider you a friend Peyton, no matter what we were going through you were always my friend before anything else"

_We are not friends, we were _never_ friends._

Why can't I get Jake out of my head?

He's so infuriating!

"Things with you and Jake don't seem very _friendly_... I don't think I've ever seen him like this before, except maybe when Nikki came back"

That bitch, I never liked her, I wish Lucas hadn't mentioned her.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened between you two?" Lucas asks sincerely, and I know if I refuse to answer he'll understand.

I sigh "remember when I went to see him in Savannah, just before Nathan and Haley's wedding?" I should stop now before I say anything else but Lucas nods and talking to him always came so easily, "I asked him to marry me"

For a moment he completely freezes and then his eyes widen "wow, not what I expected... wow"

"He said yes but then... you pretty much know the rest, I came back to Tree Hill minus a fiancé" I try to laugh it off, but we both know it isn't funny, I sigh "I guess someday never happened" I whisper quietly and then take another drink. Maybe if I get drunk enough I can just forget tonight ever happened.

"Someday?" Lucas repeats with a hiss.

I wave my hand as if it was nothing, trying to not remember that weekend which still haunts me "just something we said, when he told me to go home we said we'll find our way back, if it was meant to happen... we said someday" suddenly Lucas' expression finally makes me stop "Luke, are you okay?"

"It's just... when I asked _you _to marry _me _you weren't ready, and yet even before that you were supposedly ready for him" he shakes his head "you wouldn't say yes to me, all you said was someday"

Words get stuck in my throat. It didn't even hit me the significance of my confession until now. I never wanted Lucas to find out like this, and yet I slipped it out forgetting the other time I told a boy someday.

He finally figured it out, the reason I couldn't say yes to him was because a part of me was holding out for my someday... with Jake.

When Lucas kneeled down in front of me fear had grown inside me, building so fast while memories rushed forward out of my control, and when he gave me his speech I kept seeing Jake looking at me. Against my will I couldn't let go so I made the mistake of losing Lucas.

I use to think it was a mistake. For so long I resented allowing Jake to get in my way, and when I looked around and saw I had lost _both _of them I promised myself if I ever had the chance again I wouldn't make the same mistake.

I use to regret so much that moment of weakness.

I still tell myself I regret it...

Yet I don't.

I was never meant to say yes to Lucas.

"I've got to go" I say quickly, and turn to leave. Jake's eyes lock onto me straight away, but this time neither one of us look away.

"Do you love him?"

I turn back to Lucas, "what?"

"Do you love Jake?"

"That was a long time ago"

He studies me and then his eyes squint in that familiar broody look "you were so willing to fight for me, why do you refuse to fight for him?"

Why?

Because I've spent years convincing my heart it ached for you to cover the fact the biggest ache was because of Jake, the boy fate decreed wasn't for me.

Because the truth is every broken piece of my heart was due to Jake.

Because I knew I couldn't survive him breaking it again.

Lucas was safe, a friend wrapped with lies and comfort was _safe_.

"I've got to go find Brooke" and I walk as fast away from him as I can.

Away from a truth I've been running from for years.

**i know its light in bl and peyton lucas heavy emphasis on the peyton but there were a few points i needed to make. hope you enjoyed :) u know what to do. luv mickei**


	29. Waiting For Someday

**the rumours of my death have been highly exagerrated... i am in fact alive with the ability to write. sorry for the long wait, lol, after i got my laptop back it wasnt a easy to get back itno my fanfic as i thought it would be, so i am not exactly satisfied with this, its kinda a filler to get through saturday, next chapter is all teh action, and yay now i got this one finally done hopefully th next one will just flow from my fingers. hope you enjoy, and thanks to dianehermans because i wouldnt have found the inspiration to finish this chapter if it wasnt for you contacting me and making me feel guilty. but you ask and you will recieve. luv mickei**

_Peyton POV_

Go away.

"Morning sunshine" a too cheery voice sings songs into the air, I groan, and both the voice and my own groan causing my head to protest. Every sound no matter how small has the same effect as nails on a chalk board. Not to mention the _light_.

Go away.

"Go away" I mumble, not talking to Rachel; though honestly I wouldn't complain about her vanishing either, I'm talking to the light. Why won't it listen!

The light still won't go away, and as it burns my eyes I wake more and more. Suddenly flashes of last night come in stunning detail, I groan again, full of misery.

Please tell me I did not go around telling people how _not _in love I am with Jake Jagielski, that I didn't accuse an innocent stripper of trying to tell me that I did. Oh god!

I feel sick.

Literally.

I'm up before my body is ready for it but I only have one priority at the moment – finding a toilet to stick my head down.

Running through Brooke's house I dash towards the guest bathroom and stop in the doorway. Brooke is already doing what I so desperately need to do right now, and with perfect timing my throat starts to feel full, on reflex I cover my mouth with my hand –

As if by magic Rachel reappears by my side with a bucket and holds it out, lacking complete grace I grab the blue bucket and empty the contents of my stomach inside it.

And I make a promise to myself everyone makes in their life.

I will _never _drink again.

Ever.

Of course I've already made this promise before…

"You're welcome" Rachel shrugs and I manage to smile at her instead of glaring, this must make her happy because she smiles back and walks away again only to reappear with a glass in her hand.

"I love you" is all I say before grabbing the glass. It's been a few years but I recognise the Brooke Davis hangover cocktail when I see it. And trust me, it works. Brooke had enough practice in high school before she came up with the perfect cure. It's half gone in seconds.

A moaning Haley walks down the hallway, her eyes semi-closed, "hi" she mumbles.

"Yours is on the counter" Rachel calls after her.

Last night, what I remember of it anyway, was BIG. Even a pregnant and sober Brooke Davis can throw a party and with Rachel's help it was the bachelorette party from heaven – or hell, depending on how you want to view it, I'm not so sure the things we did would ever cross an angels mind.

It's all sort of a fuzzy blur.

After the 'I Never' game my memories sort of ends in a grey cloud of unrecognisable events. That game has a lot to answer to, and I can't help but smile remembering it as I hear Haley swearing she'll never drink again from the kitchen. Little Ms James Scott not only had to take her drinks but was stand in for Brooke, and can I just say that Lucas and Brooke must be _very _flexible. Poor Hales.

The toilet flushes and Brooke's chirpy "I am soooo starving" changes the directions of my thoughts.

"How can you…even… think of… eating!" talking in a sentence is not something I am capable of at the moment.

I don't know how Brooke can want to eat; I guess its pregnancy cravings. And sure enough ten minutes later she's sitting at the table with a large greasy breakfast in front of her, Rachel has a plate too and so does Sam. The rest of us are sprawled across the living room trying to ignore the smell.

"You're evil" Laurie hisses towards the three at the table, Brooke gives a big grin, one lacking dimples because her cheeks are so full of food. I groan. Thank god for the hangover cocktail or I would need the bucket again.

Sam takes another bite of a fat bacon and egg sandwich, the sauce oozing down the side of her mouth, she moans in enjoyment "hmmmm… I don't know what your issue is, my stomach _needs _fatty food after a nigh-ta-um- never mind" her sentence ran off as Brooke's eyes snapped to her.

"Samantha?"

"Mom?" Sam answers back innocently.

Brooke looks about to share an opinion of Sam drinking when the teenager casually interrupts "so I've been reading this _really _interesting book lately, what is it called-" she clicks her fingers "-that's right, 'An Unkindness of Ravens'"

Brooke's jaw slackens and I almost laugh, I don't think many people have the ability to make Brooke Davis speechless. Sam kinks her brow, the move making her resemble her non biological mother in a scary way, "what were you gonna say, mom?"

"Never mind" Brooke mumbles, glaring at Sam.

I would laugh but I don't think my head will survive it so I fight the urge. And then Millie's eyes widen, she's sitting across from me and I can't help but notice the appalled look that comes over her face, "a lap dance?" she squeaks.

"Yeah" Laurie answers for the startled and usually shy brunette.

Now I do laugh.

I just remembered Millie's face during the lap dance, but then I feel the blood leave my face as another memory comes to the surface and I groan once again.

"Yep, P Sawyer, whatever you just remembered, it did really happen"

Great, just great.

_Lucas POV_

I stare down at the phone in my hands, Brooke's grinning face stares back at me, sometimes she smiles all too easily while other times trying to get her to smile is the hardest thing in the word.

I miss her.

Damn, how much I miss her. I am not use to this, waking up without her in my arms, starting the day without her with me, just not having her there.

Who came up with this stupid idea anyway?

Not seeing the bride before the wedding, it's a joke, and what's the need to have it a whole day?

It's been too many hours since I've seen or touched Brooke, not since we parted last night when the party was split for the bachelor and bachelorette celebrations.

One minute she was telling me she loves me and the next the girls were taking her away.

If I was to call her...

No one would have to know.

The phone in my hand is a temptation that is hard to resist, I'm just about to press down on that button when I jump.

"What are you doing?" Nathan's question interrupts me, I try not to look guilty as I hide the phone and look to him.

I shrug, "nothing"

His eyes narrow and his arms cross.

"Seriously, I was just taking a break"

"Uh-huh" he says in doubt, and then his chin nudges up "what's in the hand?"

My shoulders straighten as I shift positions, "nothing, little brother"

In the blink of an eye Nathan steps forward and pulls at my arm, seeing the phone he just laughs "you couldn't even last a few hours, man, you are so whipped"

"Stop saying that"

"Just telling it like it is, pass it over Romeo" Nathan is serious I can tell, he's not above wrestling me for the device. Sighing I hand it over. Nathan smirks and slings an arm around my shoulder "tomorrow's an important day, big brother-" he begins and I smile as he leads me out of the room "- the first day of the rest of your life..."

"Yeah in chains" Junk calls out in a dry tone as we walk by him.

"I was just getting to the romantic bit" Nathan says as we pass Junk, he hits Junk over the back of the head "way to ruin it, dude"

Sometimes I'm struck by how much has changed since high school, other times, not so much.

"Chains and Brooke Davis, not a bad combination" Mouth grins as he steps out of one of the other rooms.

"I hear you, dawg" Skillz shoots back "but don't tell Laurie you heard that"

I chuckle but feel the need to say something "hey that is my future wife, and the mother of my children, you're talking about"

"I don't know Luke, the last bride you had did a runner, all I'm saying is, I wouldn't be counting no chickens yet" _Thanks _Skillz, just what I need to hear the day before my wedding.

What do I care though, nothing can ruin my mood because tomorrow Brooke Davis becomes Brooke Scott.

_Brooke POV_

"What are you doing?"

The phone falls from my hand as I jump into the air, a small scream escaping. Slowing my heart went back to its usual rhythm, wide eyed I smile at Jamie "god, Jimmy Jam, you scared me. What are you doing sneaking around my house?"

"Momma told me to find you"

Aw, he's such a momma's boy, and a daddy's boy, and an auntie's boy, hell the kid is just so cute, I guess I should stop referring to him as cute now he's eight. Trying to put on an innocent smile I pick up my phone and slide it away, looking up through my lashes I watch Jamie "speaking of, mind not telling your mom you caught me with my phone?"

Jamie puts his hand on his hip and gives me a classic _like hell _look "uh-huh, who were you talking to?"

"No one… yet"

"You and Uncle Lucas aren't supposed to see each other today" Jamie shoots back.

And I can't help but wink at him, "yeah but talking isn't _seeing _him" come on Jamie, work with me here!

He seemed to think about it, "Aunt Karen gave me five bucks to make sure you don't sneak away"

"I'll give you ten" and as soon as I hold out my hand he slaps it, "Done!" he shouts and I turn our low five into a hand hold and he helps lift me up.

With another wink we walk inside together and as great as it is having all the girls around me I miss Lucas. I just want to tease him, see him roll his eyes at me, smile that lazy smile, kiss my nose, and all those other small little details that make my day so… complete. And honestly, all this 'stay away from him' and 'can't talk' and 'can't see' thing is just making me even itchier to do the exact opposite.

Haley eyes us up and down when we walk into the room, we just smile, her eyes narrow "what were you doing all alone?" and her tone implies that she doesn't believe it was anything but what I'm not meant to be doing.

"Nothing" Jamie shrugs for me.

Karen crosses her arms, "Brooke?"

Copying Jamie I shrug, "Nothing"

My soon to be in laws keep eyeing me but when I don't crack they just roll their eyes, Haley grabs her car keys "the only reason I'm choosing to believe you is I have to go pick up the dresses, Rachel is taking the guys their tux's, Laurie is double checking the flowers, Millie is on honeymoon duty-" she keeps on with her list but my mind stops at the mention of the honeymoon. Our original plan to borrow Andy's boat and sail to the south of France flew out the window with my pregnancy, and I'm insanely curious to find out what surprise Karen and Andy now have planned for us. Ooh, Millie must know, I have to remember that. "-Brooke, are you listening?"

"Of course!"

"Sure. Well we'll all be back in about an hour, if that, we're leaving Lily and Jamie here to watch you" and her eyes narrow at Jamie and me again, we turn to face each other and we both start laughing. Even Jamie must appreciate the humour at them watching me and not the other way around.

I know I said I wanted to spend the day before the wedding with no Lucas contact but I didn't expect everyone to take me _that _seriously.

"I'll be on my _best _behaviour" and I really did try to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

With a shake of her head Haley stepped forward and gave Jamie's cheeks a squeeze as she kissed his forehead, "I'll be back soon, sweetie"

Karen walked over and kissed my cheek, then after calling Lily and giving her a hug goodbye the two mothers were walking out the door.

"No bribes" Karen warned over her shoulder just before the door shut.

Slowly I swivel in my chair and carefully observe the two eight year olds sitting across from me, "right, so… what's your price?"

What can I say; I have a way with children!

_Jake POV_

It wouldn't be a stretch to say I have devoted the last ten years to my daughter's needs and wants, and truthfully I can't regret that choice. I am a father and she _has _to be my main concern. I just wish sometimes things could have been different, perhaps if Jenny and I had stayed in Tree Hill my life would be different. Maybe Peyton and I would have gotten our someday, but I couldn't and I didn't, so I don't have time for regrets, and I wouldn't change the choices I've made. And if occasionally I wonder about what would have happened if Peyton had made different choices, and resent her for not choosing me, then I just look into my daughter's dark eyes and joy helps me move on.

This visit to Tree Hill has not been an easy one, walking these streets, reliving all my past emotions, and seeing Peyton again, it has taken its toll. It does make me question waiting so long to come back, and at the same time it reinforced the decision. If I can't manage one weekend in the same town as her then how would a permanent move be?

The bad thing is I don't have Jenny with me to help remind me about the right path. Lonely, and missing my daughter, I find myself standing in front of a local park, it's equipment packed with children, and the surrounding area filled with families. A young woman smiles at me and I smile back to be polite, placing my hands in my pockets I think of bringing Jenny here one day.

Like I use to.

How many times did Peyton and I bring Jenny here when my baby girl was a baby, how many times did I envision this would be our future and yet now Jenny wouldn't know Peyton from a complete stranger. I shake my head at the thought and spin around, and the moment I do the breath leaves my body.

Speak of the devil.

Peyton sits at one of the park benches, oblivious to her surroundings and completely focused on the sketchbook in her hands. I can see her hand moving fast and steadily over the page, the pencil in her hand. Every now and then she looks up through her locks at some unseen object before focusing back on her sketch. Against my will I am being sucked in, before I know it I've stood watching her for ten minutes, getting closer and closer. It takes all the will power in me to resist the urge to walk up behind her, lean over and just sniff her hair.

What is it she's drawing?

What has her focus so much?

Why am I allowing myself to think about her?

With that last question I dig my hands deeper in my pockets and walk as fast as I can away from that park.

Once around the corner I pull out my phone and dial the all important number, "hey honey, I miss you"

"Dad! What's the wedding like? Was the bride like a princess? Did you get photos? Oh my god, did you like touch Nathan Scott?"

"Jenny" and I chuckle, there is that joy.

Who needs Peyton Sawyer?

I tell myself not me, yet that ache is still around.

"I miss you kiddo, I wish you were here"

"Well next time you'll have to bring me" she says so casually, and I make a mental note to do exactly that.

_Lucas POV_

… _and I promise to be thankful everyday that you opened your heart again and let me back in, I don't know what I would have done without you. Survived perhaps, but there is no way it would have been this fun, this beautiful, this crazily perfect…_

Crap.

I screw up the piece of paper and throw it across the room to join the rest of my failed attempts.

…_Emily Dickinson once wrote 'that love is all there is, is all we know of love' and I cannot in words fully express why or how I love you Brooke, all I know is I do, as surely as my heart beats it beats for you…_

Who knew writing vows would be this hard.

It's not so much I don't have words, it's I have _too _many. I can't settle on what to say, if I don't stop soon I will have a novel not vows. Hey, maybe this one could be a success.

Nathan walks into the room and picks up one of the abandoned balls of paper, "no luck, huh?"

"Trying to express my love for Brooke in one paragraph, harder than it looks-" I clench my hands "-I feel like she deserves so much _more_. How do I cut down our love into a few sentences?"

I look at my little brother for the answers to my question, surely after nine years of marriage and three sons, Nathan is the expert not me.

He shrugs, "I don't know Luke, maybe instead of cutting it down just focus on the most important"

"Haley hasn't divorced you yet so I guess I'll take that advice"

"Thanks, Luke" his lip curls up in a half sneer but then he just grins, he takes a seat and leans forward, "so, what's the most important thing to you and Brooke?"

I don't even need to think about the answer, "family"

"And do you love her?"

"What kind of question is that, Nate, of course I love her"

"Start from there" and he pats my shoulder before leaving again.

Great. Family, love, Brooke, me, love, and I am pretty much where I was at hours ago, that three hundred page novel.

"Keep it simple" I mumble out loud.

_I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it._

_Brooke POV_

I lay back across the bed with Jamie tucked under one arm and Lily under the other, the little girl has her head resting on top of my swollen belly with her hand palming the curve, "I can't feel them, are you sure they're in there?" and her eyes crinkle up in question.

"I'm pretty sure, Lil, it's just too early for others to feel them move like I do"

She taps my stomach carefully, "hello, in there, I am your Aunt Lily and I love you very, very much, I would love you even _more _if you kick" and she pauses before adding with frustration when there is no response "… what's your price?"

Okay, maybe I should watch what I say in front of the little ears. Luckily I'm saved by Marc dragging Rachel into the room, "honey, you look absolutely fab, doesn't she B?"

"I look fat" Rachel rolls her eyes, her hands running down the dark crimson dress. The girl is crazy, she doesn't look fat she looks healthy, and beautiful.

"Rache, you look stunning" with a bridesmaid who has just given birth and a bride pregnant with twins the dresses have constantly been monitored, this will be the last alteration, but oh Rachel looks perfect, simply amazing for a new mother.

She not so modestly rolls her eyes, "you're just saying that"

"No, I mean it"

Marc claps his hands together in glee as he turns his perfect eyebrows to me "oh goody, because it's your turn now soon to be Mrs Scott"

I groan in protest, I swear I've gone up two sizes since the last fitting, and the dress is going to be hideous.

"Don't you give me that look, chica dee, you designed your dream dress and you will wear it, now off that pregnant bum and go change!" Marc abandons Rachel and starts towards me, measuring tape and scissors flying in one hand. Half afraid of someone's eye being poked out I get up and follow him without fuss, well I pout a lot but that doesn't count.

I am allowed to pout, it's the day before my wedding and I may not have my dream dress, which means I'll have to wear the second choice knocked up dress of the season.

Relax, Brooke, just breathe. Remember the rule, something has to go wrong, and if its just the dress then you can cope.

That is right, I_ can_ cope with this and I _will_ cope and I _will_ still have a perfect wedding and gorgeous life with my sexy husband and our beyond beautiful children.

Still, there are nerves inside my stomach as I slip into the dress with Marc's help, feeling the material flow over my much more pronounced bump.

I must look so fat.

Still nervous I turn to Marc for his reaction and he looks at me with a fine arched brow and taps the scissors against his chin.

"That bad?" I ask.

His eyes jump as if he'd forgotten I was even there, "no honey, no, no, just… well… go show the others"

Even more nervous I lift the dress slightly and walk carefully on my shoes into my guest bedroom.

Lily's mouth drops "Brookie, you look like a princess"

The others had managed to cram into the room as well, and the look on their faces makes me pause, "guys, is it that bad?"

Haley shakes her head "Brooke, NO! It's… wow!" and then she stops.

Wiping a stray tear away Karen covers her mouth before managing to get out a muffled "you look so beautiful" or well that is what I think she said.

"Fuck, Brooke, you look like a goddess, you don't even _look _pregnant" Rachel is so amazed she doesn't even apologize for swearing.

"Really?"

Haley nods "you can't even tell"

I'm not sure if they are lying to me, and if possible I'm even more nervous. A deep unknown fear seeps into me as I turn towards the mirror.

Some part of me recognises the sudden movement in the room, all the smiles and laughs and conversation, but I don't know what they are saying because all I hear is a buzzing in my ear and all I see is my perfect reflection in the mirror.

I look perfect in my dream dress, for my dream wedding to my dream guy.

Many emotions cross through me, all so quickly and strongly, and I'm suddenly confused, so confused, especially with which emotion to grab hold of.

Everything buzzes around me.

And all I can think is that dreams don't come true.

_Peyton POV_

I drop the sketches onto the motel bed and start unbuttoning my blouse even as I kick off my shoes. Talk about long days, today seemed to stretch forever, first the hangover from hell, then the calls from Fiona and having to call Peter Kerkvliet and try to explain to him _why _all his demands for his new album just can't be met. God, why did I ever want to work with musicians?

The few hours I spent escaping the world by art helped calm my frustrations to a minimum, now all I really want to do is curl up in bed and sleep.

Right then there is a knock on the door.

With a sigh I make my way to it and hold my blouse together as I carefully open the door, I instantly forget my appearance the moment I spy a frantic Haley standing there.

"Haley, what happened?"

Her mouth falls open but no sound escapes, her eyes grow bigger, and the worry inside my chest bubbles out.

Then she speaks, "Brooke's missing".


	30. Letting Go

**yes... i still dont own one tree hill, which may be a good thing because if i did brooke would probably have a bl baby every season, and naley would have more sex... well that would probably be a good thing i guess, seeing as mark likes to keep naley dull (i know so hypocritical seeing i never ever focus on them in my fanfic, but i didnt start writing them just to let them be underappreciated unlike him arghh)**

**so heres the rest after that cliff hanger, didnt think i woudl actually make my monday dead line and i even did it with three hours to spare, yippee. well i must say its good to be back, and its nice to open up my email and see review alert so thank you to, othfan326, dianehermans, austingirl76, long live brucas, NYJOEY, tanya2byour21, princesakarlita411, babyd21, bella and zagsaddict. i hope you all have been well. hugs, luv mickei b **

_Peyton POV_

"What do you mean missing?"

Of all the things I expected this was right at the bottom of the list, so when Haley pushes her way into the room and looks around as if she expects Brooke to just pop out I simply stand here in shock. After a quick scan of the room Haley spins back around to face me, if anything she looks even more frantic "I mean exactly that, she is _missing_, gone, vanished. I got a call from Sam because she came home and Brooke was just not there, all her stuff is there, even her purse and phone, but her car is gone" I can barely keep track of Haley's words because she is speaking so fast.

I grab her by the shoulders to stop her pacing, and look straight into her eyes "Haley, calm down and tell me everything slowly"

"I don't _know _anything, she is just_ gone_"

This doesn't seem like Brooke but then again she has a habit of hiding, still I can't comprehend that she would just leave the night before her wedding with no explanation. Something must have happened.

I fight for a reason, some sort of clue. And the answer comes pretty quickly, I laugh, "Haley she has probably just snuck out to see Lucas"

"I thought that too-" Haley whispers, pushing away from me she swipes a hand through her thick hair and shakes her head "- I laughed and told Sam not to worry about it, but then I called Nathan and he said they took Lucas' phone and he is sitting right next to them… so no Brooke"

"Maybe she… maybe she…" I can't think of any other explanation so I just stop my mumbled sentence.

"I knew something was wrong, I felt it, I just knew, I saw the look on her face and I was going to say something but I didn't, I thought, hey, Haley, it's just nerves about tomorrow, why didn't I say something!" her pacing has started again.

"HALEY! JUST STOP!" I scream, I can't think properly with her pacing and her worry seeping into every corner of the room, "look there was no way you could have foreseen this"

Haley takes a step backwards as if it could protect her from the truth, "Only last week Brooke was telling me how she wasn't sure if marriage was the right step for her, that she felt it was all going too fast, _why rock the boat_! That is what she said, _why rock the boat?_" Haley places a hand on her head and gives it another little shake "I should have listened more"

Okay I had no idea that Brooke was having second thoughts about Lucas and the wedding, she seemed so happy about it all, "did Lucas know how she felt?"

"No! Brooke didn't want him to know that she didn't think marriage was necessary, she loves him, I know she does, she wants to be with him forever… but she was so worried that if they got married something would go wrong"

"Okay, so, okay, then well this doesn't have to mean she ran off-"

"Peyton-"

"I'M THINKING" I yell, and close my eyes in frustration. I just can't believe this, it's just so… how could she? How could she just walk away?

_Peyton, I'm sorry. I don't want you to go. But your father told you to follow your heart and he's right. And as much as it kills me to say it, I think you need to follow it home. _

_But what if you're wrong? What if I go back and my heart just aches for you like it has for months now? _

_Well, then I'll still be here. And if it's meant to be, we'll be together. _

_Someday._

"Help me find her, please, you're the only one, I can't scare Sam and I can't ask the others to lie to the guys, please, help me?"

If we find Brooke I am going to kill her! But I nod and quickly redress myself, just as I grab my keys I ask the obvious question "are you going to tell Lucas?"

Haley's shoes click against the floor as she walks by me into the night, "I have no idea"

"It will kill him"

"This is why we have to find Brooke, before she makes the biggest mistake of her life"

"Second biggest mistake" I whisper.

Haley whips her head around, "what?"

I shrug, unsure if I'm talking about Brooke or myself "she should have never let him go in the first place"

Every decision we make, it could forever change our lives, with each thought and sentence spoken out loud we risk the chance of not only changing the course of our future but affecting the decisions others make as well. A twisted circle that never ends, for every act there is a reaction.

So I cross my fingers and I pray for the right decisions to be made tonight.

_Jake POV_

If you had asked me where I was going when I left parents place I would have simply said for a walk to get some fresh air. I didn't have any intention of finding myself standing in the middle of the river court with all the names under my feet.

_WE ARE HERE_.

No truer words, yet at the same time I'm not really here, my name isn't on this court with the others, and Tree Hill is no longer my home.

The last time I brought Jenny to visit her grandparents we had come here, she didn't ask me about the names but I watched as she read them all. There was a moment when I thought she was going to ask me a question but after a quick frown she just stood back up and talked Jamie into a game of DONKEY.

The memory quickly fades as I hear the shuffle of feet behind me; I spin around, unprepared for the sight of Peyton standing there in the dark. Her eyes widen when she sees me and every inch of her body tells me she is worried but fighting against it.

"Sorry" she mumbles and turns away to walk back.

I should let her go, whatever is bothering her isn't any business of mine but I just can't stand to see her like this "PEYTON WAIT!" I call out, and after a moment of hesitation I jog after her.

Grabbing her arm I spin her around to face me, my hand slips down to grip her wrist and my fingers stay curled around her as we just look into each others eyes.

What was it I wanted to say?

For the life of me I can't remember.

Her lips look so soft, so welcoming.

I blink the temptation away and break the spell between us.

Peyton shakes my hand away and holds her hands together in front of her, but at least she doesn't look away from me. After another moment of silence she speaks, "have you seen Brooke here?"

"No"

"What about today?"

What? "No, sorry, I haven't seen her since last night, Peyton, what is going on?"

She seems to debate whether to tell me or not, almost turning away a few times, but then she sighs "Jake, we can't find Brooke"

"What? Does Luke know?"

"Haley doesn't want to tell him, only we know, and Sam knows she's not home. The wedding is tomorrow… what are we gonna do?"

I just want to make everything alright, I just want to see Peyton smile again, "come on, I'll help you look" and I grab her arm again and lead her back to her car.

Twenty minutes go by with no luck, I feel like we've driven by every corner of Tree Hill, after the river court we tried Brooke and Lucas' new house, her store, Tric, the river court again, and still no sign of Brooke or her car.

"Where could she be?" Peyton screams in frustration, kicking the car as she does so.

It's getting darker, even the stars seem to be less bright that they usually are, I give the river court another look over, hoping that Brooke will walk of the shadows. I know what it's like to have the woman you love walk away, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy let alone an old friend.

"What is she _thinking?_" Peyton's sounds so angry at Brooke, and the masochist in me wonders if she is offended on Lucas' behalf because she still has feelings for him. My own anger begins to rise.

"I don't know Peyton, what is she thinking?"

The bitterness in my tone shocks both of us, she steps away from the car and sends all her attention to me, "what is that meant to mean?"

"What goes through a girls mind after she walks away from the guy she was going to marry?" I spit out.

"Unbelievable, you tell me to leave you alone and then you bring up the past. Reality check, Jake, I didn't _walk away, _YOU _sent me away_" the thumps her hands to her chest, her face distorts with emotion I cannot place.

"YOU WERE MEANT TO COME BACK!" I scream into the night, and then the pain rips me apart "okay, you were meant to come back to me, and I waited for as long as I could"

"How long did you wait, huh, Jake, how long did you wait before you just gave up?" she shakes her head and covers her mouth with both hands to stop more words from coming out.

I step closer, "I GAVE UP? No Peyton, that was _you_, when you got back with Lucas, that was _you _giving up so don't you accuse me of being the one who didn't wait!" I can't look at her, I turn around but her arm reached up to grab me, I shake it off "don't touch me"

"Jake-"

"No, Peyt, it's over. The past is the past and we can't change it, lets just find Brooke and get through this wedding so we can both go home" and before she can say anything more I get back in the car and start it up. Though the corner of my eye I can see her still standing outside, she wipes at her cheeks and then lifts her chin up before joining me in the car.

"Where to now?" I ask her through the lump in my throat.

"I don't know, the bridge?" she says uncertain.

I shake my head "stop thinking where Brooke would go if she was you, where would _she _go?"

The tension in the car rises even more, I didn't think it was possible but it is, and her voice is still angry as she speaks to me "I don't know Jake, okay, I _do not know_, I am trying my best here, but I am not Brooke, okay, and I don't know-"

"Yes you do, it might be years since you've had a meaningful conversation but you do know her, you know Brooke better than most of us and you always will. Where would _she _go?"

I keep asking her the question by staring into her eyes, forcing her to face the truth. Peyton's jaw drops and then she closes her eyes and faces the front of the car. She leans her head back against the seat and with her eyes closed she starts to smile "I know where she is" she whispers and then she opens her eyes and looks at me "I know where she is" she says more firmly.

Thatta girl, Peyton.

Sometimes years apart mean nothing, because under all that new unknown, underneath that package you're at core the same people you always were. You just have to dig deep enough.

_Peyton POV_

It hit me, where Brooke would go when she is looking for answers, looking for some sort of sense, running from and to Lucas all at the same time.

We drive along the road, and for a little bit I think maybe I'm wrong, maybe she isn't here and then the head lights reveal the two cars parked side by side. One is Brooke's, the other is Haley's. Doesn't surprise me that Haley figured it out quicker than me, in the years since I left Tree Hill, maybe even years before that, she has grown to know Brooke better than I ever could.

Jake brings the car to a stop and I get out, "aren't you coming?"

The look he sends me is distant; I can almost hear him say _do you think that is a good idea?_

He tightens his grip on the steering wheel and looks away from me "you don't need me anymore, and Haley can give you a ride back"

"Jake, I…"

"Peyton, it's okay, I understand you didn't love me like I loved you, let's just leave it at that"

I don't want to, I don't want him to think that because it is so far from the truth, but he has a family and he's happy, what right do I have to break my silence after all these years. All I've ever wanted was what was best for him, and it wasn't me, I have to forgive him for that. I have to forgive myself. So I step away from the car and I don't argue, "Fine, just drop the car off at Nathan and Haley's"

Then I turn away, I don't look back as he starts the car and drives off, I can hear him leave again but I don't look back, I refuse to. Instead I take off my shoes and walk towards the beach.

The stars shine brighter here, I can just make out a silhouette standing alone, dark hair blowing in the wind. I step next to Haley and try to see through the darkness.

As much as I knew Brooke was here it is still a shock to see her sitting alone on the beach, her head bent between her legs as tears are no doubt falling. She is too far away to hear, and in fact I can barely see her but I know that figure is Brooke just as surely as Haley does.

"She hasn't moved" Haley whispers, her arms hugging herself, she turns her head slightly to look at me but not enough that she stops facing Brooke.

"How long have you been here?"

"An hour, I don't know, it feels like all night"

I let out the breath I'd been holding and sending Haley a smile I make that first step towards Brooke.

Jake is right, I do have some idea of what goes through a girls mind when she walks away from the guy she wants to marry.

And I'll tell you this, she is scared. No matter what else she is feeling she is definitely running from the fear.

Without a word I sit next to Brooke, and I was right about the tears too.

"What are you doing here?" she asks me, her dark tear stained eyes peering out from her lap.

"_What are you doing here?_" I ask right back.

She closes her eyes, "go away, Peyton" her voice is so low, so heartbroken.

But I'm not going anywhere, not this time, this time I am not going to let the best friend I ever had walk away from the man she loves.

"No, Brooke, you can't keep doing this, hiding your heart when you're scared"

"Just go away, please, leave me alone"

"I'm not gonna leave until you're ready to come with me"

Brooke begins to get up and for a moment I think it's over, she's going to go home and we can just forget this search ever happened, but she doesn't go towards Haley and the cars, no Brooke starts in the other direction.

I follow.

"What are you so scared of?" I scream after her.

"You wouldn't understand" and her back is still to me as we walk along the shore.

I quicken my steps "you're right, I don't understand, nobody will understand why you are out here crying by yourself instead of getting your beauty sleep for tomorrow. _For your wedding_"

She doesn't say anything, so I go on, "Brooke… don't do it. I may not understand why you are doing it but I sure as hell know what you are doing. And if you walk away there is no going back, Lucas won't forgive you, your daughter won't forgive you, and your _family _won't"

We keep on walking and I keep on talking, "who are you trying to protect here Brooke, yourself? Well I hope it works, because you'll be hurting everyone you love, so make sure it's worth it"

I must have hit a nerve because she stops and finally turns around, "worth it? Do you think I want to hurt them? I don't. I am doing my best to protect my family"

"FROM WHAT?"

"From _everything_. From _me. _It doesn't last, it _never _does-"

"Better now than later, get out before you get in too deep?" I scream at her, "Look around you Brooke, it doesn't get any deeper, you made a promise, you share a life, you share children. Whatever you're scared of isn't going to ruin it – YOU ARE"

Her breathing is rough and she just stares at me, I hope I am getting through to her, I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes of the past. "Brooke, you're the one who holds the key, you walk away now and it's over _or _you go home and marry the man you love tomorrow. I can't promise you happily ever after, but I can guarantee that it will be a hell of a lot better than living with the regret of walking away. Trust me on that"

"Trust you?" she laughs.

"Yes, trust me. I've been there; I've lived with the regret. And so have you! Senior year when you broke up with Lucas you just walked away, did it solve anything?"

Her shoulders sag.

"Did you stop loving him?"

She still says nothing.

"Does it make the pain go away? Does it save your heart from breaking?"

I take a step closer, and I smile "I get it, B Davis, I get that you are doing the only thing you know to protect your heart, but we're not seventeen anymore. Hiding and running isn't the answer, and deep down you know that, that is why you came to this beach, that is why you didn't just drive straight out of town, you can't do it, you haven't figured that out yet and your scared, confused, all I'm doing is begging you to not walk away before it's too late, before you're ready"

God, I hope it's not already too late.

"Brooke, don't make the same mistakes" and I'm not just talking about hers, I'm talking about my own.

She stares straight at me, weighing my words, and then her eyes look out at something behind me, and without looking I can tell Haley has finally reached us, "listen to her, it's not too late" Haley tells Brooke and just like that Brooke's composure collapses and she's falling to her knees. Haley and I both run forward and catch her.

Through her sobs the only thing I could understand was one simple, heart tearing sentence _"I don't want to lose him"_

Fear. It can make you freeze, it can make you run, and it can destroy you.

I'm sick of letting fear control our lives.

_Brooke POV_

Peyton was right, I wasn't ready to walk away, and I was running scared and following an impulse because I didn't know how to cope with the sudden attack of emotion and fear.

When I had grabbed my keys and left the empty house I hadn't been thinking clearly, all I wanted was to get away. I told myself I couldn't marry Lucas, because when it all came crashing down around us losing a husband would hurt so much more than losing a boyfriend. But in the end it would all hurt just the same, because I would still lose Lucas.

I thought if I drove far enough away I could find the answers, but instead I drove to the beach to sit and think, and I sat for hours, to afraid to get back into the car because I still didn't know where to go next.

The truth is I don't know what I'm more afraid of, gaining the dream or losing it.

Running and hiding isn't the answer, It's time I faced it, faced my past and my future, and the fear won't stop me this time, Lucas thinks I'm brave so I'm going to be brave, I'm going to take that fear and live with it, I'm going to survive it. Being brave isn't about the absence of fear, its feeling so scared you don't know if you're going to make it and still trying.

The others lead me back towards the car, Haley tells me it is all going to be alright, Peyton says we can just forget this ever happened. But I shake my head, "no, I need to see Lucas, I need to tell him, I can't start my marriage with lies" and though they look as worried as I feel they nod their heads and hop into Haley's car.

We pull into Nathan and Haley's place, I sit in the car as Peyton hops out of Haley's car and gets into her own, driving off into the night. Haley knocks on my window and I finally find the nerve to get out.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure" Nervous but sure, I have to face him, I love him and I want forever, but I need to be honest, even if it may cost me the very thing I'm fighting for.

God, I'm even more scared now because I don't know how he will react, how could I ever even think of leaving him at the alter? It didn't really connect with me before that walking away from the wedding was the same thing as walking away from Lucas, that I really would _lose _him, if I had for a moment seen it like that then I would never have even made it out of the driveway.

"Brooke, if you're not one hundred percent sure that you want tomorrow to happen then don't go tell Lucas that you do, it will just hurt more"

"I am sure Haley, I wasn't thinking clearly before, I just needed air to breathe, space to think, but I know that he's want I want, and I could never knowingly hurt him… how close I got to - just thank you for finding me"

"Okay" and she gives me a hug before going to the front door, I follow in time to slide inside with her.

Lucas is somewhere in this house, waiting for tomorrow, I just hope there is still going to be one.

The house is quiet, a tv plays from somewhere inside and we follow the noise, when we walk into the room Nathan turns his head and instantly smiles at his wife but when he notices me behind her he begins to frown, "Brooke, what are you doing here?"

"It's alright" Haley says, "where's Luke?"

"In bed" Nathan replies and lowering my chin I leave them to find my way to the guest room Lucas has taken over this weekend.

"Forgive me" I whisper once I get to the door, and then I knock.

_Lucas POV_

There is a knock on the door and I sit up on the bed, before I can even seriously wonder who it is the door opens and Brooke slips inside the room. The moment I see her big brown eyes I know something is wrong.

I get up from the bed "Pretty girl, not that I'm not glad to see you but what are you doing here? If Haley and Nathan see you-" and then I stop as she takes my hands in her own, her head lowers shielding her eyes from me.

"They know I'm here" she whispers. Then Brooke looks back up with a sad smile "let's go for a walk"

"Brooke?"

"Come on, Lucas" and she pulls my hand more firmly, so I follow her quickly outside, she keeps tugging my hand, pulling me farther and farther from the house.

"Brooke, slow down" I can't keep up with her, she's always moving in such large strides knowing what she's thinking, feeling and where she is going is almost impossible.

Abruptly Brooke stops and I crash into her back and gently grab her to steady us both after the collision. When she turns in my arms tears wait to fall at the corner of her eyes.

I touch her cheek, "hey, Pretty Girl, what's this about?"

"I love you Lucas" she quickly replies, and I smile, of course she does.

"I love you, too"

"I really love you, more than I ever thought I could love another person, and nothing can change that but I need to tell you something… and… and if you don't feel the same way-" and her voice cracks so I tighten the hold I have of one of her hands and stroke the finger resting on her cheek up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

Looking deep into her eyes I cut in, "nothing can change the way I feel"

"I left"

The words drop into the night, I don't understand them, and I feel my eyes squinting in confusion "you left what?" I have no idea what she means.

A tear finally falls, its slow descent becomes the focus of my attention when Brooke utters that one word, _"you"_.

I really thought nothing could shock me but that confession shocks m so much I completely freeze.

"Say something" she begs.

What do I say, what can I say?

I still don't understand. Brooke is standing right in front of me, she's here I can see her, touch her, smell her and she's saying she left. When?

"I don't understand" I mumble still in a daze.

Another tear falls, then another from the other eye, how can she look so beautiful when the world is crashing down around us.

A sob comes from her, and then her husky voice speaks again "When you told me that maybe life was meant to be this way – perfect – a part of me didn't believe it, and earlier… I… I stood in front of the mirror and I saw myself in my wedding dress and it _was _perfect, and that thing I was waiting for to go wrong just didn't and it scared me. It scared me so bad, because I've never been this happy, this loved-" the tears fall more steadily now and I just want them to stop and stop the words with them "-I'm not lovable-" she shrugs, wearing her vulnerability so clearly "-my own parents couldn't love me"

"Shh, Brooke don't say that" and I stroke her cheek again.

For a moment she bites her lip and closes her eyes tight but then they are open again "I don't deserve your love"

"That's not true"

"Yes it is, because I let the fear take me over and I got in the car and I drove away, and a part of me Lucas, it never wanted to come home. I _left_ and I know I was wrong, and it's one too many times I've let it happen, and you might not believe me but if you give me another chance I will never run again"

It all starts to make sense, and I think back to that moment in the new house yesterday when Brooke told me she didn't think the wedding would happen. I should have asked her more about her worries, but more than anything I just want her to trust me.

"Okay" I whisper.

And like so many years ago she can't take my forgiveness so easily, "it's not okay" she cries.

I spread my hands before her "what do you want me to do, Brooke? Do you want me to be angry and yell, say I can't marry you, that I can't love you now?" I pause and tilt my head "because I am angry, and I'm hurt that you don't trust me. But I'm not going to yell, or turn you away or pretend that I can't love you anymore when I do, I am completely in love with you and nothing you can say or do will ever change that"

She can push me away, she can yell or hit or cry, but I am still here, and I'm going to make sure she knows that I am not going anywhere.

Otherwise I would just be proving her insecurities true.

"I trust you, Lucas; it's everything else I don't trust"

I step closer, "I'm not moving, you can run as far as you like but I'm still going to be here for you, and if I have to wait for you to come back into my arms then I will wait, I'll wait for you forever so that everything else, it doesn't stand a chance" and I step even closer, our bodies brushing together.

She looks up into my eyes, "even after what I did-"

"Not moving" I cut in, "and if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you that dreams can come true then I'll just have something to look forward to every day"

Through the tears Brooke finally smiles, it's shy, and still insecure, but damn it is beautiful, "I like the sound of that" her voice is shaky, as if she's still afraid I will turn her away.

Not in this lifetime, I've made the mistake of letting her go too many times before, this time neither one of us is going anywhere.

"Good" and then smiling right back I put a hand on her hip and lower my lips to hers, kissing her with all the will and love inside me, kissing her with everything I am.

_Peyton POV_

With a slam of the car door I storm towards the house, years of suppressed emotion churning inside me. Half way to the door a movement catches my eye and I turn towards the dark figure coming from the shadows.

"You're wrong" I say before Jake can even speak, he takes another step forward into the light and looks at me with the same confused expression I've seen on him since last night, as if he's fighting the urge to hate and love me.

I drop my hands to my side, this is me, take it or leave it, but I haven't always been honest, and tonight I'm finally going to be, "you can scream at me all you like, maybe I deserve it, and fine you can be angry at me for leaving, but I am _not _going to stand by and hear that I didn't love you, because I did, I loved you more than I could ever admit" I stop, partly because I need to breathe and also because I take the moment to think about what I'm going to say next.

I've never told anyone, let alone ever thought Jake would know, but its time I'm honest, for both our sakes, so I take a deep breath "and I did go back for you"

His eyes narrow, and his mouth parts but before he can say anything I need to get it all out or I'll lose my nerve, "yes, I got back with Lucas, I was scared, scared to be left behind again, so I chose the safe option, I was a coward, and then he asked me to marry him… and you know what stopped me from saying yes, _you _did, because all I could think about was you. It hit me over a year later but I finally realised I wanted my someday and I wanted it with you… I fought it but after Lucas walked out I was a mess, then the next day this guy walked into work with a guitar and a warm smile and he made me laugh, and I knew, I just knew, it was you I craved for-"

_But what if you're wrong? What if I go back and my heart just aches for you like it has for months now? _

"- so I walked right out of work and hopped on a plane to Savannah. _I did come back_"

Savannah, I still don't like remembering it, it still hurts too much.

"Why didn't you come to me?" he asks, clearly confused.

I smile sadly, because if I don't smile I will cry "I did, I went straight to your door with every intention of knocking but then I looked through the window and I saw you with Nikki and Jenny, I was too late, you'd already stopped waiting so I went to leave, I walked between the cab and your door over and over again, trying to figure out what to do"

I still remember turning around and seeing Nikki standing there, shock on her face, the light fade from her eyes as if someone just drowned her flame.

"Nikki came out with the trash, and she looked right at me and begged me not to take her family away… told me she'd changed, and I hated myself for waiting, I hated myself for letting Lucas get between us and you get between me and him, so I lost you both"

I'd been too shocked, to bitter and upset to do much more than nod at Nikki, but my feet didn't move, we had stared at each other for the longest moment of my life, and I knew I had started crying.

_Can you tell me something, is he happy?_

_Yeah, I like to think he is._

_I'm glad. Take care of them, they're special._

_I know._

"I couldn't just walk back in and tear apart a family, so I left. All I wanted was for you to be happy, so you can yell as much as you like about me leaving _but don't say I didn't love you enough or that I never came back_, because it's not true" with that I turn away before he can see what this is doing to me or maybe before I see what my confession makes him feel, because its too late to do anything about it, just like it was all those years ago.

And for the third time in my life I walk away from Jake, and the thing is it still hurts just as much which is why I was always so determined to forget how this feels.

**so what ya think, surprised or not? badly surprised, or a good one? **


	31. The Beginning

**disclaimer: i do not own one tree hill, if i did one tree hill would have a brucas wedding, but i dont so it didnt so i wrote this instead.**

**hey, so you guys wanted a wedding right? well let sunday begin. and remember that reviews are love, so love to othfan326, longlivebrucas, mixperfectionist, dianehermans, psiek, teamxxbrulianxx, juicetroop82, bella, austingirl76, angleico3156789, princesakarlita411, zagsaddict and tanya2byour21. catchya next chapter. luv mickei b **

_Lucas POV_

The morning rays of the sun seep through the blinds and bathe us in a golden glow, I watch the light dance against Brooke's bare skin as she lies in peaceful slumber with one hand tucked under her cheek and the other curled up in the space between us. The blanket loosely covers her hip, exposing most of her top thigh but falling down to cover the dark curls protecting her most private area. The view is one I enjoy, I can't deny, and a smile creeps to my lips as she whimpers in her sleep and moves a little bit closer to me.

I could watch her sleep like this for hours, that content expression on her face, her body unconsciously exposed and showing of the swell of her stomach. Unable to resist her allure anymore I reach out one hand and place two fingers on the curve of her thigh, then gently I walk them over her hip, I'm nearly to the pit of her arm when I notice that the hand resting a breath away from my chest is now clutching the sheet underneath us, smirking I move my eyes from where my fingers had danced on her skin to her face. It's another moment before both of her eyes open.

"Morning, Pretty Girl" I whisper.

"Hey, how long have you been awake?" her voice is still deep from sleep, her husky tone even more sexy than usual.

Running my hand back down to grip her leg I drag her closer, with little effort I pull one of her legs over me so our bottom halves are touching, but her head had remained on the same pillow though the hand tucked under her cheek now is dislodged above her head. Still holding onto her thigh that is perched over me I lean the top half of my body over to her side of the bed til our noses are nearly touching, "too long without you" I finally reply just before kissing her.

Though slow the kiss is instantaneously deep, our tongues battling. She grips my neck to pull us even closer, forcing me half on top of her.

"Lucas" she moans.

"Hmmm?"

"What's… the… time?" Brooke mumbles managing not to break our kiss, and I smile against her lips and trail my hand up her back.

"We've got enough" I reassure before rolling on my back and lifting her on top of me, our eyes meet, there's not one drop of doubt or worry in her expression, instead she gives an impish smile and places her hands firmly on my chest before gently sliding down onto me. The first feel of her wet warmth wrapping around me causes my head to roll back, and I moan as I grip her hips and thrust up forcing her all the way down. Our bodies crash together, over and over again.

Afterwards, Brooke curls against my side, one finger tracing the outline of the black B on my chest, I've noticed this has become routine after our lovemaking. She has left a mark on me, but I've left my mark on her body too, I think as my hand gently covers where our children rest between us.

Brooke suddenly giggles, "What's so funny?" I ask her.

She looks up at me, her dark eyes sparkling "I think we failed at the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding… _really _failed"

"That's meant to be bad luck" I say, silently asking her a question. Brooke kinks her eyebrow and shifts slightly higher on my chest "bad luck? What's that?" and she smiles.

"Nothing to do with us, Nathan told me today would be the first day of the rest of my life, what better luck is there than starting it the way I intend to live it – with you in my arms" and to prove my point I wrap both arms around her.

Still smiling she just looks at me, no words leave her, and I know that if every morning is like this then every day of my future will be perfect no matter what else happens.

Finally with a sigh Brooke looks away from me and down at where her hand touches my chest, "I don't know how I ever thought I could walk away from this"

I've been thinking about that, and honestly I don't believe she would have, so I say just that "but you didn't and I really don't believe you would have left me"

Brooke looks back up at me; her brow rose again "you think you're that irresistible, huh?"

"Yes" I say with confidence and Brooke's body shakes against me as she laughs, I rub by hands against her bare back as I add softly "no, I mean I know you Brooke and you're the all or nothing type of girl, and if you were going to leave me you would have. You would have packed a bag, grabbed Sam and been out of Tree Hill within an hour, but you didn't do that"

Her eyes narrow in thought and I smile, I don't doubt my opinion "you _would _have come back to me no matter what, even if you came running down the aisle last minute you would have still married me today"

She tilts her head, "you have a lot of faith in me"

I do, "yes" and I run one hand up into her hair and grip her head "but I have even more faith in _us_" and then I drag her up to meet my lips in another passionate kiss.

Enough faith for both of us, for all the people who ever doubted us, and sure there was a time I was one of those people, however that was a long time ago and I'm no longer the same person, due largely to the amazing woman in my arms.

The amazing woman who is pushing the hand against my chest hard between us so our bodies are forced apart, our lips pull away from each other, "Lucas, wait, we can't do this again"

"Why not?" I challenge, I really, really want to do this again and I go to kiss her again.

Brooke places a hand over my mouth, "slow down, mister, the honeymoon is for after the wedding"

I lick her hand and she frowns disapprovingly still not moving her palm, "Lucas, I should probably go"

"Don't go" I whine, wrapping my arms tighter around her. She removes her hand and looks at me with indecision in her eyes.

Give in, Brooke. I beg with my eyes, she smiles and shakes her head but still covers the space between us and kisses me again. I take her mouth more than willingly, about to roll her onto her back I remember the babies and roll back onto my side, Brooke's though pushes me onto my back, quickly straddling my waist her lips are back on mine. My grip loosens as I allow her to take control.

And then in a flash her warmth is gone and I open my eyes to see her standing by the bed, she smiles down at me before stealing the sheet that half covers me to wrap around her body. I shover as the cold air hits me, I miss her body warmth, I miss her kisses, and I want them back, "Brooke, come on"

"No, Luke" she insists.

I get up on the bed and her eyes widen, as I step off the bed she takes a step back, with a devilish smile I make my move.

Brooke screeches loudly and darts across the room, I follow, just missing taking the sheet by a second, and with one hand gripping the sheet in a knot in front of her breast Brooke jumps onto the bed and runs across it, almost tripping as she lands on the other side.

She turns to face me, our eyes connect before we both laugh and start the chase again, and after a dozen circles of the room I finally catch her in the space by the bedroom door. My foot caught the sheet that trails behind her, it stayed put as she went forward, for the split second where she debated whether to continue naked or pick up the sheet I took the advantage and leapt forward, and wrapping my arms under her breast I lift her back up against me.

As her feet leave the ground Brooke's squeals turn to laughter, "Luke, put me down, put me down!" she screams through the laughter but I carry her towards the bed in my best cave man imitation ignoring the slaps against my arms.

"Lucas Eugene Scott!" Brooke reprimands, and when I ignore her again she kicks back her shin and hits me perfectly in my knee. My leg buckles and unbalanced due to her weight I topple down, a laughing Brooke crashing on top of me.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door, we both freeze and Brooke struggles to quieten down her laughter.

"You decent?" calls a voice from the other side and I know we both smile.

"In a minute" I say at the same time Brooke calls out "we're never decent" before falling into a fit of giggles again.

I can hear Haley's loud sigh and a chuckle too, even with the door between us I can picture her shaking her head and smiling, "well-" she calls out "-decent or not you have a hair and make-up appointment in less than an hour"

"Oh" Brooke screams and scrambles off of me in a mad rush, I watch in amusement as she races around the room trying to find all her clothes, in the end she slips on her jeans and one of my shirts, then with various articles of hers in her hand Brooke throws the sheet over where I lay on the floor and flings the door open "how long do I have?" she asks Haley frantically.

Haley briefly looks at me before shooting her eyes back to Brooke "forty minutes to get there" she replies, Brooke swears and turns back to me "I'll see you in a few hours"

"Don't I even get a kiss goodbye?" and I flex my arms as I lift them up so I can place my hands under my head. Brooke smiles and coming back to me leans down and pecks me on the lip, "goodbye" she whispers.

I take her hand before she can walk away and drag her back down for a deeper kiss, she pulls away with a moan, and I look at her face and smile with satisfaction at her still closed eyes, "we definitely need to finish this later, definitely" she mumbles and I cup her cheek and kiss her again.

Haley coughs and Brooke places a hand between us to push away, "mmm…Luke…mmm… later"

"Okay" I say but can't help giving her one more kiss, and this time Haley has to grab Brooke by the arm to tear us apart.

As the door shuts behind them I drop my head back down against my hands and smile the biggest smile I've ever worn.

The first day of the rest of my life.

I like the sound of that.

_Peyton POV _

The morning is getting later and as I sit on my motel bed cross legged in the pyjamas I wore last night, I listen carefully to the music blaring from my iPod, going from song to song, trying to hear something _more_ than simply music and lyrics.

Though many of the songs take me right back to a moment in my life there is still that gapping hole where I know something is missing. I don't want them to simply remind me of something and of some emotion, I want them to _make _me feel something so strong it takes me somewhere new. How hard can it be! I almost scream in frustration as I skip the rest of the song.

Taking a deep breath I try to get into the zone, picking up the abandoned pencil I focus on the half blank piece of paper in front of me and let the music just wash over my mind, barely noticing it as my creative juices flow.

It's like my hand has a life of its own, and when I straighten up to look at the final product I'm confronted by Jake's handsome face in various tones of grey, his eyes capture me, even on paper they are so full of life and emotion.

Grabbing the sheet I place it with all the others to my left, I might as well call it the Jake and Jenny pile.

Giving up I fall back onto the bed, not bothering to uncross my legs, the fan above the bed spins completely oblivious to the fact that though a part of me is inspired more than ever another part of me is surely dying.

A new song starts.

The hole only grows bigger.

My phone beeps and with a sigh I reach over and grab it, switching off the alarm I lay for another moment before leaning back up and walking towards the bathroom.

That's what I need right now, a warm, long shower to wash off all the regrets and uncertainty, to clean myself of last night so I can slip on that dark green dress, fix my make up and hair so I'm pretty for my friends wedding today. And if a part of me puts a little more effort into my appearance then it has _nothing _to do with the fact Jake Jagielski will be there as well. And I am totally not worried about seeing him after my confession last night where I practically admitted how pathetic I am by how I actually did come back for him.

Yeah, I can't even lie to myself.

I let the water fall over me, and for a moment I can almost pretend that everything is normal.

_Jake POV_

I still have an hour until the wedding, yet here I am dressed and ready and sitting on the edge of my old bed with nothing to do.

The wallet in my hands is heavy as I pass it from hand to handle, hoping for answers I open it and look down at the picture that that holds centre stage in my wallet. It's Jenny's school picture from last year, her big smile is on show, and though as she's gotten older Jenny's colouring has gotten darker like Nikki her features still resemble me more. From her ears and smile to her eyebrows. Bowing my head I slip a finger behind the photo and pull out the old photo always hidden behind it. This time I look down to see a baby Jenny, wisp of blonde hair atop her head, in the arms of a grinning Peyton still so young with wild pale blonde curls blowing in the wind. She can have an amazing smile, I've missed her smiles, those big ones where she tends to look down as if she is almost ashamed of being so happy, of feeling so happy. It's funny; I don't think I've seen her with one of those real smiles at all this weekend. I wonder if she's still ashamed of feeling so happy, I wonder if I can bring out that girl again who can laugh and grin and sings off tune when she thinks no one is around, that girl who did it without a care in the world?

Yeah, Jake, stop wondering things like that.

I just want to see that girl one more time, hold her, tell her better late than never.

Quickly I grab my phone and dial a number I know off my heart; "hello?" her voice says when I don't speak straight away.

"Nikki, it's me"

"Jake. Hi, I'll just go get Jenny" but before she can cal for our daughter I take a deep breath and cut in, "actually I was hoping to talk to you"

"Oh" she says, clearly confused, I can practically see her frowning, "what is it? You're still picking Jenny up tomorrow morning, right?"

Bowing my head I look at that faded photo again and rush forward "yes, but I want to know why you never told me Peyton came back"

The silence that follows my statement is awkward and deadly, and then I hear Nikki sigh "Jake, it was a long time ago"

"I know, trust me, I know. But I don't get why you never told me, even after we broke up again, didn't you think I had the right to know that the girl I loved might still love me back?"

I can hear her drop something, "so you could leave Savannah and go back to her, you mean? When I agreed to give you majority care of Jenny it wasn't so you could take her back to that town away from me"

Anger boils inside me, "_this _is why it never worked between us, you'll always be that selfish bitch who puts herself first"

"Oh, grow up Jake, I made a bad choice so I wouldn't lose my daughter, don't act like you wouldn't do the same… and don't forget that I never challenged our arrangement, even after I married Oliver, the only reason you still have Jenny so much is because I trust you with her and I don't want to hurt either one of you again, but piss me off Jake and I might stop caring about what you want or need"

"Are you threatening me?" I hiss out, holding back the urge to yell.

She sighs again, and then after five seconds her voice comes through "no, I'm sorry, look, we both made mistakes back then but we've got a good thing going now, can't we just leave those mistakes in the past?"

Easy to say for her, she is the one happily married with two more children, but she's right, its taken years for us to get to the point we are with Jenny and our tentative friendship, to take a step back now could devastate our small mingled family. "Fine, Nikki, but if you ever interfere in my personal life again…" I leave it at that.

"I won't" she promises and I quickly end the conversation, promising to call Jenny after the wedding.

The wedding, where I will see Peyton again, this time I know the truth though and I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it and about her.

Does it make me feel good knowing she did come back, yes, it helps with a lot of buried emotions that have tortured me over the years. Ones that had me convinced that I would never find true love, and never be the first choice, or even the second. At the same time there is more pain, a pain that comes from knowing how close I got to having the woman I loved, the idea that I've lost years with her and I can never get back what we have because it's simply too late.

This changed everything, at the same time it changed nothing.

_Brooke POV_

After two hours of primping I stand in front of a mirror in my wedding dress again, a smile comes to my lips at my reflection and whisper "this is really it" my voice is steady and excited.

Sam comes into view and touches one of my bare shoulders, "you ready, Mom?"

Something dances inside my stomach, and I can't help but turn to my beautiful daughter and grin "more than ready"

Stepping next to Sam, Karen sends me a proud look, her eyes beaming "oh, Brooke, you look so beautiful"

"This is crazy" I say grinning even more.

"But a good crazy, right?" Laurie asks, already picking up her flowers.

I twist around to smile at her, "the best kind" I assure them.

Oh my god, I'm really about to marry Lucas Scott, I will be somebody's wife… ooh I can change my business cards to Brooke Scott, that sounds kinda hot.

"Okay, we have ten minutes girls, are we ready?" the ever efficient Millie cuts into the atmosphere, and we all glance at the clock.

"JUST WAIT!" Sam suddenly calls after Lily tugs on her dress, her eyes scanning around, we all stare at her waiting for some drastic comment, she shrugs and smiles "we forgot the stuff, you know, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…"

Karen gasps, "oh" and quickly rushes to one of the tables set up, her hand reached for the jewellery box, "I have the something old" and then with a proud smile she walks over to me and opens the box. On a deep crimson red ribbon, the same colour as the bridesmaid dresses, hangs an antique locket with a pink pear diamond, Karen removes it gently and steps behind me to place the necklace around my neck, "it was my grandmothers, now it's yours" and she smiles one more time before stepping back.

Next Rachel hands me the blue garter, Sam is the one to give me my something new when she pulls out the anklet with a dangling love heart, and then the girls look at Haley, my soon to be sister in law waves her hand as if its nothing "you know the something borrowed, just don't lose him"

With perfect timing there is a knock on the door and Nathan pops his head in "you ready to be walked down the aisle?" he smirks right at me, though I notice his eyes are shining with happiness and approval.

I nod and once again my smile widens, I never knew it would be like this, and thankfully I got to find out. With a nod Nathan opens the door wider and a very handsome Jamie walks in wearing a spectacularly cute boy's tuxedo, his tux is all black, even down to the shirt, but the tie is the same dark red as the dresses, with gold stripes. My godson walks right up to me and holds out his arm, with a curtsy I take it and look over my shoulder at the others.

With a warm smile Lily steps forward and hands me my bouquet of Gerber daisies, I can hear the door close behind Nathan after a muttered, good hearted "good luck"

I turn back to face the door and feel Jamie squeeze my hand.

It's time.


	32. I DO

**disclaimer: i do not own one tree hill, if i did i wuld amke sure no diff generations breed, or do anything taht could lead to that. ew.**

**okay this chapter is alot shorter than i usually do for this fic but well i thought keep it simple and honesty i had no idea what the hell i was doing so it got to the point when its like its eitehr this or nothing. i seriously re wrote this chapter three times, not to mention the time i lost half of it caus my stupid computer played up, so not appreciated. anyway i went for short and sweet. and now i will stop babbling, please, read on... (ok, wierd, i just did a quick edit and update because like one section was totally meesed around with, like a sentence was reandomly somwhere else and it made no sense, it was not like tha in myword document, so random)**

_Lucas POV_

Breathe.

Just breathe and count back from ten, and when you stop counting you're ten more seconds closer to having all your dreams come true.

I can feel it, feel _her, _as if I am right by her side as with each step she gets that much closer to me. It's as if I can see Jamie leading her from the house, through the back gate, over the bridge, through the garden until finally they reach here, ten metres from me where the path begins. Not just the path to this gazebo where I wait impatiently with my hands in front of me, no the path to our very future.

My eyes don't leave that spot, though I shift my feet. It feels like I've been waiting forever, now though, the waiting is finally over.

Nathan clutches my shoulder, "any minute now" he whispers before letting go and straightening at my side.

_Dude, Brooke is the other half!_

Any minute, any second, any moment now. This is it, and I know that the first glimpse I get of her, that first smile, my heart will fall just a little bit more in love. I know that like I know it's going to be one of those moments I can look back on and say, that is when it all changed.

Everything I am, everything I have done, all the mistakes and missteps along the way, it all has guided me to this day where I am meant to be. My life is finally complete, I have the family and the love I have always wanted and then some more. So much more than I could have ever even dreamed, that is the amazing thing about Brooke Davis, she never ceases to amaze me, just when I think she's shined brighter than possible something else happens to show me that it's only the beginning.

The music starts, everyone's eyes turn in the same direction as mine. My mother steps into view, she smiles fondly at me, pride filling her.

_So, you and Brooke?_

_Ma, it's nothing._

_Doesn't look like nothing to me, looks like something… see, right there, I haven't see you smile like that since you were seventeen._

_I wish it was that simple, she… well there is somebody else._

_Does she know how you feel? Lucas, I'm not saying for you to do anything against your morals, but don't you at least owe it to Brooke to let her know it's an option?_

Lily, as cute as a button, is next, petals following her slow descent.

_If I have to do this flower girl thing again you better get married this time._

I am stunned to see Sam in her dress, and my expression must give me away because she wiggles her eyebrows and with a confident smile starts her walk, for a moment I actually relax and follow my daughter, when she reaches her place on the last step of the gazebo she mouths clearly _good luck, dad_. Wow, I am never going to get sick of that word.

_You like my Mom, huh? She likes you too, I can tell._

_Was the door slamming in my face the give away?_

_That, and the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is looking._

A laugh almost breaks my concentration as Millie almost trips, but she composes herself and finishes her task.

_Because it's Brooke Davis, and she is amazing, she infuriates me and half the time I don't know whether to kiss her or kill her. She lights up a room simply by walking in it, and she can change your world with just one sentence, and everything she says, no matter how crazy it is, it makes complete sense. And I think I'm in love with her, and it's crazy, so crazy, but at the same time… it makes sense too._

_Go with that. Exactly that._

Laurie breezes down, elegant and sure, she winks at me and I relax a little bit more, I'm that much closer to Brooke.

_You must be Brooke and Lucas, I can tell, Antoine told me all about the Brucas look. He was right._

When Rachel steps out she stops and poses for a moment, then she struts down the aisle, and as the feisty red head takes her place I mentally thank her for everything she's done for Brooke and I.

_Do you really think there's only one person in this entire planet that's right for you?_

_I do._

_OK, what about Peyton? I hear you once had the same feelings for her. Maybe she's the one? Or, being that we're still in high school, maybe you haven't met the one._

_But I have… and she's in that apartment._

It is Nathan's turn to suck in a breath when Haley comes into view, and even I have to admit that my honorary little sis looks absolutely stunning.

_What do you want? If Lindsey's the girl your in love with great. If it's Peyton, great and if it's Brooke just please, stop hiding your heart. I mean it._

She gives me a knowing look, one which holds years of friendship in it, before ignoring me and looking at her own husband. My heart beats slightly faster.

_You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is really healing and beautiful and sort of poetic? It's not. It's just garbage and it's pain. You know what's better? Love. The day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it._

Brooke is next.

With every breath I take, every second I wait, I know she's doing the same mere metres away, our hearts beating separately and at the same beating together as one.

I take a step forward, and a flutter of an eye later a flash of white appears, a downward head with dark curls lifts as her feet hit the path.

_I barely even knew her last year, and now I can't imagine life around here without her._

Eyes locking, pure joy fills me, my body warms over, and I can't help but smile, soaking every inch of her in. I'm frozen, no longer impatient, no longer nervous, or excited or anything at all other than completely content, completely amazed, and of course, I am completely in love.

This second, I'm taking it in, storing it away and keeping forever.

I'm lucky I can't move because if I could I would run straight to her, instead she walks to me and at the first chance I get I take hold of her hands and mouth with everything in me, _I love you_.

_Because you kink your eyebrow when you're trying to be cute, and you quote Keimoo, even though I've never actually seen you read. And because, you miss your parents, but you'll never ever admit that. And because I've given exactly two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life, and they've both been with you. I mean, that's gotta mean something right? And because we're both gonna get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night_

_Brooke POV_

I thought my wedding day would be the type of day that I would never forget; every single detail will be etched inside my memory forever. The truth is I barely remember the last few hours.

_I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. You hurt me so bad. I was afraid to be vulnerable. And I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. I know it doesn't matter now after what I did, but I thought you should know. This is how I spent my summer Luke, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it._

There is no point asking me who showed up, what the food tasted like, or even how the weather was. I don't remember any of it.

I'll tell you what I do remember - Lucas' eyes.

The moment I stepped onto the made up aisle my gaze had locked with his, I saw them light up, I saw his smile, and feeling something growing inside me I had walked right to him, barely keeping in time with the music.

_All I really want to see is Lucas laugh again, hear him sing off key, watch him roll his eyes when I steal French fries off his plate. All I'm trying to say is, I'm crazy about your son and I hope that's enough for you…_

He'd taken my hand; sending tingles all the way through me and had mouthed discretely _I love you._

_Isn't that the thing couples talk about? _

_  
So, what are you plans after High School?  
_

_Well, I always figured I would marry a millionaire, and he would wisp me away to his private island in the Bahamas. Where are you on that anyway? _

I paid no attention to the priest as he began the vows, all I could see was Lucas and all I could hear was his voice, and even that was barely soaked in. Mainly I remember his lips moving. Those lips… yeah I remember them.

"_I love you Brooke, there is no better nor easier way to say how you make me feel, and I stand before all our family and friends to declare that love, but I want to promise you more than words, so-"_ he'd stepped closer, squeezing my hand _"-I'm going to show you how I feel, today, and every moment of every day for the rest of our lives, and beyond"_

_How about how you show it? I'm not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back. Why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss, and why didn't you call me while you were away. And why won't you ever just let me all the way in?!_

For weeks I have been planning on what to say when the priest gave me the go ahead, but in that moment standing up there with Lucas holding my hands the carefully planned words had escaped me. Thinking was not possible, so before Father Epis had even finished saying my name my feet had closed that gap between us and standing on my tippy toes I stood to kiss Lucas, slamming my mouth onto his.

I'd wrapped my arms around his neck, and chuckled, the priest had made some sort of noise, like a huff, but Lucas had opened his eyes as we still kissed, and he started to chuckle too. We smiled as we kissed, but our eyes did not remain open for long.

_Lucas, in order for this to work, there has to be a balance, I kiss a guy you kiss a girl, I kiss two guys…_

_  
I kiss you twice._

You get lost in a moment, a moment that becomes so much more than just a moment or memory, so much more than an overwhelming of senses. You feel it everywhere and you give in.

"_Just so you know, I love your broody ass, and it's mine now",_ I'd mumbled against his lips, and okay it wasn't exactly the vows I had planned, but at the same time, beneath all the bullshit and window dressing that was the gist of it.

_It's just that, you're the first great guy I've dated and that really scares me because I never gave a rat's ass before. Ok, but I do now._

_  
That's good, because I give a rat's ass about you too._

And that was the last thing either one of us said for a long time, there was a _"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride" _moment when I think it finally hit them that we had said our vows and weren't stopping anytime soon.

There were a few coughs, I think, and then just clapping or it could just have been the fireworks going off inside my head.

I'll never know. Because like I said, Lucas is all I really remember, his eyes, and those oh so delicious lips.

Yet I know I wouldn't change a thing.

_That's what's so great about weddings, two people come together, and even if it's just for one night they make us believe again._

**now im going to bed and getting some sleep, hopefully when i wake up there is a inbox full of review alerts so my friday doesnt completely suck. :P hugs, mickei b**


	33. The First Dance

**Disclaimer: if I owned OTH when lp came back from vegas they would have realised how non meant to be they were, jake would have returned, not her bio dad, lucas would have eventually realised the reason his friendship with brooke vanished was because neither one could cope being around each other now he was with peyton because those two simply can never be just friends. Hello, its Brucas, even mark couldn't pull off them just being friends. Peyton hell no way would have gotten pregnant, hell no, hell no, hell no, she would have had cancer and then fought it passionately realising what she wanted in life – Jake. P sawyer wouldn't just give her company and run off with a family, like wtf!!!! What does she do with her time, just change diapers??? I would have ended the show on a high note rather than lose lucas and peyton, and that high note would sooooo be Brucas and JP. And I wouldn't be marrying people off as soon as they got together, I would acrually have them do this thing called dating. And a time jump AGAIN, a random two year time jump!!!!!!! I would prefer to pull a felicity have them do a spell and go back in time. But hey that's me, not mark, and I don't own one tree hill or its characters. Just saying.**

**AN: sorry for the psycho rant… anyway, sorry about the late update, I have no excuse, I just wasnt in the mood to write this chapter, it just always ended with me staring at a blank screen until I gave up and focused my attention on something I actually felt like writing. But it hit me that I wanted to end tis story before my birthday and my birthday is this Wednesday and I hadn't even updated, so I kicked my ass into gear and finished at least this chapter.**

**So thanks to the great reviewers who got back to the last chapter, I apologise to you the most for making you wait seeing you took the time to reply to me, so hugs to realselflesslove, moonkiss, longlivebrucas, coffeewithcinnamon, bella, flipflopgal, princesakarlita411, othfan326, zagsaddict, tivaxbrulianxkibbs, sunshine, nyjoey, brucasnaleyoth, babyd21, realluvalways, xmrsmurray, tanya2byour21, and .**

_Peyton POV_

When we were little girls Brooke and I use to talk about our weddings, as we grew up certain details would change, the one thing that always remained the same was who we imagined as our maid of honour. No question about it our best friend would be next to us, _we _would be next to each other.

Today Brooke got married, the ceremony was beautiful and romantic and _so _Brooke, and I sat three rows from the front as it happened, and now I'm sitting at the reception among people I barely know because all my old friends are at the wedding party table. Yet I can't help but smile, this might not be exactly how I thought this day would go but it's still amazing just to be here and see my B Davis so happy.

I guess that is B Scott now, it _does _have a nice ring to it.

And one thing remains the same as the dream, we are both here, and the whole thing is beautiful.

Suddenly the lights begin to dim, through the corner of my eye I see activity at the head table, and the background music is slowly lowered until it's completely gone.

"Can I please have your attention please… it is time for the bride and groom to share their first dance as husband and wife-"

A now standing Lucas looks down at Brooke and holds out his hand, his eyes are squinting down at her with the most adoring look, I can only imagine the intensity he's sending her way, and then blushing Brooke looks shyly down as she takes her new husbands hand. It's not until they are around the table that the song begins, so softly it's barely heard, then they are on the dance floor and as they begin to move perfectly together the music gets louder, more passionate, and the melody is one I've heard before. It's Haley's song, but beneath that I can now hear what I didn't the other day, what I refuse to admit to myself, _Jake _is in that song, his familiar style present all too clearly now.

Haley said the song was love, I close my eyes and start humming to it again, and then an amazing thing happened.

I felt something.

I felt the music in my soul.

It pauses you, and you have to stop and listen, and if I could I would turn it up, but I don't even need to do that because every line, every note, wraps itself around me to the point I can feel tears in my eyes.

Beautiful.

It trickles down my spine, to my toes, it envelops my heart.

I chuckle, a sob coming from my throat as I do so, but I don't care, and I don't care that a tear just ran down my cheek because I _feel _it. If I could speak right now I would scream in relief.

Everything else fades, the music is all there is.

_Brooke POV_

"You know what this reminds me of?" I ask Lucas, staring up into his eyes as we dance around the empty floor, and he smiles softly "what?" to which I place my hand over his heart, my fingers trace circles on his shirt where I know the tattooed B is safely hidden, "our song" I whisper.

"That was a _great _night" Lucas laughs and pulls me closer, my cheek automatically resting on his chest as his chin finds its place atop my head.

"I like this" the words are out without thought, and I feel his hand clench at my back.

"Good, because I like it too"

The music grows louder, wrapping us in its emotion, and we stop speaking to just follow our bodies and let it take us over.

All too soon one song has turned into another, and I just know I don't want to leave my husbands arms. My husband, wow, that sounds kind of strange, who would have thought I would actually settled down, with Lucas of all men. But then again I couldn't imagine it being anybody else.

"Do you think we could just stay like this forever?" I whisper, sighing against his chest.

He chuckles, "it would be kind of perfect, wouldn't it"

I look up and smile, god he's beautiful, he looks down at me and I swear he can see right into my soul, his lips curl up in that sexy way he does, his eyes squint as if I'm the only thing he could possibly ever see, and a shiver runs down my spine, my toes curl up, that look always shoots straight to my nether regions. Really it should be illegal in public.

"Don't look at me like that" I hiss. Lucas' eyes just become my intense, "Luke, we're in public"

"So, you're my wife now" he chuckles again, pulling me even closer and lowering his mouth.

Well, I can't argue with that logic.

_Jake POV_

I've been watching her.

I try not to, but by eyes cannot help but stray to her blonde curls, sometimes I don't even realise I am looking for her until my eyes reach her and satisfaction fills me. This feeling inside me, I don't want to feel it, I don't want to be dragged back down this path.

Am I lying to myself?

This ache I've had for years, it seems so much less painful when I watch her, like she can just suddenly make my life make sense. Breathing seems that much harder but that much easier around her.

I feel myself being tugged more and more towards her.

Peyton.

Suddenly her head looks up through the crowd and looks directly at me, I quickly snap my attention to Junk and nod at whatever he is saying.

She looks lonely at her table, she hasn't danced yet. I should ask her to dance.

Are you crazy, Jake, you can't do that!

But it would be the right thing to do, just look at her.

"Junk, do you mind if I grab a dance?" the words are out of my mouth before I even know it, he places his hands up "dude, you aren't my type"

I just shake my head and farewell him before slowly making my way through the crowd and to her side.

She's sitting now with her eyes closed, listening to the music, the latest song is about to end, and I suck in a breath and tell myself that I can do this, then standing nervously I speak.

"May I have this dance?"

Peyton looks up startled, her green eyes searching my face, "Jake?"

"Don't read anything into it, it's just a dance" I say, not even believing the words myself but she smiles, a sizzling smile, I forgot how beautiful she looks when she does one of them, and then she replies in that drawl of hers "in that case, I would love to"

Love.

That word coming from Peyton sends a sharp pain straight to my heart, but I hold out my hand and lead her to the dance floor once she takes it.

My whole body tingles starting from where our fingers touch, and as the song ends and the new one begins I spin her around and pull her into my arms.

Closing my eyes my cheek brushes against her hair as we dance, the voice of Gavin Degraw filling the room.

If I had known that this song would play maybe I wouldn't have asked her to dance, maybe I would have instead been content to brood in the corner and spy on her as the lyrics played. Because I can't help but remember all the times in the past that this song made me think of her, even now memories hover at the back of my mind as is comes to an end.

_We belong together_

_Like the open seas and shores_

_Wedded by the planet force_

_We've all been spoken for_

_All this indecision_

_All this independent strength_

_Still, we've got our hearts on safe_

_We've got our hearts on safe_

_Someday when you're lonely_

_Sometime after all this bliss_

_Somewhere lost in emptiness_

_I hope you find this gift_

_I hope you find this gift_

_I hope you find this gift…_

The last notes die off and in the middle of the dance floor our bodies stop moving as we stand together, every inch of us seemingly touching, our breaths held. I can smell her, my nose buries into her hair, I feel like a teenager again, crazy about a girl. I could hold her in my arms forever, and it still wouldn't be long enough.

_You smell insanely good today._

I thought everything had changed, in this moment I am stunned with how one thing has remained the same.

"Peyton" I whisper.

I feel her breath against my neck, "I know" she says, and then she steps back and smiles sadly at me, I see the tears in her eyes.

_I walked around Savannah all day today and I couldn't' shake that feeling of being a Sunday evening. And… it's always gonna be without you. You're the one that makes that feeling go away. So yes… there are things about my life that I would miss. But I'd miss you more._

And now I stand alone in the middle of the dance floor as she bumps her way through all the other couples, alone and empty. My arms so empty, for a moment I imagine calling her back and then I remember the shadows that hover between us.

_There's this on-ramp that I pass everyday on my way to work. And… everyday I think, I could get that on-ramp. And I'd be in Tree Hill in… 6 hours… 24 minutes. And I'd be with you._

There are her feelings for Lucas, the ones I may never compete with, and the miles that now rest between us. So many broken promises, so many broken dreams, a lifetime of heartache, and I guess I will never know now if it's me she really wants or if I am simply second best, a fall back to the brooding blonde who once claimed her heart.

_It would've been too hard to hear your voice, Peyton. To feel _us_ again. My life is here now. And as much as I would love to I- You're leaving! And I'm the one that's gonna be left with this dull pain in my heart. And that pain, it took me a long time to let go of. Sorry._

I could call her back, I could follow her, I could do a million things, but at the end of tonight I'll be catching a plane home, tomorrow she'll leave Tree Hill too. We simply belong in two different worlds.

_You know what? Every song ends, Jake. Is that any reason to not enjoy the music?_

"Peyton" I whisper.

My eyes dart around trying to spot her blonde head, frantically I make my way through the dancers, the music is now a loud dance number and as I call Peyton's name again my voice is drowned out.

I think I catch a glimpse of her, I quickly follow.

Ten minutes later I realise it's a lost cause, as I stand outside alone and cold I know she's already gone.

The others appear behind me, Brooke and Lucas in the lead laughing and smiling, it's that time already - time to say goodbye.

I fake a smile and join the crowd, and I wave with the others as the happy couple disappear into their limo.

Congratulations, you got your hearts desire, we're not all that lucky.

_Lucas POV_

"You're all mine now" I lift Brooke up in my arms, her husky chuckle music to my ears, I spin to the guests "thanks everyone. Finish the alcohol, enjoy the music… we're running away now"

The driver opens the door and I carefully carry Brooke inside, "Lucas, wait, wait, my purse"

"Who cares" I shut the door and we fall onto the seat laughing.

Leaning up on my elbows I stroke a stray piece of hair behind her ear "god, you look beautiful"

"I hope so, I didn't pay all that money for nothing" she scoffs and I roll my eyes, leaning down and getting lost in her eyes I shake my head "can't you just take the compliment?"

"Say it again" she instructs and I run her nose with mine before whispering just as heartfelt "god, Brooke Davis Scott, you look beautiful"

"You too" she replies before lifting her head to kiss me, I moan, sinking back down on the limo's seat as our mouths continue to move against each other.

The night is only just beginning.

_Peyton POV_

Walking onto the court I walk through the names and smile, looking up to the moon I wonder where we'll all be in another four years. I wonder where I will be in another four years, and something tells me I might just find my way back to Tree Hill.

This place gives me something I have trouble finding anywhere else, and I lost sight of the reasons why so many years ago, I looked for it within Lucas when what I needed was something so much bigger than a single person. Brooke was so right when we returned, if only I hadn't lost sight of it all, then I wouldn't have spent years living a life that wasn't for me.

I make a mental note to call Fiona about becoming more hands on again in the company; it's about time I got back into the more creative side of the label. Focus on the music and not the figures.

My feet walk around the names, finding a blank area I get down on my knees and pull the bag off my shoulder. After it's done I sit back and look at my work.

Not too long ago it didn't feel right adding my name, now looking at the bold _Peyton Sawyer _among the other names it just does. I sigh in satisfaction, happy with who I am becoming and where I am going. It may not be what I imagined, but hey, hat doesn't mean it can't turn out even better.

I mean, for most of my life I would have imagined myself standing beside Brooke on her wedding day but seeing Brooke and Haley next to each other was the way it was meant to be, and we're all happy, that's what matters in the end.

I 'm just still waiting for my happy ending, but I can be content working towards that.

"We are here" I whisper, pride swelling inside me.

"It doesn't seem like the brightest idea to leave your full names when you're breaking the law"

Shocked I stand up and turn to Jake. How did he know I would be here?

He shrugs, looking away from the names and meeting my eyes "I didn't expect to see you again"

"I didn't think you wanted to" I shoot back.

His eyes look pained, "I don't know what I want anymore, all I know is that these last few days I've been haunted by the past and-I… keep wondering, I keep wondering what could have been"

"If anything returning to Tree Hill has taught me that it's time to leave the past in the past and move _forward_"

Jake nods, "so I guess this is goodbye, for good this time"

"Yeah" I quickly look away then glance back, "when do you leave?"

"Now"

"Oh… well goodbye" and then as my words hover between us we look awkwardly at each other, do we hug?

Just as begin to move forward with the intention of a farewell hug, Jake smiled and turned away. I stand there, slightly shocked that it's over this quickly, and then he turns back "you should have stayed… in Savannah… you should have stayed and given me the choice, I just needed to say that" but before I could think of a reply he was gone.

I faltered and missed another chance to tell him how I feel, but then standing alone I smiled, happy with my memories of the boy who got away, because they are great memories, and if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be half of who I am today. Besides he's right, I should have stayed.

"Goodbye, Jake" I whisper into the night.

_Brooke POV_

After a few hours of driving my curiosity begins to drive me crazy, "are you sure you have no idea where we are going?"

Lucas shakes his head, looking out the window himself "no, Mom said it was a surprise, she wouldn't tell me anything"

"We've gone pass the airport" I comment, the thought had crossed my mind, because I'd expected that to be our destination before being swept off some place exotic. Though as time passed it seemed less and less likely, "Luke, this not knowing thing sucks"

He laughs and I glare at him, rolling his eyes Lucas presses the intercom "driver, are we nearly there?"

"Soon, Mr Scott"

"How soon is soon?" I ask.

"Very soon, Mrs Scott"

I turn to Lucas and mouth _Mrs Scott _before giggling "that sounds _so_ weird"

"Well come here Mrs Scott" he dragged me onto his lap and started to distract me by running kisses down my throat, "we might as well make good use of our time"

Oh, he's so good at distracting me. I moan as his lips hit that spot at the base of my neck. What was I saying?

Who cares.

Time flew by us and then much sooner than I expected the limo was coming to a stop, excitement bubbled up inside me and we exchanged a look before hurrying outside. Lucas grabs my hand the moment our feet are on the ground, and I stare up at the sight in front of us.

The sound of crashing waves sound close by ad my mouth drops open when I see the name Scott written on the mailbox, Lucas turns to me "our honeymoon awaits, Mrs Scott"

Hand in hand we make our way to the front door, the driver following us with our luggage.

"There's a letter" Lucas squints, ripping the envelope from the front door, I squeeze in beside him and watch as he opens the letter and unfolds the piece of paper, reading the words from under his arm.

_I know it's not the south of France, but we hope you enjoy your gift in preparation for your future summers as a family. Love, Mom and Andy._

The driver coughs discreetly, we turn to him, both our jaws hanging open, "your key" he says, holding up a keychain with a few keys on it. I hold out my hand and allow the keys to drop into my palm.

"They got us a beach house" I mumble, not really believing it. We have the coolest Mom in the world. Then I screech "they got us our beach house, Luke" and I jump into his arms. Lucas laughs, wrapping his arms around me and for a moment he spins me around and then standing on the porch of our new summer home, my legs around his waist, I kiss my new husband again.

Lucas kisses me back enthusiastically, chuckling against my lips, "Welcome home, Mrs Scott".


	34. We Are Here

**Disclaimer: sadly no I do not own one tree hill or its characters.**

**I'm just gonna let you read it, AN at the end.**

_Lucas POV_

At this moment I lay across the sand, debating what the greatest sound in the world is. The toss is between my wife's laugh and that gasp she does when… well… you know.

"What are you thinking?" she murmurs, and I tilt my head to smile down at her, she looks so beautiful in my arms, her dark eyes looking up at me with that adorable smile to twist my heart. I could look at this face all day, every day, for the rest of my life and never get sick of it, and that is exactly what I plan to do.

"I'm trying to figure out what sound you make that I love more"

"If you say I snore-" she warns, eyes narrowing in threat, and I can't help but laugh because she looks so damn cute.

I quickly interrupt her sentence with a quick kiss, she moans, my hands trace down her side, hidden beneath the blanket our bodies are still sticky and damp from our hours on the beach, the last hour involved the two of us trying to get as close as we can. All night we haven't been able to get enough of each other, fifteen minutes ago I was convinced soon we would finally fall asleep.

Right now sleep is the furthest thing from my mind, I snake her closer to me, and one of her legs falls over my hip.

Brooke's neck flings back exposing her throat as my fingers find their way between her thighs, she pushes herself closer to me and I have to pause for a second or this will be over way before it even begins.

Moving my hand again Brooke's body starts to move, her mouth coming back to mine in a desperate kiss. I roll over on my back, dragging Brooke on top of me, and there it is, mid kiss her mouth suddenly gasps open, her body buckling. I love that sound.

Lips tracing down her throat I can taste the salt from the ocean on her skin as well as our natural sweat, "L-L-Luca-sss"

I can't speak, I can barely breathe, and then she collapses on top of me, her breathing coming hard against my neck as she buries her face in the tight spot. My hands run up her back, fingers spreading, my body instinctively bucks against hers and she shifts slightly, then I feel her mouth closer to my neck, her hot breath sending warm tingles all the way done to my toes, her lips move again, and the feel of her tongue against my skin has me going mad.

Without me saying anything Brooke lifts the bottom half of her body and then she is sliding down on top of me, her head flings back again and this time a long sigh comes from deep inside her throat, it turns into a purr as her nails dig into my flesh.

Unable to stop my body I begin moving, she straightens her back now completely straddling me, the cool air hits my chest and I open my eyes to see my goddess wife framed by the rising sun.

The blanket has slipped off of us, exposing us to the elements, but I feel far from cold, and as her nails pierce my skin the shout I give is not one of pain.

Pleasure seeps through me.

And then all ability to think washes away with the waves.

My mind comes back to me much later with Brooke now snuggled to my chest and the blanket back over us. "We'll have to fall asleep eventually" I whisper placing a kiss on her head.

I feel so comfortable, so complete; the idea of closing my eyes is dismal to me, I don't want to miss a moment of our new life together.

The new sigh she gives is content, a sweet whimper, "no we don't" but then she yawns.

"I love you, Pretty Girl"

Her eyes flutter, she smiles closing them as she whispers back "I love you too"

"Brooke?" I whisper, shaking her softly, only to be rewarded with the quietest of snores.

The day breaks, fearful we'll fall asleep and get burnt, I carefully shift from under Brooke and pick her up. Her head falls to my shoulder, smiling I carry her back inside to our bed.

Before my head even hits the pillow my eyes are shut, then somehow I'm dreaming, and Brooke is still beside me, the sound of her laughter the sweetest of sounds, and for a moment, however brief, I'm not even sure if this is a dream or real because somewhere along the way my dreams came true.

_Peyton POV_

"What do you mean my flights been cancelled? I have a meeting in five hours" I cannot believe this is happening to me, the poor lady behind the counter sends me an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry Miss; a storm has grounded your flight-"

"There has to be another flight?" I break in, my fingers drumming impatiently.

She shakes her head and I tighten my lips, "thanks for the help" I grind out sarcastically and quickly walk away, getting out my phone I swipe a hand through my unruly curls bleatingly regretting my choice not to straighten my hair this morning.

The dial rings out three times and then finally Fiona answers, "thank god, Peyton! Please tell me you are about to board your plane"

"I'm about to board my plane" I laugh off, almost hysterical.

I hear Fiona sigh, "That's your lying voice. You aren't going to make it back in time, are you?"

"No, but Fi you can do this" even as I say the words I am feeling more confident, pushing my way through the crowd of the airport I continue "I trust you to close this deal"

"But Peyt, I've never done this without you-"

I shrug, "but you can and you will. In fact, I'm promoting you-" my eyes light up as the idea takes further hold inside me "-so how bout it, Vice President?"

"Sawyer!"

A smile breaks my face, "I mean it Fi, I couldn't have gotten as far as I have these last two years without you, and you're always telling me I need to take a step back and go back to the basics… so say yes, help us both out"

"Oh my god, yes!"

I cover my free ear and concentrate hard on the conversation as we go over the details but the constant announcements keep cutting in, "look, Fi, it's so loud in here"

"Okay, I'll leave you to it but first is there anything else I can do for you"

Forcing myself though the crowd again my eyes go up to the departure board, I'm about to say no when I see a name flash and disappear.

_Savannah_.

I freeze.

"Peyton, Peyt, you dead?"

I shake my head and look away, "actually there is something you can do for me. Get Adam to pull out all the demo's we've received the last month and put them on my desk"

"All of them?" she asks, clearly shocked. I know what she's thinking, there's going to be a lot of demos, and the dirty work is something I've delegated for a while now. That is not how I want to work anymore, I won't to immerse myself into the music again and the real reason I got into the business in the first place. I want to discover the underappreciated greats, I wanted to share with the world just one song that could change their lives, touch their souls – free someone.

I can't do that in meetings or behind a desk.

"All of them" I confirm.

I can practically see her smile, "welcome back" she says and then the connection is cut.

Fighting my way back to the front desk I wait in line, and through a twist of fate I get the same woman, I try to appear friendly "hey, any chance I could exchange my ticket for a flight to Savannah?"

After some quick typing she looks up and I can already tell by the look on her face I'm not going to like the answer, "the next available flight is in eight hours"

I cannot believe this.

"I'm sorry Miss, maybe we can get you a connecting-"

I just shake my head and turn around, and hitching my bag tighter over my shoulder I start to run through the crowd.

How many times I bump into someone and have to rush out sorry, well I lose count, I'm completely focused on reaching a taxi.

"Where to?" I'm asked the moment I climb in. Leaning back I sigh, "Train station please"

_There's this on-ramp that I pass everyday on my way to work. And… everyday I think, I could get that on-ramp. And I'd be in Tree Hill in… 6 hours… 24 minutes. And I'd be with you._

Jake's words haunt me.

_You should have stayed…_

They'll always haunt me, just like they have for years, unless I finally do something about it.

And fight for what I _really _want instead of seeking comfort in the safer choice.

_Brooke POV_

It's a strange sensation, waking to a whole new world where everything is different yet at the same time nothing really has changed. Even before my eyes open I can't help but snuggle closer to Lucas, his warmth dragging me in.

After fighting closing my eyes so much I find that now waking up I don't want to move one muscle, I want to just stay here in his arms, away from the rest of the world.

And then there is a sensation I've become familiar with in the last two weeks, that fluttering in my belly. I've heard it described by women as butterflies, which I don't get, how do you know what little butterflies fluttering inside you feels like? For me it's more like a butterfly kiss. Okay, I guess the butterfly analogy works…

My babies are kicking, _living _inside me, my eyes quickly open and I cover my exposed stomach, spreading my fingers "morning my sweet babies"

Movement next to me is the first sign that Lucas is now awake, I turn my head to see my husband slowly wake, a smile stretching across his face. Hazy blue eyes lock onto me and then one of his hands cover mine "I wish I could feel it"

"You will soon"

And then he leans over and plants a small kiss against my lips, reluctantly we pull apart, a soft moan coming from both of us "you taste wonderful" and then he kisses me again, deeper this time, his hand still over mine.

That flutter happens again, "Eugene and Penelope say hi too"

Lucas nose twitches as he pulls away, "do we have to refer to them as that"

"I think it's cute" in a it freaks Lucas out way

He eyes me, "our son Penelope might not agree with that"

"It could be girls, hmmm, Eugene Haley Scott"

His face pales and I laugh, "I'm kidding"

"You better be because we have a deal" and he kisses me again.

I love the way Lucas cups my face when he kisses me, the way he holds me as if he's holding his entire world, as if he'll never let go. It's an amazing feeling, to belong to someone and to know it's mutual.

"You realise you're stuck with me now, no refunds" I can't help but tease kinking my brow.

Lucas pulls back and shakes his head with a smile "what was it you said?" and he tilts his head, looking at me with an intense look, his head lowers again but this time he rubs his nose against mine, before adding in a whisper "that's right – you'll do"

_Lucas POV_

"What are we meant to do with all this?" I can't believe how much we got, there is so much that the beach house seems full of presents. The pile of gifts came along with our luggage not long after we woke up, along with a car and a ready cooked meal.

I'm thankful for the thought because the truth is Brooke and I were slightly distracted that food never entered our minds. Though giving Brooke a room full of presents was a sure way to keep us out of the bedroom, and I can't help but laugh at the picture she makes surrounded by wrapping paper.

"Isn't it _great!_" she exclaims, grabbing the next gift "_ooh _it's from Naley"

I take the big box from Brooke and she pouts, "Can I please have my wife back"

"Aw, Broody, are you feeling abandoned" she smirks, sitting up on her knees and looping her arms behind my neck, I pull her closer, locking mine under the curve of her bottom.

I kiss her slowly; "very" I kiss her again "very", and again, "lonely"

_Hmm _she moans, "then I'll-" kiss "-just have to-" another one "-do something…"

I slip my tongue into her mouth and carefully push her back onto the nearby couch, she never finishes the sentence, we put our mouths to a much better use.

Much, much better.

Until without thinking we roll onto the floor and my back hits the ground with a hard thump, Brooke's lands on top of me and begins to laugh.

Here we are naked on the floor… again, "déjà vu" I murmur, Brooke stops laughing and looks at me, our eyes lock…

I think my heart stops, "what are you doing to my heart, crazy girl"

"Whatever it is you do it to me too"

"Good"

"Let's stop the talking now" Brooke mumbles, lowering her mouth again.

I'm not gonna complain but then as we move slightly something digs into my back, "Brooke" she doesn't hear me, "pretty girl, wait"

She sighs, "What is it?"

"There's something under me"

She kinks her brow, "I'm not there yet"

"No I mean I'm on top of something"

"So am I" she laughs, rubbing her body against mine, it feels so _good_ but my back is starting to hurt.

Brooke laughs as I gently push her off me and reach under me to pull out the small rectangular present, "it's from Sam" I read, without thinking I start to unwrap it, and frown.

"A remote?" Brooke looks just as confused, she takes it from my hand, and I grab the card, opening it up I laugh at the photo.

Showing Brooke she laughs too, "is that the TV she tried to convince us would look great in our new living room?"

"I think so, and something tells me she'll be coming home a lot on weekends"

Brooke leans over me, her hand running down my chest "for our charming company"

"Of course"

"So… I was thinking" she suddenly says, her hand stopping their movement.

Rolling over I pull her back on top of me, "always a dangerous thing"

She hits my chest but stares at me seriously, "what would you say about us both adopting Sam officially?"

Wow, ""wow… of course, I would love to. I already think of her as ours"

"Good, because no matter what happens with the twins Sam was my first, and I don't want her to ever doubt that and I really want us all to be a family, and I know she loves you" Brooke bites her lip, and my hands pause mid circle – I hadn't even noticed when I started rubbing her back.

"Brooke, you don't have to convince me. I get it" and I don't mention how the thought has been crossing my mind a lot lately too, especially with the wedding coming closer and the twins on the way. It didn't seem right that Sam would be the only one of the family without the Scott name, it's my turn to be nervous "do you… do you think Sam would be happy to change her name to Scott?"

"I think she'd love to" and Brooke smiles, dazzling me all over again.

Reaching up I pull her head down for another kiss, "I love you, Mrs Scott"

"And I love you, Mr Scott"

_Peyton POV_

If you told me two days ago I would be in Savannah again, walking up Jake's driveway, I would have told you straight out that you were crazy.

And I would be wrong.

Here I am, excited, nervous and… hopeful.

I feel tingly all over, god, I feel like a teenager.

The door calls to me, an ache in my stomach I finally reach it, but as I go to knock my knuckle freezes halfway in the move. I tell myself to just breathe.

"Come on, P Sawyer, be strong" and then I do something I should have done all those years ago.

I knock.

And then I wait.

A little too late I notice the silence coming from the house, the lack of light, and no sign of any sort of vehicle.

After nearly seven hours I've come to an empty house, I go to turn away-

"Are you looking for Jake?"

Spinning towards the next door neighbour's house I smile "yeah, do you know where I could find him?"

"He's singing, twice a week he performs at this little place called-"

"Calvary?" I cut it, my memories all coming back to me, and the neighbour nods and I wave and say thankyou before running down the street.

_Jake POV_

"Good show, Jagielski" Nick pats me on the shoulder as I hop off stage, my guitar still strapped around my body.

Smiling I say "Thanks" back and walk into the crowd, all the regulars still here so walking to the bar is one minute of as many hellos and how are you that I could possibly fit in.

Walking around two other guys I tap my fist on the bar "Joe, usual, please" but before I can blink he's already handing me a drink, I go to pay and Joe shakes his head, "it's already taken care of" and he points down the bar.

Every now and then someone new will approach me, usually they banish the moment they find out about Jenny, and the truth is I haven't met any woman I want to even stand next to my daughter in my heart so I'm prepared to knock another fan back but the moment I see the particular blonde sitting at the bar my heart stops.

"What are you doing here, Peyton?"

She's suddenly in front of me, "what I should have done a long time ago"

"And that is?"

She shrugs one shoulder, looking all too innocent "giving us another chance"

To what? Break our hearts again.

I place my hands on her shoulders and hold her back, "it's too little too late"

"Says who?"

I laugh, I just can't believe this, after all the times I dreamed this scenario I never stopped believing it would actually happen a long time ago and now she is standing in front of me nothing I ever thought seems relevant.

"Look at us, Peyt; we're in two completely different worlds. Besides that, Lucas and Brooke just got married yesterday and now of all timing you come to me, how am I suppose to ever know it's really me you want, not _him_"

How am I ever meant to _believe _it?

I let her go and step back.

Peyton keeps her eyes on me, and she looks beautiful, from the messy curls to her scuffed boots, and saying no to Peyton is hard but sometimes you have to ignore you heart and your body.

"I was hoping this time we could try trusting each other" she stops, her back straightening, and then she adds on breathlessly "there has been an ache in my heart Jake, and for years I pretended it wasn't there, and then you breeze back into my life and just like that I know exactly what is missing. It's you, it was always _you_. And my biggest mistake was not trusting myself, but I'm not a lonely sad girl anymore, and the truth is I was _never_ a lonely sad girl when I was with you_"_

"I can't fix your life for you"

Peyton steps forward more, frowning as a burly guy steps between us to get to the bar, and she sidesteps around him until she's in front of me again "I don't expect you to, I was just hoping you'd be a part of my life"

Your dreams walks up to you, says everything you've ever wanted to hear, offers you the life you've always desired… what do you do?

Take it, or hold onto the reality you have struggled to create?

She waits, not one tear in her eye, she looks so _sure_.

"I'm not sure if I _can_ trust you anymore. I waited, I waited for _so _long, every day I woke up thinking this would be the day Peyton comes back to me and every night I went to bed alone. I was left with that ache too, and it took me a long time to learn to live with it and I'm not sure I can do that again. I'm sorry" I practically whisper the words, all too conscious of everyone here and the attention we are slowly attracting, I lean down to whisper in her ear "someday just took too long" and then I pull back, refusing to look into her eyes again I quickly turn away.

Five long steps later her quiet voice reaches me.

Everything stops.

Everything but my heart.

_Peyton POV_

He's walking away.

I gave him the choice and he's walking away.

And that last line, that quiet _someday just took too long, _that breaks my heart.

But something tells me not to back down, so with a shaky voice, I open my mouth and suddenly I'm singing "It's the biggest storm in years they say…" why am I doing this, I gulp, I can't sing, and Jake knows that. I close my eyes, raising my voice "couldn't take a plane so I hopped a train" how true is that?

I open my eyes, he's stopped, and I'm more confident now "I'd like to stay in a stormy winter day… so I'll come back to you someday…" I take another step forward, " as the states rolled by it's all so clear, I'm everywhere but I'm never right here, it's always the same, constant change…" I gulp again, taking a deep breath and add on off key with everything in me "but I'll come back to you someday"

Jake turns around, he's smiling, actually I think he's laughing at me, everyone has stopped to look at us, I feel like an idiot but I can't stop now, if getting Jake to trust me means making a fool of myself ten so be it.

"I'll travel all night just to se your face, the way you touch, the way you taste-" I stop and cringe when the music in the bar stops and it's just me left to be heard, "even if only for a day… I'll come back to you someday"

I take another step forward "so close, so far" and another, Jake does too "so long, the world is spinning me away" another step and he's right in front of me, my voice lowers "so close-"

Then the words are stolen right from between my lips as Jake's mouth comes crashing down on mine.

Around me I can hear clapping, and I thing that's also bells going off, the kiss seems endless, and I can't shake the smile on my face, neither can Jake.

"What took you so long?" he asks, resting his head against mine, and my grin widens even more as I reply "better late than never"

He looks up, staring into my eyes and then I feel a finger touching my cheek, that's when I realise I'm crying, "tears?" he whispers.

I shrug, wiping at my eyes "happy tears" I promise. The happiest tears I will ever shed.

Reaching back up I kiss him again, this time we're laughing, and I'm crying, Jake picks me up spinning me around and I can hear the band now playing Jake's song _Someday_ and they do a much better job than me.

Wrapping my arms around Jake's neck as the world spins around us I can't help but feel like I've finally come home after years of wandering around.

He _is _home.

_Brooke POV_

The sun has set and I sit on deck staring at the book in front of me, before he even makes a sound I can feel Lucas behind me, "stalker much?"

"I'm watching the love of my life"

Smiling I quickly turn around and look at him shocked "don't let your wife hear you talk to me like that, I hear she's the jealous type"

Lucas smirks and slowly starts to walk towards me, and right after I think he shouldn't be allowed to walk like _that _I think maybe it's time to go to bed, see how he walks from behind.

"And what about your husband? I hear he can't take his eyes off you" Lucas reaches me and traps me in the deck chair, I can't wait so I bring his head down by tugging on his short blonde hair, just before my lips touch his I grin "so let them watch"

Laughing Lucas places a arm under my legs and picks me up, the book I'd been looking at clutters to the ground, "wait!" I scream.

Stopping Lucas looks at me "what's that?"

"It's Peyton's wedding gift" and I jump from his arms and pick up the black album, then grabbing Lucas' hand I drag him inside.

When we reach the bed I push him down and climb into his lap, slowly Lucas takes the album and opens it up, and together we smile as we flip through the pages.

Page after page of beautifully sketched pictures of us and our family, it's as if key moments of everyday life have been frozen within its pages forever, even though the moments are ones that never really happened. It doesn't really matter because the loves shines through off the pages.

Lucas flips the page and I lean my head against his shoulder and smile at one of us with Sam, I'm heavily pregnant and Lucas' hand is covering my stomach, my arm is around Sam. It's not too unlike the photo at home of us with Jamie and Sam on the couch. Lucas flips to the last page and we're staring down at a black and white us, faces turned towards each other, secret smiles on our faces and are eyes locked on each other. Eye sex on paper, Lucas shuts it and simultaneously we look at each other, with secret smile son our faces and our eyes lock together.

I see our future in his eyes as clearly as I saw our loved ones and own faces mapped out within the pages of a book.

Then I close my eyes as our lips find each other again, there is a light thump as the album is flung softly onto the floor, "careful" I cut in.

Lucas strokes my hair back and smiles from about me "I have the real thing"

Yes, we do.

And I never plan to lose it, because being in Lucas' arms it is like coming home, over an over again.

**I know usually you get birthday presents but this year I'm giving you one, the JUST completed last chapter of this story (don't freak there is an epilogue coming soon), so I kinda am sorta doing my deadline. What can I say, im in the giving mood seeing as of well two minutes ago I am 21! Not that I am gonna use this to blackmail you or guilt trip you, just saying I decent person would celebrate my birthday by reviewing and seeing this will be your second last chance to get back to this story it would be extra nice if everyone who hasn't reviewed but has read the story this far finally let their thoughts be heard.**

**Cheers, love Mickei B.**


	35. And the Years Go By

**Disclaimer: sadly no I do not own one tree hill or its characters.**

Epilogue

_Brooke POV_

For a moment I pause and look around at my life, the neat chaos which makes up my home, for a moment I breathe in the smell, a mix of dirt and something sweet.

I soak it in.

The toys scattered on the floor, the photographs displayed proudly on the walls, the stack of clean clothes piled on the couch, the same couch which Lucas and I have made love on, have cuddled and watch movies with our family, the couch which Jamie and Lily fight across, the one the guys sit on when they watch games or the one us girls sit on when we drink coffee and chat. That couch is where I would rock my babies to sleep; it's where Lucas builds forts for the kids, or where Sam falls asleep when she stays up watching TV.

Stepping further into the room I smile, for no particular reason, just because I am happy.

Spinning around Sam grins at me, "hey Mom" and with one more grin she turns back around studying the wall.

"Samantha Davis Scott, I haven't seen you in a month and that is all I get!"

"My mistake" she quickly replies and we both start walking to each other, meeting half way she wraps her around me, and I'm shocked again how much she has grown since I first met her as a lonely fifteen year old girl, back when she barely reached my shoulders, now she's taller than me, "it's good to be home, Mom" she whispers against me.

"_This is it, huh?" Sam says, waiting as we go to sign the papers, Lucas pauses, the pen in his hand, he looks up, "this is it" he confirms and I squeeze Sam's hand._

_Our signatures are added, "it's done" and I kiss my husband and then I kiss our daughter._

"It's good to have you home, your father and I have missed you"

We pull apart and Sam quickly turns to look back at that wall I'd walked in on her staring at, she points towards it "this might sound crazy, but I swear that wall is a different colour" her eyes narrow.

My mouth falls open and I quickly shut it, over five years later and someone has finally noticed "that's crazy, its' the exact same colour as the rest of the room" sort of.

Practically.

"But-" she waves her arm in a circular move pointing towards the centre of the wall "-it's darker, right there"

"You're seeing things" I laugh and grab her shoulders turning Sam around, and just as I do a very naked toddler comes running into the room giggling.

Sam and I both laugh, especially when Lucas follows, a white dress in his hands "baby girl, please for daddy" he pleads.

Laughing I reach down and pluck my youngest daughter up, "do we have a problem?"

Lucas straightens up, looking adorable, "she takes after her mother"

"Ha-ha very funny" and I hold out Afton, Lucas takes her and flings Afton over his shoulder, and our little girl continues to giggle.

"Time to get dressed" his voice is firm, and he begins to walk back out of the room.

"NO"

"But it's your special dress; you love your special dress"

"NO"

And I can hear their battle of wills all the way up the stairs.

I love the sound of this home, and I've learnt one thing since becoming a mother, a quiet home is not a good thing. As crazy as it can drive you, the crying and the screaming and the crashes, the laughter and the music, and all those other small sounds, it tells you they are there; they are safe and alive, and able to make that noise. I wouldn't take it back for anything if it meant a silent home.

"_Do you hear that?" I sigh, falling back onto the couch, I turn and look at Lucas fast asleep with a stuffed blue giraffe as his pillow, "…silence" I whisper. Grabbing the near by rug hanging from the couch I snuggled against Lucas and cover us both, releasing a long breath._

_My eyes close, and then the sound of a new born crying cracks through the house, and as tired as I am, I smile._

Lucas reappears, sighing he wraps his arms around my back, spreading his hands over my stomach which once again resembles a whale, "all done. Are you ready?" he asks.

I lean back against my husband and breathe in his scent, Lucas smells like leather and liquorice, good enough to eat, "the boys are ready" I nod, thinking about our two sons.

_The pressure is unbelievable, I don't know how anyone else has ever willingly done this a second time. _

"_Come on, Brooke, you can do it, one more push"_

"_Shut the fuck up!" I scream at the doctor, grinding my teeth even as I squeeze Lucas' hand, "honey, I've change my mind… let's stick to adopting"_

_Lucas laughs, "too late now, no refunds remember, I know you can do it, Pretty girl"_

_I don't think I can, but my body isn't listening, and then I push with all my might and suddenly I'm doing it, Lucas is laughing even more, full of joy, and tears run down my cheeks, but then the small cry begins, almost like a hiccup. _

_And I know I wouldn't take it back for the world. _

_Soon another cry joins the others, and I watch through slits as the nurses take my babies away briefly before walking over to us, a baby in each of their arms._

"_Congratulations, you have two beautiful baby boys"_

"_Boys?" I smile, already imagining the future full of cars, basketball and girl trouble, already imagining their perfect faces, and then I have one of my sons in my arms and I can finally see it for real._

_Lucas and I look at each other, eyes sparkling, he shows off the baby in his hands, a grin on his face "meet Adam Keith Scott" and as if hearing his father Adam opens one eye, his pupil impossibly huge and dark._

_And I look down at my son in my own arms, searching his identical face, his head is covered with dark hair, his eyes wide open already and his little fist in his mouth, and I love him, just like that, bending down I place a kiss on his sticky forehead "Lucas…"_

"_Yes"_

_I look up and show off the baby, "no, his name is Lucas, after his father, we can call him LJ" and then I look back down at LJ, just knowing the name was right, "and after Haley and Rachel-" I touched one small hand and look back up at Lucas and Adam "-meet Lucas Raley Scott"_

_Lucas carefully hands me Adam as well, and then he kisses the top of my head "perfect"_

"I fwy! I fwy! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" A loud giggle follows the words, bringing me back to the present as Afton runs back into the room, the dress that should be on her body is flying behind her like a cape.

Lucas groans "how?" and then he shakes his head, letting go of me and trying to catch our youngest daughter, Sam steps in and picks up Afton "not cool, Affy"

My husband stops and lets go of his breath, and I smile, walking over to Sam and taking Afton back "come to Mommy" and she quickly jumps into my arms, bracing for the weight I quickly take her to the couch, swiftly placing the dress back on her, leaning down I touch her nose with mine and stare into her blue eyes "Afton Natalie Scott, if this dress comes off again Mommy and Daddy will just have to go without you, and then you won't get to see Granma Karen"

Afton's eyes widen in fright, her pout which Lucas' insists she gets from me quickly appears, "no pwesent for Affy?"

"That's right"

She nods, "otay" and then scoots away, straight to Lucas' legs, she tugs his jeans and Lucas quickly picks her up, settling her small weight on his hip, "Scott family, let's go!"

"Adam, LJ, get your cute behinds here" I yell over my shoulder as we begin for the front door, but I pause, hearing Sam and Lucas chatting by the door as the keys jingle in his hands, and my eyes reach the portrait Peyton gave us for our last wedding anniversary, every year she adds to the book she gave us over five years ago, and every year she frames a new family portrait that I place so it's the first thing we see when we walk into our home, and I know our next anniversary the new baby will be added.

"Mom, guess what?" Adam runs in from the direction of the back door, LJ not far behind him, they are identical in every natural physical way they can be, from their blonde hair and brown eyes, to the single freckle that stands out on their nose and the set of deep dimples that appear with every movement of their jaw. It's easy though to tell them apart, Adam is the one always in front, his shaggy hair sticking up all ways possible and he constantly has to sweep it out of his eyes – yes, I've tried to cut it – you can tell him apart from his clothes as well, it's the ones with the rips and stains, and a strong red theme. On the other hand LJ has his neat hair cut short, and he looks so adorable with his glasses, he totally has a layered thing going on, and he wears more plaid than any other five year old I've ever met. Adam has Lucas' love of basketball, LJ has his love of books, and even though they seem to have nothing but genetics in common they complete each other.

"We were playing-"

"And Eli started barking so we-"

"Looked and found-"

"Froggy" Adam finished and held up his hands, I smiled looking down expecting to see a frog but the second I caught glimpse of that _thing _in my son's hands I jumped back "get that thing out of my house!"

"But it's our new pet" Adam cooed, petting the, insert shiver, lizard.

"Sam!" I scream and my oldest quickly comes over and laughing picks it up from its tail and starts carrying it out the front door, "aw, Moooom!" the twins moan at the same time, cringing I put a hand on each of their backs and lead them outside, "we have a dog, we like dogs"

Lucas quickly locks the door behind us, and we all make our way to the car, "why did you name it Froggy?" he finally asks, eyes squinting into the back seat as we all prepare to leave.

"Because he's green, duh" and LJ rolls his eyes.

"Don't _duh _your father" I say with a grin, looking at my children through the rear view mirror, Lucas laughs and starts the car.

It's the small moments I love, like the insignificant chatter during a car ride, the way Afton's giggles lift up at the end, or the hug Sam gives me when she comes home, it's watching Adam and LJ moving in sync during their games.

I love the big moments, like holding the baby in my arms for the first time, but nothing beats the everyday joy of being part of a family.

_The moment Lucas opens the door I fly into his arms and kiss him, after we run out of breath he carefully put me back down on the ground, "wow, what was that for?"_

"_Nothing, I just wanted to welcome my husband home"_

_Peyton POV_

Every time I stand here I pause for a moment, just to soak in the scene, and for a moment I remember the first time I stood here six years ago. Back then I was an outsider but after years of hard work and lots of bonding I no longer have to be that outsider looking in.

I casually secure the nappy bag over my shoulder and push the pram towards the table, reaching the others I take the seat I always take, my bottom taking its place with calm satisfaction, "hey"

"P Jagielski, bout time" Brooke says giving me a hug, her giant belly bumping against me.

"Whoa, isn't number five out yet?"

"Any day now" Lucas replies, raising his glass from the other side of the table, and I send him a quick smile, only turning back when Sam takes Gavin out of his pram.

"Oh no you don't, I am _so _not ready to be a grandmother" Brooke points her finger at Sam and the whole table starts laughing.

"Relax, I'm just holding him"

"Fine, just don't start getting ideas" Brooke mumbled, picking at her food.

Watching them my mind wanders to my husband and step daughter.

"_So I was thinking, Nikki has Jenny for the long weekend, maybe we could fly down to Tree Hill and borrow the beach house"_

_Tapping the keys of my laptop I give a distracted "sounds great" and then my email pops up._

"_We could celebrate" Jake continues, getting closer._

"_Hmmm" I agree, deleting all the unimportant emails._

"_Peyton, are you listening?"_

"_Sounds great, babe"_

_He sighs, wait, what were we talking about? But I blink and open my next email, smiling to myself when I see the news Fiona is telling me._

"… _since it's been two years since you moved here and you know I love you, and Jenny loves you…" I stop what I'm doing as Jake's words start to become clearer, I totally missed what he was saying. _

"_Sorry I missed that, can we rewind?" _

_Jake sighs, and then my phone beeps, picking it up I slide it open and my entire body freezes as the words pop out. _Please turn around, I'm trying to propose here.

_For a moment I can't move and then I quickly spin around in my chair and gasp at the sight of Jake kneeling in front of me, a ring box opened in his hand "Peyton Sawyer, will you marry me?"_

_I've imagined the moment I would say yes to this question a million times, and here today I don't hesitate, I don't picture anyone else's face, I just slide onto the ground and kiss him. I kiss him with everything inside me._

"_Is that a yes?" he asks, voice shaking._

_I nod against his lips, "this is most definitely a yes"_

Things moved steadily once I went to visit Jake in Savannah, contact was made and for a while we tried the long distance thing, finally I moved to Savannah and Fiona took over most of the hands on running of the label. After two years of living together we got engaged, we took our time planning the wedding until Nikki decided to move with her husband, so in the spur of the moment we decided to move back to Tree Hill seeing there was no longer an immediate need for us to be in Savannah and with the falling apart of our previous wedding arrangements we settled for a quiet ceremony in our backyard with our closest family and friends.

It wasn't long after that I fell pregnant, we had planned to start trying as soon as the honeymoon, but were still surprised when Annabeth was born ten months later, and even more surprised when I fell pregnant again within months of giving birth.

But I wouldn't change it for the world.

"What did I miss?" Jake voice drags me back, and I can't help but smile when I feel his lips against my cheek, and then I watch him carry Annie around next to Lucas, the two quickly said hi.

"I'm going to be a great grandmother" Karen answers Jake, smirking as Brooke sends her a mortified expression.

Skillz eyes Sam, "Sammy, you pregnant?"

"Well…ah" Jake scratches the back of his head "congratulations Poppy" he thumps Lucas on the back.

Laughing Sam quickly passes Gavin back to me, "hell no"

He's only a few weeks old, okay he's eighteen days and five hours old, these days I like to count the time I have with the people I love, not the time away from them. It works out much better this way.

Anyway, my son I swear looks just like Jake, and he has his nose, even though Jake insists we can't judge that at this point. And his eyebrows, I think it's cute.

"_If you could be anywhere where would you go?" I whisper into the dark as we lay in bed, Jake's arm wrapped securely around me, he shrugs "I kinda like it right here"_

"_We could still do this in let's say… Antarctica"_

_Jake laughs, his chest moving under me, "out of all places you say Antarctica" _

"_Just trying it out" and my fingers continue to play distractedly with the trail of hair that leads a tantalising trail down to Jake's groin, he sighs, his own fingers tracing a pattern on my bare shoulder, "what about Jamaica?" I ask smiling._

"_Anywhere, as long as we are together"_

"_It's a deal"_

Our eyes meet across the table and Jake's warm smile quickly spreads, his eyes twinkling in the sunlight, and even after five years I still feel that rush, that heat, every time he smiles at me, every time his hand brushes mine or our eyes lock, that rush that begins in my heart and then seeps to every other corner of my body.

"So what time was Haley's appointment?" I ask, forcing myself to get back into the conversation, and I see Brooke frown and mumble "it should have ended an hour ago"

"Remember to smile, but whatever you do _don't _laugh" Lucas warned.

Deb quickly shushes us all "here they are" and at the same time we all quickly turn to see Nathan and Haley leading their boys to the table, and then turn back. Brooke and I look at each other "she doesn't look happy" she whispers, but then her face lights up as the others reach the table and all the empty seats are suddenly full, "Naley!" Brooke screams in welcome, patting Haley's seat next to her.

Nathan slips in between Skillz and Cooper, two year old Cameron on his lap playing with a toy basketball, while Jamie with his headphones attached to his ears stops to get a kiss from Brooke and then goes to sit next to Jenny, a cocky smile on his lips as he nods to my step daughter in welcome. I roll my eyes, they are to long for me to take the looks and smiles seriously, but damn he's a Scott so I better keep my eye on him.

Before anyone can say anything a pouting Haley simply says "Don't ask" and slouches in her seat, her hand covering the small bump that is Naley's own number five. There's a running joke that the Scott brothers and their wives are competing to see who could pop out the most kids, so far Brucas are ahead by a few months.

We are all silent, then Nathan adds in "I think it's great!" his enthusiasm clear to everyone, but his proud grin fades the moment Haley glares at him, "great?-" she asks "great? _Another _boy! It's not great, it is unfair. Everyone else gets a girl and I am stuck with FIVE basketball obsessed boys with their-" she stops as we all finally give in and laugh, and then she looks at us all and laughs too.

I never get sick of this, and I never will, there is no better place to be than with the ones you love, and sometimes that love can come from a child, or a friend, from a boy or even a girl, sometimes that love comes from a place.

And if you are lucky, really lucky, you can find it in all of them.

_Lucas POV_

My feet hit the ground, shoes rubbing against the gravel below my feet where the faded paint still stands against the test of time, "tired yet, old man?" Nathan teases as he steals the ball from under my hands, I barely saw the move and I laugh as I chance him.

The ball is thrown to Skills, but Coop quickly intercepts and then I have it back in my hands, "Jamie!" I call out and bounce it to my nephew.

"Woooooooo! Go Scott" I hear Brooke scream as the girls cheer us on, Mouth in the background is doing the commentary with the help of some of the younger children but their voices are no match for the wives and mothers.

"Go Jamie!" Haley claps as Jamie scores again.

Nathan stops and turns to look at his wife, "hey"

"Aw, you did good too baby" Haley answered and I laugh at how happy my oldest friend is, how happy all of us are, and still smiling I meet Brooke's grinning face, her eyes watching me as she talks to mom and Rachel. I see her lips stop, and she tilts her head, her smile growing as she notices I'm now looking at her too.

She still manages to amaze me, still manages to steal my breath and take my ability to move or speak. Brooke Davis Scott, my pretty girl, is still the girl I fall more in love with every single day.

_My arms wrap around her, clasping together behind her back, "and that was the last of it, Mrs Scott"_

_Brooke looks up at me, looking all too innocent as she starts to unbutton my shirt which thanks to her has much more paint on it than it should have, "I'm gonna miss this" she whispers, at the last button she adds on "you working the handy man look"_

_Rolling my head I shoot back "I think there is still some plumbing that needs doing" and by the time I look down at her again she has slipped my shirt off. Steeping back she forces my hands to let go off her but quickly takes hold of them her self as she starts to walk backwards._

"_Really?" she kinks her eyebrow up, and my eyes run up and down her lush body. She is seven months pregnant now and there is no way you can miss it. It's as sexy as hell, which she rolls her eyes at, but there's something about her body ripe with our children that just entrances me._

"_I could always repaint that wall" I tease back as she continues to lead me backwards and then she pushes me down on the couch, protesting at my statement "you can't redo my wall, I love my wall, every time I look at it I remember that day, especially you-" she straddles my lap "-me-" she kisses my mouth, slow, I can't help but moan._

"_The wall stays" I cut in and take control of the kiss._

Smack.

The pain stings my cheek, bringing me back to reality, only to belatedly notice the basketball by my feet, the one that just got me in the face.

"Get your head in the game" Nathan shouted running by me, but I ignored him, too busy watching Brooke. She blushes and looks down, and just then Sam leans over and whispers something, Brooke's head falls back and she laughs, meanwhile Afton jumps into her lap and the twins appear on each side of her, both tugging at her arms.

She literally has her hands full, eyes darting from child to child, and I freeze in the middle of the court, forgetting the game, and I stop and just soak in the sight of my family. I breathe them in, their voices and laughter, their smiles and bright eyes, and the love that shines from them.

"_They look kinda gross"_ _Sam stares at the newborn twins with curious hesitation._

_I place LJ into the crook of Brooke's left arm, Adam already in the right, "don't call your brothers gross, it's not very sisterly"_

"_Yes it is" _

_Brooke just smiles stupidly, "I think they are two of the most beautiful things I have ever seen"_

"_Just as beautiful as my two girls" I comment, observing them, Sam even manages to smile as she squeezes next to Brooke and gently touches one baby cheek._

"_Two boys and a girl" I whisper, barely noticing what I said, and Brooke suddenly looks up._

"_What?"_

_I shrug, slipping onto the bed as well, "just thinking back to that night, who would have thought everything we said would come true, even down to the two boys and a girl"_

_Brooke kisses Sam's cheek and then looks down at the twins, when she looks back up at me she gives a sly smirk "I think I could go for a dozen more of these"_

A dozen might be taking it too far but I don't see why we should put a limit on our dreams, I think that has been our mistake in the past, not having faith that we can achieve our deepest desires and forcing ourselves to settle for the next best thing. If we hadn't all learnt to go for what we want, not what others tell us to or what is just right in front of us, then our lives wouldn't be this wonderful dream come true it is now.

Just looking around at everyone smiling reminds me how lucky we are, and being surrounded by love and happiness is something we've all have had to get use to, and not one of us would take it back.

My faith in Brooke and I, in all of us, is strengthened every time I look at this group, every time I step into my home, or hold my family, and now turning back to the court I see the faded paint that is just another physical reminder that we are where we belong.

We are here.

THE END

FOR REAL THIS TIME

I THINK

**Okay, I can't believe it's over, but I can't keep putting it off.**

**First off I would just like to thank all the readers who have kept checking this fic out, and to those who alerted it along the way, and to the ones who honoured me by adding it to their favourites. But my biggest thanks goes to the reviewers, who without I wouldn't have gotten this far. This was the first story I ever posted, and you all kept me encouraged to keep it going to like 30 something chapters, some of you even got back to like every chapter and that means a lot to me (bella you are an anonymous reviewer so I never get to private message you so this is my chance to shout out to you and just say how much your reviews have meant). Especially Allie, othfan326, who always reviewed and left a nice fat one, Allie you have no idea how many times you've actually changed some of my fanfics with the feedback you've give me.**

**A hug to those who got back to last chapter – liverpoolss, sunshine, xmrsmurray, bella, neodeu, flipflopgal, long live Brucas, othfan326, brucasnaleyoth, princesakarlita411, tivexbrulianxkibbs, babyd21, moonkiss, zagsaddict, othfan25, lucas and brooke 4ever, tanya2byour21, NYJOEY, and queen08.**

**Hope to hear from you all this one last time… hint hint.**

**So that is the end, but I will not cry *grabs tissues* this is a chance for me to focus on new stories, so expect a new chapter of My Brother's Keeper and BC: Behind the Red Door soon. And maybe even a new project all together… maybe… hmmm, maybe I should just focus on what I've started. Anyway. I really need to stop putting this off. So I'm just gonna say good bye.**

***hugs***

**Lots of love**

**Mickei b**


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